Chromosphere
by anglflip
Summary: This story begins from the point in NM just after Bella meets the rest of Jacob's pack.  Edward doesn't return to Forks until Bella and Jacob have spent more time together.  Will he stand aside like he promised, or will he fight for her?
1. Chapter 1 Routine

**A/N: **_I'm pretty new to FFn so I'm also looking for a beta if anyone would like to offer their services! This story is rated M for mild bedroom (and elsewhere) antics (but no lemons), some harsh language, a little mayhem, and underage drinking (this is the reason it isn't rated R)... sounds fun right? Again, this story features canon couples, and mostly in-character, so... whatever difference that makes to you... that's what it is._

_I promise Edward returns eventually, so just remember how you stuck with New Moon even though he was missing for a large part of it. I certainly haven't read anywhere near all of the fanfic available, but I haven't seen this yet, so I hope you'll enjoy! If Edward fans can bear with me for a bit, I think you will like this story, though you might disagree at first. _

_This fic is written in the style of Stephenie Meyer, simply because I see it as a deviation from the middle of New Moon. I continued on with her voice because that's the way the story came to me._

_See my profile for a link to an awesome banner from The Twilight Awards!_

DISCLAIMER: All things Twilight and part of the Twilight universe belong solely to Stephenie Meyer. The same goes for the lyrics of John Mayer, whose lyrics will accompany each chapter. I hope they don't mind. No copyright infringement is intended and I will not earn any cash for my efforts.

**Ch 1. Routine - BPOV**

_"In Repair" - _John Mayer

_Too many shadows in my room _

_Too many hours in this midnight _

_Too many corners in my mind _

_So much to do to set my heart right _

_Oh it's taking so long I could be wrong, I could be ready _

_Oh but if I take my heart's advice _

_I should assume it's still unsteady _

_I am in repair, I am in repair _

Jake and I sort of got into a rhythm again. I missed him terribly when he left me to deal with his new lifestyle. Of course, at the time, I didn't know why he was avoiding me, so things got pretty bad for a while as the edges of the hole in my chest were slowly eaten away by maggots, making it even wider than before. We would spend time in the garage while he tweaked the bikes or worked on perfecting his Rabbit. We did homework together, and thanks to me, he was probably going to be on the honor roll this semester. We walked on First Beach, made those beautiful blue-green driftwood bonfires, and hung out with the pack.

They didn't call me 'vampire girl' anymore. We went to movies...well, action movies. I was still avoiding anything remotely related to romance. It was...fun. Jake always found a way to laugh at the gory blood and guts scenes that I pretended to prefer. However, he continued to make me a little uncomfortable when we sat together in a darkened theater.

I'd tried to make it clear that I didn't think I was capable of loving him the way he wanted. Of course, I _did_ love him. He was my best friend, and my saving grace. He was the only one capable of pulling me from the darkness and back towards the sun. I knew he wanted more, but that part of my heart was broken - correction, gone - and even Jake couldn't bring it back. I would never be able to love anyone with the same all-consuming passion that I loved _him_. Jake, for his part, never ceased to try (he always held my hand if I let him). I know it was selfish, but it was comforting to me so I didn't discourage him, though I probably should have. I'd explained my feelings enough that I thought he understood. And he gave the best hugs, even if it felt like he was going to crush me and I couldn't breathe.

I spent a few months in this routine with Jacob, but it was getting far too infrequent that I could hear _his_ voice. I really don't know why I still wanted to hear it. _'What a sick, masochistic lion,' _he had said once.I guess I just turned into a bit of a masochist myself. He was never coming back. He was probably shacking up with Tanya in Alaska as we speak. Distractions, my ass. Riding motorcycles no longer conjured up his velvet voice, but at least I was getting pretty decent at riding my salvaged bike. When the bikes no longer evoked his voice, I managed to talk Jake into taking me cliff diving a few times. Those dives were magnificent.

The first time we went diving, Edward wouldn't stop yelling at me, _"Bella, this is insane! Why would you want to jump off a cliff? Are you trying to kill yourself? You _promised _to keep yourself safe. Nothing reckless. How the hell is this keeping your promise?" _

"It's supposed to be fun..." I said, smiling contentedly at his beautiful voice. Jake thought I was talking to him and asked if I wanted to back out. "No, of course not! Let's go!" I shouted.

And I jumped. No, I _flew_! The rush of the wind was like being on his back running through the woods again, but this time I was plummeting towards the sea.

_"How is this fun? You realize that water is ice-cold, right? Pay attention, Bella! You have to swim now! Follow the bubbles. Please! BELLA!" _yelled my imagined Edward.

_Oh crap_. I was so lost in his voice, hitting the water didn't even register. In that moment, I saw a flash of orange strike through the dark, churning water. I vaguely wondered what kind of fish would be that brightly colored here in the waters off the Olympic Peninsula - something that colorful surely belonged in tropical waters. A second later, Jake was yanking me toward the shore.

"Jake, I _know_ how to swim," I complained.

He smiled at me and said, "Well, it didn't seem like it. You were down there forever. I thought you got caught in the undertow."

"I got distracted," I said, which was true. He didn't need to know it was Edward's voice in my head that was distracting me.

"Sure, sure," he replied in his usual fashion. "You want to go again?"

I beamed back at him, "Absolutely."

But now, even cliff jumping wasn't working. It was like Edward lost interest in my thrill-seeking tendencies. So, I decided to try to go back to the meadow. It was spring, and I thought _maybe _with the flowers in bloom, I might be able to hear him again. The last time, when I ran into Laurent, the meadow was barren, depressing. Maybe it had to be beautiful. _He _didn't belong in the dead meadow anyway, only the perfect, blossoming one.

"Jake, it's a beautiful day. It's actually sunny in this perpetually gloomy town. What do you think about a picnic?" I asked. I was really hoping that he would just go along with my harebrained scheme, the way he usually did.

He thought for a moment, probably wondering if there was some hidden meaning to my request. Picnics were, admittedly, more of a couple's activity, but I couldn't think of any other plausible excuse to go there. I guess I was taking advantage of Jake's feelings for me a bit, but I was too scared to ever venture out there alone again. "Sure, okay," he said. "You want to go to our tree on the beach?" he asked, indicating the giant driftwood tree, bleached white and perfectly preserved on the sand of First Beach.

"That would be nice," I said, "but I was thinking about... You remember that meadow?" Of course he remembered it.

With an incredulous look, he asked, "You mean the one where we killed that filthy leech that was about to bite you?" _Crap, how am I going to get him to come with me when he obviously doesn't want to go there? _

"Um, yeah." I replied sheepishly. I knew Jake would have no interest in that place, but I had to figure out a way to convince him to go there with me. After meeting Laurent and the wolves there the last time, I promised my dad I wouldn't go into the woods alone. '_Don't do anything reckless or stupid...I'm thinking of Charlie, of course.' _Edward's request always passed through my mind when I was deciding to do something that was exactly reckless _and_ stupid, but it did always remind me to at least consider how my actions might affect my father. I may have been participating in a variety of skull-cracking activities, but I was always with Jake. I never did anything dangerous when I was alone and no one would be able to help me if I got hurt.

"Bells, why the hell would you want to go back _there_?" Jake asked, adamantly. "It was just a perfectly round wasteland, a devil's tramping ground. It's no wonder you ran into a bloodsucker there. That place is evil."

"Jake," I whined, "stop. It's spring. I thought... I thought it might be pretty. You know, full of flowers and perfect for a picnic. Unless you're _scared_ to go back there." I was hoping that contesting his courage would persuade him a little more than my whining. I was also hopelessly trying my flirtation trick that worked on him before when I got him to tell me about 'the cold ones', but I still didn't really know what exactly worked on him. I probably looked deranged the way I was attempting to bat my eyelashes at him.

"Is that a _dare_?" he challenged. "Go grab whatever you want. I'll meet you out front in a few minutes."

We drove the Rabbit from my house, where I had thrown together a picnic basket of leftover fried chicken, potato salad, and some fruit. Jake didn't need to know he was eating leftovers, or that the last thing on my mind was having a picnic. We drove as far as the terrain would allow and hiked to the meadow. Jacob knew these woods even better now due to all his patrolling so he knew exactly how to get there. He only cracked jokes at my slow pace and clumsiness a few times. He actually seemed concerned when I fell and skinned my knee.

"Ouch! Oh crap, it's bleeding. I'm sorry. Just give me a minute," I told him reflexively. That was how I always reacted if I was bleeding around Edward or his family. I hated making them uncomfortable with the smell of my blood in the air.

Jacob asked, "Why are you always apologizing for bleeding? This isn't the first time I've seen you wounded, you know. Remember when I was teaching you how to ride your motorcycle? The gash in your forehead was way worse than this. You said you were sorry for bleeding then too. You're so weird sometimes. Are you okay though? Here, let me clean it up. I brought a first aid kit - I figured you'd probably need it."

"Oh, um... Thanks." He cleaned out my scrapes, and it was sort of... touching. He was so sweet about it, and considerate to bring a first aid kit along.

We finally got to the meadow and it was everything I had hoped. It was breathtaking once again with all of the wildflowers in bloom; a perfectly round sea of green interspersed with purple, pink, and yellow. Yet, I couldn't hide my disappointment when I never heard my reason for coming here in the first place. Edward's voice was long gone, and I couldn't come up with any other way of resurrecting it. I had already wracked my brain for weeks, and exhausted all other possibilities. I thought for sure this would work.

I allowed myself brief memories of being with Edward when I was alone at night in my room, but those were often too painful to endure for long. The nightmares were lessened, and even though I usually still had the dream, I didn't scream anymore. However, if I got particularly reminiscent, the nightmare returned full-force and my dad would hear me screaming again. He would always look so concerned the morning after I had nights like that. When I got to the meadow, I just felt Edward's loss all over again because I realized that I would probably never hear his voice again. '_It will be as if I never existed.' _I had to choke back tears and hurriedly spread out the blanket and food to try to hide my face from Jake.

"Bella, is something wrong?" Jake was always more perceptive than I gave him credit. "You know, you were right. This is a nice place without those stupid, filthy... sorry. Here let me help you with that." I let him unload the picnic basket, and he immediately started gorging himself on the fried chicken. Man, he could eat. It's a good thing I wasn't hungry anymore because I probably didn't pack enough for the both of us.

"Thanks, Jake. No, I'm okay. My knee still stings a little, that's all," I said, praying he would buy that excuse.

He looked at me with concern, but also a hint of amusement. "Well, it's not like you aren't used to some bumps and bruises. I swear you are the clumsiest person in existence," he laughed.

"Existence..." Edward always used that word to describe his supposedly soulless life. _Maybe he was soulless after all. How else could he tell me how much he loved me so many times, and then just leave me like that? No, that's not true. He thought I was in danger from everything about his world. Stupid Jasper. Ugh...of course he didn't really love me. I had never deserved him. How did I so hopelessly delude myself into thinking I did? _ This picnic was turning out to be a horrible mistake. The hole was coming back and I desperately had to hold it closed again.

Thankfully, Jacob jolted me from my pity party. "Bella?"

"Oh, sorry, Jake. I guess it _is_ a little creepy being here after what happened last time," I fibbed. No, not creepy. The same. Empty, and devoid as ever of Edward's presence. Maybe I really was crazy after all, and he never did exist. _Keep it together, Bella. Don't let Jake see you like that again. You've come so far. _"I mean, that's the first time I ever saw you or your brothers as wolves too, even though I didn't know it was you at the time. I suppose I was letting my imagination run wild," I confessed.

He smiled so widely that his eyes lit up. Then he just flat out laughed at me. "Bella, you're so silly. Nothing can hurt you here. You've got me to protect you. You really give me no credit at all."

At that, he looked like I really had wounded his pride, so I said, "You're right Jake. You're the big bad wolf." _Did I really just say that? How hokey can you get?_

"Ha. Ha." he laughed, sarcastically. He still had this expression on his face like I had hurt his feelings.

I tried a different approach, a sincere one. "Honestly, Jake, you take pretty good care of me. I don't think anyone else could have helped me like you did. I thought I was a lost cause and destined to be a crazy old cat lady. You're the best thing in my life." _Odd, _I thought, I'd said that before, and as soon as I said it the person to whom I was referring went and left me. I wrapped my arms around myself tightly and braced myself for the impact of the proverbial shoe dropping.

"You're allergic to cats," Jake teased, though he was correct, "but you're right, I _am_ the best. It's because you bring out the best in me, Bella. You know, I was only a C student before we started hanging out. Now Quil and Embry act like I'm some kind of genius. Thanks for helping me, with everything. When I first phased, it was so unreal, and I felt so _angry _all of the time. You helped me get back to my old self too. That's why we're perfect for each other."

"Jake..." I complained. I hated when he started talking this way. It always made me so uncomfortable, mainly because it usually ended with me having to hurt his feelings by telling him I didn't love him _that_ way.

He immediately started backpedaling. "I know, I know. You don't feel that way. But, have you ever tried? You've been better, but you're still like this...hollow shell. You rarely show any emotion at all. I don't think I've even seen you blush in months, despite constantly making an ass of yourself with your own feet. You can't honestly say that you feel nothing but friendship towards me. You're just deluding yourself. Can't you see that? Besides, I'm a catch."

_So I'm deluding myself again? Isn't that what I was just thinking I had done with Edward? I mean, sure I love Jake, but he's my best friend. I just didn't think I was capable of letting anyone in again. _ "Jake, you _are_ a catch. That's why you should stop wasting your time on me. I don't think I ca-..." my words were cut off unexpectedly because in an instant I was wrapped up in one of those suffocating embraces that I loved so much.

His hug, the location, and our conversation changed my perspective. Edward was gone, and he was never coming back because he didn't love me. Maybe I _could_ love Jake the way he deserved. I didn't want to keep hurting his feelings for the rest of our lives. Well, mine. Stupid, non-aging mythical beings. I loved him so much. _How hard could it be to let it evolve into something more? Of course, it would never be like before. I wasn't the same person I was then. But I could love him. I could be happy someday. Why shouldn't I? _

I just wasn't sure about delving into more of a physical relationship with him because I'm sure that's what he would expect. I mean, he was kind and funny, had an amazing body, and as I had told him, he was 'sort of beautiful'; but I didn't want to ruin our friendship. Good thing he likes to take initiative because the next thing I knew he was kissing me. He held my face in his warm hands and looked at me with his eyes full of concern that I would reject him. It was sweet, and warm, and full of love. It was...nice. I blushed for the first time since my last birthday.

Jake took a step back to look into my eyes and he held my flushed cheek in the warm palm of his hand. "Beautiful," he mused. "Bella, you don't know how long I've wanted to do that. I love you so much and I would do anything to protect you from the monsters of this world. Well, except, of course, for me and my brothers."

And with that simple proclamation and his blinding smile, he changed my mind. I never thought I'd be happy kissing someone else, but now I had to rethink that idea. I mean, middle-aged tendencies aside, I _was _a teenager; and I had deprived myself of many of _those_ types of experiences of which my peers were so practiced. I know most people at school thought I was a prude, but mostly that deprivation was due to Edward and his rules. I'm sorry, but a girl has her breaking point.

All of a sudden, I threw myself at Jake, kissing him with a fervor I thought I'd never feel again. My fingers grabbed his hair and secured his face to mine as he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer. _This_ kiss wasn't sweet. It was hungry, and lustful, and passionate. Good thing he got that first one right - I was too unpredictable. Actually, I guess I could be predicted to overreact. I almost thought I heard Edward's protest in my head, but I wasn't in danger, so that didn't make any sense. And why would he care anyway? I was just doing what he wanted me to do. I was moving on...Finally.

Unexpectedly, Jake broke from my stranglehold and pushed me away, panting. He had a strange expression on his face. _Wasn't this what he wanted?_ I wondered, feeling slightly rejected.

"Bella go to the car. Immediately," he ordered.

I wasn't accustomed to such a terse and authoritative statement from him. "What? Why? What about our stuff?" I asked, thoroughly confused.

He looked almost angry with me and I wondered what I had done wrong. Then he said, "Bella, just do as I say. Leave it. I smell a vampire." He shouted, "Run!" snapping me out of my shock, "I'll be right behind you. I'm going to phase and alert my brothers. Then we're going to the rez so I can keep you safe. I'm not leaving you. The rest of the pack will handle it."

A_ vampire? Maybe this really was a devil's tramping ground, as Jacob described it. What were the odds?_ As I turned to run, I felt a shimmer in the air and my russet guardian was running behind me. I ran as carefully as I could - I didn't need another skinned knee slowing us down. I knew Jake could run faster than me, but I was glad he stayed behind me. To protect me. From monsters.

* * *

**A/N: **_I hope you are intrigued! Please remember this fic has canon couples. Please review and thanks for checking this out. I'll be updating about once a week provided I am smart enough to maneuver through this site._


	2. Chapter 2 Protest

Disclaimer: All things Twilight and part of the Twilight universe belong solely to Stephenie Meyer. The same goes for the lyrics of John Mayer, whose lyrics will accompany each chapter. I hope they don't mind. No copyright infringement is intended and I will not earn any cash for my efforts.

**A/N: **_I'm probably going to be uploading a chapter a day on here. This story can also be found on Twilighted if you are impatient. I hope that this one is a little more polished. Read on!_

**Ch 2. Protest**

_"Comfortable" (J. Mayer)_

_She thinks I can't see the smile that she's fakin'_

_and poses for pictures that aren't being taken_

_I loved you_

_grey sweat pants, no makeup, so perfect_

_Our love was, comfortable and_

_so broken in_

_she's perfect, so flawless_

_I'm not impressed, I want you back._

**EPOV**

The torture I had endured these last few months while trying to stay away from Bella was _nothing_ compared to the gut-wrenching torment I felt as I saw her kiss Jacob. Carlisle told me many stories about his time spent with the Volturi, including some about the members of their guard and the many talents they had. There was a girl, Jane, that could make you feel like you were being torn limb from limb just by thinking it. She would be a welcome distraction to what I felt now. My previous distractions were hopeless anyway.

As soon as I left Bella standing there in the woods so many months ago, I ran all the way to Alaska without stopping. I was not prepared to be totally alone with my thoughts because I knew I would quickly convince myself to turn around and beg Bella's forgiveness. When I got to Denali, I was somewhat chagrined to find that the only one home was Tanya. Kate was visiting some mutual friends of ours in Ireland, and Carmen and Eleazar were in Volterra. Since Eleazar used to be a member of the Volturi guard, Aro occasionally summoned him for consultation. Irina had gone nomadic some time ago with Laurent, who had indeed visited with the Denali clan since leaving his alliance with James and Victoria.

Tanya was delighted to see _me_, of course, but I was just not interested. I mean she was stunning in a stereotypical runway model kind of way. But she did nothing for me. She had shiny strawberry blond hair, and a gorgeous, but too perfect, body. She also had no substance. She was shallow, conceited, promiscuous, and personally, I preferred brunettes. Tanya immediately misconstrued the reason for my visit, thinking that I had come back to take her up on her offer from the last time I ran away from Forks (and Bella).

"Edward, why don't you come hunting with me? You look ever so thirsty," she offered in her best sultry, honey-sweet voice. _Oh my goodness, he is _too_ delicious. I knew he was just playing hard to get the last time. Sex with human men is certainly fun, but they are so easily damaged, not to mention clingy._

"No, thank you," I replied while doing my best to ignore her thoughts. I knew it was a trap for me anyway because when Tanya hunted, she gave herself over to _all_ of her carnal instincts. She would probably pounce on me before I even finished satiating my thirst. I could not have been less inclined to go hunting with her. "I'm fine. I just needed a friend to keep me company because I had to make the most difficult decision of my existence, and I need to convince myself that it was the correct one." _Of course it was the right choice, you idiot! Bella deserves better than you, _I told myself.

Tanya could not have appeared more disappointed and wondered, _But I thought he left her to be with me... _However, she quickly recovered and said, "Alright then. Is there anything I _can _do to help you take your mind off of your problems? I'm sure I could find _some_ way to distract you and make you feel better." _Like screaming your name at the top of my lungs while have a roll in the hay, er, snow._

She was starting to get on my nerves. How many times did I need to politely spurn her advances before she got the hint? It looked like I was going to have to be harsher, and flat-out reject her once and for all.

"No, Tanya," I replied forcefully. "I am not interested in you that way at all. I love Bella Swan, and my heart will belong to her until hers stops beating. At that point, I will find some way to follow her into the afterlife, or wherever it is that we go. She has irrevocably changed me, and I can love no other. I'm sorry that I have not made my intentions clearer to you, but I could never think of you that way. You and your sisters are like extended family to me, and that is all we will ever be."

She did not like my response - she was not used to rejection. _Well, dammit. You're a worse tease than anyone I've ever met. No wonder you're still a fucking virgin. _She amused herself with the double entendre of her thoughts. Then she spoke to me flippantly, "Well, Edward, I'm truly sorry to hear that. You don't know what you're missing. We would have been great together." _I would have made you forget all about that fragile little human._ "I'm going hunting. All this talk has gotten me rather worked up, and I need _some_ kind of release. You are obviously not going to help me with that, so I suggest you collect yourself and your thoughts and be on your way. I'll give you a day or two, but please do not be here when I get back. Take care of yourself, and please give my regards to the rest of your family."

I complied with Tanya's request and left before the dawn. I still needed some way to distract myself from my thoughts of Bella, so I tried tracking Victoria instead. 'Tried' being the key term. I thought she would eventually want to exact her revenge on me for killing James. Unfortunately, I was a hopeless failure. I ended up as far south as Central America before Victoria's trail went cold. When I wasn't tracking the redheaded witch, I generally just hid in the sewers and survived on whatever vermin inhabited them, much the way Carlisle did when he was first turned, centuries ago.

I curled into a ball and let the misery have me. I never looked into a mirror, but I'm sure my eyes were permanently jet-black during this time since I never allowed myself to be fully satiated. I kept myself constantly thirsty; thinking the burn I felt in my throat was as good a penance as any I could serve for what I had done to Bella. I would have continued like that for the rest of Bella's life, for I still planned to somehow join her in death. _I can always provoke the Volturi, _I thought morbidly.

I checked in with my family on occasion, but they understood me and were trying their best to give me some space. They were in rather somber moods lately too, especially Alice, who was no longer speaking to me. She loved Bella - they all did. Well, except for Rose, but I just ignored her as always. It was _my _decision to leave Forks, and that decision was making a melancholy mess of my family. Everything that was wrong with the lives of the people I loved was solely my doing.

To make matters worse, I was cursed with a vampire's perfect memory. I remembered every second I had spent in Bella's presence, whether she knew I was there or not. Those happy cherished images now made me want to curse myself to the darkest depths of hell. They were horrid reminders of what I had lost. My Bella. _'You WILL keep her safe. You do not deserve her. You cannot jeopardize her soul.'_ became my mantra.

The few times I ventured into public were even worse than the sewers. Every woman I saw was compared to the Bella in my memory. I would find her features in their faces, though none of them could ever compare to her beauty. During one of these rare outings, I was shocked when my cell phone rang, and it indicated it was Alice calling me. She had a vision that Victoria was plotting my demise and enacting some sort of plan in Seattle. Alice did not know much more than that because Victoria seemed to have a talent for escape and eluding Alice's sight. Seattle. I would be so close to Bella again that I actually smiled at the thought. That smile was quickly replaced with all-consuming worry because that meant that Victoria would also be much closer to Bella.

As soon as I ended the call, I ran through the jungles and the night to the nearest airport. I got on the next flight that would take me into the States and then hopped onto a flight to Seattle as they were closing the jet way. I was so agitated that it took all my mental faculties to try to appear human in the crowded airports and planes. _Bella, I love you and we'll be together soon._ _Shift your weight, idiot! How can I regain Bella's trust? Blink, stupid! Will she forgive me? Breathe in. Exhale. _It was agonizing. Hours had never lasted so long to any vampire in existence.

I quickly scanned Seattle for signs of Victoria, to no avail, since I had to be the worst tracker in vampire history. After that, I stole a sports car and drove to Forks as fast as possible while still avoiding detection. Telepathy did have its occasional advantages. I probably needed to clean myself up before I found Bella, but I did not care. At first I could not understand why the humans on the plane and in the airport were avoiding me even more than usual, but then I realized I had started my trip straight from the sewers. I looked like a vagrant, and probably smelled like the inside of a septic tank. _It doesn't matter._ Bella had said those very words about my being a vampire, so she could make do with my out-of-character appearance. I hoped it might help her understand how miserable I had been without her.

I ran to her house, but was soon disappointed to find that she wasn't there. Instead, I found her freshest scent, that intoxicating freesia, along with some human food, and a...dog? _Why would she get a dog?_ I didn't think she particularly cared for animals. She didn't seem to bathe it enough - it reeked. I followed the canine stench, just because it was strongest, and came upon an old VW Rabbit parked off the highway. _What happened to her truck?_ She loved that ancient rusted heap. _Perhaps it finally died._ This car didn't appear to be much of an improvement, but knowing Bella, she wouldn't have wanted anything new or expensive anyway. I continued following the dog's trail religiously, without paying attention to where I actually was going. Then I realized - she was in our meadow. _What a wonderful coincidence!_ That meadow had been so magical for us, it would be the perfect place to proclaim my continued, undying love for her. That is, until I heard them - she wasn't alone.

"Jake..." her melodious voice complained.

_Geez, I hate when she says my name like that. Like I'm a little kid. _Whoever this 'Jake' was replied, "I know, I know. You don't feel that way. But, have you ever tried? You've been better, but you're still like this... hollow shell. You rarely show any emotion at all. I don't think I've even seen you blush in months, despite constantly making an ass of yourself with your own feet."

He pictured some of her more recent clumsiness, and I was horrified to learn of the number of trips she had taken to the emergency room._ She promised to take care of herself..._ I also thought 'Jake' was rather rude. How dare he use profanity in front of her.

The boy continued, "You can't honestly say that you feel nothing but friendship towards me. You're just deluding yourself. Can't you see that? Besides, I'm a catch." _Please see this my way for once. What he did to you was unforgivable, but I can fix it - I can fix _you_._

"Jake," she said, "You _are _a catch. That's why you should stop wasting your time on me. I don't think I ca-..."

It was then that moved to the edge of the trees so I could actually see them. Seeing Bella for the first time since I left her took my breath away, despite the fact that I did not need to breathe. The boy was hugging her so fiercely that it looked like he was crushing her. Jacob Black. The name left a bitter taste on my tongue, reminding me of the times I had to force down some food to keep up our human charade. This was the ignorant child who effectively outed my family and me to my beloved, though he had grown considerably since I saw him last.

I would have run out there and pulled him off of her by the throat if I hadn't been fixated on his thoughts of Bella from the past few months. The hollow shell, as he had so aptly put it. In his memory, she looked like an emaciated ghost. Almost like a... well, like me. I shuddered at the pictures in his mind because, unfortunately for me, he had a very vivid memory.

As he was hugging her, he was also remembering all the time they spent together since I left. He laid with her in her bed, trying to coax her to sleep while daydreaming about all the things he wanted to do with her. And at the moment, he was thinking about... "NO!" I hissed through my teeth just as he planted his lips on _my_ Bella. _Damn_, I cursed myself - I hadn't meant to be detected. I had not spoken loudly, so their human ears probably did not notice. _Oh, for the love of all that is holy, is she actually kissing him back? Dammit, dammit, dammit! What the fuck have I done?_

Jacob's next thoughts worried me greatly. _Who said that? Shit, it reeks of vampire stink! How could I let one sneak up on me? I've wanted to be with Bella like this for so long that I must've dropped my guard, and now she's in danger. Nice one, dumbass. Sam's going to kill me._

"Bella go to the car. Immediately." he demanded, as I wondered how he was able to hear me in the first place.

_It's you isn't it Cullen? _he asked me mentally. _I know you can hear me. She told me about that. Plus, I remember your sickly-sweet stench. It was all over Bella's room for months. I had to ask her to keep the windows open all the time, even in winter. Good thing _I'm_ warm. She didn't even need a blanket. Filthy, bloodsucking leech. _He continued cursing and berating me in his thoughts.

"What? Why? What about our stuff?" Bella complained, utterly bewildered.

_Stay the hell away from her! She's MINE now. YOU left her to rot. You have some damned nerve coming back here!_

"Bella, just do as I say. Leave it. I smell a vampire. Run! I'll be right behind you." he assured her. I didn't like his tone of voice, even if he _was_ concerned for her safety.

_I know you're there, asshole. I'm taking her to La Push. Don't try to follow us. You wouldn't want to break our precious treaty would you? Stay away from her house too. I can smell your stink for miles so don't even think about it. I don't care if it is your territory. I'm with Bella now, and you can't do shit about it. Now, fuck. Off._

He spoke again to Bella, "I'm going to phase and alert my brothers. Then we're going to the rez so I can keep you safe. I'm not leaving you. The rest of the pack will handle it."

What a crass little punk! _Phase? The rest of the pack? What did he mean? Surely the Quileute wolves hadn't returned?_ It had been more than a generation since there was a pack here. _How many were there? _I wondered. _Wait, that would mean Bella had been keeping company with... WEREWOLVES? Worse yet, YOUNG werewolves. _ There was only one wolf that we knew of when my family and I left Forks. Sam Uley visited with Carlisle briefly to introduce himself as the new Quileute chief, and to remind us of the outlines of our treaty. He said that he was the only one, and he did not indicate that more boys would start phasing. I cursed myself. Could I do nothing right? I leave her to be human and safe and she takes up with the next monsters that cross her path. She really _is_ a danger magnet.

I could still hear Jacob's thoughts as I was processing this added danger to Bella's well being. _ Sam! Sam! One of the Cullens is back! He hasn't crossed the boundary line, but I needed to tell you. I'm pretty sure it's the asshole that was with Bella before._

_Are you sure it's him, Jacob? What about the rest of his coven? _Sam asked. I didn't think Sam was actually in the vicinity, but then I started hearing several other voices all having the same conversation with Jacob. How was that possible? It was like all of their minds were linked together. It made me wonder if they telepathic too.

_I'm not sure, _Jacob thought. _I think it's just the one leech. I know it was him because I recognized his stench since I'd smelled him all over Bella's room before. I told him to stay away from her. I don't really know if he heard me, but she told me that he could hear people's thoughts. I was with her at the time, and I didn't want her to know he was back so I tried telling him in my head._

Sam replied, _Jacob, you let him get that close to you and you didn't even notice? Please keep your thoughts about making out with Bella in check at the moment - we don't need to know about it. I am very disappointed in you for letting down your guard like that. We are protectors and you nearly failed your sole duty. Stay with Bella. We will try to determine his motives, if he is still nearby._

_Thanks, Sam. I'm sorry. I really screwed up today, _Jacob apologized as if some sort of weight was bearing down on him due to what Sam had said.

I ran quickly back towards our former house so that I was safely in 'Cullen territory'. I did not break the treaty, so they would not attack me, but I did not want to provoke a bunch of young werewolves either because somehow I was sure Bella would be the one to get hurt. _How could this have happened? _ I had royally made a mess of things.

I wanted nothing more than to run headlong into La Push, break the treaty, grab Bella and flee, but I did not. She seemed happy. I would leave her alone. I can't believe I had deceived myself into thinking I should come back to Forks, to her. _Am I that conceited? Why would she ever take me back? _I'd left her. This was _my _fault, and she was just doing what I had 'wanted' her to do. To move on, to be happy... with someone else, someone human. Well, she got the first part right at least. _Filthy mongrels..._

I wondered if Bella knew about Jacob's... lineage. She must have, based on the way he spoke to her about his 'brothers'. _Do I really love her enough to watch her be happy with another? _Yes, I did. I loved her more than Jacob Black ever could. He was a fickle _dog _anyway - at least that explained Bella's new 'pet'. I knew it didn't smell like I was following a normal household companion. I could wait him out. Since Bella had permanently altered my psyche, I would be hers for eternity.

While I pondered an eternity with Bella, I vaguely recalled another old Quileute legend about the wolves imprinting on their mates. Maybe that would happen to Jacob one day. I would be waiting, and I would beg Bella's forgiveness and do everything in my power to bring her back into my life. _Could I 'fix' her if _he _left her? _In the meantime, I would watch over my Bella and do everything in my power to ensure her safety. Her new friends made me fear for her live just as much as Victoria's plans for vengeance. I could not follow Bella across the treaty boundary, but I would be able to watch her in Forks. I was far more clever than Jacob. I would find a way.

**A/N: Please leave a review. Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3 Predictable

Disclaimer: You know the drill. SM owns Twilight, it's characters, etc. JM owns the lyrics. I hope they don't mind. No copyright infringement is intended and I will not earn a penny, though I hope to earn your rave reviews and ratings!

**A/N: This is a short chappy, but I assure you they get longer. As I said before, this story is lemon-free, so don't hold your breath. It's more than we get in the original books though. **

"Not Myself"_ -_J. Mayer

_Would you want me when I'm not myself?_

_Wait it out while I am someone else? _

_And I, in time, will come around_

_I always do for you _

_Suppose I said_

_You're my saving grace?_

**BPOV**

Once back in La Push, I finally broke into a panic when I realized that a vampire had been that close to us in the clearing. Up until that point, I was so focused on flight that I didn't realize how close the danger really was.

"Jake, do you think it was Victoria?" I whispered, for I hadn't quite found my voice.

"The redhead? Uh, I'm not sure." Jake looked thoughtful for a moment, like he was trying to figure out what to tell me, before he continued, "There have been a lot of murders in Seattle lately that look like the work of several vampires. She might be creating new ones. Don't worry, Bells. You're a wolf girl now, so you're protected. I just wish we had some idea why she was so interested in our land."

"I can tell you the answer to that," I said. "She wants... _me_ - Laurent said so that day that you... took care of him. She wants to kill me because Edward killed her mate, James. She thinks it's fair that she kill Edward's mate in return, but she doesn't know that it isn't like that... with us... anymore... Oh my God! What about Charlie?" I screeched, realizing the vampires were just as likely to find him at home as me. "They might try to track me to my house! What if he's home when they get there?"

Jacob's face grew stern and he said, "How many times do I have to tell you not to worry? We've been running patrols all over Forks. You and your father are always guarded. Besides, he's with my dad most of the time anyway. You really need to quit worrying Bells; we'll take care of her. She's just so damn hard to catch. She always dances right along the treaty border or takes off into the water."

_The water?_ I forgot that vampires are excellent swimmers, especially since they don't need to breathe. _Oh, crap! Was that the flash of orange I saw when we were cliff diving before? Had she really gotten that close to me? _ I couldn't bear the thought of any members of the pack having to deal with Victoria. She was even more dangerous and resourceful than I realized. They were going to get themselves hurt, and it was all because of me and my attraction for trouble. I wondered if Edward knew that she was trying to get to me, and if he would even care. I tried to quickly dismiss the thought, but it was nagging at me.

"Okay, thanks. I guess you're right," I conceded, trying to change the subject slightly before I started thinking too much about Edward. "So... you think Victoria is creating vampires? Why would she do that? Laurent said she wanted to kill me herself." I cringed as I remembered his description of how slowly and painfully she wanted me to suffer. Mate for mate. If only she knew how misinformed she was, then my father wouldn't be in danger too.

Jacob pondered that for a moment. "I'm not sure," he started, "there are too many bodies turning up for it to be just one leech. They are usually more discreet than what's happening in Seattle. But we'll protect you against anything she tries. It's our job, Bells. Please, don't be afraid," he told me, embracing me in warmth.

I felt reassured, but something still wasn't adding up. _If she was in Seattle, then who did Jacob smell earlier in the meadow? Is it one of the vampires that she created, like a spy or something? Could it have been...? No, of course not. He was never coming back. How stupid of me to even entertain the thought. _ My adrenaline level was finally starting to normalize and I felt exhausted. Jacob called Charlie to tell him that I was staying over for dinner, but neither of us was hungry. Billy wasn't even home - he was over at the Clearwater's watching a Mariners game.

"Bella, honey, why don't you take a nap?" Jake suggested. "You look beat. I know I am."

I hesitated, "Um, yeah. I should probably get some sleep. Can I have a blanket for the couch?" Truthfully, I _was_ tired, but I didn't want to oust him from his own room. His tiny bed wasn't nearly big enough for him, and the couch was even smaller than the bed was.

"You don't have to do that," he assured me. "You can have my bed. I'll sleep on the couch, s'ok."

"But Jake, you're like a foot taller than me," I admitted, looking up at him, for added emphasis. "Half your body will be hanging off the end. I'm sure you can't get comfortable on that thing."

He made a face that looked like he was pondering alternatives, but it looked more like he was going to give himself an aneurysm. "Well, I suppose we could _share_ the bed, if you're okay with that," he asked with his voice full of longing.

That was an unexpected, but interesting turn in our conversation. I told myself that I was still frightened and it would be nice to have him near me. Then I was thinking about how our brief make-out session in the meadow had ended much too soon. _Maybe..._ "Okay," I finally said.

Jacob tried his best to hide his excitement by criticizing my appearance. "Bells, you're filthy. Wouldn't you like to get out of those clothes? Um, I mean... you can use our bathroom and borrow some clean clothes from my sister's old room. I think she still has some clothes here that she didn't take with her to college."

_Get out of these clothes? Is he trying to be coy? _ I felt like he might be pushing the new aspects of our relationship a little too much, but, unfortunately, he had a point. I was dirty, bloody, sweaty, and covered with grass stains and scratches from running through the forest. I eventually conceded and took a shower before changing into some of Rachel's old clothes - an over-sized University of Washington hoodie and sweatpants. Rachel was my kind of girl. Her clothes weren't exactly 'seduce your best friend/maybe boyfriend' material, so hopefully Jacob would just let things go for a while.

I crawled into his bed, trying not to disturb him since he was already sound asleep. He had a knack for passing out as soon as his head hit the pillow. Supposedly, that was a 'wolf thing'. His bed was pretty small though, so I had to curl up on a corner, right up against Jake, just to keep from falling off. He threw a warm arm over me and continued to snore softly into my hair. It was rhythmic and peaceful, so I drifted to sleep quickly.

I had an unsettling dream as I napped next to Jacob. In the dream I was going about my normal life - school, work at Newton's Sporting Goods, home, and La Push - but the whole time I felt like I was being watched, especially when I was with Jake. Every time I walked to my truck, I felt unseen eyes staring holes into the back of my head. No matter how many times I glanced behind me, there was never anyone there, except I thought I could feel an unnatural rustling of the wind. I guess I was letting my problems with Victoria get the best of me.

I woke up at dusk - my least favorite time of the day. It reminded me too much of Edward. It used to be 'our' time of the day together. I remembered the melancholy, but beautiful way he described it to me once, "_It's twilight. It's the safest time of day for us. The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way… the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?"_

Yes, darkness was predictable. He, on the other hand, was not. I was burning up from being both in sweats and next to Jacob, which was akin to being curled up with a space heater. I tried getting out of the bed, but my movements had jostled Jake too much and he stirred. He was smiling, and seemed like he was dreaming. I guess he was still half asleep.

"Mmm," he sighed. "I would love to wake up next to you every day. I love you... so much."

"Love you too, Jake." And I meant it. I did love him. He kissed me again, and true to form, I got carried away. We picked up right where we left off in the meadow. We became completely entangled in his toasty sheets. He was kissing me roughly, and I was perfectly fine with it. My hands raked across his back and he moaned into my mouth in response. Soon, he was lying on top of me and I was doing my best to bring our bodies closer together, like that was possible.

It was so different kissing Jacob as compared to Edward. I probably should not have been comparing them, but they were the only guys I had ever really kissed. Sure, there was that kid in Phoenix that kissed me at my thirteenth birthday party, but that hardly counted. I kept stopping to see if Jake needed a minute, only to remember that he wasn't fighting the urge to kill me. His body wasn't made of granite and my lips weren't smashed up against my face. It was so much easier to love him than I ever thought it would be. I could almost believe I was happy. I was so used to having to force myself to exercise caution that I had a hard time believing any physical fulfillment was attainable.

I always thought I was so content and impassioned when kissing Edward, but I had been missing out on so much. I never realized until now just how chaste our relationship really was. As it turns out, it was probably just that Edward had never desired me as much as I desired him. Jake certainly wanted me and I was all too willing to give in to those wants.

Eventually, I had to surface for some air. I was really sweating and the air between us was getting stifling. I looked over at Jacob's alarm clock and was disappointed to find that it was actually quite late now. "Jake, I think I should probably be getting home. We only told Charlie I'd be staying for dinner, and it's getting late. Plus, we have school tomorrow." School was turning into such a chore, and being a few measly months from graduation, my friends and I had all developed a pretty bad case of senioritis.

"You're probably right," he conceded. "Can we just clear something up first?"

I wasn't sure I liked the way that sounded, so I asked, "Um... like what?"

Jake looked like he was struggling to verbalize his thoughts. He was making the aneurysm face again, and he wouldn't look at me, just at his hands in his lap. He began, "Well, we love each other, right? You've finally come to your senses and realized you love me. And we've been rolling around in bed for a while. Does that mean... Well are you okay with, you know... dating me? I guess that sounds pretty corny, but I just want to hear you say you're mine. Like... my girlfriend."

_Really? THAT'S what he wanted to know?_ I thought it was pretty apparent. I mean, I wasn't the type of girl to roll around in bed with a boy for a few hours and not consider it a significant relationship. Still, I wasn't really prepared for him to ask to label the changes to our friendship yet, but he was right, and boyfriend was as good a term for him as any. "Yes. You can call me your girlfriend. I'm yours, Jake." I felt like I was making that promise to myself as much as I was making it to him.

**A/N: Please leave a review! Thanks for reading.**


	4. Chapter 4 War and Shrapnel

Disclaimer: SM owns, I play. JM owns, I pine. No copyright infringement intended.

**A/N: **This chapter is PG-13ish with the exception of an F-bomb.

Mood Music: "War of My Life" (Edward) and "Break Away" (Bella)

**EPOV**

"War of My Life" -J. Mayer

_I'm in the war of my life,_

_At the door of my life,_

_Out of time_

_And there's nowhere to run_

_I'm in the war of my life,_

_At the core of my life_

_Got no choice but to fight til it's done_

Bella and Jacob left a few hours before, but I was still standing in the trees, rooted to the spot as it were, at the outskirts of our meadow when my cell phone jolted me out of my depressed daze. It was Alice.

Edward, what are you doing in Forks? I told you Victoria was in Seattle. Is Bella alright?" she asked worriedly

"Yes, Alice," I replied, somewhat annoyed that she was checking up on me. "She's fine. I thought Victoria might be trying to use Bella to lure me out so she could exact her revenge. I just thought it would be... prudent... to make sure Bella was safe." That, and I couldn't bear to be what I considered a short run away from Bella, and _not_ check on her. Even though I had been tracking Victoria all this time, I realized I was slowly spiraling my way back to Forks. I probably would have ended up here soon, even without Alice's vision.

"And is she?" Alice asked desperately. "I know you told me not to look for her, but I can't see her at all anymore. I only can see _you_ in the woods near Forks. Where is she?" Alice sounded so frustrated with herself, but I didn't understand why. You never bet against Alice. I didn't think it was possible for Alice to miss out on any future if she was looking for it, especially if it involved someone she cared about. I worried a little, but maybe it was just because Bella was no longer part of our future. I grew chagrined at the thought.

"Well, she's in Quileute territory at the moment. She is fine, Alice. Could I please speak to Carlisle?" I asked, trying to avoid further thoughts about Bella's future no longer being entwined with my own.

She wasn't happy that I was cutting off our conversation, but she replied, "Okay, Edward. I still don't understand, but here's Carlisle."

"Hello son," Carlisle greeted me graciously. "It's nice to hear your voice again. What can I do for you? Are you alright?"

_No, I'm not fucking alright_, but instead I said, "Yes, Carlisle, I'm fine. I just wanted to ask you about the Quileute wolves. I know you did some extensive research into their history over the years and I hoped you might be able to offer your insight. It turns out a pack has reformed. They still honor our treaty, of course, but I am concerned because Bella has taken to spending an inordinate amount of time with them on the reservation. I am merely concerned for her safety," _and I cannot abide her reasons for spending so much time with them,_ I added to myself.

I remembered the last time we encountered the werewolves. It was 1933, and Carlisle, Esme, and I had moved from Rochester to the, then, non-existent town of Forks, with a newborn Rosalie Hale in tow. Rose was positively maddening as a newborn, and she hated me from the moment she awoke simply because I did not fall all over myself for her attention. Carlisle merely wanted to save her life, thinking she was too beautiful to die as a victim of rape and battery. A 'waste' he had called it. I had to point out to him the fact that she was quite well known in the town of Rochester, considering her family was comprised of ambitious social climbers. Thus, we decided to leave New York in search of a small quiet, yet overwhelmingly overcast area of the country. After much discussion, we settled on the Olympic Peninsula.

I was rather put out by having to move again so soon - I had just returned to Carlisle and Esme only months before, following my 'rebellious' days. I felt like the prodigal son, welcomed home with open arms, despite my transgressions. I didn't deserve it, but I was grateful. Even after a few months, my eyes still had a reddish tinge to them due to all the murders I committed while I was away. Granted, I only murdered the scum of society, yet I was a murderer nonetheless. Human blood was quite satisfying, but I did not want to be a monster. I felt like I was no better than those I killed. Who was I to judge them?

The area we chose was near the Quillayute, Bogachiel, Calawah, and Sol Duc rivers, hence why it was later named Forks when it was established as a town in 1945. We purchased and cleared some land, and built a house just next to the Calawah River. We chose the area because of the rivers since, unfortunately for us, logging was a booming industry in this part of the country, and it made wildlife scarce. Animals were much more plentiful near the water.

We actually became highly involved players in establishing the area now recognized as Olympic National Park. Though we certainly had a penchant for nature, we also had the ulterior motive of maintaining lands where we could hunt easily. Carlisle was especially active as a park booster to preserve the wilderness, his work as a doctor giving him a certain amount of clout with the people in the area, and he managed to help it get established as a national park in 1938. He even had the opportunity to meet President Roosevelt.

One day, the four of us were on a hunt, and we followed the scent of some deer that led west. I hadn't realized how close we were to the ocean until I could smell the salt in the air. We allowed Rosalie to take down a deer since she was still rather territorial when it came to her food. Before any of us could even quench our thirst, we heard low, ominous growls surrounding us. We looked up to see three very large wolves, but I could hear their thoughts as if they were humans. I was puzzled at first, since I had never been able to speak with animals before, but then the largest wolf, which was completely white, started vibrating rapidly and a moment later the wolf was replaced with a man. He told us his name was Ephraim Black.

The other two wolves, a black one and a brown one, who were named Levi Uley and Quil Ateara respectively, remained as such and continued to watch us ominously. I was quite worried about their intentions, but unfortunately for me, their minds were silent. Ephraim explained to us in his native tongue, which thankfully Carlisle understood, that he and his brothers were protectors of the land and that we appeared to be the 'Cold Ones' that his legends spoke of, though we did not have the characteristic red eyes. Our golden eyes were the only things that had apparently saved us from an immediate execution.

Carlisle explained to him about our family, and our 'vegetarian' lifestyle. Ephraim was not convinced at first, but allowed us to live, warning us that he would be waiting should we ever prove ourselves liars. Carlisle and Ephraim agreed upon a treaty that we would be allowed to live as long as none of us ever bit another human. Due to our innate enmity, they also suggested we divide the land, and agreed upon using the Bogachiel River as the boundary. Everything west of that belonged to the Quileutes, and the east of the river was ours to hunt freely.

Carlisle said, "Well, it is true that the wolves can be quite dangerous, particularly when they are young." I cringed - Jacob Black was certainly not what I considered mature. He also told me about Sam Uley, the last known werewolf. Sam started phasing not long before we left Forks, and one day while at the hospital, Carlisle heard about a Quileute boy that was brought in with a raging fever that disappeared a day later. All signs pointed to his being a shape-shifter. He also told me about Emily Young, Sam's girlfriend. Dr. Gerandy treated her when she was brought to the ER with horrible gashes across half of her face. They told him that a bear had attacked her, but Carlisle always suspected that it was Sam that had hurt her.

"Carlisle," I frowned, "these recollections are not putting my mind at ease whatsoever. Are you telling me that Bella could be mauled by one of those mutts at a moment's notice?"

"Well, I honestly doubt it. The wolves quickly learn to control their phasing. They only have a hard time coping when they are experiencing very strong emotions or are confronted with the presence of a vampire. You already know their sole duty is to kill our kind."

"Yes, of course I know. Thank you for your help." I supposed I really did have to stay away from Bella. If Jacob smelled my scent anywhere near her, he might get too agitated to control himself. I could not have him phasing anywhere near her. I would never forgive myself if my mere presence caused him to hurt her, even if by accident.

"Son, I heard Alice say you were in Forks. Is that... wise? Are you going to try to reconcile with Bella?"

"No," I choked out. Of course, that was what I wanted more than anything. "She seems to be happy, even if it is with a filthy mutt. I wanted us to leave so that she could move on with her life, and that appears to be what she has done. I will not interfere. However, you'll never believe which one she has chosen - Jacob Black."

"Ephraim's heir?" Carlisle asked, surprised by the surname. "Is he the Quileute chief then?"

I answered, "No, I don't think so. Though, I believe Jacob could claim his birthright if he so desired. I think I heard the wolves' collective thoughts, and they all seem to indicate that Sam is still the tribal chief. Do you have any knowledge about the way they communicate in their wolf form?"

"No, Edward. I really know very little about them. They keep their existence a secret as much as we do. Please exercise caution regarding them. Stay in Forks as long as you feel necessary, but I hope you will return to us soon. Esme misses you terribly," he added purposefully.

Carlisle had been unable to console Esme since I left, and he was always trying to guilt me into coming home to them. "Thank you, Carlisle. Please give her my love, and the rest of the family as well." _Except for Rosalie, who is a jealous wench._

"I will, son. We love you. Be well," he said.

_'Be well?'_ _Humph_. What a ridiculous send off. How on Earth could I be well again? My Bella was in the arms of a dangerous, immature werewolf. At least the conversation with my family got me out of my 'coma'. I ran towards Bella's house to figure out how it might be possible to check on her.

Even though Forks was technically our territory, I assumed that Jacob frequented her home regardless. I stayed in the forest, and when I neared the path leading to her backyard, I jumped up into the branches of the nearest tree. The four-legged beasts were at least limited to the ground. I knew I was clever - I would keep to the treetops as much as possible and be able to ensure Bella's safety without alerting the pack. I jumped from tree to tree until I was in one that was just at the edge of her backyard, above the trail where I thought I had safely left her last fall. That seemed so long ago now, even compared to a century of walking this Earth.

It was pretty late, but Bella had yet to return. The lights were off in her room, but I could not hear her breathing to indicate she was asleep. It was not like her to stay out past curfew. Finally, I heard a car pull into her driveway. I also heard Jacob's thoughts. _Curse this damned 'talent' of mine. _He was replaying their latest exploits in his bedroom. Watching over my love was going to prove quite difficult if I had to endure Jacob's vivid and increasingly lascivious thoughts.

"Night, Bells," he told her. "I love you, honey." _I'm so glad you finally know it,_ he added mentally.

"Love you too. Bye, Jake. I'll see you tomorrow?"

I winced. _'Love you too'? Shit. _ I thought Jacob's thoughts were going to make this difficult. Even though I could not hear Bella's thoughts, I didn't think I could bear to hear Bella say those words out loud to anyone else. Maybe she didn't really mean it. How I wished I could read her mind. It was so infuriating that I could not.

Jacob replied, "Of course you will," before launching into a new line of inappropriate scenarios with _my_ Bella.

She walked into the house where her father was dozing on the couch in front of the television.

"You're late. Where have you been?" Charlie asked. I had never been able to read his thoughts either, but I was at least able to gauge his emotions. He was quite unconcerned, despite his questioning of Bella's whereabouts.

I was unable see into the living room from my perch, but I'm sure she blushed and smiled sheepishly before saying, "Sorry, dad. I was having dinner at Jake's. I ate a lot, and I fell asleep while we were watching a movie."

"Okay, then," Charlie said. I was thoroughly disappointed that I couldn't even count on him as a father figure to enforce the rules he had outlined for his teenage daughter - rules he harped on constantly when she was with me. "Make sure it doesn't happen again. You have school tomorrow, you know."

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm going to bed right now."

"Goodnight, sweetheart," Charlie yawned, falling back asleep.

I heard Bella go into the little bathroom and go about her nightly routine. She returned to her room and went to bed. I could see directly into her window from my perch. God, she was so beautiful. My angel. I ached to be in her room with her. To hold her again, to sing to her. I wondered if she had ever discovered that I had left all of her mementos of me underneath her floorboards. I always thought she was terribly unobservant, but she constantly surprised me and noticed the things that mattered.

She flipped on her stereo and pulled out a book. _Is she listening to rap?_ I didn't think she liked that particular genre of music. _And what is she reading? _ My wonderful, bookish Bella always preferred the classics. Her copy of _Wuthering Heights_ was practically falling apart, but it looked like she was reading something by Robert Ludlum. She was never into spy thriller fluff before. _Perhaps I do not know her at all,_ I thought gloomily.

Finally, she turned out the light and went to sleep, something I always enjoyed immensely. She made the most interesting faces. Each night that I spent with her I would try to decipher what her expressions translated to in her dreams. They never compared to hearing her talk though, especially when she said my name.

"Edward..."

_Yeah, like that. Wait... what_?

"Edward, so careful... Jacob, my Jacob," she crooned.

I would have preferred that she had not interjected 'my' in between saying the mutt's name, but nevertheless she had said _my_ name. It was nearly the most beautiful sound in my world, second only to the sound of her heart. Conceivably, I still had a chance to make her mine once again, and I would fight for her with every part of my being. I mentally declared a personal war on Jacob Black, and I spent the rest of that night trying to figure out a way to bring Bella back to me.

**

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BPOV**

"Break Away" -J. Mayer

_If melody is my destiny _

_Then what's left of me _

_I'll give to you _

_If next to me _

_Is all that you need to be _

_Would you settle for fantasy _

_If it's the best you could do_

I slept better than I had in months. This was only the second time that I didn't have nightmares. I don't think I even dreamt at all. I woke up feeling refreshed for a change. I got ready for school, and grabbed a pop-tart as I shuffled through the mist to the arid haven that was my truck. I hoped that the day would go by quickly so that I could be with Jacob again. This hope was immediately followed by anxiety because that is exactly how I used to feel about Edward. I could easily be setting myself up for another heartbreak. _ No, that's ridiculous._ _Jake loves me, really loves me, and to top it off, he's my best friend. How could I be so lucky? _I wondered.

My classes went by slowly that morning. I hated that Jake went to school on the reservation, and not here in Forks. At least his daily schedule was about the same as mine because he texted me during every class change that day. I couldn't help but smile every time my phone chirped at me. At least it was lunchtime, and I would not have to pretend to pay attention to schoolwork for a while.

I had been sitting with my old lunch crowd for a while now, but I still felt excluded most of the time. I usually sat off to the side, near Angela. I was welcomed back by some, like Eric, Mike, Angela, and her boyfriend Ben; but others, namely Jessica and Lauren, were not as happy with my return. I distinctly heard Lauren say, "Oh joy, Bella's back," in her scathing, nasally, acid-laced tone. Jess laughed - I guess she still hadn't forgiven me for our trip to the movies and my little incident with the guys at the bar. That was the first time I heard Edward's voice, and I admit, I was acting pretty foolishly.

When I came up to the table today, they were discussing the prom, of all things. Thankfully, I'd already had _that_ human experience, but thinking about it reminded me of last year's prom. My life had changed so much since then. All I really had to show for those previous memories was the cold, crescent-shaped scar from where James had bitten me. Edward and I were no more, and prom was the last thing I wanted to think about.

Jake and I were texting back and forth since the lunch period began, and I was grateful I could stay out of the prom conversation. So far no one had asked me, and that suited me just fine. I was worried that if I started discussing the prom, someone might ask me to be his date, thinking I was talking about it because I wanted to go. Jessica and Lauren were talking about going dress shopping in Seattle instead of Port Angeles this year. They wanted more unique dresses, and since it was our senior prom, they were more willing to splurge on something they really liked.

Ever thoughtful Angela spoke up, "I don't think you guys should go to Seattle. It's supposed to be pretty dangerous right now. There have been a lot of unsolved murders the past couple of weeks."

"But it's Seattle! It's an awesome city, and I want a dress that no one else will have. Besides, Port Angeles is so limited. There's really only that one store," Jessica said with her one-track mind.

"Yeah, I get it, Jess, but they say it's a serial killer or something. And the people are being brutally murdered. They're being completely drained of blood - that sounds like the work of a psychopath to me. I just don't want anything bad to happen to you." Angela was always so concerned for her friends. She was the kindest person I knew.

Of course, I was fairly certain that these murders weren't caused by some crazed person, or a person at all, for that matter. Edward had explained to me before that disasters and heinous crimes were often attributed to psychos, but were really caused by reckless vampires. My conversation with Jacob corroborated that theory.

"I agree with Angela, Jess. Maybe you guys could go to Olympia instead," I suggested. The whole table turned to gape at me. Had it really been that long since I'd spoken at lunch? I mean, I had piped up about the bear attacks before, even though they turned out to be wolves, and not attacks at all. Had I not spoken since then?

Lauren said, "Wow, Bella, way to jump into everyone's business. I didn't even notice you over there."

I don't know what I ever did to Lauren. I couldn't understand why she would still be so vile towards me even though I've been reclusive for months. I figured she would've forgotten all about me. Mike thankfully came to my rescue, the loyal canine companion-type that he is.

"Shut up, Lauren. Maybe you _should_ go to Seattle," he said, as he turned back towards me. "So Bella, does this mean you're being... social again?"

"Um, yeah. I guess." I already didn't like where this was going.

"Well, why don't we go to a movie or something? Or we could grab some dinner one night?" he asked hopefully. He was turning into a broken record. After he got third-wheeled with Jake and me the last time, he _still _didn't get it.

Thank goodness for Jacob and his desire to 'clear things up'. "Sorry Mike, I'm kind of seeing someone."

"You _are_? I haven't seen you hang out with anyone for a long time. Does he go to our school?"

Geez, he was so nosy. "No, um, you remember Jake, right? He goes to school in La Push. You met him last year when we went to the beach after I'd just moved here, and he came with us to the movies that time when you got the stomach flu."

Mike looked at me like I had lobsters crawling out of my ears. "The _sophomore_?"

"Well, sure. Our families have been friends for a long time. But yeah, that's whom I'm talking about. I mean, we just made it official this weekend, so I guess that's why it's sort of a surprise to you."

Mike didn't look convinced. Maybe he thought I was just trying to use my friend as an excuse. "Oh, okay then. Well let me know if you still want to hang out, just as friends of course."

_Yeah right, _I thought to Newton could never be 'just friends'. He was always pushing it. I'm sure he thought he was better than Jacob just because Jake was a little younger. Of course, now Jake was huge and looked more like he was twenty-five, not the fifteen-year-old that Mike met before. What I wouldn't give to see Mike's face when confronted with my Jacob now.

Angela leaned over to me and said, "I'm really happy for you, Bella. I thought there was something different about you today. Maybe you guys can double sometime with Ben and me."

"That would be really nice, Ang. Thanks." She was always so perceptive. I didn't think I was acting differently, aside from being glued to my phone. Maybe I just looked a little more alive than usual.

The lunch bell rang and Mike and I shuffled through the puddle-laden parking lot towards the gym. As if on cue from my previous thoughts, I heard the roar of a motorcycle and Jacob squealed to a stop next to me. He looked down at me and smiled his brilliant smile.

"Come on, Bells! I'm breaking you out of here!" he grinned.

The look on Mike's face was priceless as he took in Jacob's new physique, which was pretty easy since Jake hadn't even bothered with a shirt. "Uh, hey Mike? Could you tell Coach Clapp that I had um... really bad cramps, and went home early? Thanks!" Coach Clapp was also so uncomfortable about 'girl problems' that they made for an easy excuse. I hopped on the bike without even waiting for a response, and then we were speeding away from school. We ended up at First Beach and just sat on our driftwood tree and talked for a while, among other things.

"I'm really glad you came with me today, Bells," Jake said, sincerely while he was drawing circles with his thumb onto the back of my hand. "I wasn't sure if you would. You were always such a goody-goody. I must be a bad influence on you," he laughed.

He had a point there, but I wasn't going to admit it. Instead, I said, "Very funny. Truth is, I've been thinking about you all day and school was just a chore. Plus I had gym, and for me, that's just torture anyway."

"You mean you aren't an all-star? I never would've guessed," Jacob teased.

"Shut up, Jake," I laughed. It felt good to laugh again, and since I started spending time with Jake, I laughed more everyday. Now that we were dating, my laughter was increasing exponentially. Maybe happiness would be possible for me after all.

A couple of weeks went by this way and my relationship with Jake progressed quickly. We were generally attached at the face these days, not just the hip. He was already my very best friend, so we were able to skip most of the 'getting to know you' phase. I usually opted to go to La Push after school and on weekends. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was being watched wherever I went, and for some reason, I always felt safer on the reservation. Maybe it was just because I knew the pack was always patrolling the woods nearby. I knew Victoria was still out there, so I didn't like being home alone since Charlie always worked such long hours. Also, Billy gave us more privacy than my dad did.

Charlie didn't mind in the least since he and Billy gossiped like old women. He felt comfortable enough that he would know if there was something serious going on. He did try to have the sex talk with me, and that was just horrifying for both of us. I did my best to assure him that it wasn't even an issue, and that I was a responsible adult. I mean, I was eighteen after all. I may have played the move out card once or twice when he was being particularly belligerent, but I think we eventually came to an understanding.

Renee had already talked to me about the subject before I even moved here. She brought it up again during one of our talks on the phone after Charlie told her that Jake and I were getting serious. I was the product of young love, lust, and marriage. I was _not_ going to make the same mistakes my parents did, and they worried way too much. Jake hadn't even gotten past first base yet, though he was probably sliding into second by this point. Jake understood my hesitance. He may not have liked it, but he left the pace up to me. It was liberating being in control for once. Edward was always so infuriatingly controlling with all of his rules.

With that errant thought of Edward, the hole in my chest opened up all over again. _Dammit_! Why was I feeling so heartbroken again? I mean, I was _happy_. I was with Jacob. I owed him my life. He took the little scraps that were left of my heart, and managed to stitch them somewhat back together. The scraps still had small shards of the acute pain I associated with Edward embedded in them like shrapnel, but I felt like I would be able to love again. The question was whether the part that was left would be enough for Jake - he deserved so much more.

Life was going well, and graduation was coming up. I had decided to take a year or two off before college to stay in Forks while Jake finished high school. I finally accepted that age wasn't something I could control, and since I was surrounded by people that didn't age, a year here or there wasn't that big a deal. Charlie and Renee weren't pleased about that decision, but they were too worried about what might happen if Jake and I broke up due to my moving away from Forks. I think they thought I was too unstable to handle something like that again. It's not like their fears were unwarranted. They didn't fully understand, but they left me alone about it.

Mainly, I didn't want to leave Jake behind. I needed him too much. He was my sun, and if we were apart, I might slip into darkness again. However, if I were being completely honest, I also wanted to stay in Forks because of Edward. I knew he would never return, but I didn't want to leave this place because then it really might be as if he never existed. If I didn't have the constant reminders of memories with him, then what was the point of all the pain I had endured? Love requires pain to be fully appreciated. The pain that Edward caused made me realize how much Jake loved me, but even though it wasn't fair to him, I still couldn't let go of Edward. Edward was my first love (my true love), and I didn't think that I would ever be able to let that go, no matter how much Jacob cared for me.

**

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A/N**: Please comment! Thank you! *High-five* Follow me on Twitter StellaN0X and I'll give you a follow back (tweet me something Twific-related if I don't, and I will for sure).


	5. Chapter 5 Broken Promises

DISCLAIMER: SM owns all things Twilight; I'm just having fun. JM owns all his lyrics, or borrowed them appropriately, and I'm just using him to set the mood. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: **I couldn't NOT use a song by JM that was called "Victoria".

**Ch 5. Broken Promises**

_"Victoria"_ – John Mayer

_She said "I might not be seeing him soon"_

_"I've got a few things I've been waiting to do"_

_Hey, Tori came by_

_Tori came by tonight_

_Hey, Tori came by_

_She says to say goodbye_

**EPOV**

Bella spent far more time in La Push than I liked. I could only keep tabs on her when she wasn't on the reservation, so I would follow her to the treaty line, via the treetops, and then wait for her, like a dog waiting at the door for it's master, to come back home. The glimpses I got into Jacob's mind as they said their goodbyes each night gave me enough illustration to keep my misery at an all time high. It did not help whatsoever that his memories and thoughts showed a rapid progression in their physical relationship. When Bella was out of my sight in La Push, I had a difficult time trying to think about anything other than what she might be doing with Jacob, but it did not matter. He would fail her. He didn't love her in anywhere near the same capacity that I loved her.

At least, since I was not ready for her to know I had returned, I did not have to go back to Forks High School and masquerade as a student. I was trying my best to keep my promise to her. I told her she would never see me again, but it was growing more difficult each day that I saw her to keep her unaware or my presence. Having to keep up a human charade when I had so much else that was more important on my mind would have just been intolerable, but it would have been nice to see Bella everyday and perhaps have the opportunity to talk with her.

When I was unable follow Bella, I mainly kept up the same miserable routine as before, although our house was certainly an upgrade from the alleys and sewers I frequented during my travels. I still felt the need to repent for what I had done to her, particularly since she ended up in the arms of a mangy mutt. The house had other advantages too - one day, I actually received a letter addressed to me. I was concerned at first, because no one was supposed to know I was here except for my family - and the Quileute pack, I guess, thanks to Jacob. I opened it warily.

_Dear Mr. Cullen,_

_I spoke with your maker several months ago, before your coven left this area. I do not know why you are here, but we will honor the treaty your coven made with Ephraim Black. The boundaries have not changed, and if you are found on Quileute lands, you will be killed immediately. You know the other conditions. Please know that we are watching you. We also know that there is a vampire in Seattle that has interests here in Forks. She is a threat to humans and will be killed when we capture her, along with other vampires in her company. Whether or not she is involved with you is irrelevant as far as the Quileutes are concerned. Please tell me if the rest of your coven plans to return._

_-Sam Uley_

I worried to myself, _They know about Victoria, and that she is drawn to Forks? _ _Does that mean Bella knows she is in danger? _I hated how I continued to affect her, even when she did not know I was here. Victoria must have attempted something before if the wolves knew about her too. It riled me that she had tried anything so near to Bella in my absence, and I wondered what she had done to make her presence known. Victoria's retribution was so absurd because James never even really cared for her. Her talent for evasion was nothing more than a convenience for him. I needed to pay more attention to tracking her. I had gotten so wrapped up in following Bella around that I completely forgot why I returned to Forks in the first place (to protect her). I was failing Bella yet again.

Bella was at school, so I decided to run over to Seattle to try to find signs of Victoria since that was the last place I found any evidence of her. I had only gone as far as Port Angeles when I caught her scent, a not unpleasant mixture of cedar and patchouli. She would never threaten my Bella's safety again. I tracked her all over town, and found that she must have had several other vampires in her company. Of course the situation would be more complicated than I had originally hypothesized - I would not be facing Victoria alone. She must have created a guard of sorts.

Jasper had told me about his previous lifestyle in Central America, marked by such bloodshed and war. That period of time was known in our world as the Southern Vampire Wars. So many covens were creating fresh vampires, simply for their brute strength. It did not matter in the slightest to the creators that they were completely out of control and going on murderous rampages throughout the nearby towns. At least, it didn't matter until the Volturi arrived. This was one of the rare instances when a majority of the guard was actually sent out of Volterra to carry out justice. Most transgressors were individuals and were either summoned to Volterra or tracked down and dealt with by one or two members of the guard, usually Demitri, an incredibly skilled tracker (unlike myself).

I was heartily glad that Jasper had survived such a tumultuous time in our history; he was almost immediately welcomed into our family as a brother. I say 'almost' because we were terrified when we first met Alice and Jasper - when they approached us while we were on a hunt, Emmett and I immediately took defensive measures to protect Rose and Esme. Alice, despite her petite frame, was unnerving simply because she knew all of our names, and immediately wanted to know where she could live. Jasper's appearance indicated that he had a violent past, being crimson-eyed and covered in scars. His skin had an almost paisley appearance due to so many bites from other vampires, the only thing that can leave a scar. It was quite obvious that he had been through many battles. Thankfully, Carlisle is a curious and gracious host, and once we heard their account of finding each other, and then my family, they were quite welcome to join us. However, I often felt sorry for Jasper, just because I could hear his mind and know how difficult our lifestyle has been for him.

Perhaps Victoria had gotten the idea of creating soldiers from her travels south. Regardless, now I would be dealing with more vampires than I could probably handle on my own. I decided I should call my family and ask them for help. They may have been upset with me for my desertion, but none of them would want anything to happen to Bella due to our absence or negligence.

I spent a couple of days doing nothing but tracking. I only allowed myself enough time near Bella's window to hear her talking in her sleep. She said my name every single night. It gave me the strength to leave her, because by finding Victoria, I was fighting for her. My family was on their way back, but it was probably going to be another day or so before they arrived, since they were driving across the country. They could have flown, but it was better not to have any record of their travels. Alice had not had a vision of Victoria's decision to attack, so we agreed that discretion was preferable to expediency.

One day when Bella was on the reservation, I finally caught a fresh trail and I sped through the lush forest so quickly that the animals didn't even have a chance to scatter. The trail led me to the clearing where my family and I used to play baseball. Baseball was my favorite game to play with my family. There was nothing quite as satisfying as the thundering crack of the bat against the ball, or of running down a laser and throwing its hitter out at the plate. However, after that business with James, baseball was ruined for me. I would probably never play it again simply because it brought Bella's near-death to the forefront of my mind. Now it also reminded me that I had still lost her, though to another man, rather than death. I was not sure which was worse.

I neared the area and was overwhelmed with a cacophony of voices and thoughts all shouting at once. As I stepped into the clearing, nothing would have prepared me for the sight that I would encounter...

Roughly a dozen newborn vampires were sparring, each with their own wolf. This pack was much larger than I had anticipated. The loudest thoughts were those of the pack members. I had thought their minds were connected, but it was quite fascinating to discover the way they used that connection to coordinate their movements. The wolves and their enemies whirled and lunged in a lethal danse macabre that rivaled anything in the movies. Each clash was accompanied by a shredding sound and a chunk of white flesh sailing away from its owner. Rather quickly and efficiently, the newborns were decimated. One of the wolves phased back to his human form, that of a young boy, probably only fourteen, and started a pyre, filling the air with putrid, purple smoke. The other wolves scoured the area looking for any vampire remains they could add to the flames.

The pack was still agitated, but they were all shouting at each other at once, so it was hard to decipher what was happening. Finally, I picked Jacob's thoughts out of the din:_ How did she avoid the slaughter? I sent Bella to the outcropping so that she would be AWAY from the battle. I knew I should've forced her to go with my dad - at least Collin and Brady were protecting the rez. Why does she have to be so damned stubborn? I understand she has separation issues, after what that asshole did to her, but I should have used my better judgment. Hurry, Sam! Bring the others! The redhead managed to get around all of us and I think she's picked up Bella's scent! Please, God, let me get there in time... _

Judging by the way the forest was blurring past his vision, I could tell that Jacob was running as fast as he could. The wolves were fast, but I had yet to meet anything faster than me. I ran at top speed to the rocky outcrop he pictured in his thoughts. I knew it well, and it wasn't very far from the clearing. Jacob's starting point must have been much closer than me because he somehow managed to beat me there.

Then Jacob thought, _Oh, shit! Bella! Get out of my way, Seth, that bitch is MINE! _and I heard the sounds of granite being torn to shreds.

Just as I reached the site, I saw Victoria's flame-red hair being tossed into the fire that was already consuming her limbs and torso. I was too late. And then I saw _her_ - my love, the girl for whom I had waited a century, but with whom I had also ruined every chance I ever had. Bella was curled up in a ball with her back against the rock, her arms hugging her knees. She was shaking violently and rocking back and forth while she stared blankly at the ground, but she appeared unscathed. _Thank God!_

A rust-colored wolf was sitting next to her prodding her hand with his nose and whimpering slightly. A few other wolves were searching the area for any other pieces of Victoria, all under the watchful, almost regal eye of a gigantic black wolf. The russet wolf snapped his head in my direction, growled, and raised his hackles, alerting the others of danger. Though a masochist at heart, I did not want to die this way. I stepped out of the trees and into the clearing with my palms open and held out towards my enemies in a show of peace.

"Jacob, please, I do not wish anyone harm," I said as calmly as possible. "May I please speak with you?" The air around him vibrated slightly, and condensed on itself until Jacob was there kneeling on the ground naked. He was still conveniently in front of a nearly catatonic Bella, so she was able to get an eyeful of him. She did not look particularly surprised to see him this way, and that broke my heart. I supposed they were more intimate than I realized. I must have missed a lot that transpired between them when Bella was in La Push. She was often rather exuberant in her displays of affection with me, but I always thought that she was very reserved when it came to sex. Again, I thought, _I must not know her at all,_ _how pathetic_.

Thankfully, Jacob pulled on some shorts that were tied to his leg. He did not say anything, but glanced at Bella, and then stood there glaring at me expectantly. He directed his thoughts at me, _You better make this fucking good, bloodsucker. This is the only shot you're gonna get to talk. We should just take care of you now - who's gonna know when you're mixed in with all these other leeches we're burning?_

The other wolves created a formation behind him; ready to attack me at the first sign of a threat. I thought rapidly about what I should say, and began, "I was also following Victoria, and I heard your thoughts. I ran here as fast as I could because you thought Bella was in danger. Fortunately for all of us, you got here in time. You did what I was unable to do. I will never be able to fully express my gratitude to you and your brothers for saving Bella's life," I said wholeheartedly.

"Yeah, well, I didn't do it for you." _Why were YOU following that redheaded bitch? It's not your damn business anymore what happens to Bella. She doesn't need your protection, OR your help. I told you she's MINE now. You haven't got a chance in hell, Cullen, _Jacob added for my benefit alone. He pictured all the ways he had made her 'his' and I cringed at his memories. However, their relationship was not as physically advanced as I had originally thought...

"Nevertheless, I am truly thankful that you were here to protect her," I responded to both his words, and his thoughts, with as much conviction as I could muster. From the corner of my eye, I could see the dark silver wolf's tail twitching with anticipation and anger, and he was thinking about wanting to kill me. I gathered from Sam's mind that this boy's name was Paul, but thankfully Sam imposed an order that stilled the rest of the pack.

Jacob looked uneasy, but he said, "Well, if you're through thanking us, I think we'd better be going. We want to make sure we took care of all of the new vamps the redhead created." _You should go now. We wouldn't want you getting mixed up and killed accidently, would we? _He bent down to crouch next to Bella and asked her, "Bella, honey, are you alright? Do you want me to carry you home?" _Thank God I got here in time. I don't know what I would've done if I had lost you - you're everything to me._

I interrupted before he could voice his thoughts, or drag her off back to the reservation and away from me. "Jacob, I understand how you feel about me, but may I please have a moment to speak with Bella? I owe her an apology... about Victoria" _and about everything that I said to her before I left_, I added to myself. "When we left, we did not know that Victoria was planning to retaliate. Please let me do that, and I promise I will leave both of you alone," I pleaded, though I was worried that he might deny me the opportunity.

After some deliberation and mental obscenities, Jacob finally said, "Sure, sure. I guess you might as well since she's probably wondering why in the hell you're even here," _but you are NEVER speaking to her again after this, or I'll fucking kill you._

"Thank you - especially for caring for her. I am permanently indebted to you." Truly I was in his debt. He had saved her from Victoria where I had done nothing but fail her. He looked to Bella, who nodded in assent, before he loped off into the woods to give us some semblance of privacy. The rest of the wolves followed him. I knew Jacob would not be far, but thankfully, he was far enough that I didn't have to hear him shouting curses at me in his mind. I tuned him out so that I could concentrate on a long-awaited conversation with my beloved.

"Bella? Are you all right?" I asked hesitantly, and with what I hoped was a concerned expression on my face. I was worried that I looked happy or deranged, since I was so thrilled to finally be able to talk to her after all this time.

She was still fixated on something on the ground. I followed the path of her gaze, and it appeared she was watching an ant try to find its way around a rock that was in its path. She nudged the rock with the toe of her sneaker, and the ant went on its way. She always behaved unexpectedly - it was one of my favorite things about her, but it was so perplexing. She finally looked at me, her magnificently deep chocolate eyes, brimming with questions. "Edward? What are you... Why are you here? Are the others with you?"

I thought about what I really wanted to say: _I'm here because I love you more than you could possibly understand, and I'm such a horrible failure at ensuring your safety that I showed up just in time to watch you be rescued by another man._ I had so much I wanted to tell her that my words started spewing from my mouth stream-of-consciousness, like vomit.

"Well, I have been trailing Victoria all over the continent. Please believe me when I say that when I left I had no idea she intended to avenge James, and especially to harm you. Alice had a vision when Victoria decided to act against me, but for some reason, she cannot see you anymore, and that caused her a great deal of worry. From the time we left, I had instructed her not to go looking for your future, so I saw that as a blessing in disguise, since I knew she would look for you eventually, even against my wishes. We were unaware of Victoria's plan. I thought she might try to pull a stunt involving you just because she noticed our... relationship... before," I stumbled.

I took a breath and continued, "I am truly sorry that my actions put you in danger, though at the same time, I am wholly unapologetic because everything I did regarding James was to keep you safe. I have failed you, and I just wanted you to know that I am truly sorry, and so glad that you are safe once again. Jacob has been able to protect you from what I could not, and I am thrilled to see that you are happy with him," I lied, though I _was _sincerely happy that she was alright. She just gawked at me, and for a moment, I was concerned I had spoken at vampire speed and that she had not heard a word I said.

"But, what difference does it make to you?" she asked.

_Did she really think me so indifferent towards her? She was so absurd sometimes!_

She continued, "Why were you following Victoria anyway? I thought you were with your family somewhere that wasn't 'good for me'." The way she threw my former words at me cut into me so harshly that I winced. "Are the rest of them back too?" she asked again.

I replied, "Well, yes, we did leave, but Alice's vision made me realize that Victoria was more put out by James' death than I initially thought; I knew she would want to avenge his death, and since I was its cause, I reasoned that she would want to kill me. That is why I came alone. My family will not be coming to Forks," I lied some more.

They had probably arrived by now, but she did not need to know that. It would hurt her more to see them and then have to say goodbye so soon. "We had no evidence that Victoria was following us east, so I thought she might try to use you to get to me since she thought that we were together." I hated lying to Bella. Though I was late in the realization, I was quite certain that Victoria had wanted Bella's head on a plate, and we _were_ still together in my mind, even though it appeared Bella no longer wanted me.

Bella looked down into her hands and fumbled with them in her lap. I wanted so badly to know her mind, but I was more distracted by how much I missed the way her eyelashes brushed her cheeks when her eyes were downcast, and how she chewed her lip and puckered her brow when she was concentrating or worrying. She glanced up and noticed me staring at her, resulting in a flash of heat rising in her cheeks. There was nothing I missed more than the way her creamy cheeks warmed and reddened. It was so indescribably beautiful.

I recalled when I first saw Jacob and Bella in our meadow and that Jacob noted she had blushed for him after several emotionless months. At the time, I was pitifully downtrodden by his observation, since I did not like that he elicited such a response from her. But today, her cheeks warmed because of _me_, and the reasoning behind it did not matter in the slightest. Anger, embarrassment... love? I didn't care. The fact that I still affected her that way at all fueled my desire for her. It rekindled the hope that I might have a chance with her again.

Bella sighed musically and finally said, "Edward, I don't understand. Why did it even matter to you if Victoria tried to attack me?"

_Surely she was NOT that dense? _

She continued, her ire building, "I thought I was... 'not good for you'."

_Well, that hurt._ I had to try, with great difficulty, not to react to her harsh words. I attempted (probably unsuccessfully) to keep my face blank.

What hurt even more was the dark expression on her face when she narrowed her eyes and quoted me again, "I'm sorry Edward, that was mean. As you said once, 'I'll always love you... in a way,' and I shouldn't have said that."

_How was I supposed to respond to something like that without changing her life again?_ I wanted her back so badly, but I vowed to let her live her own life, without me bringing danger into it at every moment. I had to end this conversation before I broke another promise to her, in addition to the obvious one that she would never see me again.

I turned away, just as I had when I told her I was leaving last fall, so that she couldn't alter my resolve to end this and I said, "It mattered to me because Victoria's wrath was my fault, and when I left, I thought I was leaving you safely behind. I could not have you endangered because of me, with no one to protect you. I did not know about Jacob and the pack. I only knew about Sam, and I was not sure he would be able to handle Victoria alone. I heard enough of Victoria's mind before to know that she was a talented escape artist. But, as it turns out, I was not needed anyway. I know I promised you would never see me again, but I just had to apologize for failing you and let you know that I am glad that you have found happiness, Bella. Jacob is probably a more suitable partner for you than a regular human anyway, certainly better than a Mike Newton. He can protect you. I will not interfere in your life again. Please be careful though - werewolves are not the best company to keep," I desperately tried to warn her.

"What would you know about it?" she yelled petulantly. She was so adorable when she was angry, but right now I felt like a small child being given a well-deserved punishment. Still, I had to make a conscious effort to prevent the corner of my lip from twitching. "Werewolves are just _fine _company to keep, and it's no concern of _yours _who I spend my time with! Besides, I am with Jacob now, and you are right - he can and _does_ protect me. So now that you've apologized, you can go back to wherever the hell you came from and be guilt free for the rest of eternity. Goodbye, Edward. Jake!" she yelled into the trees, "Please take me home now."

And with that, Jacob ran from the woods, scooped her up in his arms, and they left. He was thinking some rather rude things about me, but that was in no way a surprise. Bella's statements sounded genuine, but I feverishly hoped that her quick anger was because she still felt something for me other than hatred. I clung to that hope so fiercely that I didn't immediately notice the hand-shaped areas of pulverized wood I made in the trunk of the tree to which I was actually clinging. After disguising my mess to look more like the work of a lightning strike, I took to the trees again and sped to Bella's house to make sure she got home safely.

**A/N: PLEASE REVIEW! Even if you don't, thank you for reading and I heart you anyway.**

_What do you think of Bella and Edward's long awaited reunion?_

_Are you glad or disappointed that it was Jacob who saved her from Victoria?_


	6. Chapter 6 Sleeplessness

DISCLAIMER: SM owns all things Twilight; I'm just having fun. JM owns all his lyrics, or borrowed them appropriately, and I'm just using him to set the mood. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: **Beware of cliffs... This chappy is rated NC-17 just to be safe (beware of F-bombs and heavy petting, haha). It's really not that bad.

**Ch 6. Sleeplessness**

"Half of My Heart" -J. Mayer

_Lonely was the song I sang, until the day you came_

_Showing me another way and all that my love can bring_

_..._

_Your faith is strong_

_But I can only fall short for so long_

_Down the road, later on _

_You will hate that I never gave more to you _

_Than half of my heart_

_But I can't stop loving you_

**BPOV**

_What... the... fuck?_ Normally, I didn't swear, even in my mind, but _seriously, what the fuck? Edward was back? He had been tracking Victoria all this time?_ I just could not find a way to wrap my head around our brief, yet intense conversation. I had to try very hard to think of other things - like my near demise - while Jake was carrying me home. He was too close to my face, and he was better at reading my expressions than anyone else, including Edward. I told Jacob that I was exhausted, but alright, and with some persuasion involving my lips, I convinced him to go back to La Push. I needed to be alone to process the events of the day, particularly those at the end.

Seth had caught wind of Victoria and they knew that she had several other vampires with her. I was already hanging out at Jake's house, since it was Friday afternoon, and the pack met in the woods nearby to discuss their strategy. After a few tortuous minutes, Jacob phased back to tell me what they were planning. Jake was leading the group that would be flushing the vampires into one place where Sam's group would take care of them. He said that they were going to encircle the vampires and drive them into a clearing - the one where the Cullens used to play baseball. I was getting a serious sense of déjà vu, since that was where we first ran into James and Victoria about a year ago. Jacob wanted me to stay with Billy, but I couldn't just sit around and wait for the news about who had survived. I had to be with him or I would go crazy with worry.

"Jake, _please _take me with you!" I begged.

"Are you crazy? Bells, you can't come with me. It's going to be a battle. Don't you understand that? It'll be a piece of cake, but you could be in danger, especially since it's you that she wants. You need to stay on the rez - it'll be protected," he countered.

I was being selfish, but I tried to come up with some sort of compromise and suggested, "Well, if it's going to be so easy, what about if one of the younger guys stayed with me. He can stay wolf and let me know if I need to run, and if you're okay." I was a terrible person for suggesting that a boy younger than even Jacob should put himself in danger as my bodyguard. What was I thinking? He still looked skeptical so I had to voice my real reasons, "You just... we can't be apart. I can't wait here and wonder if you're going to come back to me."

A pained look crossed his handsome face and he finally relented. "Sure, sure. I get it. Why don't you wait with Seth then? There's a semi-protected outcrop near the clearing. He'll take care of you. Give me some credit though, Bells... I'll always come back to you."

He hugged me and attempted to soothe me, but there was not enough time. He had to go with the others and Seth led me to the outcrop. I could see why he said it was somewhat protected. There was a concave space carved into the side of a cliff and it was nearly surrounded on three sides. It was easily defensible. Seth phased into his human self to tell me that he would run a tight perimeter around the area to catch any vampires that might try to get at me and I trusted that he would do his best. I was terrified that he would end up getting hurt though, especially since he was only about thirteen. Again, I felt like a horrible, selfish person.

Every few minutes I would see Seth go by in his wolf form, already wearing a trail into the ground. He had just passed me when I heard an eerie, tinkling laugh. A voice called to me, "Isabella... won't you come out and play?"

Despite the fact that the voice sounded like it would belong to a Kewpie Doll, it was one of the scariest things I had ever heard. I shivered with fear and searched the woods in front of me. I finally saw her... Victoria. She was clinging to the side of a huge Sitka Spruce. She was so near the top of it that it swayed and bent under her weight. Her fierce red eyes met mine and she hissed at me. Then a million things seemed to happen at once.

I saw her lunge at me, seemingly flying directly at me. I curled into a ball and pressed myself against the rock, trying to make myself as small as possible. I didn't think I would be able to escape, since there was no way I could outmaneuver or outrun a vampire. I also heard Seth tearing through the woods towards me, but was surprised when the wolf I saw was Jacob. He broke through the ferns and collided with Victoria. Within seconds, she was being reduced to ash, producing a telltale thick plume of purple smoke to match another not far away. I must have gone into shock because I was shaking and unable to focus on any voices or sights for a few minutes. I felt Jacob next to me, nudging my hand gently, but I couldn't will myself to acknowledge him.

Jacob sensed some other source of danger and I recoiled back into the rock, bracing myself for what I thought was probably a newborn that had escaped. I shut my eyes in fear, hoping my death would be quick. Then I heard _Edward_. I always heard his voice when I was in danger before, and I thought that must have been what was happening again. He used to try to talk me through the dangerous situation, but I still couldn't open my eyes.

I paid attention the best that I could to Edward's voice, but this was different. His voice sounded clearer and more beautiful than it ever had before. He was also having a conversation with Jacob and not me, which was confusing since when I heard him before, he was always talking directly to me. Plus Jake was talking back to him, so I finally made myself look up, and I _saw _him. Edward. The edges of the hole in my chest smoldered and ached at the sight of him. He looked the same as I remembered, wearing dark jeans and a gray T-shirt that accentuated his lean, yet muscular build. His bronze hair was windblown and his eyes were pitch. He wanted to talk to _me._ Jake turned to me, and I nodded. I knew that Edward felt nothing for me, but after I stopped hearing his voice, I desperately wanted verification that he did, in fact, exist.

Nothing he had said made any sense to me whatsoever. He should not have even bothered. Why did he care if I lived or died? He didn't love me, and probably never really did, at least not as much as I pathetically loved him. Jacob had saved me from a life of misery whereas Edward was the cause of it. I was angry at his suggestion that I not hang out with the pack anymore. He didn't know what the hell he was talking about.

I got myself so worked up that I started going crazy from the silence and loneliness of my room. I was so confused about the things Edward said and did. A part of me desperately wanted more time with him so I could try to understand, but I finally decided that it didn't really matter anymore because it didn't change a thing. He didn't love me, and Jacob did. Edward was gone again, and he would no longer be 'interfering' in my life. I wondered if that would hold true if I was endangered again in the future. Maybe now that Victoria was gone, I wouldn't have to worry about anything else coming after me. It was late, and Charlie was asleep so I texted Jake to see if he could come over and keep me company. There was no way I'd be able to sleep at this rate.

Since Jake started phasing, in addition to his warmth and speed, he had gotten incredibly stealthy. I nearly jumped out of my skin when he silently pulled himself through my window. I was so happy to see him. He had spent some nights in my room before we started dating, trying to help me sleep and chasing away the nightmares. He had even given me a dream catcher that he had made himself with an intricately carved wolf charm dangling from the bottom of it, but it didn't work nearly as well as having him sleep next to me. Charlie was oblivious to these visits of course, but somehow, I didn't think he would have minded if he caught us nearly as much as compared to if he had ever discovered Edward in my room when we were together. Thankfully, having a werewolf for a best friend meant he had hearing that was just as good as a vampire's, so we were never in any danger of getting caught.

But, being with Jake now was different. Since I had promised myself to him, he stopped spending the night. At first, I felt rejected, but he explained to me later that he just didn't want me to feel like he was pushing me into a more physical relationship before I was ready. This was the first night he'd come over since that change between us, and having him here was a heady thing for me, especially since I needed him so badly. As soon as he was through the window, he grabbed me in his vice-like embrace and kissed me like he hadn't seen me for an eternity. The tightness of his grip on my back, and the frenzied kissing had a possessive edge. I was _his_.

I now understood why characters in movies that go through traumatic experiences often end up having sex afterward. I had come so close to death at Victoria's hands that I wanted nothing more than to just feel alive and loved. Jake kissed me deeply for a long time, his hands roaming my body more than usual. I can't say I minded. He seemed to feel the same need that I did. The heat of the battle was still raging under his already warm exterior, and he was completely engulfing me with the lust that was emanating from him.

Ordinarily, I would have been extremely insecure about the fact that I was only wearing boy shorts and tank top, but it made me feel empowered tonight. I knew Jacob preferred this attire to my old sweats, and considering his body temperature, I did too. I would be sweating in seconds just from one innocent hug. Tonight, all the pent up desires I ever had were bubbling to the surface, and I just couldn't take it anymore. I pulled Jacob over to my bed so that he was in a sitting position, and I straddled his lap, arching my body against his. He kissed along my neck, down to my collarbone, and back again. Each time he completed the circuit my breath became more ragged. If I didn't say something soon, things might have gotten completely out of hand.

"Jacob," I gasped.

"Hmm?" he murmured with his lips still attached to my shoulder, that was now bare since he had pulled the spaghetti strap of my tank down to dangle across my arm.

"Can you just give me a minute? You're driving me crazy," I said to him. I had invited him over so that I might actually be able to go to sleep, but that was now the farthest thing from my mind.

He smiled at me with a devilish look in his eyes and said, "That's the general idea, Bells. You have no idea how glad I was that you invited me over tonight. I was going crazy at home without you. Sam ordered me to go human because everyone else was getting so sick of me thinking about you... well, us. I love you so much, and I just want to be able to show you."

"You show me how much you love me everyday," I naively replied.

He furrowed his brow and said, "No, I mean, I want to be able to make you _feel_ how much I really love you, Bella."

"Oh!" I yelped when I realized that sitting on his lap put me in the perfect position to 'feel' just exactly how much he loved me. I jumped up and decided that sitting next to him might be a better course of action. _How embarrassing_, I bet my face was bright red.

Jake laughed at my embarrassment and told me, "That's not what I meant. Geez, Bella, get your mind out of the gutter. Although, I can't deny that you do have that effect on me. I just... I want you to forget all about the other one. I don't want you to ever feel like you lost something when he left you; I want you to realize that it was the best thing that could have happened to you because it led you to _me_. I will love you the way you deserve to be loved. Besides, I told you before, I respect you, and I would never force you to do anything you don't want to do. But... if there are... some things you _would_ like to do, I would be more than happy to help," he smiled coyly.

I finally laid down, and pulled Jake towards me so I could rest my head on his chest. What could I say? Jacob was right. If I truly loved him, then I should never think about Edward again. Jake didn't deserve to be constantly compared to Edward, nor did he deserve only half of my heart. I wasn't sure if I would be able to turn off my thoughts about Edward, but I would try because I _did_ love Jacob. If he was willing to love me the way he thought I deserved, then I needed to do the same for him. _No more Edward thoughts._ _I mean… it's not like I could hear his voice anymore, even if I wanted to. _

Edward said his piece, and he was well on his way to forgetting about me all over again. However, I did feel some remorse about our brief interaction, mainly because I was a little cruel to him with the way I was turning his last words to me into daggers. _No, he definitely deserved it, _I reminded myself.I just couldn't understand why Edward would go through the trouble of following Victoria around God knows where. Sure, he'd probably feel guilty if she'd killed me, but since he didn't love me, and probably never really did, why go through all the trouble of trying to protect me? He could have been off the hook with a simple call to Sam, or even Charlie. Some things he said just didn't make sense to me. Plus, he said he was happy for me. He _seemed_ happy that I had moved on. _Crap, I'm not supposed to be thinking about Edward anymore._ This was going to take some serious work on my part.

I turned my head towards Jake's face and he leaned down to kiss me gently. He brushed my nose with his and kissed my forehead. A contented sigh escaped my lips and he took that as his cue to flip me onto my back and hover over me, supporting his weight on his elbows, while crushing his lips against mine. He was doing his best to drive me crazy again, and soon we were rolling around on my bed, tangling our limbs with the sheets. Jake may not have had a laundry list of chaste rules, like Edward did, but with Edward floating around in my mind; I couldn't bring myself to fulfill Jacob's desires. Maybe I unknowingly had a list of rules too. I enjoyed kissing and talking with him, but I wasn't comfortable with much else.

Despite his advances, we had an amazing night, and it turned out that I didn't get any sleep at all. Thankfully, it was the weekend, and Charlie was going fishing the next morning with Harry and Billy. Since we were still awake, Jake heard when Charlie started stirring in his room and hid like a boogeyman, under my bed. I had to try so hard not to let the giggles escape my lips when Charlie checked on me before he left. Once he was gone, I got up and made Jacob some breakfast. We ate together in a comfortable silence, before going back up to my room to finally sleep off the events of the previous day. He laid behind me, cradling me in his arms, and started snoring softly into my hair. I was out like a light.

* * *

**EPOV**

"Neon" - J. Mayer

_I can't be her angel now_

_You know it's not my place to hold her down_

_And it's hard for me to take a stand_

_When I would take her anyway I can_

_She comes and goes and comes and goes_

_Like no one can_

_She comes and goes and no one knows_

_She's slipping through my hands_

Tailing Bella for her own protection was turning into indeterminable torture. Each day she grew closer to Jacob pained me more than the last. I needed to accept the fact that she had replaced me as her protector with the mutt. I was being truthful when I said that he would be better for her than a normal human, but it did not mean I had to be happy about it. That part was a boldfaced lie. I just said it to get away from Bella so I could prevent myself from further complicating her life, like by begging her to take me back when she had found happiness elsewhere.

Yet, I could not believe I had failed her so completely. Victoria had gotten so close to murdering my love. I wished I had known that she was operating on this ridiculous 'mate for mate' concept. I would have tried so much harder to end her existence, and I hated myself for not being more attuned to her plans. I was indeed indebted to Jacob now, and I hated that most of all. I despised him, but I was unable to act on that because to do so would both break our treaty with the Quileutes, as well as cause Bella a great deal of pain. I wondered if she would regress back to her 'hollow shell' if he was no longer in the picture. I also wondered if I would be the one to help her move on with her life when he was gone. Perhaps, that would be an alternative I could arrange without being blamed for it. _Hmm..._

I watched them from my perch at the edge of Bella's backyard. It might seem perverted, but I assuredly got no pleasure from watching Jacob maul her for hours on end. Did they not need to breathe? His lustful thoughts had me incensed, and I seethed in the trees with a hatred for Jacob that I had not felt for anyone, apart from James.

Everything that characterized me as a vampire was being turned into a curse. My talent was an obvious detriment to my sanity, since Jacob never stopped thinking about defiling Bella six ways from Sunday. My speed allowed me to follow her so easily that I never missed a kiss between the two of them, and therefore, I never missed an opportunity to feel like shit. My amplified hearing made it possible, not only to hear their conversations, but also every sigh or whimper of pleasure that escaped Bella's beautiful lips. However, it also allowed me to hear her say my name at night, when she was sleeping alone in her room. Even after all the time she'd spent in Jacob's company, she had yet to fail me in that regard. I wondered if he ever heard her call to me in her sleep. I would certainly have relished the chance to see the expression on his face and hear his thoughts at that moment.

My acute vision permitted me to bear witness to all of their bedroom antics. And worst of all, having a vampire mind allowed for a great deal more multitasking than a human mind is ever capable. I was not only able to process my hate and jealousy of Jacob, but also my heartache because Bella was with _him _that way, and finally, my burning desire to be with _her_ that way. This was getting preposterous. I needed to act soon, or I would go completely mad.

"Jacob," she gasped.

"Hmm?" he murmured into her shoulder as he was attempting to relieve her of what little clothing she was wearing, the scoundrel. _What is it _now_ Bella? Can't you just go with your feelings for once instead of over-analyzing everything? I know you want this as much as I do._

"Can you just give me a minute? You're driving me crazy," she said to him. I didn't like that she told him that. _I_ was the one that had such an effect on her. It should have been _me _that helped her forget the fact that she was almost killed.

He said to her, "That's the general idea, Bells. You have no idea how glad I was that you invited me over tonight. I was going crazy at home without you. Sam ordered me to go human because everyone else was getting so sick of me thinking about you...well, us. I love you so much, and I just want to be able to show you." _God, Bella, I want you so badly. I want to lay with you all night and make you feel things that you've never felt before. This is definitely one perk to sharing thoughts with the pack - I may be younger than her, but I've gotten a lot of pointers from the guys._

"You show me how much you love me everyday," she said, obviously missing the point.

"No, I mean, I want to be able to make you _feel_ how much I really love you, Bella," Jacob said. Didn't she see what he was wanting to take from her? Jacob elaborated through his thoughts, _I know he never kissed you this way, and I really want to keep going. But, I won't unless it's okay with you. _

Of course I hadn't kissed her that way! I was not the impulsive, hormone-laden _child _that he was. It was not even the kissing, but the way he grabbed her with his greedy hands. It was never that I did not want to do the same, but it would have been improper and dishonorable, not to mention dangerous. Before I left, I still struggled with the pain my thirst for her caused every single moment I was with her. Now that I had lost her to _him_, it did not matter anymore. My time roaming the Earth as close to death as one of my kind can become had cured me of any instincts to kill her. My entire being was devoted protecting her, especially from the monster within me. It was only a mild comfort that he was willing to stop if she wished it. That thought probably saved him from being thrown out the window.

"Oh!" Bella screeched, when she finally got it. I could almost see the light bulb turn on over her head.

The mongrel laughed and said, "That's not what I meant. Geez, Bella get your mind out of the gutter. Although, I can't deny that you do have that effect on me. I just... I want you to forget all about the other one. I don't want you to ever feel like you lost something when he left you. I want you to realize that it was the best thing that could have happened to you because it led you to _me_. I will love you the way you deserve to be loved. Besides, I told you before, I respect you, and I would never force you to do anything you don't want to do. But... if there are... some things you _would_ like to do, I would be more than happy to help," he lecherously offered. _Please say 'yes', please say 'yes'. I don't want to ever hear you say his name again, including in your sleep. I don't want you dream of him, or think of him anymore. I want you to give me all that you have because you already have all of me._

So, he _did_ know she dreamt of me. _Interesting_. I could only hope he felt just as jealous as I did. I was willing to commit six of the seven deadly sins because of my Bella. I lusted for her, and I was greedy for her affection. My pride in thinking I knew what was best for her had already led me here, to my downfall. Finally, I envied Jacob enough that I would happily unleash my wrath upon him, kill him, and then glut myself on his blood, no matter how bad he would taste. The only sin I would not commit was sloth because I was committed to getting back in Bella's good graces. I had to get her back.

After what seemed an eternity, they emerged from her bedroom and went downstairs for breakfast. They went back to her room, and they immediately went to sleep. Thank goodness. I was very near my breaking point. I would have just left, but I was so worried he would try to take advantage of her against her wishes that I could not tear myself away. I finally understood the expression, 'It's like watching a train wreck'. I wanted to be there to defend her honor if needed. Since they were both sleeping, I stayed long enough to hear Bella whisper my name before I ran home to change clothes. My entire family had arrived in my absence, although they were no longer necessary. However, it was a comfort to be together in our former home again.

Jasper was the first one I ran into as I crept into the house. "Hello, Edward. Where have you been?" _I don't like the vibes I'm getting from you at all. You're all worked up and excited, but terribly upset at the same time. I don't understand._

I replied, "I'm fine. I was in town." I didn't really want to elaborate, but I needed to tell everyone about Victoria's demise, and that Bella was safe. I knew that would please them, even though they would end up feeling sorry for me. I called to all of my family members in a normal voice, knowing they would hear me regardless of the volume and asked them into the kitchen for a family meeting (Carlisle was fond of his family meetings). It was just easier to tell everyone the same thing at once - there were no secrets between us anyway. Having a telepath and empath for brothers, and a psychic for a sister made that impossible.

Carlisle was the first to launch questions at me, "Edward, what is it? Is Bella alright? Is there still a threat? Alice has been unable to predict Victoria's future. Do you have any idea how long we have to prepare?" _Did you find Bella? Did you talk to her? Have you two reconciled?_

I imperceptibly shook my head in answer to his last question. I told them about Victoria, the wolves, Bella, Jacob, and everything else I could think of. As soon as I started talking, the word vomit spewed forth again, and I nearly exceeded even vampire speed with my crazed monologue. They absorbed the information, and were glad that Bella was safe at last.

Emmett's thoughts broke through first. _Damn, we came back here for nothing! I was hoping for a good brawl, bro. _Both Emmett and Jasper were disappointed that we didn't get to battle the newborns, but one glare from me quickly silenced their thoughts. Carlisle was just thankful that we didn't have to harm anyone, and that Esme was not put in danger. Rosalie and Esme were both full of pity for me.

I was surprised that Rosalie cared. But then she thought, _I'm so sorry, Edward. I know I have not been very supportive of your relationship with Bella, but I know how deeply you care for her. I really hoped that you would be together again. You were so happy before all that mess with her birthday. We've all missed you terribly, and are sad that you feel so lost without her. _

Alice had not said a word. Since she sat down at the table, she'd done nothing but count to a thousand in each of the dozen languages she knew. She was currently on three hundred and twenty-four, or driehonderdvierentwintig, since she was now counting in Dutch.

"Alice!" I shouted. "Please, stop that. You're giving me a headache. You're so infuriating for such a little thing."

She stuck her tongue out at me and growled, "I've had nothing _but _headaches from trying to see what was going to happen and being a total failure. I still don't know why I can't see Bella anymore. I can't see that Jacob kid either, and I didn't even know Victoria was dead! It scares me."

I had thought a lot about the problems with Alice's sight while I was conducting surveillance on Bella. So, I offered, "You are not a failure, Alice. That distinction belongs to me alone. I think that it is Jacob himself that blocks your vision. Bella is always with him. I think that is also why you didn't see the battle in the clearing with Victoria. I can still hear their thoughts, but I believe the Quileute wolves have some sort of protection against your gift, probably since we are their mortal enemies. Since they were the ones involved in the battle, I would guess that is why you were unaware of it. I'm afraid, that is the best hypothesis I have right now though."

Alice looked up at me glumly, "You really think so, Edward? I'm not broken?"

"Well, I didn't say _that_, but I do not think your vision is impaired," I teased half-heartedly. I had missed my favorite sister more than I realized.

Alice stuck her tongue out at me again. Then after her problems were resolved in her mind, she too had nothing but pity for me. _I'm so sorry, Edward. I love her too. I still see her as one of us every now and then. Maybe it will all work out._

With that, I had to excuse myself from the house again so I could go dry heave in the forest. Sometimes, I really would have preferred to have the capacity to cry. I would rather have venom running out of my eyes than have no real release of the emotions that plagued me. Not surprisingly, after composing myself, I ran straight back to Bella's house.

Jacob woke up shortly after I landed in my tree, and he whispered to her, "Bella, honey, wake up. I have to go. I've been out of touch with my brothers for a long time and they are going to start to worry. I know we took care of the redhead, but we still need to run patrols to make sure you and the other humans are safe from any stray newborns she may have created. I love you and I will call you as soon as I get home. I know my dad probably wants to chat me up about the battle. I think he's a little disappointed he never phased, crazy, old man." _I hope you realize I'll be right back here as soon as possible. Man, I wish I could turn off this shared-mind thing - I don't want everyone to know our personal stuff. _

Bella looked forlorn, and she said, "Hurry back to me. Love you, too." She turned to kiss him goodbye before she rolled over on her bed and fell back asleep. Jacob ran out into her backyard where he shifted to his wolf form. He paused just under the tree that was concealing me, and then ran off into the dense foliage. She was so rarely alone anymore that I decided I would have to seize this opportunity before it was too late.

After another half hour, Bella finally got up and went to the bathroom to brush her teeth and take a shower. I could smell the scent of her strawberry shampoo wafting through the cracks in the casement of the bathroom window. It was lovely, but it didn't compare to her scent that accompanied it. I always thought she smelled so intoxicating in the rain. This was even better - she didn't have any clothes muffling the smell of her wet skin, and that thought made me a little... uncomfortable. She finished up in the bathroom and walked back to her room.

I heard a loud thud and she yelled, "OW! What the hell?"

_Busted_. She had just stubbed her toe on the floorboard I loosened to hide all of her mementos of me. She ducked out of sight, below the windowsill, but I heard her claw it up out of the floor and gasp when she saw what was beneath it. Photos, the recordings of my music, everything that represented our love. I no longer heard any other sounds from her after that. I thought she may have fainted, so I mustered all of my courage and crossed her yard. I hesitated for a moment before I launched myself through her window, like I had wanted to do ever since I returned to Forks. I was not sure what I would find, or what sort of reaction to expect from her, so I just stood there like a dolt, with a concerned look on my face.

"Edward?" she asked...

* * *

**A/N: PLEASE leave a review, and thanks for reading! **

_How's that for a cliffhanger (*evil laughter*)?_

_Are you glad that all the Cullens are back?_

The next chapter is one of my faves.


	7. Chapter 7 Phantom

**A/N: This is probably one of my favorite chapters – I hope you enjoy! Put yourself in her place.**

**Ch 7. Phantom **

"Old Love" -J. Mayer

_I can see your face_

_But I know that it's not real_

_Just an illusion_

_Caused by how I used to feel_

_And it's making me so angry_

_Knowing the flame will always burn_

_When will I get over_

_Come on, when will I ever learn_

**BPOV**

"Edward?" I asked as I stared at what had to be a hallucination, since he made it quite clear that he was leaving again. I had just found all the things that he took from me under a loose floorboard next to my bed - _that cheater_ - and the hole in my chest, the one that I thought was almost healed, was torn wide open. I wondered if this would ever stop happening to me. When I looked up, and Edward had appeared out of thin air. He was so inhumanly beautiful that I couldn't stop staring at him, even though he wasn't real. I used to just hear his voice, but now I was actually _seeing _him. I must have gone completely nuts.

I was suddenly aware that I was, again, wearing just a tiny blue tank top and matching boy shorts, and my hair was still wet. I wished I had some kind of radar so I could plan for having boys in my room. I either looked like complete crap, or I hardly had on any clothes. I had a momentary bout of self-consciousness, but dismissed it since I was just seeing things. If it was really Edward, I would probably have run and hid in my closet. The apparition did not move, but merely stood there next to my window with a guilty smile, like it had just been caught red-handed at something. I blinked my eyes several times to try to clear my vision, but Edward stayed in view.

Eventually, phantom Edward spoke to me. "Bella..." he said in the velvet voice I had greatly missed, "Are you alright? Did you hurt yourself?" I couldn't figure out why I was seeing Edward right now. I only heard his voice when I was breaking my promise to take care of myself (or about to die), so why was I having an imaginary conversation with him here in my room? It didn't make any sense.

"You aren't real," I sadly said to the ghost. "Leave me alone. I'm not breaking my promise, so you have no reason to talk to me."

Fake Edward looked utterly confused, or like he thought I was insane. He was staring at me the way the real Edward did when he was trying to read my face, since he couldn't hear my thoughts. "Bella," he said again, "I assure you I _am_ real. I'm here. I heard you injure yourself, and then you got very quiet, so I wanted to make sure you hadn't fainted. If you would like me to leave though, I will do as you wish."

"NO!" I shouted. "I still must be seeing things, but if you're here to talk, maybe I should listen. This is probably just my mind's way of protecting itself from having to deal with all of _this_," I said, motioning to the rubbish pile that had represented our relationship.

My hallucination frowned at me - the way he did when he thought I was being particularly "absurd". Then he actually moved to sit next to me on my floor. I finally considered myself certifiable when Edward's ghost started picking through the pile of things, and put the CD he'd given me for my birthday into my stereo. Maybe I died. There was no way that Edward would want to be here, let alone play his music for me. _I must be dead. Did I die in my sleep? Fall in the shower? How did this happen? _ All I knew was that an angel was sitting next to me, and he seemed glad to be there, even though he seemed to feel unwelcome.

"Bella," he said my name for a third time in his velvet voice, "I cannot begin to apologize for the countless ways I've wronged you. Again, I assure you that I am, in fact, sitting here next to you, and you are not hallucinating." The angel touched my cheek. His hand was ice-cold, and I shivered. Whether it was in reaction to its temperature or pleasure, I wasn't sure. "Where do I begin?" he mused. "I suppose, first, I'd like your permission to explain myself."

I still thought if I wasn't hallucinating, then I must at least be dreaming, but I allowed him to continue. The best I could say was, "O...k...?" like it was a question.

"I am here today because I have been here everyday since you and Jacob had your picnic in the meadow," phantom Edward began. "I came back to Forks because I tracked Victoria to Seattle, and thought that you might be in danger. Once I saw that you had moved on with your life - as I had intended - I did my best to leave you alone."

I wondered to myself, _He's been here all this time? What, is he stalking me? Why does he even care?_ I was so stunned I was blinking furiously, but could not find the will to speak.

Edward continued, "That is why you did not see me at all until yesterday, after the battle between the wolves and the newborns. Like I said in the clearing, I heard Jacob's thoughts that you were in danger and did my best to come to your aid, but I was too late. Thankfully, you were safe, but I _had_ to apologize to you for my failure. I wanted to let you go and be happy with Jacob, but I needed you to know that I did not leave you knowing that you were in danger. If you are happy with your life, and do indeed choose to send me away, I promise to really stay away this time."

_He has not been good at keeping any promises so far, so why believe him now? _

After brooding for a moment, he added, "Even if Victoria had not been plotting against us, I would have ended up here very soon, so I could beg your forgiveness. Not that I deserve it."

_No, you definitely do not_, I mentally agreed.

I tried to sift through all the questions I had, and choose the most important one first. I looked up into his strained eyes and simply asked, "Edward, why are you really here?" His face went blank. I guess that wasn't the question he was expecting so I added, "You can't feel guilty if something bad happens to me. You wanted to move on with your life, so you shouldn't be worried about me anymore. Things happen. It's no longer your concern. Thank you for trying, I guess."

"Bella, you don't understand at all," he groaned. "I did not want to move on with _my_ life. I wanted _you_ to move on with _your_ life, without me, because my world has done nothing but bring danger to your doorstep. I thought you would be safer without my presence forcing you to cheat death each moment we were together. I was _trying_ to protect you."

I hated when Edward took on the role of a martyr. It was so condescending that he thought I was incapable of taking care of myself, and I told him so. "I can take care of myself, Edward. Thank you for making sure I didn't faint, or whatever, but you can leave now with a clean conscience," I said dismissively.

Edward sighed again, squeezed his eyes shut, and pinched the bridge of his nose. He pondered what I had said for a minute, and then he looked at me with darkened eyes. He really looked like a vampire - it reminded me of the first day we met. His expression softened, and he slowly reached for my face again. He pulled a stray lock of hair out of my eyes and tucked it gently behind my ear. He grabbed my face with both hands and looked into my eyes and told me, "Isabella Swan, I have never stopped loving you. I wish I could make you understand that. The things I said to you that day... they've haunted me every second after they escaped my lips. I've had a century to become a good liar - but I was astonished that you believed me so easily. Why was that?" the phantom inquired.

_Duh. _"We were too one-sided. You were so wonderful, and I was just so... well, me. It didn't seem right for you to love me," I finally concluded.

Imaginary Edward took a deep breath, exasperated. He finally asked, "Bella, how many times did I tell you I loved you? How often did I tell you that you had changed my very being, that you were my _life_? Did you not believe me when I said those things to you?"

"I think that you probably believed them at the time, but I was never good enough for you - I'm nothing special. I put _your_ family in danger from James and Victoria, and just being around you caused you so much pain because of my... scent, or blood, or whatever you want to call it. I didn't fit into your world."

"Bella, how can I make this clear to you?" he asked again. "I didn't lie when I said I _loved_ you. I _lied_ about not wanting to be with you. I have wanted nothing more than to be with you every second of every day, even after I left. You are everything to me. _Everything_," he reiterated, crushing me to his chest. His embrace was pleasant in my dream/hallucination, but it made me sad knowing it wasn't real.

Then he told me about how he had spend the past several months: living in sewers, tracking Victoria, being "miserable". It sounded a lot like the way I had felt before Jacob, except for the eating rats part. _Gross. I hope he didn't do crap like that before he kissed me... _I couldn't help but feel some satisfaction that he was miserable without me, and I was elated (pathetically) to hear him say that he loved me again, even if it was just my imagination.

Eventually, I just said, "You broke your promise. It couldn't be like you never existed. Everything reminded me of you, but I didn't want to let you go, either. A world where you didn't exist was someplace I never wanted to live," I confessed.

I tried my best to explain to phantom Edward about me hearing his voice in my head. I told him about all of the reckless things I had done. Even the apparition was horrified when I told him about the motorcycles and cliff jumping, and he was downright furious when I told him about my run-in with Laurent. I had often wondered if the reason I heard his voice all those times was just because I wanted him to come back, but then I realized that, deep down (way deep down), I _did_ believe he loved me. In his own twisted, patronizing, screwed-up way, he probably did think he was protecting me. He was just a complete idiot about it.

"Edward, I wish you were really here, so that I could truly forgive you for leaving," I told the ghost. "I think I understand now. You did love me. You were just doing what you thought was best, no matter how wrong you were. So, I guess there's nothing to forgive at all. I love you, and I can move on now. You can go. I'll be okay," I promised the lovely ghost.

"Dammit, Bella! I'm _HERE_! I'm _really _here, and I _DO_ love you, not _DID _love you," he nearly shouted. Then imaginary Edward looked at me with a conflicted expression and moved towards me slowly. He touched my face again, causing me to blush terribly, and then he _kissed_ me, and it finally hit me - he _was_ actually sitting in front of me in my room.

I couldn't help thinking, _I'm not crazy! He's really here! Oh my God, what does this mean? Does he want to be with me? Can I trust him? SHOULD I trust him? _All of these thoughts were running through my head, but my body wasn't listening. I had missed his cold, marble lips and his gentle hands. I know it was probably stupid of me to forget all the heartache he caused, but it just didn't matter anymore - he cured me. The hole in my chest wasn't healed; it was like it was never there to begin with. _Nothing to forgive_, I thought again.

Edward broke our kiss in his usual fashion, but this time he didn't pull away like he normally did when he was fighting his thirst. He just looked at me with his brilliant topaz eyes and asked, "Is this alright with you? I've wanted to be with you for so long, I didn't think to ask if you wanted me to. You just look so... sexy. I did not mean to take any liberties to which I was no longer entitled. I'm so sorry."

"I'm not," I stated while trying to hide my surprise at his compliment. "I just don't understand. It seems like this doesn't bother you as much as it did... before. Doesn't your throat hurt?"

He grinned serenely and told me, "Bella, the months I've spent without you have made me immune to the monster within me. I saw the pain I caused you through Jacob's memories, and I _swear_ I will never hurt you again. I am incapable of doing so. I always told you I was an inherently selfish creature anyway. I need you in my life, and I have no intention of letting you go, unless _you_ ask _me_ to leave. Even if you asked me though, I would probably keep an eye on you," he confessed with a shy smile. "But, as much as I hate to bring it up, what are you going to do about Jacob?"

_Jacob! Oh no, not again. I'm going to hurt him more than ever before. I am such a despicable, horrible, terrible... BITCH. He will never understand, and he will never forgive me. _At that last thought, I just said, "Shit," and I buried my head in my hands as the tears began to flow. Edward just held me for a while until my sobs subsided. Almost as if on cue, my phone rang - of course, it was Jake.

"Hey, Jake," I attempted to say naturally. He just called to tell me that he was at home in La Push, and that there were no signs of any other newborns in the area. The pack must have gotten all of them. Thankfully, he did say he was going to be having dinner at home with Billy, but he also invited me over to join them.

_Crap, I need more time to sort things out with Edward. I'm not ready to deal with Jake yet. _I told Jacob that I was still really tired, and that I hadn't been able to get back to sleep after he left, which was pretty much true. I told him that I was going to go to bed early, and that maybe he should spend some time with his brothers since he hadn't seen them in a while, aside from when they were ripping apart a bunch of vampires. He accepted my lame excuse and hung up, after adding that he loved me. _I am_ _SO going to hell._

Edward was just watching me, probably trying to read my face while I conversed with Jacob. Edward offered, "Bella, if you need some time, I can leave. My family just got back into town today, so they probably need some help with the house. Esme will probably be quite disappointed with my housekeeping - I let things go pretty badly, especially considering how long I had been staying there. They came to help me protect you from Victoria and the other vampires, but we were too late, obviously."

I didn't want him to leave yet, particularly since I had finally convinced myself that I wasn't imagining him. I had so much more I wanted to talk to him about. "No, Edward. I'd like you to stay if that is alright with you. I'm glad your family is back though - I've really missed Alice especially. I hope I can see them soon. I really just want to be with you a little longer, so I can know that I didn't imagine the whole thing."

"If you wish it, nothing would make me happier, love," he replied.

_"Love."_ I couldn't help but smile at that.

I asked him what his family had been doing the past several months, and what their plans were now that they had returned. He was apparently just as reclusive as I had been and couldn't really answer either of those questions. He told me more about his time away from me. He asked me questions about my friends at school, but I had to confess that I wasn't really considered friends with anyone anymore after becoming a hermit, except maybe with Angela. We talked for hours.

Charlie eventually came home from fishing with a large catch in tow. Edward waited in my room and I made dinner for my father, ate like it was a race, and had the dishes washed in record time so I could go back up to my room. I said I had a big research paper to write for English class, and since it was a majority of my final grade and the school year was almost over, I really needed to work on it this weekend. There was no paper. Edward was sitting on my bed when I came back and he was looking through my scrapbook that he had stolen all the pictures from before. He was in the process of replacing all of them, though he inserted the one that I had folded in half so that both of us were visible in the picture again.

I sat down next to him, and he held my hand. He lifted my hand to his face, skimmed his nose along my wrist and up my arm until he was resting his head on my shoulder. He was breathing deeply with his nose near my throat. It was sending rapid pulses of electricity through me, and I had to do everything in my power to stay still. I didn't want to push his control unnecessarily, even though he said it was no longer a problem. He brushed my hair from my shoulder, kissed my neck, and then the spot behind my ear. He pulled back to look at me again, but this time his eyes held such a look of longing that I could no longer restrain myself.

I kissed him eagerly, and for once, he didn't push me back, didn't stop me from advancing. I grabbed handfuls of his uniquely bronze hair and held him to me while I pushed my body closer to his. We soon were blurring any limits that he had set before. He made me promise to tell him if he hurt me, and I tried to impress upon him that I absolutely would. I always knew he was incapable of hurting me; he just needed to believe it for himself.

He paused and asked, "May I kiss you, Bella?"

It seemed like a rather silly question since that's what we had been doing for several minutes, so I asked back, "What do you mean? We _are _kissing."

He looked somewhat ashamed of himself, but said, "I want to kiss you... with my whole mouth, but you have to be very careful. You have to let me lead and you cannot be anywhere near my teeth."

"Oh for God's sake, just do it already! I promise I'll be careful, and I promise to tell you if you hurt me. _Please_, Edward... I want you to," I nearly begged.

I had wanted him to kiss me like that for as long as I could remember. Chaste, closed mouth kisses weren't so bad when you could feel the love behind them, but they weren't exactly satisfying either. I had certainly kissed Jacob that way, but this was a complete sensory overload. His cool breath washed over me and drew me into him, and his tongue tasted ethereally sweet, like hazelnut and chocolate. I had to keep reminding myself to be careful because it was just so... delicious. I followed his rules with the exception of sucking on his lower lip. He responded with a low growl that got me even more worked-up.

Prone to worry as he was, Edward stopped abruptly, while I was panting and about to break my fingers from the death-grip I had on his back. He looked at me with burning, onyx eyes and said, "Bella, please tell me if I go to far. I have never known sorrow that could compare to the thought that I had lost you to another. It was even worse than when I didn't know if I would be able to save you from James. I want, no, I _need_ you to comprehend how much I truly love you. However, I don't want to do anything against your wishes."

I had always thought that his eyes darkened because his thirst was overtaking his control, but tonight I understood that he was just feeling what I had always felt for him before - what I was feeling for him again. Desire. For such a smart guy, he could be such a moron. I had wanted all of Edward since the first time he told me he loved me. Granted, I still had reservations about his commitment to stay with me, but I needed this. I needed _him_, desperately.

Not much longer after that, there were no limits in our physical relationship at all. Edward was very careful, and used infuriatingly measured movements, which only drove me more insane with passion. We both surrendered to our emotions that night and into the morning. I had never experienced anything so powerful, so blissful, or so emotional. I finally understood how much he really did love me, and it seemed like it was very close to how much I loved him. For him to make me feel that way was utterly indescribable...

My phone rang that morning, bringing me out of my happy stupor, crashing (and burning) back into reality. It was Jake again. _Oh, SHIT. What have I done?_

"Hey Jake. What's up?" I said, too casually.

He said he wanted to see if I slept alright. I worried that he might have known about Edward spending the night, which was possible if any wolves were patrolling the woods outside my home. However, I lived in "Cullen territory" so that was not very likely.I worried about what I was going to do to Jacob. _This is going to kill him. I still need more time. I can't believe I just slept with Edward after not seeing him for months. Oh my God, that was incredible! Wait, what the hell was I thinking? _

I used my lame 'research paper' excuse to get out of seeing him for one more day. Charlie would unwittingly corroborate my story next time he saw Billy. I just had to figure out what to do, and I needed to do it alone. Jacob deserved better. Maybe sex with Edward had not been the best idea, and the last thing I should be is happy about it. I was the devil.

"Edward, last night was wonderful," I said. "I just don't think it was the best timing. I got caught up in the moment, and I was so happy you were here, but I should have talked to Jake first. I need a little time to try and figure out what I should do. I don't want to hurt him, and I think this might have been a mistake. I do love you, but I am with Jacob now, and he doesn't deserve this. I think I just need some time alone today."

He looked deeply saddened, but said, "Of course, Bella, love. Take all the time you need. You could probably use some human time to eat and shower anyway. You are right though - last night was the very best night of my existence, but it was _horrible_ timing. I'm sorry to have put you in such a position. I feel like all I do is apologize to you anymore. However, if you want, I will gladly be here for you when you talk to him. I am going for a quick hunt and then I will be at home, so you can reach me there if you need me." With that, he kissed me on the cheek before he blurred out of my room and into the woods.

I wasn't sure how to handle the situation at all. I had really made a mess of things. I prided myself on being a decent person, and I was extremely disappointed in myself. I loved both Edward and Jacob, but I knew that if I really had to choose, there was no choice to make. It would always be Edward. This just made me feel that much worse about the conversation I would have to have with Jake. I was making myself sick with worry about it, and I desperately needed sleep after the past couple of days. I took a long, hot shower to try and relax, but it didn't help one bit.

Normally, I don't condone sleep aids of any kind, but I really needed something to help me calm down. However, I hadn't gone to the store in a while, and we had nothing in the house, not even allergy medicine that 'may cause drowsiness'. I finally decided, once again against my better judgment, to smuggle a few beers from Charlie's stash in the garage. It was Sunday, and he was fishing again, so he would never know.

I had tasted beer before, and I hated it. I remembered that Mike Newton had shown me how to "shotgun" a beer during one of his beach parties, probably trying to impress me. I also remembered that he said it was a surefire way to get drunk quickly. I did my best to make a hole in the can before putting it to my lips and popping the top so that it spewed out with enough force to go straight down my throat. I immediately did this with the other two cans.

I felt very ill for a moment, thinking I would throw up, but then it subsided. And then, I felt much better about things. I laid down on my bed and thought some more about my little problem. _Maybe Jacob would understand. He saw how messed up I was before. Maybe he knew that I was never able to love him fully. Maybe we could somehow get past this with some time, and even be friends again. Not likely. Fuck._ Then I started crying again. _I love Jacob. He deserves to be happy. I can't hurt him. He has never hurt me the way Edward did. _I was woozy, and my insides felt all sloshy, and I couldn't control my sadness about hurting Jacob. I really needed to talk to him.

I called him on the phone and asked, "Jake, do you think you could come over here? I need you."

**A/N: PLEASE REVIEW! **

Bring it on Team Jacob. Jake is also narrating a couple of chapters in the future and will be undergoing an interesting change himself. Oh Edward-lovers, I hope the wait was worth it.

Thanks, for reading – you guys rock!


	8. Chapter 8 Dilemmas

**A/N: This chapter is pivotal. Please enjoy.**

**Ch 8. Dilemmas**

"I Don't Trust Myself" J. Mayer

_I will beg my way into your garden_

_I will break my way out when it rains_

_Just to get back to the place where I started_

_So I can want you back all over again_

_Hold on to whatever you find baby_

_Hold on to whatever will get you through_

_Hold on to whatever you find baby_

_I don't trust myself with loving you_

_Who do you love?_

_Me or the thought of me?_

**EPOV**

My love for Bella had changed me powerfully and irrevocably, but I never dreamed I would be able to act on that love. I still remembered her first day at Forks High School, and the tremendous stir she caused. I guiltily recalled wondering what was so special about her, and why the other males were so interested. That was, until I realized her mind was silent to me. I must admit this was one of the first things that attracted me to her. The fact that I could not read her thoughts was perplexing, intriguing, and, most of all, refreshing. The complete silence I heard when we were alone was comforting and peaceful, and it was a delightful change from the cacophonous racket that usually filled my mind. Though I had learned to ignore the thoughts of most people, I could not completely silence them. Telepathy was mostly a curse as far as I was concerned - the unspoken thoughts of others were usually things I would prefer not to know - and the quietude I encountered with Bella was more than welcome.

Before I left her last fall, a simple kiss had me warring with the monster inside me. Perhaps the penance I had imposed upon myself while I was away from Bella was preparation enough, but I eventually concluded that the real reason I was able to control myself so much better was the mere fact that I thought I had lost her to another. I never wanted to feel that way again. It truly broke my heart, and if I _did_ have a soul, it broke that too. I had never experienced such sorrow in all my years. Even when James had attacked her, and she nearly died... that was not as bad as her being in the arms of another man (or dog, in this case), and thus completely off-limits. At least when she died (whether in the near future or distant one), I could, and intended to join her, though I probably would have to fight my way out of hell in order to meet her in heaven. She was worth it.

I needed to hunt. Badly. I was precariously balancing my control on the edge of a knife. _What had I done?_ I felt like a villain, twirling a handlebar mustache between my finger and thumb while grinning sinisterly as I plotted how to steal Bella's virtue. Too late. However, that was not at all my intention when I crossed her yard and finally entered her room. It was like coming home. _I am such a scoundrel, _I thought. On the other hand, I could not have been happier.

If I thought that Bella's blood was like heroin, then being one with her was far more essential than that. I needed her like I needed air, well, when I was alive, that is. It took a great deal of effort to convince myself to leave her and hunt. Her resolve seemed to be wavering, and I did not want to leave her alone to think too much about what had transpired, but I was worried that my control would snap at any moment. I quickly took down the closest deer I could find, noting that it was at least an improvement to the previous rats, and more recently, squirrels. Up to this point, I was still punishing myself by restricting my diet to rodents and small game.

I could not believe that I had claimed Bella the way I had wanted to every single night that I laid with her while she slept. She would always ask me what I did while she was asleep. Mostly, I just watched her facial expressions as she dreamed and hoped to hear her talking in her sleep. It was the closest thing I had to hearing her thoughts. I could never admit to her that I also fantasized about us being together. She was so stubborn in her desire to be like me that I had a hard time completely dismissing the idea. I hated myself for entertaining the thoughts, but I envisioned my more durable Bella - or what I thought she would be like as a vampire - and all the things that I wanted to experience with her. We were both pure, and to explore our desires together for the first time was an appealing notion.

But in reality, Bella was fragile, seemingly more than most humans, and I was always terrified of hurting her. I never thought I would be capable of expressing my physical desire for her while she was still human. However, as soon as she finally realized I was actually there in her room, electricity flowed between us. She entranced me and there was no turning back. The countless hours I had spent heartbroken since my return to Forks, and the opportunity with which I was presented, made it necessary for me to proclaim my love to Bella in every possible way. I had to prove to her just how much I loved her.

I could hear her heart hammering inside her chest and see the love in her bottomless chocolate eyes. Every time she said my name, or sighed in pleasure, drove me to further push the limits of all that we ever experienced together. My fears, guilt, and reluctance were completely masked by the overwhelming need I felt for her. I threw my convictions and "old-fashioned" upbringing right out the damned window, going back on everything I believed. I could not concentrate on anything but my Bella. Her creamy skin with a hint of blush, her lips parted in pleasure, her mahogany hair splayed out against her pillow, her intoxicating scent...

The sultry way she had said, _'Please, Edward, I want you to'_ did me in. I wanted nothing more than to make her forget all about Jacob Black, and for her to finally realize how completely she had altered my very persona. She never seemed to fathom the depths of my love for her. I was desperate for her to understand, and in all my wisdom, I could think of no other way. I had made it quite clear before that I was unable to control my dark side enough to make love to her. I exceedingly hoped that she would interpret my actions as my way of expressing the impossible love I felt for her. I had never intended to lose my own virginity in any extra-marital fashion, much to the disappointment of many women, but that mattered little to me in the moment.

Finally, I believed in myself enough to love her way she wanted - the way _I_ wanted - and to be able to fulfill our needs for each other was both terrifying and amazing (but mostly amazing). The terrifying part was when the... excesses were almost too much to bear. I may have mangled her headboard at some point, but it was fairly standard, and I could buy her a new one easily. Hell, I would _make_ her a supply of headboards, from ripping the trees from the ground to the sanding and finishing if it meant that I could be with Bella like that again.

Every touch of her warm, delicate hands sent shockwaves through my body and fireworks exploded behind my eyelids. Her gasps and moans filled my head and I could hear nothing else, though they compared little to when she breathed my name in pleasure. However, the sexiest thing I ever heard in my existence (far outshining anything Tanya had _ever_ said to me) was probably when Bella started muttering curses under her breath and interjecting obscenities into her pleas for me not to stop. She was immediately embarrassed, but I assured her that I enjoyed hearing her lose control. She said the same of me, although I still felt that it was bad form to curse in front of women.

I ran home to change clothes and tell my family the news that Bella and I were together again. She said she needed time to think, but surely she was mine now. She had given me her greatest gift, and she would never have done so without binding our lives together in the process.

When I emerged from my room, Alice was waiting just outside my door.

"Did you have a nice night, Edward?" she asked knowingly while arching her eyebrow. _I can see Bella again!_ Annoying little psychic, she probably already told the entire family that Bella and I had been together. _Oh, don't make that face at me, I didn't tell anyone. You know, I see her future, and it's the same as before. I see her being like one of us, and soon._

I cringed at the thought. The changes we experienced in our relationship last night would certainly be easier to repeat if Bella were no longer human, but I still could not find it in me to change her. I had stolen her virtue. I could not take her soul too - I refused to sentence her to eternal damnation.

"Surely you know the answer to that, but yes, I had an amazing night. It was the best night I have ever experienced," I admitted shyly.

Then I heard Emmett start howling with laughter from his room. _Great,_ I groaned to myself. I didn't think about the consequences of coming home.

He came out into the hall with a ridiculous grin on his face. He said, "Best night ever, huh?" _Dude, it's about time you got some! I can't believe you hooked up with a human. What was it like? Are you guys back together now? I bet you can't wait to turn her now so you can do it again. _Then he just started snickering to himself. It was rather unsettling that he was picturing Bella and I together, and I got rather defensive. I launched myself at him and started pummeling him, dodging his counter-attacks, since I knew when they were coming.

Finally, Carlisle came into the hall and scolded us for fighting. "You two cut it out. Jasper? Would you please calm them down?" Carlisle asked. _Edward, I am happy that you finally have Bella back in your life, but you should not be fighting with your brother, no matter how annoying he may be. You know that is just his personality. Emmett has a harder time censoring his thoughts than the rest of us, that's all._

When Jasper came up to us, the anger melted away, and both Emmett and I calmed down immediately. Of course, he still had that stupid, shit-eating grin on his face. We all went downstairs and found Rosalie and Esme sitting together on the couch. They had heard everything, of course, and Esme was beaming at me, emanating nothing but pure joy at my own happiness. She loved Bella like a daughter.

Rosalie was, unsurprisingly, not quite so supportive, unless you counted that she mirrored my own self-loathing thoughts from earlier. She thought me a scoundrel as well. _How dare you, Edward, _she thought as she glared at me angrily. _You know what happened to me, and why I needed Carlisle to save my life. I was not ready to be taken that way, even by my fiancé. How do you know Bella doesn't feel the same way? Did you hurt her? If I found out that she did not want this, I will end you myself! _

I was astounded that she was defending Bella this way at first, but I had seen enough of her foggy, human memories to understand why she felt so strongly about this. Royce King III deserved every bit of wrath that Rosalie had meted out upon him.

"Rose, you know I would never do anything to hurt Bella. I assure you, I feel every bit as guilty as you are implying, but at the moment, it is completely overshadowed by my happiness that I have her back in my life. Please, just be happy for me for a change," I requested. Rosalie conceded that she was pleased with my happiness, but the sudden turn of events made her question my motives. I promised her that I wanted nothing more than to be with Bella for the rest of her life.

I helped my family get our house in proper order. I needed something to keep me busy. Unfortunately, I was assigned menial tasks that required little thought so my mind was free to wander. Bella had yet to call me, and I was aching to be with her again. I still could not believe what happened, and I just wanted to see her again to make sure it was real. '_I really just want to be with you a little longer, so I can know that I didn't imagine the whole thing,_' she had said last night. It amused me the way our lives and thoughts paralleled the other's, and I actually smiled at the thought.

Once our house was restored to its former arrangement, I had nothing else to do. I tried to wait in my room and listen to music, but I was soon pacing with anxiety. _Why hasn't she called me yet? Should I go over there? What if she talks to Jacob and he loses HIS control? _With that last thought, I ran worriedly back to Bella's.

I once again stayed in the trees, since I was expecting Jacob to be sniffing around her house. I hoped that Bella was aware that my scent would be in her room and on her, and that she took necessary precautions regarding Jacob. I had suggested she might want to shower, but she rarely listened to me.

I arrived in my usual tree just in time to see Bella wobbling around her room. Was she feeling faint? She let out a belch, and then the cause of her behavior wafted towards me on a slight breeze. _Is she_ _DRUNK?_ _Why in the world would she want to do this to herself? Maybe this is another example of the seemingly innumerable reckless behaviors that she adopted in my absence... _It seemed that her reckless behavior all stemmed from my own actions, so I was determined not to judge her. Then she started crying and I watched her heave and bawl for far longer than I care to admit.

_Why is she so upset? Did she regret being with me? Oh my God, was Rosalie right and she wasn't ready for this? Does she hate me? Is she crying over Jacob? What if she doesn't want to be with me after all?_ My thoughts were quickly taking a downward turn, and I was starting to feel the misery I experienced before come creeping back into my body.

After her tears subsided, I heard her on the phone with Jacob. She said, "Jake, do you think you could come over here? I need you."

_"I need you"?_ _Is she going to stay with him then? _I didn't know what to do. It was rare that I had no plan of action, and I was flailing around in my mind trying to figure out what she was thinking. I knew I had little time before Jacob arrived, but I just sat in the tree like a gargoyle, unable to move or act on any decision.

She fell asleep while listening to the CD I had given her, though she did not appear to sleep soundly. Bella had hardly slept in days and I felt selfish that I had kept her awake all night. She awoke, and then she started sobbing uncontrollably. I wanted to run to her and soothe her, but I promised that I would give her time to figure things out for herself. I was determined to keep at least one of my promises to her. She was right - I had broken so many of them.

Jacob came loping out of the trees just below me, and I saw him looking around warily. I_ smell him again_, he thought angrily. I started to grow very concerned about his ability to control his temper._ I told him to stay away from her. I wish there was some way that I could get rid of him without starting a war with the rest of his so-called family. I'll deal with him later. Bella said she "needs" me. I can only hope that she means what I think she means. Maybe we'll be picking up where we left off Friday night. God, I hope so._

"Slow Dancing in a Burning Room" -J. Mayer

_It's not a silly little moment _

_It's not the storm before the calm _

_This is the deep and dying breath of _

_This love that we've been workin' on _

_Can't seem to hold you like I want to _

_So I can feel you in my arms _

_Nobody's gonna come and save you _

_We pulled too many false alarms _

_We're goin' down _

_And you can see it too _

_We're goin' down _

_And you know that we're doomed _

_My dear we're slow dancing in a burning room _

**BPOV**

I was impatiently waiting for Jacob by listening to the CD that Edward had given me for my birthday. His music was so soothing and beautiful, but it was just adding to the dread of my impending doom once Jacob discovered why I had asked him to come over. So much had changed in the course of a few days, and I just felt terrible about what I had to do.

I must have dozed off while listening to my lullaby because when I opened my eyes again, it was sunset, and the music had stopped. I had an awful dream. In the dream, I could see Jacob running through the forest in his wolf form for what seemed like days on end. I didn't know if he was running _to_ something or _from_ it. Finally, he stopped at the edge of a high cliff and let out a sorrowful, mournful howl at darkened sky. I wanted to cry - I did cry for several minutes, even though I thought I had run out of tears by that point.

I could still feel the effects of my uncharacteristic drinking binge, and I was surprised Jacob was not here yet. My dad still wasn't home from fishing either, so he must have decided to stay and watch a game at Billy's. I got up to look out my window, and I saw Jake walking carefully across my lawn. _Does he suspect why I asked him to come over?_ I thought nervously. Well, he didn't sound angry on the phone, so I doubted it. I did my best to calm my nerves as he approached. I leaned out my window, the breeze was calming after my dream, and Jacob looked up and beamed his best smile. _Crap. This is going to be bad. _

_"_Hey, Jake."

Jacob sprung up into the tree outside my room and vaulted through my window. As soon as he was inside, he stopped suddenly and his face grew dark. "Bella, has _he_ been here?" he asked.

"Um..." was all I could manage.

"I can smell him, Bella," he said. His hands were starting to shake the way they did whenever he thought there was a vampire around, and I started getting a little nervous.

"Yes, he was here," I confessed, knowing Jacob would detect any lie I told just by looking at my face anyway. "He just wanted to talk to me... about what happened before."

"I told him to stay away from you. If it weren't for that treaty, he wouldn't be a problem at all anymore." I winced at his not-so-empty threat. Then he asked, "Can we please talk outside? My nostrils are burning from his stench. By the way, have you been drinking? You smell funny."

I just shrugged my shoulders and went downstairs. I grabbed an old quilt and walked out to the backyard, spreading it out on the damp ground before sitting down. Jacob was still angry, so he opted to remain standing. _I need to calm him down_, I thought frantically_._

"Jake, please don't talk like that," I said, staring at my hands in my lap. "Even with everything that happened, it would still hurt me deeply if you... killed him. I know you wouldn't want to hurt me that way."

I was hoping that by reminding him of this, it would keep Jacob from wanting to kill Edward after I told him that I was _still_ in love with Edward, and wanted to break up. "Besides," I added, "he asked me for permission to talk. I thought it would be good to get some closure on the whole situation, so that I could move on completely. Honestly, I thought I was hallucinating anyway." _I am a horrible, horrible person, but I have to be honest with him. I can't keep up the charade of being with Jacob when my heart belongs with Edward. It isn't fair to either of them to do that._

"No, _I_ would never hurt you," he reminded me. "I don't want him to come around messing with your head anymore. I thought he said he was going to leave us alone."

"You're right, he did say that. He just felt awful about the way he left things. Apparently, he really _was _just trying to protect me, but he went about it the completely wrong way. I never told you, but at my birthday party, I got a paper cut, and there was some... trouble with one of his brothers. Edward felt like he was always putting me in danger, so he thought that by leaving, I would be safer. He didn't know about Victoria and Laurent, or about you and the pack. He was trying to do the right thing, in his eyes."

Jacob's hands finally stopped shaking, but he still looked angry and said, "Bella, don't you dare defend that asshole. What he did to you was cowardly and despicable. I could kill him just for that, let alone for coming to talk to you after I specifically told him not to."

I thought about what he said and asked, "But when exactly did you talk to him? When did you tell him to stay away from me? I don't remember you saying that to him after what happened with Victoria."

Jacob looked down at his feet for a moment, then admitted, "I told him the day we went on that picnic, the day of our first kiss. _He_ was the vampire that I smelled. I didn't actually talk to him, but I remembered what you said about how he could read people's minds, so I told him in my head."

Now it was _my_ turn to get angry. I couldn't believe he had known Edward had been back all this time and he never once told me. He was supposed to be my best friend (at the time) and I felt betrayed by his omission. He had lied to me for so long. "You _knew_ that Edward was back all this time and you never told me?" I screeched. "How could you do that to me, Jacob? Why?"

"Because I _love_ you, Bella!" he shouted. "You were finally starting to see me the way that I've always seen you, and I didn't want him to come back and mess all of that up. He's not good for you! You should be with _me._"

"I know you love me..." was all I could manage. _Here comes the hard part. _"Listen, Jake," I began, but I was interrupted because he jumped over to my spot on the blanket, and pinned me down on my back. He must have misunderstood me, or maybe was trying to assert his point, but he was kissing me eagerly and I couldn't remember what I was about to say. He had apparently decided to pick up where we left off the other night (morning), as he pulled the hem of my shirt up a little and started kissing my stomach. His nose skimmed the waist of my jeans, and he stopped abruptly.

I gasped, "Jake, are you okay?"

"Bella, is there something you want to tell me?" he asked in an ominous tone as his hands started shaking again.

_Oh. Shit. This is not good. _"Umm, you distracted me," I said. Jacob pulled away from me and scurried to the corner of the blanket. He was sitting with quivering arms wrapped around his knees, like he was trying to hold himself together. It was terrifying.

"Bella... What exactly happened when Edward came over to talk to you? How long was he here? When did he leave?" Jake asked accusingly.

"Well," I started to say. _Crap, why do I have to be such a bad liar? I just wanted to end things; I didn't want him to find out about this. I am such a rotten bitch!_

He glared at my lack of response. "Don't even _think_ about lying to me. I can smell him all over you, especially down _there_."

_Damn, I thought that shower would have taken care of any lingering signs... I never meant to hurt Jake with this too. I wasn't going to tell him that Edward and I slept together - he didn't deserve that kind of betrayal. I should burn in hell._

Jake continued, his anger building, "How could you do this to me? _He LEFT_ you! _I _was here for you! _I _picked up the pieces of you. _I LOVED YOU!_" he yelled as he started shaking violently.

He looked like he was going to lose it. I had to do something to calm him down. I crept over to his corner of the blanket and reached for his hand. He snatched it away so fast that it felt like he had slapped me. I recoiled at his rejection, but I still felt like I had to comfort him so I moved closer to hug him.

"Jacob, please calm down. I'm so sorry..."

He yelled, "NO! Get _AWAY_ from me, Bella!" Just as I closed my arms around his waist, I was run through with a million razor-sharp needles, and I felt a something slash across my stomach. Through the agonizing pain, I thought I heard Edward's horrified voice scream my name, and then everything went black. _Déjà vu, anyone_? I thought fleetingly.

**A/N: Jacob narrates the next chapter. He would like you to know that he has a lot to say. **** Thanks for reading. A review would be lovely.**


	9. Chapter 9 Rogue

DISCLAIMER: All Twilight things are Stephenie Meyers', all things I made up are mine please. JM owns the lyrics.

**A/N: This chapter is rated R for Jake's potty mouth and somewhat gory descriptions.**

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**Ch 9. Rogue **

_"In Your Atmosphere" _– John Mayer

_I'm gonna steer clear, oh yeah_

_I'd burn up in your atmosphere_

_I'm gonna steer clear_

_Cause I'd die if I saw you_

_I'd die if I didn't see you there_

_See you there_

...

_Wherever I go, whatever I do_

_I wonder where I am in my relationship to you_

_Wherever you go, wherever you are_

_I watch your life play out in pictures from afar_

**JPOV**

_Holy shit! No! No, no, nonono! Oh my God, Bella! This can't be happening, this can't be happening, thiscan'tbefuckinghappening! What have I done? Please, God, don't let her die. How can I save her? HELP! _I yelled in my head to the rest of my pack.

_Jacob, are you all right? What's happe- Oh no. Jacob, what did you do? _Sam asked as he saw the images in my thoughts that were burning my eyes. Bella, the girl I loved, nearly disemboweled, laying unconscious on a dampened quilt that was now soaking through with buckets of her own blood. I had lost it. She came over to hug me, and I couldn't stand the heartbreak and betrayal anymore, and I phased uncontrollably. This was all my fault. I had just killed my best friend, my heart.

A blur of blue and gray zipped past me screaming Bella's name and I turned to see Edward crouched defensively over Bella's bloody body. At first, I thought he was just attracted to the blood, but the torment on his face made him look like he was burning alive. "Jacob, get away from her!" he yelled at me, like it would make any difference now. "I'll kill you for this, dog. You, and anyone else that comes to avenge you."

_Please do_, I thought.

Bella's eyes fluttered, and her brow puckered between her eyes like she was concentrating too hard. "Nnn... Edwa... don't hurt him," she mumbled. Leave it to Bella to blame herself for all the pain inflicted upon her by the ones she loved. I always thought she loved the wrong things.

Edward glared at Bella for trying to defend me. He looked thoughtful for a second, and then said, "You know, Jacob, Bella has a point. If I don't kill you, then you have to live with this forever. I guess that's one instance where your little condition is of a benefit to me - you don't age either. Even if she survives, you will have to live with the fact that you were the cause of this. Yes, I like that idea."

I did my best to ignore the punishment he had just doled out. If I stopped phasing long enough I would start to age again. And, I could still die... I focused back on the immediate problem. _Edward, you have to help her. You're dad's a doctor, right? Can't you take her to him? _I asked him hysterically in my mind. I couldn't get it together enough to phase back to my human self, so we were just going to have to do it this way.

"_I'm _a doctor too, mutt. I have two medical degrees, and Bella is beyond saving by human medicine. You see _this_?" he asked, indicating the tangled mass of blood and guts that were lying next to her. She looked like a wounded soldier from one of the gory action movies we went to. It seemed so long ago now. "I can't _fix _this," he said. "You can't just put things like this back inside and have them work again, you stupid mongrel!"

Then I came to a conclusion, one I never thought myself capable of jumping to. _Turn her. Please! If you bite her, she'll be okay, right? She told me Esme had jumped off a cliff, and she was saved. Do it!_ I yelled at him with my thoughts. I didn't care anymore if she was one of them. I couldn't let her die this way, because of me. I just wanted her back, human or not.

Edward's look of shock was highly uncharacteristic for his normally over-confident face. He said, "You want me to break the treaty? If I do this, my whole family will be in danger from your kind. I want to save her too, and yes, I think if she's turned, she'll survive, but I need some assurance that my family is safe. You will also have to deal with the fact that you created the very monster you are supposed to kill."

_Just do it already, dammit! _I screamed through my thoughts. _Yes, you're family will be safe. I am asking you, as the heir of Ephraim Black. I am TELLING you to bite her. This will NOT break the treaty, and there will be no retaliation from my people._ As I thought these words, I felt a power and wisdom rise up within me as I claimed my rights as the Alpha of the pack. Too bad the sight of Bella made me feel the opposite - completely powerless and foolish.

I forgot all about the rest of my brothers, and now sister, since Leah Clearwater had started phasing too. They were running towards me to help. Sam interjected, _"What have you DONE, Jacob?"_ and then it got very quiet. All of the voices in my head were gone, and I was alone with my sorrow and guilt.

"Just go, Jacob. Get away from here," Edward ordered. "I'll take care of her."

_Please, Edward. Save her, _was my last thought as I sprinted through the trees as fast as my paws could tread. I didn't know where I was going, just that it needed to be somewhere far away from here. The forest blurred past me as I ran on into the night. Morning broke, and I was probably somewhere in northern Canada by now. I heard the rush of water, and I had to skid to a stop to prevent myself from tumbling off a sudden cliff. I was at the top of a waterfall, and below was a wide expanse of a wooded valley, with the river flowing through it into a blue-green lake. It would have been beautiful under different circumstances.

I stopped, only because I had to, and my grief finally caught up with me. I looked up at the sky with tears in my eyes. It was the middle of the day, but it was still dark. The moon was eclipsing the sun. I know you aren't supposed to look directly at a solar eclipse, but it made no difference to me if I went blind. I didn't care about anything anymore. I watched the moon creep closer until there was a brief flash of red around the edges as the sun was covered. It had been a long time since I'd seen a total solar eclipse, and I don't think I'd ever seen the red flash before.

Bella had always called me 'her sun', and in my mind I thought that was because I was the opposite of Edward - darkness - like this damned moon that was blocking "me". I raised my head and wailed, trying to convey through my howls, the sheer misery I felt. Hours probably passed, but I was suddenly jerked back to reality when I heard footsteps approaching quickly. It was probably one of the Cullens coming to kill me. _Hurry up already, _I thought.

_Hey, Jacob, wait up! _It was Seth Clearwater. The fact that I could hear him didn't make any sense - I thought I had gone off on my own.

_Seth! What the hell are you doing here, kid? Leave me alone!_ I yelled at him through our brain-link.

_Jake, you have to come back. Everything's all crazy, but I want to stay here with you, in your pack. I've never liked taking orders from Sam after what he did to my sister - even if it wasn't his fault. Please don't send me away, _he begged.

I snarled at him, _There is no 'my pack'. It's just me. I don't want this responsibility. I didn't mean to take over being the Alpha from Sam, I just wanted that filthy leech to do what he had to do to save Bella. Leave me the hell alone._

_You'd better take care of him, Jacob Black! _another voice shouted. It was Seth's sister Leah. She was still in Forks, but it looked like I was now running a little trio of delinquent werewolves.

_Aw, man, Leah. Not you too, _Seth thought. _We don't need you, why do you have to screw everything up? _I agreed with Seth. Leah was extremely negative. Granted, Sam dumped her and left her completely heartbroken when he imprinted on her cousin, Emily, but Leah always thought the worst things. Imprinting wasn't something that could be helped - Sam had no choice. He felt awful about doing that to her, but it didn't make any difference.

She was a really malicious bitch. Then again, I guess I could relate to her problems now. However, Leah and I never even got along before, so I didn't really understand why she would want to follow my lead. She started thinking about all the times she saw Sam and Emily together, and that she had to be around Sam all the time now that she was part of the pack. It turned out that she couldn't get far enough away from him, since he was the cause of her misery.

_I guess I can understand that_, I told her.

Leah tried to further justify her presence by adding, _I promise I'll stay out of your way Jacob. You probably want to be alone anyway. I'll just stay human most of the time, unless you assign me a duty, oh great Alpha. _

_Can it, Leah_. _You're right, I want to be alone. I'm going to send Seth back to you. You're still in Forks, right? Please tell me Bella's okay_, I begged.

_I dunno_, she said._ As soon as you left, her vampire took off with her for his home. I couldn't follow. _

I had to know that Bella had survived, but I didn't feel right about sending Leah into Cullen territory. She could handle her own, and she was the fastest one of us all, but I didn't want to risk getting another girl hurt. Call me macho, but I felt better sending Seth. Plus, it got him away from me for a while.

_Seth, I want you to go back home and find the Cullens, _I said. I hated giving the kid orders, but this was one thing I needed done. After this, then I would let him and his sister do whatever they wanted. I didn't want to be a leader, I just wanted to be left alone._ I want you to see if Bella made it. I can't stand not knowing, but I don't have the strength to go back. I'd rather you go instead of Leah (no offense, Leah, _I added) _just in case they aren't very welcoming. I need to be alone for a while. As soon as you're back, I'd appreciate it if you went human. You'll need to talk to them anyway. Can you do that for me?_

_Sure, Jake! I'm on my way! _he said, as he took off back in the direction he came from. He seemed pretty happy to have a job. I could already see the forest blurring past his vision. _I'll talk to them, find out what's going on, and phase back and let you know, 'kay?_

_Thanks, kid._

_Don't call me 'kid'_, Seth argued._ The way I see it, I'm second in command now, right? Show me some respect, Jake._

He was right, and I needed his help. _Sure, sure. Sorry, _Seth_, you're right. And, yeah, I guess you can be my second. That is, if Leah doesn't mind?_

There was no answer, so I figured Leah had already phased back to her human form. I would just deal with that the next time she popped into my head. She would still be a third, and that was a definite upgrade from her position in our former pack. She could deal.

Seth got back to Forks in record time, and then his mind disappeared from mine, and I was alone. Finally. Then I broke down again. I could not believe what had happened. This was by far the worst thing I could ever have done. Edward was right for letting me live so I could suffer for eternity. I deserved it.

I decided I would just stay wolf indefinitely. I wouldn't have to worry about clothes, or talking, or finding a place to sleep or eat. I didn't mind hunting animals. For a while, I just lay down at the top of the cliff and stared out across the valley. It was so peaceful, but that just made me sadder because I couldn't help but think about the fact that I probably would never see Bella again. Eventually, I drifted off to sleep, but it was far from peaceful. I couldn't get the images of the bloody mess out of my head. A full day went by, and I hadn't heard a word from Seth or Leah. I was starting to get desperate for some news, and I started going crazy with uncertainty.

_Hey, Jake? _It was Leah. I was surprised she had phased to talk to me. She didn't really like going wolf, especially not eating as one, and she seemed hungry. It must have been important. _Look, Jake... I just wanted to check on you. I know you're probably beating yourself up for what happened, but you have to stop someday. She got what she deserved, if you ask me._

_What? _I shouted at her through my head. I couldn't believe she could be so cruel. _I know you never liked her, but you don't have to be such a heinous bitch! I loved her, dammit, and she broke my heart, but she did not deserve what happened. It was an accident, and she did NOT deserve it! _

Leah thought again about when Sam had dumped her. Once he imprinted on Emily, it was like he didn't even know that Leah existed anymore. She was sad for a minute, but then she just got angrier. _No, Jacob, YOU didn't deserve what happened. She CHEATED on you... with a freaking vampire! After all that you did for her! I never understood why she was so obsessed with him. He isn't even that good looking, I mean, he looks like a dead guy. Gross._

I actually had to laugh a little at her last thought, but bringing up the fact that Bella had actually slept with that bloodsucker just made me feel like shit all over again. _Thanks a lot, Leah. I feel SO much better now. I'm glad you thought you should check on me and cheer me up, _I thought sarcastically.

_Yeah, sorry about that. You have to realize though, you were very good for her, but Bella was not good for you. All she's done is hurt you, over and over. You're better off without her. You're not so bad, you know? You deserve someone who really appreciates you._

Leah still wasn't making me feel any better, but I knew she was trying to be nice, and that was a pretty big deal for her. So I just said, _Thanks. You aren't that bad either, I guess. _

_Wow, thanks so much, oh fearless leader. By the way, what's this crap about my little brother being more important than me? _she asked angrily. That was the Leah I was more familiar with.

_I just thought he could do the job, and he was so gung-ho about being in "my pack". He showed up first, so I thought that was fair. Plus, you said you were going to stay human most of the time._

_Right. Well, now that I know where I stand, which is dead last... again... I'll leave you alone. See ya, Jake, _she added before phasing back to human, abruptly ending our conversation.

Since she didn't give me any actual news about Bella, I was about to turn around and run home, but Seth popped into my head. He told me that Bella was alive! Well, not exactly, because she was one of _them_ now, or would be soon. That's why I hadn't heard from him for a while - he was waiting to make sure she made the change. _I killed my best friend,_ I thought again. I was glad that she wasn't dead, but she was not alive either. Vampires were the most disgusting, vile creatures that walked the Earth, and I had caused her to become one of them. I don't think anyone could have hated themselves more than I did when I got the news.

Seth tried to assure me that she was going to be okay, and that the doctor vamp was sure of it too. _Yeah, right,_ I thought sarcastically. He started going on about Sam, but I had stopped listening. I thanked him for checking on things, and asked him to go home to La Push and go human for a while. He probably really needed the sleep anyway. Once I was alone in my head again, I just wandered around in the wilderness like a zombie. I had no drive to do anything at all, other than just run.

At least staying wolf slightly dulled my human thoughts. I tried to turn myself over to my animal instincts as much as possible, just so I didn't have to think about what I did. It didn't work very well.

Seth checked in every now and then, but mostly it was because he was running a patrol or something. I didn't ask him why he was patrolling, but it wasn't me that told him to do it either. Leah joined him in patrolling the woods, but I figured they just needed something to do. I didn't really care what happened at home. It was probably pretty irresponsible to declare myself the Alpha and just book it, but that's what happened, and I wasn't ready to go back yet.

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**A/N: Did you remember Bella's dream? A review would be lovely!**


	10. Chapter 10 Divide

DISCLAIMER: SM owns, I play. JM owns, I pine. I own the original ideas, so there.

**A/N: Please enjoy! This chapter is also rated R for some graphic images and a couple F-bombs. haha**

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**Ch 10. Divide**

"Belief" -J. Mayer

_Everyone believes_

_In how they think it ought to be_

_Everyone believes_

_And they're not going easily_

_Belief is a beautiful armor_

_But makes for the heaviest sword_

_Like punching under water_

_You never can hit who you're trying for_

**EPOV**

What a terrible tragedy. My Bella, my love, lay broken and bleeding, her life ebbing to an end. I could kill that filthy mongrel, but I wouldn't. It was my entire fault anyway since I had to go and claim her the way I did. I knew that she still had feelings for him, but I took her anyway. I was such a fucking moron. Had I not thought to myself before that I should stay away from Bella to prevent Jacob from losing control around her? If he hadn't smelled me on her, she would be alive and well, but I had to stave off the guilt for a while and focus on saving Bella's life.

As soon as he ran off into the woods, the little coward, I wrapped Bella in the blood-soaked quilt and carried her to my home. Carlisle had a decent stock of medical supplies at the house since he often made house calls when he wasn't working a shift in the hospital. I would turn her, but I wanted the chance to give her morphine, and to have my family nearby for help in case I needed it. I was still a little unsure that I would be able to stop once I tasted Bella's delicious blood again, since I had no time to prepare for what I was about to do. At least I knew that I had been able to do it before, and that knowledge gave me some much-needed encouragement.

Alice's thoughts came back to my mind, _ I see her being like one of us, and soon. _It was _too_ soon. Bella wasn't ready for this, nor was I, but I could not let her die this way. She was too perfect, too young... it would have been such a... waste. I now understood why Carlisle had changed Rosalie so long ago. He described it the same way.

As soon as I was close enough, I shouted for Carlisle to prepare the morphine and his medical kit, and to fortify our house. I knew he would be able to hear me. The scent of Bella's blood was causing the venom to well up in my mouth, but I didn't swallow it - I had an idea. Moments later, I walked into the door carrying my bundled, unconscious Bella. The living room had already been rearranged to include a hospital bed with an IV cart, tables with supplies, and the normal glass walls were now covered with thick metal sheeting that slid down like a garage door. I asked for this precaution in the event that the remaining wolves did not listen to Jacob's orders. I was about to effectively nullify our treaty by biting a human, and I would have enough to deal with as Bella burned alive into immortality. I did not need a pack of rabid dogs distracting me.

I laid Bella down on the hospital bed, removing the quilt that was nearly glued to her skin as the blood congealed. Every member of my family gasped and their minds went silent as they took in her injuries. She had four huge slashes across her midsection where Jacob's claws had raked against her delicate skin, causing the contents to spill out into a tangle of bloody knots. While that was the worst damage, she was also peppered with hundreds of needle-like puncture wounds that were caused by his fur shooting out of him when he phased. She looked completely lifeless. Underneath all the blood, her skin had a sick pallor, and she was breathing shallowly.

I quickly looked to Jasper, worried that there was too much blood for him to handle, but he immediately thought, _Edward, I am fine. We have to help her. I'll try to keep everyone calm so that we can get through this together. _He sat down at the foot of the stairs, far from Bella, and closed his eyes in concentration. The shock wore off with his calming wave, and my family busied themselves with caring for her.

Carlisle administered the morphine while Alice and Esme did their best to pull Bella's clothing away and clean her lesser wounds. Rosalie was serving as Carlisle's surgical technician while he attempted to restore Bella's midsection to something that resembled a normal digestive tract. Even though she wouldn't need it when she was a vampire, she needed to be repaired so that she didn't bleed out while she was turning. The venom had to stay in her system for it to work. Emmett stood guard over Jasper and did anything else asked of him. I stood there like a dolt, consumed with the fear that I would lose Bella forever.

All of this happened at vampire speed, but it still did not seem fast enough, and her injuries were so extensive it did actually take a fair amount of time. Bella, thankfully, remained unconscious for her surgery. _Thank God for the morphine!_ While my family was helping her, I finally spit out the mouthful of venom I had been saving for her and I drew the silvery liquid into a syringe. I desperately hoped that my idea to inject it into her heart, and bypass her circulatory system altogether, would make her change faster and less painful.

Once she was put somewhat back together, resembling a patchwork rag-doll, I drove the syringe through her breastplate and into her heart, pressing down on the plunger to dispense my venom. Bella's eyes flashed open, but she was unable to focus on anything. She was reeling from the pain and shock of all that her body was forced to endure, as I realized the effects of the morphine must have diminished. It was pure torture for me to inflict pain on her, but I also bit her wrists, throat, the insides of her elbows and thighs, the backs of her knees, and her ankles - any pulse points I could think of to get as much venom into her system as quickly as possible.

With each bite, I also ran my tongue across the wound I created, thus sealing it shut and keeping my venom in her system. I also sealed all of the pinprick holes caused by Jacob's fur that were still trickling blood. If it weren't for the fact that I was doing this all to save Bella's life, it would have been an extremely erotic experience. Her blood and skin tasted heavenly, but I felt terribly guilty for thinking so. I was certainly glad that I was the only mind reader in the family. Thankfully, I had no trouble stopping, since I was so intent on saving her.

Each wound that I closed for Bella caused her to whimper, and sometimes she would make a face like she wanted to scream. Her screams caused me so much pain, and I had to keep telling myself this was the only way to keep her with me. I could not bear to be the cause of her pain, but I would die trying before I allowed her life to end because of me and my impetuous decision. I could feel Jasper's calming effects in his attempt to help me. He was concentrating by looking out the window at the beginnings of an eclipse.

Just as Jasper saw the sun's chromosphere flash around the edges of the obstructing moon, Bella's eyes flew open and she screamed loudly, writhed in pain, then slumped back on the bed, lifeless, but I did not give up. I dutifully performed CPR on her to force her heart to pump the venom through her system. I had to pay close attention so that I did not exert too much pressure and crush her sternum, but it helped me reaffirm my belief that I was never again capable of hurting her.

Her heart finally started beating faintly, and her eyelids fluttered slightly. Waiting was excruciating, but probably not nearly as bad as the pain Bella must have felt. She mostly lay there with her eyes closed, but I could see the crease in her brow was permanently etched on her beautiful face. She must have been concentrating so hard on being quiet. She was so strong, so brave. Though she was fragile in so many ways, her courage was one of things I admired most about her.

There was nothing left to do but wait. I never left her side. I knew most transitions took about three days, but I was hoping that my strategy would lessen that. It was going to be difficult to wait that long before knowing for sure if she would survive. _Will she be angry that I turned her? Does she still love me? Will she stay with me? Will she be completely uncontrollable? _There were so many questions flying through my mind, I thought I would go mad. Every now and then, Bella would moan, or cry, but she never screamed again. I laid my hands on her face, and it seemed to help, so I ended up just laying beside her and holding her most of the time. I hummed to her softly. She seemed quieter then.

I had to keep telling myself, s_he will be perfect, and we will be together forever_, but I wasn't so sure I believed that. She obviously loved Black enough to risk her life like this, so I worried that she may not have chosen me after all. After a few hours of waiting, I knew we would have to deal with some logistical issues. Charlie would be worried when he came home to find Bella was missing. He loved Alice since she took such good care of Bella when James had attacked her, so I sent her to tell Charlie that Bella had run away with Jacob. If he knew what was good for him, Jacob would stay away from this area for the rest of his miserable life, thus supporting the lie. Jasper went with her to ensure her safety, should our enemies decide to disobey their new leader.

About an hour later, Alice and Jasper came bursting into the house and enacted our secondary security system, which included surveillance cameras, and iron bars to cover the outsides of the windows and doors that were still fortified from the inside.

"We've got a problem," Jasper said. I was worried that something had happened to Charlie, or that he didn't believe their story. If he decided to begin a real investigation into Bella's whereabouts, it could be difficult for us.

Alice interjected, "We ran across the trail of some of the wolves on our way back here from Bella's house. Not five minutes ago, I was trying to see how much longer we would have to wait for Bella, and then our whole house disappeared! It scared me to death. I thought that meant we might have company, hence the extra precautions."

Not a moment later, we heard someone's approaching footsteps, saw a young Quileute boy approach the house on the surveillance monitor, and I heard the thoughts of our guest. It was Seth Clearwater. _Please don't kill me, please don't kill me. I'm just here to talk. I hope Bella's okay. I hope this is worth it, Jake._

He rang the doorbell, and waited uncertainly at the door. "Emmett, you can let him in. It's Seth Clearwater, and he does not mean us any harm," I informed him. "He's here to check on her."

I had to give Seth some credit, he was quite brave entering a house full of vampires alone, and in his human form. I recalled from our previous interactions that he had a kind and honest mind, and after so many years of hearing people's duplicitous thoughts, I could certainly appreciate that.

Emmett opened the door, and Seth stepped across the threshold, obviously uncertain about what to expect. He took in the makeshift hospital scene calmly and simply asked, "Is she going to make it?"

Carlisle took charge and responded, "Yes, I think she will be just fine. The transition usually takes about three days, so we won't know for sure until then, but her prognosis is good. We were able to stop all the bleeding before she received any venom, and Edward had an ingenious idea to get it into her system faster. I am very hopeful that we will not have too much longer to wait."

"Oh man, that's great news," Seth said genuinely, "Jake... umm, will be very glad to hear that. He sent me here to make sure she was okay."

Rosalie hissed at him, "You mean that coward didn't have the nerve to see for himself if he killed her?"

"Rosalie," Esme chided, "that is no way to treat our guest. He is only trying to help, there is no need to be so rude."

"Sorry," Rose said, but she added a sneer at Seth anyway.

I heard several howls in the forest, and they sounded like they were headed in our direction. Seth heard them too and a worried look crossed his face.

I asked him, "Seth, are the others going to honor the conditions that Jacob assured for me and my family?"

He looked concerned, "Uh, I'm... not sure. See, Jake sort of went off on his own. He left the pack behind somehow, but I chose to leave them too and now I'm in Jacob's pack, along with my sister. It's just the three of us. Jacob is supposed to be the chief now, but I guess Sam is still in charge of the others. I don't really know though - I can't hear them in my head anymore."

This news worried me terribly. Sam's written warning to me made me think that the power had gone to his head, and that he was more radical than I had thought when we first met him.

Seth spoke before me, "Look, umm... I'll go phase so I can let Jake know what's going on, and then I'll try and talk to my brothers. I'll find out what their plan is. You were given permission to change her, and she would have died if it wasn't for you - still might." I winced at those words, but Seth continued, "I don't think you did anything wrong either, and it isn't Sam's place to decide now anyway."

I was astonished at his assessment. Never in a million years would I have thought that a Quileute wolf would support us against his own kind. I was really starting to like Seth, not because he was on our side, but because he could be objective enough to see things from our point of view. He walked out the door and I heard the air hiss around him as he changed into his wolf form.

The other wolves were still too far away from me for me to hear their thoughts, but I did hear snippets that worried me even more. _Traitor. Danger. Treaty broken. Fight._ It seemed to me that the rest of the pack was indeed going to ignore their new Alpha. My family and I gathered around Bella to protect her, just in case they got past our precautions. We saw Seth running back toward the house as a human, so Emmett went and opened the door to let him back in.

"Oh man!" Seth panted, "You guys, this is bad! They wouldn't even listen to me! Our minds aren't linked anymore and none of them would go human to talk to me. I got a pretty good idea of their plans though just from being around them. I'm pretty sure they want to kill all of you for having anything to do with this. I called my sister in my head, and she's on her way here." _She hates you guys, but she's going all protective big sister on me. She doesn't like Bella, but she doesn't want her to die - well, anymore. Oh crap, you heard that didn't you? Sorry, Edward._

"No, it's alright. Thank you, Seth. We are truly humbled that you would be willing to stand up for us," I told him, hoping that he believed me.

Carlisle stepped in, "Seth, I don't want you to fight against your brothers. I cannot have that on my conscience. You should just go."

"Sure, sure, Doc," Seth replied, "but, it will be on _my_ conscience. I can't stand by and let them attack you for trying to do the right thing. Anyways, I don't think that Bella will be a problem, with all of you here to help her. You know, you guys really are like a family." _A family of creepy, stinky, bloodsuckers, but a family. Oops, sorry, dude. _

Finally, Leah arrived, but I wasn't as confident of her allegiances. While she approached the house, she was thinking, _I can't believe I'm here to stick up for that bitch. She isn't Jake's responsibility, so why should I care?_

No, but _Jacob_ was as responsible as I was for what had happened to Bella.

She continued, A_t least I'll be able to watch out for Seth. And I'd do anything for Jake, including take care of his little human friend. Oh, geez! Where the hell did that come from? I do NOT like him like that. Ugh. Suck it up, Leah, time to play nice._

Her interest in Jacob was certainly enlightening. She knocked on the door, and I asked Seth to get it, mainly so that he would be in between his sister and my family. I still wasn't sure she would be able to hold herself together. She entered, and her hands shook slightly, but she calmed herself quickly and said, "So, I guess I'm here to help. I'm really fast, so I can just, uh, run patrols or something."

Esme spoke first, "Thank you so much for helping us. I know you don't really feel comfortable here, but I want you to know that you are welcome to any food, clothing, and shelter that we can offer. I understand you are not quite able to go home at the moment." Esme was so gracious. I didn't think Leah really deserved it, but it was in my mother's nature to love everyone.

Leah did end up running patrols, and Seth created a smaller perimeter surrounding our house. Alice, of course, felt useless since she could not see the wolves' futures, and therefore, couldn't see ours. I opened my mind up as best I could to let in all the voices around me. I didn't like doing so very often because the noise was rather unbearable, and I didn't like invading people's privacy that way, especially my family. However, I wanted to hear Sam and his followers as soon as they were within my range.

At dusk, I heard them approach, or at least one of them if all of their minds were linked. We heard Leah and Seth howl a warning to us. _Incoming! _Seth yelled in his mind. _I think it's all of them. Sam's leading and Paul is his second. _I did not like that at all. I didn't really know any of the pack personally, but I had heard enough of their collective thoughts to know that Paul was short-tempered and that was very dangerous considering our precarious situation.

I heard Sam calling to me, _I know you can hear me, leech. You have broken the treaty. I don't care what Jacob said, I'm not going to let you get away with this. We just killed an army of newborns, you will be no match for us, including your precious Bella. _I hissed and my family all looked at me anxiously.

"What is it son?" Carlisle asked me. "Are they going to attack us? Perhaps it would be wise to move Bella upstairs for now. She will be uncomfortable for a moment, but she will be safer up there."

I did not want to be separated from her, but he was right. If it came down to a fight, I needed to be able to defend my family, and her, and if she were still silently burning alive in the living room, I would lose focus. "Alright, I want to do it though. I'll take her upstairs. Sam is intent on punishing us for changing her. I will deal with him, there's no need for all of you to be a part of this. I was the one who turned her."

Esme and my sisters all shrieked, "No, Edward!"

Alice continued, "I can't see you. I don't know if you'll be okay! Please, don't go alone."

"We'll go with him," Emmett and Jasper offered, but that still defeated the purpose of protecting my family.

I firmly replied, "I don't want either of you to come with me. You didn't do this. I'm sorry I brought more trouble to our family, but I won't let you risk your lives for me."

After a brief silence I heard, "I'll go with you."It was Seth. I could not disguise the shock on my face as I glanced at him, casually leaning against the front door. _I don't agree with Sam at all, and I have always wanted a shot at him after what he did to my sister. I'll come with you and help. You are actually pretty decent... people. _"I don't think you did anything wrong. Most of the other guys won't want to fight me anyway since they think I'm just a kid."

I was touched again by his gracious acceptance of my family, but I couldn't disagree with his brothers, "You _are _'just a kid', but I would be honored if you would join me. I can certainly understand the desire for vengeance on the person that has hurt someone you love." _Like Jacob Black, _I thought darkly.

I scooped Bella into my arms and ran up the stairs with Alice behind me carrying the bed and monitors. We arranged Bella in my room, and I was grateful I had asked our windows to be fortified. I did not think that the wolves would be able to get to Bella unless they first went through my entire family and that was a mild comfort.

_Someone better get their asses out here NOW! _Leah shouted in her mind. Seth and I walked out the front door to find Leah backed up nearly to our front steps, her back bristling and a low growl rumbling in her throat. Seth phased immediately, ruining his last pair of shorts - I would have to make that up to him with some new clothes. In front of Leah, the rest of the pack was in a loose formation, led by Sam, the coal black one. Seth joined his sister and adopted the same posture, while I stood behind them, trying to hear one person at a time.

I decided to try to speak first, just in case it was my only opportunity. "Sam," I said, "I understand you feel that the treaty has been broken, but I was given permission, no, I was _begged_ to turn Bella by the rightful chief of your tribe. You do not have the authority to attack us, but if you must, then please let it be me alone. My family helped me care for Bella, but I acted alone in causing her change. Do not harm them because of me," I pleaded.

_You are in no position to make any demands, vampire,_ Sam thought angrily._ The treaty was between our tribe and your entire family. If any ONE of you bit another human, you were all to be held responsible. Jacob acted rashly in giving you his permission - he was wrong, just as you were wrong to bite her. It was an unfortunate accident, but Bella knew the dangers of our kind, and you have to admit, Jacob was provoked._

_What are we waiting for? Let's end this already! _I heard Paul think, his tail twitching with anticipation.

Emmett was trying to get my attention from inside, _Dude, you can't do this alone. I want to crack some skulls, too! We're right behind you, whether you want us to help or not._

_Sam is such a self-righteous asshole. I can't hear him anymore, but can guess what he must be saying to the leech. Probably more bullshit about the treaty being broken and Jake not being the Alpha. I'd like to rip him to shreds. _Those thoughts surprised me - they were coming from Leah.

Finally, I heard someone shout, _ENOUGH! _It was... Jacob. He was not here, but he must have transformed into his wolf to check in with the Clearwaters. Too bad they were the only ones that could hear him (and me through them). Leah and Seth looked at each other warily when they realized that Jacob was with them in spirit. _Leah, Seth, thank you for helping the Cullens, and for keeping me updated. I'm so thankful that it looks like Bella will be okay. Please give my most sincere thanks to Edward for doing what he did, and to his family. I don't deserve his acceptance, but I swear I didn't mean for any of this shit to happen. I'm sorry I ran away._

Leah and Seth quickly apprised Jacob of the situation, and he could see through their minds the very dire situation in which we found ourselves. Then I heard Jacob's mind take on a new voice, one of authority and wisdom - the voice of the Alpha.

_Listen to me brothers, _he began, and I noticed that all the other wolves could hear him too, not just Seth and Leah. _You WILL NOT attack the Cullens. _With that statement, all of the opposing wolves bowed their heads slightly, including Sam, as if they were being weighed down by his authority. I would have felt sorry for them if it were any other circumstance, but his orders were saving the lives of everyone I loved.

Jacob continued, _They saved Bella's life, a life I stole from her because I acted recklessly. I will NOT let you make the same mistake I did. I am Jacob Black, son of William Black, and Ephraim's heir. I am the true Alpha of this pack, and I am the rightful Quileute chief. I accept this birthright and responsibility, and you WILL obey me. I neglected the tribe by running away, but I am returning to you all as fast as I can, and together, we will set things right. The Cullens do not harm humans, so they are our allies. They were just as willing to fight Victoria and her army, and therefore, they should be considered 'protectors' as well. Now go home to La Push, you have no business on their land._

With that speech, the rest of the pack had no other options, but to obey him. Jacob had saved my life, and Bella's. Fucking hell, now I really couldn't kill him...

* * *

**A/N: **(How's that for anticlimactic chapter endings a la BD?) Bella narrates next!


	11. Chapter 11 Phoenix

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyers owns all things Twilight-related. John Mayer owns the lyrics. I'm just having fun and no copyright infringement is intended. Original ideas are mine!

**A/N: Please enjoy. Sorry if you waited impatiently. The song below is a favorite, and I liked the "only diamonds now remain" part, as related to Bella's process.**

**Ch 11. Phoenix **

****_"Clarity"  
I worry, I weigh three times my body  
I worry, I throw my fear around  
But this morning, there's a calm I can't explain  
The rock candy's melted, only diamonds now remain_

And I will wait to find  
If this will last forever  
And I will wait to find  
That it won't and it won't  
Because it won't  
And I will waste no time  
Worried 'bout no rainy weather  
And I will waste no time  
Remaining in our lives together

**BPOV**

I vaguely remembered thinking I should burn in hell for what I had done to Jacob - well, I was. However, in the few semi-lucid moments I had between being engulfed in flames, I dreamt of Edward. I pictured him as my savior, as he always was. _Why am I still on fire? Shouldn't I be dead by now, or am I really in hell? Is this what I have to endure for eternity? _I wondered to myself. Sometimes I thought I was actually still alive. _Maybe this is my penance for being a lying bitch._

Somehow, I managed to dream, or hallucinate. I imagined I heard the voices of Edward's family around me, and that they sounded terribly concerned. I dreamed about the Quileute wolves and vampires. It would have been like any other typical horror movie, except for the fact that all the faces were of people that I knew and cared about.

The last thing I remembered was trying to hug Jacob, to calm him down. After that, I blacked out for a while and I was completely alone - no Edward, no Jacob, not even Gran was here. I pondered the loneliness for a while, when suddenly it felt as if someone had doused me in gasoline and lit me on fire until my blood boiled and my insides sizzled. I always thought I would be in heaven with Edward when I died, but not this. This was a complete and utter nightmare. My bones felt like they were glowing-hot metal rods, my skin was trapping in what surely had to be steam as everything in me simmered, and my heart was thudding harder than ever to the point that I could feel it in my head. I felt something cool touch my skin, and it was such a relief. It was a nice contrast to the blaze inside me.

All I could do to focus my attention elsewhere was think about how badly I had hurt the people I loved. I was so unfair to both Jacob and Edward. Jacob never deserved for me to break him the way that I did, whether I meant to or not. I knew what it was like to have someone do that to you, and it killed me to know that I had done the same to Jake, except that I was on fucking fire. And Edward... I wish he knew how much I truly loved him, and that I did forgive him. I could almost see his brooding, forlorn face as he thought about my going back to Jacob. Charlie would be crushed that I managed to get myself killed, and Renee too. I wondered what kind of funeral they would have for me. Would they bury the ashes? Surely, that's all that would be left by the time this was over. I wanted to cry and sob, and most of all, scream, but I couldn't do anything but lie there on my pyre and burn alive.

Eventually, the flames started to die down, and I felt more like a glowing ember. Pulsating heat was slowly working its way through my body until my fingers and toes finally felt like they were no longer on fire. The molten liquid in my arms and legs seemed to harden like lava, and soon the only heat I felt was in my core. I started hearing strange noises, like insects crawling in the grass, and music from passing cars, and someone breathing slowly next to me.

My heart rate was gradually decreasing, but I was panting, trying to get enough oxygen into my system. Each beat felt like getting punched in the chest. My heart was working too hard to compensate for its slow rhythm. Finally, it just slammed to a halt, arching my back violently, and the pain finally ceased when I slumped back on whatever I was laying on. I let out a huge breath, like I had the wind knocked out of me, and it was over. I was surprised I didn't have to spend longer than that in hell, and I opened my eyes warily, afraid of what I would now be facing.

"Bella?" Edward called to me. He was with me, and I smiled before I even thought about smiling. His face was a mask of worry, but over his shoulder I saw Alice's spiky hair bouncing up and down with excitement. The rest of his family was behind her, except for Rosalie. For some inexplicable reason, she was sitting behind my head, stroking my hair. It felt sensational after all the pain I had been through. I wasn't sure how to speak yet, especially since my throat felt horribly parched, I wasn't even sure I _could_ speak.

Rosalie smiled down at me and said, "It's all right, Bella. It's over now. You're safe." I must have been dreaming. Rosalie hated me, and her behavior was not making a lick of sense to me.

"Rose, just give her a minute. It's a lot to take in," someone suggested. It was... Carlisle? _I'm pretty sure that's his name..._I thought. Trying to remember things was like wading into a rough ocean.

She held up a finger impatiently and said, "I just need to tell her something before she gets up. Bella, I am truly sorry for the way I have acted in the past. I don't know if you remember, but I was always rather cold to you, and you did not deserve that. I admit I was a little jealous, but mostly I was angry because you wanted to give up your life so willingly. I never wanted this life, but I am glad that I have my family and Emmett. You had no choice to be turned either, and I want you to know that I already love you as my sister just because you make Edward so happy. I'm very sorry I was so cruel to you."

I attempted to sit up, only to find that I was already sitting. Alice brought out a huge gilded mirror that was twice her size and forced me to look at myself. I was... pretty. My usually misbehaving, boring brown hair was cascading down my back in shiny chestnut waves. I looked almost as stunning as Rosalie, although when I looked at her, I realized she was even more beautiful than I remembered. It was like I was looking at all of the Cullens with new eyes.

All of them were breathtaking, except Jasper, who was incredibly menacing. He was covered in scars, like the one James had given me. I looked for the scar on my wrist, only to notice that my entire arm glinted in the afternoon sunlight streaming through the window. _It's like diamonds..._ I recalled saying once. "Jasper, what happened to you?"

He briefly looked at Edward, who nodded, before telling me about his previous life in the wars in the South. I could not believe that he had lived such a dangerous life before. Armies of newborn vampires, like the one Victoria created (apparently that's where she got the idea), battling over control of cities they could use as hunting grounds. He was a soldier both in life and death, but his empathy made him want to stop all the killing. He left it behind and traveled around until he met Alice, who had been waiting for him. Still, I couldn't imagine what it would be like to feel your victim's fear. Of course, Edward could read his victim's minds when he went through his "rebellious" phase. Even though they were all murderers themselves, I shuddered at the thought.

After concluding his horrific tale, Jasper also said, "Bella, I must apologize to you for my behavior last fall at your... party. I never wanted to hurt you, it was just that you did smell rather enticing, and that compounded with the feelings of bloodlust I could feel coming from Edward... I could not help myself. I am so sorry, and I hope that you can forgive me one day."

My birthday seemed so long ago now, and it was such a fuzzy memory that I hardly even knew what he was talking about. "Jasper," I began, "I barely even remember it. I know that you would never mean me any harm, and I really don't think you have anything to apologize for. It wasn't your fault." He smiled gratefully, and his eyes once again flashed to Edward.

I looked into Edward's eyes and saw a million shades of topaz with flecks of gold and brown all glittering together to create his dazzling gaze. That made me look at my own eyes in the mirror and I was shocked. Instead of my ordinary brown eyes, I had rubies for irises. It was rather... unnerving, but I finally realized what had happened. I was a... vampire. I tried to speak, but my lungs were empty, so I sucked in a huge breath of air. It felt so awkward at first, just because it was unnecessary except for talking, and I sounded like a wheezing asthmatic. "Edward?" I croaked. "What happened?"

Edward moved towards me slowly and sat down next to me on the bed, taking my hand. "Bella, love, I'm so sorry this happened. You were very badly injured, and I could not bear to lose you again. Not like that. I... I had to... I had to change you. Vampire venom was the only thing that would have spared your life. Please, _please _don't be angry with me," he begged.

"Why would I be angry?" I asked. Maybe he was upset that I was like him now. He never wanted me to be a vampire. "This was what I had always wanted before. I just... I don't remember how I got hurt." This time my voice came easier, but I hardly recognized it. It was melodious and pleasant, not like I remembered it.

Edward went on to relate the story of what happened with Jacob. Through his description I could vaguely recall breaking Jacob's heart, but my memories were all fuzzy, like they were hidden behind some sort of gossamer film. He told me that Jake phased right next to me and that I had to have extensive surgery before he could even turn me. I was honestly glad that it was Edward's venom coursing through my now silent body, and the thought that I would be able to truly be with him forever made me inexplicably happy, unless... he didn't want me anymore...

"Bella," Jasper called in his soothing Southern drawl, "are you alright? You seem upset. I know you have been through a terrible ordeal, but I can help you, if you want me to."

I looked at him again, this time remembering that he was not really as vicious as he appeared. His face looked sympathetic, and worried. "No, thank you. I'm fine. I'm just having a hard time remembering anything from before, and I feel so... parched."

Carlisle spoke next, "You should probably hunt. We have some human blood from the blood bank if you don't feel ready for that yet. Honestly, Bella, I'm amazed. Your change took less time than the usual three days."

"How long?" I asked.

"Only about 36 hours," Carlisle replied. "Edward had an ingenious idea to inject venom directly into your heart, and he bit you in many places, maximizing the exposure. I think you might be the fastest change I have known. I am glad that your suffering was lessened."

Edward must have been so strong to be able to save me and stop himself from killing me. I always knew he was, but he didn't give himself enough credit. I looked again at Edward, but this time I really looked at him. I know that I always thought he was beautiful, but my human eyes must have been too weak to see him properly. He was magnificent, and he was mine... at least, I hoped so. His worried composure never slackened, and it made me wonder if he regretted that I was like him now. He was always so resistant to changing me before. I felt like I was multi-tasking my thoughts at an incredible rate and I was about to go into sensory overload. Then I remembered again that my throat was scorching, and my hand flew up to it in response. Jasper still looked puzzled, and he kept glancing at Edward like they were having one of their mental conversations. I didn't appreciate that it seemed like they were silently discussing me.

Finally, Jasper just said to Edward, "I don't understand. This isn't fair."

I looked at Edward curiously, hoping he would explain. He touched my cheek and said, "Don't fret. Jasper has been assessing your mood since you awoke. He doesn't understand how you can be so in control of your emotions, being such a fresh newborn. Usually when people first wake up, they are extremely defensive and vicious to everyone around them. He hoped, er, thought you would struggle with your cravings especially."

"But why would I hurt you?" I asked. "Your like my... um, I care about all of you a lot." I wanted to say they were my family more than anything, but they were not. I was just the hopeless human girl that hung around with Edward. They protected me because they didn't want Edward to go and kill himself over me - he told me that when James nearly killed me that he made "contingency plans". It's not like we were married or anything. I started to feel a little out of place, like I was an outsider. I worried about where I would go if they didn't want me around. I guessed that they would at least wait until my newborn phase was over before setting me loose on humanity, but what then? I had nowhere to go. I wanted to cry...

Carlisle interjected, "Perhaps, this is her talent? Self-control? She knew what it would be like to be one of us, maybe that knowledge has prepared her to be more or less herself."

So I got to skip the whole crazed newborn phase? I mean, I certainly didn't _feel_ out of control, but there were no people around so how could I know for sure? On the other hand, did that mean they would want me to leave sooner? I always felt like such a burden to them, bringing them trouble, like James and Victoria.

I foggily remembered school was almost over... maybe I would be able to go to graduation. Charlie and Renee would have been so hurt to miss it, since it is such a big moment in life. Life... I was not alive. What had they told my parents? I asked Edward almost as soon as the thought crossed my mind.

"Well," he began slowly, "we had Alice tell Charlie that you and Jacob had run away together. It was the best excuse for your absence, since no one has seen Jacob since... well, since your altercation. I assumed Charlie would have told your mother. We were too pressed for time trying to save you that I did not think much farther ahead than that."

Maybe I would be able to visit my dad again and straighten everything out. I desperately hoped that my so-called self-control would allow that sooner rather than later.

Edward asked me again if I wanted to hunt. I figured there was no time like the present to learn, and I really wanted to quench the flames in my esophagus, so I might as well get it over with. I would probably make a complete fool of myself, and Emmett would tease me for the rest of my existence, that is if I was still with the Cullens. I recalled that I had always wanted to see Edward hunt, so this seemed to be a good idea. He led me slowly to the front door, but as soon as I stepped across the threshold, I had a flash of warning. I closed my eyes in fear, and it was like a red strobe light was flashing behind my eyelids and warning sirens were going off in my head. I felt terrified.

"Bella? Bella, are you alright?" Edward asked. "Love, what's wrong? Please, talk to me. I had truly hoped I would be able to hear your thoughts now that you were like me, but alas, your mind is silent as ever. That, and you aren't moving, so I don't have your face to read either."

"I don't know! I just had this... gut feeling or something. Like danger is nearby," I told him, my now melodic voice full of panic. Edward kept calling me "love", but I felt like it was just reflexive. I mean, he hadn't tried to kiss me, or even touch me, other than hold my hand. I started despairing again before I remembered the danger I sensed.

I heard leaves rustling, and then a big wolf appeared at the edge of the trees. I felt the panic rise again, and I unconsciously sank into a defensive crouch, hissing and baring my teeth at it. This was the danger I felt, my enemy.

Edward held his hand out to the wolf, motioning for him to stay still. He told me it was Seth Clearwater, one of the Quileute boys. I thought I knew his name, but every instinct in my body was telling me to fight. I also noted the dull pulsating throb in Seth's neck, though he did not smell very good... kind of like a wet dog. It still made venom well up in my mouth. I gulped it down convulsively.

"He won't harm you, Bella. Seth is a friend, not your enemy. I wonder..." Edward trailed off, lost in thought. He told Seth, "Maybe you should go human for now, so that you can speak for yourself."

The wolf started vibrating rapidly, and he condensed down on himself into a... boy. Seth! I _did_ remember him! He had a sister, Leah, and he was friends with Jake. _Where is Jake? Is he alright?_ I worried to myself. "Jake...?" I croaked.

"Jake's fine, Bella," Seth answered. "He's taking some time, um, to himself. He's pretty far away right now. What happened with you tore him up really bad, and he left. I've been letting him know what's been going on though. He's glad you're okay."

"Oh," was all I could think to say. Jake was gone. He must have been beating himself up about all this, which was stupid. Either that, or he hated me so much that he wanted to be as far away from me as possible. I wished that I could see him, and comfort him. I didn't hold him responsible. It was my fault - I was the one who betrayed his love, the one who broke his heart. The fact that he left his father and pack behind in La Push made me feel terribly guilty.

We said goodbye to Seth and Edward led me into the woods to find some deer. We were in no hurry, so we walked at a human pace for a while and he explained to me about the treaty not being broken, and that Jake had saved his life, all of our lives. I was surprised Jacob would stand up for the Cullens, but Edward explained that it was actually Jake that begged him to turn me. This did nothing to console me that Edward wanted me. _Why did someone else have to tell him to turn me? _I thought gloomily.

Edward was leading the way, picking up the pace until we were running. He told me to give myself over to my newly heightened senses and try it on my own. I caught a whiff of something that smelled warm and delicious, and after Edward nodded to proceed, I went in search of its source. I took off running at top speed, and it was exhilarating. I confidently flew among the trees, seeing each and every detail of the forest in slow motion, though I could tell by the wind in my hair that I was speeding by it. The sensation made me remember how I felt riding my motorcycle, except this was far more fun. My body moved almost on its own, and my new self was neither awkward nor clumsy, but agile and graceful.

I saw a couple of deer drinking from a stream, and I stopped dead in my tracks because I noticed the sound of something following me. I had the same strange sirens and red lights go off in my head, and I whirled around ready to defend myself. From my stance, I came face to face with Edward, who was holding his hands up in front of him, trying to show me he meant no harm. I felt awful that I had almost attacked him.

"Why did you do that?" he asked. "Did you have that 'gut feeling' again?"

"Yes."

"Bella, this is amazing!" Edward said joyously.

I was somewhat irked that my problematic intuition made him happy. _Is there something wrong with me_? I remembered asking him once. I think it had to do with my brain, but I could not recall exactly.

He continued, smiling, "I think you might have a gift for sensing danger, which is somewhat ironic since you always seemed to attract it. However, you had all those dreams, and they often seemed like premonitions. I would have thought they would have manifested as something similar to Alice's talent, but I think it is still a precognitive talent of sorts."

"But I thought you could only have one talent. What about my self-control?" I asked.

He replied, "Perhaps your self-control is more a matter of your previous wishes to be like us - it was almost preparation - and your maturity, rather than a talent. Do you remember what you asked me when we first started talking? You asked me if I was a superhero, particularly if I was bitten by a radioactive spider, like Peter Parker. I find it an interesting coincidence that you seem to have his 'Spidey Sense'," he chuckled.

I could not believe that I even had a talent. I always felt so... ordinary as a human. Edward asked to show me how he hunted, since by now we had scared the deer away, so I waited for him to continue. I had no clue what I was supposed to do anyway. I would have probably made a mess of myself trying to take down an animal without seeing it done first. He picked up the scent of a mountain lion, his favorite, and took it down gracefully, not spilling a drop, or even mussing his hair. Watching him drink from the lion, his eyes locked onto mine, was... exciting. I had to have him, whether he wanted to keep me or not. I had to show him that he was mine. As soon as he was finished I launched myself over the lion's dry body and tackled Edward, planting kisses everywhere I could.

He pushed me back gently. "_Ow_, Bella. Be gentle with me," he laughed. "You forget you are stronger than all of us right now. By the way, you should challenge Emmett to some kind of feat of strength. Jasper and I have already agreed on our wagers. I chose you to win, of course."

Edward pulled me back to him slowly, trying to convey that I needed to be more deliberate with my actions. _More frickin' rules? _ I thought that Edward would have been past all of his trepidation, particularly since we had slept together already. Thankfully, that was one memory that was not hazy for me, but remembering it made me crave him again.

I still could not read his feelings about my change, but then my body just took over for my brain. This time, when I kissed him, he didn't hold back. He kissed me with a passion like he never had before, not even when we made love. He didn't have to be careful anymore, and I really preferred it that way. We ended up rolling around on the ground, mashing our lips and bodies together until neither of us could stand it any longer, all the while with Edward saying things like, "Mine. I love you. I need you." When he moaned my name in his velvet voice, I couldn't stop myself. That was the second time Edward and I had sex, but it may as well have been the first. It was so different - it was utterly mind-blowing. He did not have to be careful with me anymore, and I finally realized how much he had been holding himself back.

I lay on the forest floor with my head on his shoulder, fully content. He was tracing lazy lines with his fingers along my side, but he eventually broke the comfortable silence. "Aren't you still thirsty, my love?"

"Well, I wasn't until you brought it up again." I mimicked Edward's hunt, bringing down a mountain lion of my own. I bit down on the throbbing, delicious smelling throat and started to drink it all in, spilling only a bit. The warm liquid soothed my aching throat and the fire felt quenched, at least for a while. I couldn't help but look for Edward's reaction to seeing me like this. I was afraid that he would be repulsed, just because it was _me_ drinking blood. He probably felt guilty about changing me all over again. At first Edward had a look of shock and concern, most likely for my safety, but then as he was watching me drink my fill, his eyes darkened and he lunged at _me_ this time. Make that the third time we had sex...

**A/N: **Yes I know Edward and Bella should not be having all this sex before marriage, BUT I think they would have if he thought he could control himself (even despite his old-fashioned convictions). My Edward is far more desperate, so there. I'm sure he still feels bad about it. We'll see in the next chapter. Thank you for reading! A review would be lovely. Please also recommend Chromosphere to your friends if you like it (that's the biggest compliment you can give!).


	12. Chapter 12 Perfection

Disclaimer: SM owns, I'm just having fun. Please enjoy.

**Ch 12. Perfection**

_"Assassin" _– John Mayer

_Should have turned around_

_And left before the sun came up again_

_But the sun came up again_

_I was a killer, was the best they'd ever seen_

_I'd steal your heart before you ever heard a thing_

_I'm an assassin and I had a job to do_

_Little did I know that girl was an assassin too_

_Suddenly I'm in over my head and I could hardly breathe_

_Suddenly I'm floating over her bed and I feel everything_

_Suddenly I know exactly what I did, but I cannot move a thing_

_Suddenly I know exactly what I'd done _

_And what it's gonna mean to me, mean to me_

_I'm gone_

**EPOV**

There was not a more perfect vampire than my Bella. I still cursed myself for taking away her soul, especially since it was without her consent, but I could not deny that she was spectacular. I vowed while she lay on the bed, my venom creeping through her system, that I would not let her become a ravenous murderer. I knew that Jasper and Emmett had a bet on how many people she would kill as a newborn, but I would not let that happen. She would be so upset if she murdered an innocent, even if it was an accident. I screwed up a lot in the past, but I would not fail her in this.

Bella's new body certainly had its advantages over her human one. Though I would miss gazing into the depths of her chocolate eyes, the rubies that replaced them reached just as far into her soul. With a little time, they would become golden, like ours. Being next to her was pure pleasure since my throat mo longer ached for her, although the rest of my being longed for her affections more than ever. I did not have to worry about making her cold all the time now that we were the same temperature, and she still felt warm and soft to me. Her hair was even more luxurious, with its rich mocha color, and the shimmer of her skin was quite becoming on her.

Each time we made love was remarkable, but I always felt so guilty afterward. We were not even married yet. I also felt that each time was so spontaneous that none of them was remotely close to what our first time together _should _have been, that they lacked the romance the love I had waited a century for deserved.

I wanted to marry her more than anything, to make her my wife _before_ I made her my mate, but everything happened so quickly that I never had a chance to even broach the subject. I had been berating myself since our first time, and then we go and do it twice more on one measly hunting trip. I did not even let her hunt first! As soon as she pounced on me, I stopped thinking about her needs and selfishly fulfilled my own desires to find out just how much more... expressive I could be now that I did not have to worry about killing her with a simple flick of my wrist. On the one hand, it was almost like a Hollywood version of our first time - more passion, more lust, more everything - but it was selfish nonetheless.

Watching Bella hunt excited me in ways I never would have dreamed. When I fantasized about her being like me, I could never picture her stalking prey and glutting herself on its blood. The fact that she chose a mountain lion was not lost on me. Whether it was because of its proximity as compared to other animals was irrelevant. She was a lioness: lithe, graceful, fluid, and lethal. I had never seen anything sexier.

Being perpetually seventeen certainly had its advantages - I was always ready for her. I took her again as soon as she was finished drinking, offering her the same courtesy she gave me, even though I had to will myself not to pounce on her sooner. _Jesus, what is wrong with me? Can't I go two seconds without forcing myself upon her? Where did this horny teenager come from? _I wondered to myself while waiting for her to finish with the lion. As soon as she drank it dry, I lunged at her, pinning her wrists to the ground above her head. We had another amazing tryst in the woods, this time initiated by me, but again, I felt like a scoundrel. I could not keep having my way with her out of wedlock; it was unseemly. Even though I knew such things were perfectly acceptable now, I still felt like each time we had intercourse was a black mark on her reputation as a decent woman.

Bella had unwittingly tightened her grip on me by allowing me to take advantage of her. She would certainly be my undoing. I had to try to curb our amorous displays, but on the other hand, I enjoyed them far too much for them to be considered legal. _She's like a drug_, I mused. The guilt I felt made me want to propose to her as soon as possible - I had kept my mother's wedding ring all these years with the intention of bestowing it to the love of my life. Why had I waited so long to ask her?

Truthfully, I was afraid of her rejection due to her severe aversion to the very idea of marriage; and she was so damned stubborn. From what I gathered, her mother was a kind, albeit self-centered woman, but she ruined her daughter for me that way. When I was alive, no one would think it odd for two people to be married at our ages. I had to come up with a plan to convince Bella to _want_ to marry me. I didn't want her to do it just so she spared my feelings. She could be selfless to a fault.

After our hunt, we made our way back to the house and found the entire family convened in the living room. Carlisle held a small box wrapped in navy blue velvet and tied with a silver bow. Emmett was sitting with Rosalie on his lap and grinning stupidly at us, since he smelled the evidence of what he had done in the woods. At least he did not know that it was more than once, or I would never hear the end of it. _Nice going, Edward. You couldn't even wait an hour after she woke up? Horny bastard, hahaha._

Alice had a similar expression on her face as Emmett's. The annoying little thing that she was had probably seen everything that transpired on that hunt. She was happy for me though, rather than mocking me. It still made me feel awkward. Jasper, of course, could feel the residual lust on both Bella and me, and smiled knowingly.

Esme walked over to us, hugged Bella and asked her, "How did it go dear? Were you able to hunt on your own?"

Bella beamed at her, quite proud of herself, and replied, "Yes, I did! Edward showed me first, but I took down my own mountain lion. I think they may be my favorite as well, it actually tasted pretty good, and I feel much better now."

Carlisle came up to put his arm around Esme. I knew they wanted to present Bella with the Cullen crest, but I was not sure if she was ready to be a part of our family. I always had my doubts when it came to her.

"Bella, I know that this life was not exactly your choice, but you are Edward's mate, even when you were human, and we would like you to join the family... officially," Carlisle said. He waited for her reply, but not as impatiently as I did.

"You... want me? To be in your family?" Bella asked in disbelief. She glanced at me, and I tried to will her with my eyes to say yes, but she instead adopted a look of bewilderment. Were she still capable, I think she may have cried. She took an incessant amount of time before answering, and it was driving me insane. I wanted her to join my family more than anything, and she would not utter a syllable! Finally, she looked at all of us and said, "I've wanted nothing more since I met all of you. I love you all so much, and I would be honored. But..."

_But? God, what could she be unhappy about? _

"... Do Edward and I have to get married? I mean, how is it official that I'm one of you?"

_So she thought about marrying me? Was this a good sign, or a sign that she did NOT want to marry me? Dammit, I wish I could hear what she was thinking!_

Carlisle looked at me with a slight smile, knowing I was going crazy at the mere mention of marriage. "Well, Bella, that is up to you and Edward. You officially join this family by your word to do so, and the acceptance of a... gift. I know how you feel about gifts, but I assure you that this is something that has been in my family for centuries, and Edward said that you were okay with things of that nature."

Bella glanced at the box nervously before squaring her shoulders and stating, "Carlisle, I want to be a member of your family, and I accept your gift. Thank you so much for asking me, and thank you all for wanting me."

At that she opened the box to reveal an ornate onyx and platinum cocktail ring with the Cullen crest on it. She gasped at its size, but was gracious enough to try it on, wiggling her fingers at me. She seemed to like it and it made me hope that she could be so gracious for me with an engagement ring. As soon as she smiled, my whole family came over to hug her and express their happiness that she was one of us. Emmett of course went overboard, and grabbed her, spinning her around and smacking her ass. I instinctively growled at him, and he looked at me with true remorse and thought, _Sorry! Sorry, Edward! I was just playing around! Cool it!_

Bella looked at me reproachfully, which only made me angrier. The fact that she did not seem to mind made me a little jealous. That ass was mine, and no one else was so much as allowed to look at it, let alone touch it! Rosalie approached Bella last, and they hugged awkwardly, but she took the opportunity to reiterate what she had told Bella before. Bella was always so forgiving, and they ended up embracing genuinely and smiling at each other.

After the excitement, Rose, Alice, and Esme whisked Bella upstairs to do some digging through their closets and some online shopping. She may have been in control, but Bella was not yet ready for a shopping mall full of people. I had my suspicions that Alice already had an entire new wardrobe delivered for Bella long before her fight with Jacob. This left the Cullen men downstairs to our own devices.

"So... Edward," Emmett began. "Did _you_ have fun on your little hunting trip? You bag a mountain lion, or maybe a lioness?" he asked with a wink.

"Emmett, we will not be discussing the time Bella and I spend together. It is not appropriate conversation," I said, hoping that he would drop it. _Of course not_, I groaned inwardly_._ He was mentally trying to figure out how many different positions Bella and I had tried so far. I was starting to get incredibly uncomfortable.

Emmett continued, "I just wanna know, man... is it better now that she's one of us? I'm curious if it's still as good without her blood calling to you at the same time. Carlisle said her blood "sings" to you. You know, I found my singer once..." _but that didn't end very well. I barely even kissed her. Shit, don't tell Rose that!_ "Sorry, I was just wondering, you don't have to answer." _I know you're a prude and don't like to talk about this stuff,_ he added mentally.

"If you must know, it is better now that I don't have worry about hurting her anymore. Of course, _she_ can hurt _me_ since she has all that newborn strength. I would be rather amused to see you duke it out," I added with a smirk at Jasper while trying to subtly change the subject.

Jasper smiled and prodded him further, "Yeah, Emmett, I bet Bella would beat you hands down." _Though I hope not, since Edward already called her to win, and I'd lose the bet. _

"No way! Everyone knows I'm the strongest. She's so tiny - it would be no contest. But seriously, Edward, she's stronger than you? That's hot." _I wish Rose could smack me around every now and then... _Emmett's mental images quickly got too carried away for my taste so I had to try to block him out. It did not do me much good since Jasper just took up the conversation where Emmett had left off.

"Seriously, Edward," Jasper began, "you need to quit feeling guilty all the time. I can tell you do every time you are with her. It is not something to feel bad about. Physical connection is just as important in a relationship as emotional and mental connections. I can assure you, Bella has never felt guilty about being with you."

"That's easy for you to say," I retorted, "you are _married_ to your mate. What we are doing is improper, and though I admit I enjoy it very much, we should not be doing it."

Carlisle looked at me sympathetically, "Son, your brother is right. It is nothing to be ashamed of. You have been around long enough to know that for our kind, physical love takes many forms, most of which are fleeting and mean nothing to the parties involved. You would be surprised at how many of your human classmates I have had to test for STDs or pregnancy because they were not careful while having intercourse. It is quite common. Take it from someone centuries older than you - you need to go with the times. Bella is your mate, and the connection you two have rivals many that I have seen in my existence. You are destined for one another, and at this point, I think marriage is simply a formality." _Don't be so hard on yourself. We all succumb to the wiles of our women, _he added, thinking of moments when Esme had seduced him. _Ugh_, I know we had a different sort of family, but I still preferred not to think of my parents that way. _Gross._

"Yeah, man," Emmett agreed, "Bella is with you for good. Why do you want to rush the marriage thing? You know she won't go for that easily."

This was getting frustrating, and more so, because Emmett was right. I did not know how to make them see this my way. I had counted on Carlisle to back me up, and he failed me with the rest of them. "I understand your viewpoints, but I cannot simply turn off the guilt that I feel afterward. It is very important to me that we get married, the sooner the better."

_I'll say. You're going to be hell to be around with your rollercoaster emotions,_ Jasper added mentally._ Lust, love, guilt. It will get irritating soon, no offense._

They were finally quiet, and left me to my thoughts for a while. I had not been alone to think since before the... accident. So much was happening, and I was so worried about Bella that I had not been able to even process the changes that had taken place in our relationship. She was now a Cullen. She was part of my family, and mine for eternity. _ I should be happy. _Nearly losing her, both to Jacob, and then to death, made me appreciate her so much more. My love for her consumed me and I thought that she felt the same. _If she loves me as much as I love her, then why won't she marry me?_ I fretted. Maybe she was only staying with me out of convenience. _That's ridiculous. She would not have accepted Carlisle's crest and not meant it. She is yours... forever,_ I reminded myself again.

I was struck with a blow of sheer brilliance. I would create a magical evening for Bella that would culminate in my idea of our "first time". I would be so romantic and passionate that she would not know what hit her. Afterward, I would propose, and she would say yes... at least, I hoped so. The only problem would be that once we were officially engaged, I would feel even worse about any sex before marriage. It would seem that two vampires - the epitome of patience - could wait a few months or (hopefully not) years for their wedding night.

However, I was not so sure that even I had _that _much resolve. My entire family told me that my self-control was so ridiculous that it was almost like another talent of mine, but I did not think I could wait that long without having Bella in my bed again. _Perhaps... this will speed things up._ She would likely be as frustrated as me and it may be enough to get her down the aisle in record time. If the thought of being married to her was not my heart's deepest desire, I would feel fiendish for setting her up this way, but as it turned out, I did not care about that in the least. I wanted her to be _mine_, officially, and before God, whether we were damned or not.

I decided since my brothers and Carlisle seemed to want to help me that I could at least ask them for some advice regarding my plan. I already had some ideas about what I wanted to do, but I could use their help anyway. Knowing me, I would ruin it by over-thinking things. I certainly had an excellent track record of doing that. We started scheming since the ladies were still upstairs with Bella. I hoped that she wasn't feeling tortured by them. I could hear their conversation, but all Bella would say was something like, "oh" or "okay". I could not glean very much of her temperament from that alone. However, I wanted to use the time she was preoccupied wisely and so I set about enacting my grand scheme - it would be my magnum opus.

**A/N: Please leave a review. I would appreciate it greatly. Thanks so much for reading!**


	13. Chapter 13 Dress Up

Disclaimer: SM owns and I dabble. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: **Not much to say, other than I hope you enjoy! FYI: this is a 20-chapter story, so we're more than halfway through!

**Ch 13. Dress-up **

"Edge of Desire" -J. Mayer

_Don't say a word; just come over and lie here with me_

_'Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see._

_I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe._

_There, I just said it; I'm scared you'll forget about me._

_So young and full of running_

_All the way to the edge of desire_

_Steady my breathing, silently screaming_

_I have to have you now._

**BPOV**

I loved Alice. She was my best friend, and now my sister. She was also the most annoying little psychic on the planet. I always thought that if I ever succeeded in convincing Edward to change me, that she would finally leave me alone about my appearance because I would be a vampire and I assumed I would be beautiful as a result. Alice, Rose, and Esme led me upstairs to "talk" and it turned into some kind of heinous makeover. I felt like a life-sized Barbie doll, but one of the pathetic ones after being tortured by a little kid. You know, lopped off hair, skin and face colored on with markers, an arm missing. It was awful.

Alice led me upstairs by the hand and then jumped on my back, covering my eyes before Rosalie opened the door to Alice and Jasper's room. My "defensive intuition" as I was calling it ("Spidey Sense" would _not_ be the term for it), only kicked in for a brief moment as Alice did this, and I was able to tell my brain to turn it off, knowing there was no danger.

I should have listened to the alarm bells clanging in my head. Once she uncovered my eyes, I stood in front of a huge rolling rack, the kind you would imagine in the wardrobe department of a prestigious fashion magazine. It appeared to take up nearly width of the whole room, which for some reason, I could tell, was twenty-four feet, three and a half inches. Not only was the rack ridiculously long, it was crammed to the point of explosion with clothes. _Clothes for me_, I guessed with a shudder.

"Alice, what the hell is all this? Didn't Jasper mind that you turned your whole room into my personal closet?" I asked, jokingly. I desperately hoped if I kept it light that she might not torture me by making me try on all of that stuff.

"No, of course he didn't mind," she said as she smiled innocently at me. "Mostly, it was to hide it all from Edward. I always knew you were going to be like us, and last week I had a vision of you being here at the house, as a vampire, and I was able to tell the date because there was a calendar on the wall. I just wish I had known you were going to be hurt so badly, or I would have done something! Jacob's involvement hid the, um... accident and its immediate aftermath from me," she confessed apologetically. "I've had to block Edward out so he didn't know about all of my preparations for your joining us. Plus, I knew that he would go all psychotic, control-freak if I told him you were going to be turned."

Once again, all I could say was, "Oh."

Then the trials began. I tried on one outfit after another. I was not quite as shy around Alice, since she had helped me get dressed and shower and everything when I came back from my run-in with James in Phoenix, but I could not have been more self-conscious about changing clothes in front of Rosalie. As vain as she was, she never appeared to criticize me, except when I complained about an article of clothing, or gave an underwhelming response like, "Okay". In fact, she complimented me quite a bit, and it made me start to realize that maybe she didn't hate me after all.

Unfortunately for me, the clothes on the rack were not the only torture Alice had in mind. She started pulling out boxes of dangerous-looking shoes that I would never be caught dead wearing. _ Or undead, _I thought with a only that, but she had a pile of fancy gift boxes all lined with tissue paper and stuffed with the most embarrassing lingerie imaginable. The tags weren't even in English, and that made me even more worried about the items she had selected. Thankfully, Esme was on my side for that one and talked Alice out of making me try any of it on in front of them.

What Alice was to clothes, Rosalie was to hair. Granted, my hair was as close to perfect as it would ever be, but she insisted on trying out style after style to find one she thought best suited me. Thankfully, her fingers whirred through my hair at vampire speed, pulling and twisting, and she was finished with me in about five minutes. Of course, after torturing me, she decided that it looked best naturally parted down the middle, framing my face with my now shiny waves.

I nodded distractedly at my sisters as they continued to shove me into what seemed like hundreds of new outfits. Luckily, after the first few minutes, they were talking more to each other than to me, discussing what looked best on me and how much makeup they could trust me with. It was nice, in a way, because it gave me time to think to myself. Even with all the extra space in my brain, I still hadn't really come to grips with all that happened.

I know I had just spent time alone with Edward when we went hunting, and well... anyway, we did not exactly get a chance to talk things out. I felt like there were still some unresolved issues with us. Did he really want me to join his family? He looked like he was freaking out about it when Carlisle asked me, but Carlisle wouldn't have asked if Edward didn't want me too. _Right? _It was possible the Cullens were just taking responsibility for me as a newborn so that the Volturi did not pay them a visit. I asked if Edward and I had to get married, and Edward's expression became even more crazed. I was afraid that was because marrying me was the last thing he wanted.

Sure, we enjoyed our hunting trip, but maybe he hadn't meant it. I know _I_ was caught up in the moment, and not thinking clearly. I don't know if I was even thinking at all, and I worried that he regretted being with me. I really wanted to talk to Edward, but I was trapped at the hands of the women of the family. My sisters, and... mother... in-law? This was certainly going to be a little more awkward being in Edward's family, but not being completely bound to Edward. I mean, sure, Carlisle said I was Edward's mate, but what did that even mean? Was that what I was called just because we had sex? Did that make me his girlfriend? Was it a permanent title? I stupidly wondered if there was a vampire handbook to explain these sorts of things.

I was a Cullen now, but my name wasn't Cullen. I hated the very idea of marriage after watching the disaster that occurred between my parents, but I felt out of place since I didn't share their name – well, Edward's name. He was so old-fashioned, I never dreamed that he would ever in a million years have sex with me before we were married. Now that he had, did that mean he didn't want to marry me? _Did he ever want to marry me?_

All of these questions and concerns were pinging around in my head like a damned pinball, making me want nothing more than to be alone, but I did not want to be rude about giving Alice her fun. They had certainly spent a ton of money on my new wardrobe, and it seemed so important to her that I "ooh" and "aah" appropriately while we sifted through it. I was glad that we were at least confined to her room and this wasn't a family-wide fashion show. Emmett would have embarrassed me, and I would have been too self-conscious to whirl and twirl for Edward. _Crap, where am I going to live? Do I stay in Edward's room? _I decided it was a good thing I didn't need somewhere to sleep.

I started feeling like I had agreed to the whole Cullen family situation before really thinking it through. I meant what I said - I did want to be a part of their family and loved them all very much - but things were more complicated now. Before Edward ran off on me, it was so simple. I planned to join his family when he turned me (if ever) and I thought we would probably get married some day in the distant future. I never thought about where sex would factor into the timeline because I never considered it a possibility before we were married since Edward always harped on his infuriating rules. It seemed that it had complicated things.

"Hello? Earth to Bella?" Alice asked, snapping her fingers in my face.

I must have gotten completely lost in thought. _Oops. _

"Oh, um, sorry, Alice. What did you say?"

"I was just asking what you thought about this dress. I thought you could wear it to graduation."

_Is she crazy? _ I know I was thinking earlier that it would be nice to go to graduation, but would I really be able to tolerate being around so many people? The dress was surprisingly my style, or at least it wasn't some binding satiny thing. It was a simple navy blue jersey knit cotton dress with cap sleeves and an empire waist of contrasting satin bands in white and dark brown that also went around the hem and neckline. It plunged a little lower than I was comfortable with, but it fit well, so I did not feel terribly exposed. It had a flattering cut and strategic ruching that accentuated curves that I never knew I had.

"I don't... know. The dress is actually pretty nice, but I just don't know if I'll be ready by graduation," I answered her.

Alice smiled at me and tapped her index finger to her temple saying, "Of course you will, silly. I've already seen it. Your parents will be there and they will be so proud of you, big surprise. Charlie will cry."

If she really had this vision, that meant I would be able to see my family again in less than two months. I was thrilled at the prospect, but frightened about how we would explain my supposed running off with Jake, not to mention my new... improvements. I voiced my concerns to my sisters and Esme, and they assured me that we would figure it all out. They were good at lying to maintain appearances, and this would have to be my first lesson at doing so.

They did give me some brief tips on faking human behavior. They told me how often to breathe, blink, fidget and shift my weight. It was odd to have to tell myself to do these things, since stillness was quite peaceful. I could now understand how Edward was able to appear as a statue. They promised me that I would quickly learn to do it involuntarily, and not have to concentrate so hard.

During our short lesson, Alice's expression went blank as a vision popped into her head. The strange thing was that even though I knew she was having a vision, this time, I could also see a light blue halo surrounding her head. As I squinted at the strange light, it began shrinking closer to her head until it disappeared, and she looked around in confusion. It seemed like she only got a quick glimpse of something that was happening. Regardless, she gave me a wink and a conspiratory smile and forced me into more clothes.

This reminded me a little of the weird light I saw emanating from Edward when Carlisle was asking me to join the family. Edward was staring at me (probably trying to read my mind), apparently bordering on insanity, when all of a sudden I noticed a similar glow emanating from Edward's face. I looked at the soft yellow light curiously, and then it vanished. I supposed I just wasn't used to my vampire vision yet.

A few hours later, I was finally released from Alice's clutches. I went downstairs to look for Edward and invited him to go for a walk with me. I still wanted to talk to him, and I did not want his entire family hearing our conversation. At least now, I could tell how far away we needed to be just by walking until we could no longer hear them. He eagerly agreed and grabbed my hand as we walked out the door into the evening.

"Look, Bella. It's twilight again. This will be your first night that you will not have to sleep," he reminded me.

"What are we supposed to do?" I asked. I was wondering how I would be able to find ways to occupy myself with so many more hours in my day. However, with all my new senses, I could probably spend hours just staring, since everything about the world was all new to me. Maybe I could pick up a hobby. _Painting or sketching, perhaps? _I thought the Cullen family could use another artist. Esme was more of a designer and architect. Alice was the fashion expert, and Rose was almost as musically inclined as Edward. I had always liked painting, nature especially, but I was never very good at it. _Maybe photography._

Edward smiled my favorite smile and told me, "Whatever you want, love. We have forever to do anything that pleases you."

"Edward, when you say we..." I began, mimicking our parting words that I barely remembered, although we were certainly in a far different set of circumstances.

He cringed at the same memory, which of course was not under a film of human haziness like mine. "I mean you and me, Bella. Why would you ask such a thing?" he inquired, with his usual look of concern, but it also had a hint of mischief. I wondered what he was up to.

I was afraid of the answer, but I asked, "Well, do you still want... me?"

His face blanched with shock and he started speaking rapidly, "Bella, you are utterly absurd! Why on Earth would I _not_ want you? Have my actions not made it clear to you how much I love you - how much I _want_ you? You are my _mate_. It's not a term we dole out lightly. I suppose you would understand better if I said we were soul mates, but you know how I feel about the souls of vampires. However, I may have to rethink that as it pertains to the existence of _your _soul, for I cannot allow myself to believe that you are damned. The question is, do _you_ still want _me_?"

I was braced for rejection, but his question caught me completely off guard. "What does that even mean Edward? You are _not_ that stupid!" I screeched, "Of _course_ I want you. I love you so much, it's just that I was afraid because I'm not the... same... as before. I was worried that what happened, on our hunt, was just due to instinct or something. I didn't know how you really felt about me being like you."

Edward's brow creased, and he looked at a loss for words. "Bella, I have told you time and again that I love you. The times that we have expressed our love physically were... the very best I have ever known. But, I have been cursing myself because I thought that I was taking advantage of you. You are the most perfect creature, and I am heartily glad that you are so much less fragile than you were as a human. To be able to fully express myself to you, without having to hold anything back, has given me such happiness. There has never been one as beautiful as you. I love you, truly and with all my... soul."

I blinked reflexively in shock. _Okay, say something better than 'oh'. _All I could think to say was, "So you think you have a soul again, do you?"

Edward clasped my hands and said, "I know I always told you that we were damned, but now that you are part of my life... _forever _- how can I doubt that I am blessed? Perhaps, you have yet again proven me wrong, my love. You seem to have a talent for that," he added with a smirk.

I laughed at his compliment, and was elated by the happiness that was emanating from his eye-touching smile. I was so glad that we finally understood each other. We stood among the trees just holding each other for a while. I still had some concerns about the whole marriage thing from before, but the moment was too perfect to ruin it with legalities. I told Edward that Alice said I would be able to go to graduation, and he was pleased with the concept as well.

He promised he would help me through it so that I could have a special day with my family. Thankfully, all my months as a hermit before meant I had been doing well in my classes and I was already exempt from my finals. He assured me that Carlisle would take care of everything and all that I had to do was work on building up my tolerance to people. I would probably not go back to school, and just show up at graduation. The only thing I did not like about that was that I would definitely get a lot of attention from people for disappearing and then just showing up at random, but it would be worth it, especially for my parents.

After we finished talking about graduation, Edward took both of my hands in his and said, "Love, I would like to make your first sleepless night special. Would you do me the honor of giving me your undivided attention for the rest of the evening?"

_Wow, that sounds rather enticing, _I thought happily. "Of course I will! Your, I mean, _our_ family won't mind?"

"Oh, not at all," he answered. "They are giving us tonight as a gift as well. They understand that we have been through a lot in a short amount of time and would be happy for us to, uh... rekindle our relationship. They have all been thinking that _you _might not want to be with _us_, and you have made them extremely happy today. That ring is quite becoming on you, by the way. You don't mind wearing it?" he asked.

"Well, I was never a huge fan of jewelry, but I hardly even feel it on my hand. I thought it would feel heavy because of its size, but I should have known if I could now pull a tree from the ground, roots and all, that a cocktail ring wouldn't weigh a thing. And it's, I dunno... like I have a part of you with me, since it represents your family. I like it," I concluded sincerely.

Edward's face lit up, looking like he had won some great prize. I figured he must have been very glad that I could be convinced to accept Carlisle's gift. In an instant, he slung me onto his back and took off running, just like we used to do. The forest was amazing as I looked at it in detail. Each leaf shone in the moonlight, and I could still see everything around me. I could tell it was dark, but it just didn't matter with vampire vision. It was beautiful and the night was peaceful.

He finally slowed to a walk and let me down. I reminded him that I was capable of running nearly as fast as him, and he just joked that it still was not fast enough. I asked him why he was in such a hurry when we had all night, but he just shrugged and gave me a coy smile. _What the hell is he up to? _I wondered again.

I thought I could make out a change in the lighting up ahead. Covering my eyes with his hands - apparently surprises were a Cullen thing - he walked behind me and steered me towards our destination. Since I was with Edward, my internal alarms did not sound. I told myself to shut them off for anyone I considered family. I didn't want to freak out every time one of them touched me. After a few more minutes he stopped and uncovered my eyes.

Our meadow. It was exquisite. The trees at the edge of the forest were decorated in twinkling white Christmas lights, and there were tall candelabras encircling the perimeter, bathing the meadow in a dancing, warm glow. There was also an inner ring of waist-high candles, creating another tier of flickering light. Overhead, paper lanterns were strung in crisscrossing patterns. I could see they were suspended on fishing line, but they looked like they were simply floating in midair. The wildflowers were still in bloom and they also seemed to dance in the slight breeze. Everything about our most special place was swaying and dancing, as if the electricity I felt surging through me was making everything else hum with life. I was mesmerized.

There was a plush path from our point of entrance made of blood-red rose petals. We left in such a hurry that I didn't even remember shoes, and the soft roses under my feet were a pleasurable sensation. The rose path led to the center of the meadow where the Cullen's baby grand piano was sitting in front of a _huge_ wrought iron, four-poster bed that with a draping canopy of flowing cream chiffon and silk. The bed was simply made with dark blue satin sheets and a tasteful navy and cream striped duvet (since it's not like we would get cold) and there were more rose petals scattered on top. _Wow. This is amazing_, I thought to myself. While I was deeply touched by all the effort Edward had obviously put into this, I did wonder about all the theatrics.

"Edward Cullen, what is all of this? Are you expecting to get lucky tonight?" I inquired jokingly. I probably should have started with a compliment because Edward looked reproachable more than anything.

"Umm..." he began awkwardly. Edward was always so confident; I found his loss of words slightly amusing. "Well, I feel like everything between us happened so quickly, that I deprived you of any romance. I was worried that you might think me callous since every time we have made love was rather... unexpected, at least for me."

"Unexpected..."

Edward smiled, "Don't worry... I mean just that, Bella. It is not that I don't enjoy every moment with you, those in particular. I just thought you deserved better than that."

He was so ridiculous sometimes. Every time we were together was the kind of thing you would write a sonnet about. I did see his point about it being rather spontaneous, but he was ridiculous nonetheless. I tried to set him straight. "I'm not really _that_ kind of girl Edward. You should know that by now. Your outlandish displays of affection tend to make me feel uncomfortable." He winced, looking like a failure. He still didn't get it, so I added, "Stop. I love this - it's amazing. I just mean, you don't have to feel obligated to do things like this for me."

"I can't help it. I am _that_ kind of guy - it is the way I was raised. A man should court his beloved. Since I returned, I feel I never had the chance to do it properly. That's all this is, I assure you," he added with another dazzling smile.

"Okay, then," I allowed. "I know what you mean about time. Everything happened so fast. I'm actually glad we're alone because I felt like I haven't really been able to talk to you about anything. I feel terrible that you saw me kiss Jacob, and especially that it was here. I came here to try to hear your voice again, but it didn't work. I didn't think you were ever coming back, and I feel like I've tainted this place for us. But, it _is_ amazing so thank you. I'm sorry, and I love you so much," I said, placing my hands on either side of his handsome face.

Edward pulled me towards him and grazed his fingers along my cheek, "As I love you. And don't apologize for your actions regarding Jacob. You were trying to move on, as I had intended. Though that memory pains me, it was completely the result of my own actions, and I do not hold anything against you for it. Besides, I suggest we fill this place with new memories of our life together... for eternity." He held my face and kissed me sweetly, but of course it just brought lust to the forefront of my multi-tasking new brain and I was completely enraptured. He pushed me back, laughing gently, "Bella, love, can we at least make it to the bed?"

I frowned in frustration at him and replied with a wink, "Only if we run." He immediately scooped me up into his arms and a split second later we were indeed on the bed.

After kissing for what felt like hours, Edward stopped for a moment, like he had something dire on his mind. "Bella, I just wanted you to know... I did all of this because our first time together should have been perfect, rather than a random act. I did this so that I could give you the romance and love you deserve."

"Edward," I panted, "you are so ridiculous. Stop apologizing all the time. That day... when I finally realized you were actually real and not a hallucination, I could not have been any happier. It was wonderful, so I guess the question is: why didn't you enjoy it as much as I did?"

He made his usual face of frustration. After an interminable silence, he just told me I was absurd. I couldn't help but laugh at him. We were a pair of over-analyzing, completely absurd, madly in love vampires. His family was going to get tired of us quickly, I joked with him. After the tension was lifted again, he resumed making me feel loved and desired.

He paused, much to my disappointment, to play for me. Edward had composed a new piece that was completely breathtaking. It began with my lullaby, and then morphed as he told our story through his music, flowing effortlessly through the emotions he felt when we were apart back into those that sang of pure love. It was perfect, and I was at a total loss for words. When he was finished, I simply held his hand and rested my head on his shoulder. He reached for my chin, forcing me to look into his smoldering eyes, and he kissed me deeply as he carried me back to the bed. We increased our bedroom repertoire about a hundred-fold that night (not having to sleep certainly had its advantages). The only problem was that since we didn't have to sleep, then how would we know when to stop?

Dawn started breaking as I lay in Edward's arms while he sang softly to me. I had never been more at peace. I looked up into his tawny eyes and couldn't help but smile. He stopped singing and asked what I was thinking. I put my head back down on his chest so he couldn't see the embarrassment on my face - I was secretly glad that he still couldn't read my thoughts, even though I was like him now. _I was just thinking how unbelievably talented you are in bed._

Instead, I looked back up at him and said, "I was just thinking how much I love you."

Edward looked puzzled, but smiled devilishly, "Oh really? I thought you were thinking about how 'talented' I am."

_What the hell? How did he hear that? _I wondered frantically.

"Bella, are you alright? Say something," he begged.

"Um... I didn't say that out loud."

Edward was still confused. "Say what out loud? What's wrong?"

I confessed, "All I said was I love you. I didn't say anything about your... talents. I may have thought about them though."

"_WHAT_?" he shouted. "Do you mean I heard your thoughts? Holy shit! Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry for swearing, I just can't believe it!" Edward looked like a kid on Christmas morning. I don't think I had ever seen him so excited. He gripped my by the shoulders, asking, "Bella, you have to tell me, what were you thinking or feeling before I heard you?"

Nothing seemed particularly special to me, so I just said, "I dunno, Edward. I was just... happy. I felt sort of peaceful, I guess." I could almost see the wheels turning in his brilliant mind, but I did not see how this could have happened. _Damn, me and my stupid brain! _I might have to learn to censor myself around him after all.

"Not to worry, love. I have some ideas, but we will just have to monitor this for a while to try and decide what it means. I suppose my talent could have gotten stronger, but I'm sure it is something to do with you. I have to admit, this is very exciting for me. Speaking of exciting..." he led off. _NOW what the hell is he up to? _I wondered nervously. He suggested I get dressed, and said that he would be right back, and we would hunt together before going home. I had a weird feeling about this, and although my "intuition" was not ringing alarm bells, it was certainly voicing its opinion.

Edward returned as soon as I was dressed, also fully clothed, and came over to me to wish me a good morning. It was actually a beautiful morning in Forks, being only partly cloudy, and not raining for a change. Edward walked back to me, his skin alternatively glinting between the shadows of the clouds and the early morning shafts of sunlight. He sat next to me, and I waited for him to speak.

"Bella, there's something I want to ask you..." he began. "I know you think I'm old-fashioned when it comes to our relationship, but I must confess our recent developments in the bedroom, well you know what I mean, make me feel terribly guilty. You would make me the happiest man on Earth, if you would agree to... marry me."

_WHAT? He's proposing? What is behind his back? Isn't this what I want too? _I got terribly flustered again, but I realized I wanted his name and his vows more than I cared to admit. I was already part of his family, but being his... wife... would make me feel so much more so. "Of course I will!" I beamed at him.

"Really?" he asked in disbelief. "I thought you would be much more difficult about this. Well, then, let me do it properly." Taking my hand, he knelt in front of me, looked directly into my eyes and said, "Isabella Marie Swan, I will love you and care for you for the rest of eternity. Will you do me the utmost honor and marry me?"

"Yes, Edward. I will," was the most formal answer I could conjure.

He slipped a beautiful antique ring on my finger, accompanied with the most triumphant smile I had ever seen on his face. The ring was stunning. It had a vertical line of three round diamonds that were surrounded with a ruby oval. The oval was studded with more diamonds that cast rainbows in the sun, like my hand did. I asked where it came from, noting that it did not look like something you could buy in a store, and he informed me that it was his mother's wedding ring. Edward also pointed out that the rubies were even more appropriate now because they would always remind him of my eyes on this day, even after they turned golden. It was perfect.

"Bella, I do have one condition..." he added.

_I should have known. _I arched my eyebrow at him, waiting for his surely infuriating condition.

"Last night could not have been more wonderful. I love you so much, and I have never been happier than I am right now. It was definitely the very best night I have ever experienced. However, from today forward... I want to wait to make love until after we are married."

_DAMMIT! _I thought. He could not have made a more preposterous suggestion. "Edward, I think that's a little ridiculous," I told him.

"Please, Bella," he begged. "I want to do this the right way. I don't feel right about all of our sexual escapades when we aren't married yet. How long we have to wait is purely up to you, my love."

I narrowed my eyes in suspicion and asked, "What do you mean?"

He smiled mischievously and said, "You have to set the date for our wedding."

He was such a schemer! _ I bet he had this planned all along. _"Well, honestly, Edward, I would prefer to wait until after graduation, and most of our friends have gone off to college. I would feel too weird telling people we were engaged in high school. It's not normal."

"Suit yourself, Bella. We have all of eternity," he said.

_That filthy little cheater!_ He knew this would speed things up.

**A/N: You can find a link on my profile for the ring that was my inspiration.**

**Let me know what you think. A review would make me smile, probably for a long time.**

**Next up, we'll see what the hell Jake has been up to since he ran away. He's had some interesting developments as well.**


	14. Chapter 14 Nomad

Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight, JM owns songs. I own everything else, not that anyone would bother to steal it. :)

**A/N: **Sorry this one took a little while. It was a crazy week. I will try to make it up to you with a quicker update this week. I hope you find what happened to Jake interesting! He does have a potty mouth, so please don't read if F-bombs offend you.

Thanks for reading. Big thanks also to everyone who has added this story to their list of faves! It really means a lot. 3

* * *

**Ch 14. Nomad**

Split Screen Sadness – J. Mayer_  
I called  
Because  
I just  
Need to feel you on the line  
Don't hang up this time  
And I know it was me who called it over but  
I still wish you'd fought me 'til your dying day  
Don't let me get away_

**JPOV**

I had to be the biggest dope on the planet. I made one dumb decision after another. First, I nearly killed the girl I loved more than anything in the world. Then, I tell her ex-fucking-boyfriend to go and make her a vampire. _Then_, I go and save his sorry ass from my own people. _What the hell was I thinking?_

I never even wanted to be the Alpha - I wasn't exactly leadership material, and I didn't want to be a shape-shifter in the first place. However, I couldn't stand aside and mentally watch my brothers attack Seth and Leah, in order to wipe out the Cullens (and Bella). The fact that he... bit her... the filthy leech... was my own fault. If I hadn't gutted my best friend, she would still be safe and in my arms. Oh yeah, except she fucking cheated on me by sleeping with a dead guy. _Awesome._

The whole confrontation between the pack and the Cullens was crazy. I went human for two fucking seconds to wash my stupid shorts, and when I come back everyone's about to kill each other! I was just glad that Seth and Leah were phased so I knew right away. I hated that bloodsucker and his "family" more than anything, but he had saved Bella from my mistake, and I couldn't let him be killed by my brothers when he was just trying to help.

Once I butted in, and "claimed my birthright" I felt pretty weird - like I had the fever again and my skin, and even fur, hurt. It was pretty much the way that I felt right before I phased for the first time, like I had some kind of awful flu. Sure, I felt the power rise up within me, but why did it have to hurt? Thankfully, it was pretty short-lived and I felt fine after an hour or so.

After the immediate fight was avoided, I realized there were some unresolved issues. Most of the pack had gone human, or crashed after their adrenaline highs. After giving everyone a few hours to rest, I asked Seth to round everyone up so we could talk things through. I hated giving orders, but Seth seemed to love having a job.

After everyone was phased, I said, _Look guys. I'm sorry I just pulled rank like that, but you were not thinking about the big picture. I meant what I said - the Cullens deserve the title of protectors. They were all ready to fight Victoria and her little army of vampire noobs. They do not hurt people. Yes, Edward bit Bella, but I begged him to do it. Everything that went down was my fault. _

_It's bullshit! _Paul mentally shouted. Leah (who was supposed to be on my side) agreed with him. I asked Sam if he would handle things until I got back.

He answered, _No, Jacob. I will not. I could not disagree with you more on this. I will have no part of a pack that DEFENDS vampires. I don't care if you asked him to help you or not. He broke the treaty, and I still think they all deserve to die for helping him. Of course, I have to listen to you... chief, _he scoffed.

Sam had a one-track mind, and he was wrong. I told him, _I'm sorry to hear that Sam. I never meant to take that responsibility from you, but it was the right thing to do. You were going to have the whole pack spill innocent blood, and I couldn't let that happen. I do plan to come back to the rez and take responsibility for the tribe, but I just need a little time to sort things out for myself._

_Look, Jake, _Sam continued,_ I am not contesting your rights to lead this pack, or the tribe. I just disagree with you. Em and I are getting married in a couple of weeks anyway, and after what I did to her, I have decided that I'm going to quit my wolf. I am not going to phase anymore so that I can grow old with my wife._

I couldn't believe he was going to leave the pack, and I sensed some serious hostility towards him from Leah. I guess I could see his point, but I felt like I was the cause of his decision more than him getting married. I forgot their wedding was so close, but from the way he said it, it didn't sound like I was invited anymore, not that I was going to be home anyway.

_I'm going with Sam_, Paul said. _I can't believe you stuck up for a bunch of bloodsuckers, and I'm not going to sit around La Push taking orders from you while you wander around feeling sorry for yourself. Fuck you, Jacob_, Paul added before going human, probably for good too. Like I said, I couldn't do anything right. Here I was the supposed leader of the tribe, and everyone was dropping out of the pack because of it. Some great chieftain I was turning out to be.

_Well_, I said to those who at least stuck around to hear what I had to say, _I need someone to take care of the rez until I get back. Jared? You were next after Paul and Sam, so you have seniority. Do you want the job?_

_No way man_, Jared answered. _I want nothing to do with this shit-storm you created. I don't really agree with you either, but I like shifting. It's a rush, and I'll follow your lead, but I don't want to be your wingman. _

Okay, so now I lost members of the pack, and couldn't even find someone to be my second. _Okay... does ANYONE want the damn job?_

_I'll do it!_ Of course it was Seth - he was taking the previous title of second-in-command a little too seriously. _I promise, I'll take care of things and make sure everyone here upholds your decision. Plus, I kind of like the Cullens. They're pretty nice if you can get past the fact that they smell so bad_, he added. Leah made some snotty comment in response to her brother.

I asked if everyone else was okay with that. I thought Quil and Embry would mind since they were both older than Seth too, but they didn't seem to care. They were just glad that I was in the same pack with them again. I guess it bothered them pretty badly when I left everyone behind.

_Okay, well now that that's settled... I'm going to stay wolf for a little while, but I promise I'll be back soon. I just need some more time. You guys might want to stay human most of the time - you don't wanna be in my head right now._ Everyone knew enough of what I was thinking to agree. Now that the people of Forks were safe again, the guys (and Leah) could take a well-deserved break from all the endless patrols they had been running in preparation for the redhead.

I wandered aimlessly through the forests, avoiding anything remotely looking like a town. I just felt like running. I ran all the way to the East coast of Canada, and I think a sign said I was near Cape Spencer when I finally turned and headed back west. I usually slept during the day, too afraid of being seen.

A gigantic wolf was sure to attract attention if spotted, and we definitely came close to discovery near Forks when we all started phasing. So, I mostly traveled at night. It irritated me because it made me feel like one of _them_, but I didn't really have much of a choice. I ran until I was tired, ate when I was hungry, and slept until I felt rested. It was definitely easier being a wolf. I wondered if I would be able to stay this way permanently, and if I would start aging, or just live forever... It seemed that all of my thoughts led me back to vampires, and therefore, to Bella. I missed her.

At one point, I did sort of get to be there for Sam and Emily's wedding. Seth wasn't in the wedding party, so he watched from the forest in his wolf form just for my benefit. He was turning out to be a great second-in-command. I had forgotten all about their wedding since I was so bad at keeping track of time. They looked truly happy, but that made me feel pretty bad for Leah. She hadn't gone wolf in a while, so I couldn't know for sure, but I thought about how I would feel if I had to sit through a wedding for Bella and her bloodsucker.

Of course, it's not like I would be invited to a vamp wedding anyway - I'm sure he would make it a point to keep me away from her. Regardless, I still felt the need to wander. Seth was doing so well taking care of things back home that I figured I could really take my time to deal with my issues. If I was going to lead the tribe, I needed a clear head, and at the moment, my head was still all clogged up with Bella.

One day, I was somewhere near Banff, and I stopped to get a drink and clean myself up. I liked wandering in national parks the best. The wildlife was plentiful and there were rarely any people, except for the occasional hikers. It was actually a pretty nice day - it was late April (I think) and the sun was shining brightly and dancing among the leaves of the trees. I stooped down next to a turquoise blue glacial pond and freaked the hell out.

_Holy shit! Who the fuck is that?_ I yelled in my head.

I jumped back from the shock and then slowly edged my way back towards the water, peering into it like a mirror. I thought I was looking at the reflection of some other wolf - like maybe a real one or something - but it was... me. I didn't recognize myself at all. I was all... white, and my eyes were _yellow_. I think I had gotten even bigger too. _What in the hell kind of shit is this?_ I looked just like one of the arctic wolves I had run into while I was wandering around. I guess it was good that I had been traveling at night since I was so easy to spot now.

It's not like I saw myself much before, but I knew I was like a brownish-red color, and my eyes were the same as when I was human - brown. The guys would even call me "Rusty" as a joke, just because they knew it pissed me off. I had white feet though, and I guess that's why I never noticed that I had changed. I never really paid much attention to the Cullen's eyes before, so I wondered how close theirs were to mine. I was irritated that this might mean that I now looked like a "vegetarian" leech, except for the whole dead-looking part. _What kind of werewolf looks like its enemy?_ Perhaps it could prove to be an advantage. _Whatever, its crap, _I sulked. _  
_  
Being completely white made me really worried that I might look like an albino as a human now, so I phased back real quick to get a look at myself. _Nope, still me_, I noticed gratefully, but my eyes stayed the strange shade of yellow. _Freaky. Well, at least I'm really not pasty white, then I'd definitely look like a... dammit. _Thinking about stupid vampires made me miss Bella again. Seth kept me updated on her, but after he told me that she was officially a Cullen, I didn't really want to hear anymore. He tried to make me feel better by saying that they weren't married or anything, but he didn't deny that it was a definite possibility that they would be soon.

I took the opportunity as a human to go into town and find a cheeseburger or five. I was getting pretty sick of eating deer. I bought a shirt and some flip-flops at the gas station around the corner just so I could go into a restaurant. I'd have to ditch them as soon as I was ready to leave, but a cheeseburger was too tempting, and the idea of it made my mouth water. Unfortunately, the only choice I had of shirts that would actually fit me was between a purple one with "Welcome to Washington" plastered all over it, and a neon green shirt that had a screen-printed picture of a wolf howling at the moon on the front. I couldn't help but bust out laughing in the middle of the aisle and I'm pretty sure the cashier thought I was nuts, but I didn't care.

While I was scarfing down a gigantic bacon cheeseburger, fries, and a milkshake (plus another cheeseburger) I thought about the weird change in my appearance. I remembered how I felt so sick when I had taken over responsibility for the tribe. Maybe that's when it happened. I had no idea. Maybe the Alpha had to look different than the others. Sam was all black, and it made him stand out from the rest of the pack. I gave up trying to figure it out though. Who even knew there were such things as werewolves, let alone what determined what color they were. There was probably some really freaky shit going on in my DNA.

_Freaky_, I thought again. I was still a little hungry, but the waitress would've thought I was psycho if I ordered any more food. I sat at the table for a while, pushing a few fries around my plate, and I, of course, started thinking about my friend. I bet she looked pretty creepy with red eyes. I shuddered at the thought. Yellow was pretty bad, but red was just plain... evil. Maybe her eyes would be more like mine by the time I saw her again. At least that would be a little more natural, but they'd never be the same pretty shade of chocolate brown. I wondered how she was doing with the whole vegetarian thing. I knew that she hadn't tried to hurt anyone - Seth would have told me if she did - but I wondered how hard it was for her. After all, I was the whole reason she was a fucking leech now anyway.

I started getting all depressed again. I looked around the restaurant and noticed that I was pretty much the only one there. It was early afternoon, so the dinner rush wasn't in yet. I didn't want to go back outside, but I didn't want to sit at the table with nothing in front of me either, so I ordered a beer. I mean, I looked more like I was twenty-five anyway, and after I started phasing, I never got carded anymore. _Score one for the shape-shifter_, I thought to myself mockingly. That and the speed were the only benefits I could ever identify in my new lifestyle.

I felt really thirsty after all that salty food, so I downed it pretty quickly and ordered another one. It was hard for us werewolves to get drunk though, because our high body temperatures tended to burn off the alcohol. I was worried the bartender would quit serving me, but after six or seven tall beers, I finally started to feel a little buzzed. The dinner crowd began to fill in, and the restaurant bar, where I was now sitting, had filled up as well.

There were a couple of girls sitting on the corner of it and they kept glancing at me and smiling and giggling and crap. I glanced down at myself to make sure I had put on a shirt and laughed again at what I was wearing. I wondered if the girls knew how annoying they were. I thought they were probably laughing at my touristy appearance, but then the blonde winked at me. The other girl had long brown hair though, and she was very fair. She wasn't anywhere near as pretty as Bella, but she reminded me of her anyway. I had to get out of there.

When I walked (stumbled) out of the restaurant, I happened to pass a pay phone. _Where do you even see a pay phone anymore?_ I figured since everyone has a cell phone that they didn't really exist, except like in the Smithsonian or something. Unfortunately, my cell phone was back home at my dad's house, and it's not like I could wander around as a wolf carrying a phone in my mouth all the time. The only reason I even had any money was because the shorts I carried had zippers on the pockets. I would be forced to go home soon because my funds were dangerously low, but I told myself I could always work at mechanic's shop for a few days to earn a little cash. Regardless of my money situation, I took the pay phone as a sign, and I made another dumb decision. I called Bella.

"Hello?" she asked, in a weird sing-songy voice. I had to remind myself that I had dialed correctly, and then I couldn't think of a damned thing to say.

"Helloooo?" she said again, getting a little annoyed.

"Bella..." I breathed, and I heard her swift intake of breath before I hung up like a fucking coward. I jumped when the phone rang back at me. _Stupid caller-ID._ I didn't answer. I couldn't do it. I couldn't talk to her yet. I let it keep ringing and ran away into the woods like the phone was chasing after me. At least she was alive... sorta. It was kind of ironic that I had even called her since the thing that started this whole mess was when _she_ drunk-dialed _me_.

I felt terrible about everything - the fact that she had cheated on me, the fact that she cheated on me with _him_, the fact that I almost killed her, and the fact that she was now a vampire. However, the main reason I put off going home was because of Bella's leech more than anything. I knew from Seth that they were back together, and I really didn't think I could stand to see him happy. I wasn't even worried that he might try and kill me anymore - I mean, I had given him everything he wanted. He had Bella forever. Life sucks, then you die..._ or not, _I corrected myself angrily.

Even though I had said I was coming back, I didn't really consider returning to La Push until it was nearly June. Bella's graduation was coming up, and even though I didn't want to see her as a vampire, I wanted to wish her well, and beg her to forgive me for nearly killing her. I also told myself it was my responsibility as the new Alpha to make sure she didn't hurt anyone, but it was just an excuse. Still, I couldn't believe they were going to let her loose on an auditorium full of families. I mean, it had only been what - one... two months? I lost track of time when all I did was wander around in the forest. Either way, I had to make sure she didn't go and bite one of her human friends. Well, maybe Mike Newton, or Lauren.

I hated to admit it, but I still loved her. I couldn't picture being at home and not hanging out with Bella in the garage all the time. Her bike was still there and it would be a daily reminder of how things were before. I wondered if she would care if I sold it. I could use the money anyway. Most of all, it would be... lonely.

I had heard that Jared had imprinted on a girl named Kim, and better yet, Paul imprinted on Rachael - my sister. I already disliked him enough, now he was probably going to end up as my brother-in-law. _Great_. So all the guys were starting to pair off, based on an old legend that none of us really believed, and soon I would have no one left to hang out with. Well, probably Leah, since I didn't think anyone would ever be able to put up with all of her hostility and crazy bitchiness. We didn't know if a girl wolf even _could_ imprint. She was the first one, so who knew what would happen with her.

Leah thought I was being stupid to even want to see Bella again. She was also worried for my safety - it was kind of touching, in an evil bitch sort of way. She thought that one of the Cullens might want to hurt me for what I did, even though Edward said he would let me live. I tried to tell her that Bella wouldn't let that happen anyway, but she didn't like that either.

_Well if you want your new Bella to stick up for you, _she said_, then go right ahead. I'm not coming to pull your ass out of the fire when you get burned. You're such an idiot, Jake. She doesn't want anything to do with you. She's with her vampire, and she's forgotten all about you. You should come home, _she pleaded.

_Leah, I need to see her for myself. I need to see that she's okay, and most of all I need to apologize to her._

_Jacob Black! _Leah screeched, _You should NOT be apologizing to her. We're not having this discussion again - I still say it was her fault anyway. Why can't you see that you need to cut her out of your life? She's like a cancer._

_Dammit, Leah, stop being like that! What do you care anyway? _I asked._ I mean, why does she bother you so much?_

I thought maybe Leah had gotten so mad at me that she went human, but after a while, she was started talking to me again. _You're just so blind Jacob. You can't see anything but her, even now. I'll see you around... or not._

Then she really did phase back. Sometimes I felt so much more like the teenager I really was. _Girls, _I scoffed. They never made any damned sense. I turned around and started heading back towards Washington.

On my way back, I learned from Seth that his sister had gone to stay with their family up on the Makah rez. I felt pretty bad that she was mad enough to leave home, but I didn't really understand why I bothered her so much. Why did she care that I wanted to apologize to Bella? She could see into my mind when we were wolves, and she should have known how much I still loved Bella, even after all the shit that happened between us.

I figured that I would never be able to be in Bella's life in any significant way again after what happened. She probably hated my guts for the way I reacted to her. She was my best friend first, and it probably killed her to have to try and explain that she had slept with... Cullen. Just thinking his name sparked the rage in my heart. Bella broke my heart, but I didn't really believe that she ever _intended _to hurt me. I should have known all along that she would go back to him.

From the first day I knew the bloodsucker was back, I should have started pulling away from her. He may have said he wanted to leave her alone, but I had seen them together before. They were bonded in a way that Bella and I never were. I always told myself it was because he had hurt her so badly so she just needed time, but if I was being honest, I would have realized a long time ago that she could never truly love me the way that I loved her. She belonged to him whether he wanted her or not.

Surprisingly, I didn't even hate the conceited jerk anymore. He had saved her life... kinda. If it were up to me, she wouldn't even be around anymore, and that was just wrong. It would have killed Charlie, and even though we would have probably covered it up, I would have felt like shit every time he came over to hang out with my dad. Things were probably the way they were supposed to be. I felt oddly at peace while I picked my way through the forest under the Northern lights, winding my way back home.

* * *

**A/N: **Did you remember the color of Ephraim's wolf from Chapter 4? Note that Levi and Quil's wolves are also similar to their descendants. Yeah, I did that on purpose.

A review would be lovely, particularly with your thoughts on my take of JPOV. I am trying to get a one-shot written as a Jake spin-off from this story for the "Bathed in Black" contest, and I would like to know what you guys think of my version of Jacob. Thanks so much again for reading, and I hope to hear from you! Cheers!


	15. Chapter 15 Competition

Disclaimer: SM owns, I'm just playing around. JM owns the lyrics and makes me swoon.

**Ch. 15 - Competition**

"Something's Missing" -J. Mayer

_I'm not alone, I wish I was._

_Cause then I'd know, I was down because_

_I couldn't find, a friend around_

_To love me like, they do right now._

_They do right now._

_I'm dizzy from the shopping malls_

_I searched for joy, but I bought it all_

_It doesn't help the hunger pains_

_And a thirst I'd have to drown first to ever satiate_

_Something's missing_

_And I don't know how to fix it_

_Something's missing_

**BPOV**

As soon as Edward and I entered the Cullen's house after our magical night in the meadow, my speeding, spiky-haired, ostentatious sister tackled me. "Geez, Alice! What was that for?"

"I'm so happy for you both! And thank you for making me your maid-of-honor! I'd love to do it!" she damn near yelled at me. Edward merely beamed at her, triumphant as he was.

I smiled at my second favorite Cullen, "Alice... I haven't asked you yet, and don't you mean _matron_-of-honor?"

"Oh whatever, Bella," she said. "You know you're going to ask me, but I think maid-of-honor would be more suitable considering the fact that no one else outside the family knows that Jasper and I are married. Oh, and thanks for letting me plan the wedding too! It will be perfect, I promise!" she cheered, bouncing and clapping in excitement.

I hadn't even given any thought to planning such a ridiculous occasion, but of course I would let her do it. I meant that I wanted to be married to Edward, but the idea of the wedding and reception - and all that attention - was not something I looked forward to. Alice was never more in her element than when she was planning some big event, although I was quite concerned about how overboard she would go with this whole wedding business. After she promised to give me veto power, the rest of the family came in when they overheard our conversation and each offered us their congratulations.

Esme asked me when we would like to get married, and I did my best to dodge the question by challenging Emmett to a tug-of-war, after I had remembered Edward's request. Emmett was cocky as ever that he could beat me, and honestly, I didn't see how I could possibly win - he was so much bigger than me.

"Aw, sis, you don't want me to whoop your ass in front of your _fiancé _do you?" he teased.

I tried to sound bold, "Um... well, he seems to be fairly confident that I can take you."

"HA!" Emmett laughed. "You don't sound quite as sure of yourself though. Bring it on, Bella!"

We started with a length of particularly thick rope that Emmett kept in his Jeep (I didn't want to know why), but that didn't work out too well. We tied a red scarf that was destined for Goodwill (Alice wore it one time) in the middle and stood on opposite sides of the river that bounded the edge of the Cullen's backyard. Carlisle was our referee. I admit, I was pretty intimidated, but once Carlisle said, "Go!" I braced myself for having the rope pulled right through my fingers, thankful that I didn't have to worry about rope burn anymore. But when Emmett pulled the rope, I just held on, and I barely even noticed he had done anything except that I felt a slight tug away from me. _This is gonna be fun, _I thought and smiled mischievously at him.

I pulled the rope slightly towards me, and the flag moved a few inches my way. Then Emmett got serious. He started to put a lot more effort into it, and though it wasn't much harder for me, I could tell the rope was starting to feel stressed. After one pull with all of Emmett's strength, the rope frayed right in the center and snapped in half, sending us both falling backwards on our butts and the scarf went fluttering down into the water before getting swept away by the current. Everyone laughed about it for a while as Emmett went in search of a more durable "rope".

He came back next with a thick chain, made of links almost as big as my fists. We set it up the same as the rope (except using a yellow scarf that Rosalie had worn once), and this time at least, it took a minute or so before the center link snapped. It flew through the air and stuck with a loud ping into the bark of a large tree. Emmett was getting angry by this point, but that was probably more because I started talking trash.

"Geez, Emmett, you could at least _try_ to move the flag to your side. I'm getting kind of bored over here," I laughed. Edward was laughing harder than I had ever seen before. It made me smile to see him so carefree.

Emmett was getting so frustrated that he didn't even have a good comeback. "Shut up, Bella!" was all he could muster.

After the chain broke, he left for a few minutes and came back with a two-inch diameter steel cable. I didn't even want to ask where it came from - he probably dismantled a suspension bridge for all I knew. This time, when he pulled as hard as he could, the cable didn't snap. _Thank goodness_, I thought, _we'll end up doing this all day if we keep breaking the "ropes". _Emmett smiled triumphantly, proud that he found a suitable piece of equipment for our game.

Then he winked at me, and I decided it was time to end it so I finally pulled on the cable. He came flying towards me and landed with a huge splash right in the middle of the river. He didn't come up for a minute, and I worried briefly before I remembered that he couldn't drown. I looked at the rest of my family, who were in just as much shock as I was, before they all started cheering and laughing. From the corner of my eye, I saw Jasper hand Edward a wad of cash. I didn't even want to know how much was considered a friendly wager in this family.

"Why hasn't he come up yet?" I eventually asked with genuine concern.

Rose came up to stand and stare at the water with me, and said, "He's probably down there sulking, the big baby. Emmett, get your ass out of that river. You lost fair and square," she called to her husband.

Finally, Emmett surfaced with a look of genuine defeat. Rosalie was right - he _was _a big baby. "Aw, Emmett, don't be mad!" I pleaded with him. "I'm sure this crazy strength of mine will wear off soon, and you can go back to beating me at everything like always."

Emmett didn't look appeased, but he smiled at me and said, "Oh, it's ok, _sis_. You've just opened a whole can-of-worms that you aren't ready for, that's all." He smiled devilishly and added, "I get next pick."

Apparently, this was going to be a running competition. I figured that I had probably started this whole rivalry between us ever since the first time I beat him at whatever racing video game he asked me to play. I had to admit that beating Emmett at tug-of-war was pretty cool.

A couple of days later, there was a thunderstorm forecast for Forks, and Emmett got a crazy gleam in his eye. His "next pick" was a baseball game. I hadn't been to play baseball with the Cullens since that terrible encounter with James. I hated team sports and I was definitely worried about playing with them. Of course, Emmett knew I would hate this more than any one-on-one challenge he could dream up, and of course, they would make me play since we had an even number of players now.

I ended up on a team with Edward, Alice, and Carlisle. Jasper, Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett started out on defense. Esme was catching, Rosalie pitched, and Emmett and Jasper were fielding. _Great... _Edward assured me that I would be a natural, and tried to use my newfound coordination and agility while I hunted to boost my ego. He led off since he was the fastest, and they had me batting last, thinking I would be a good clean-up hitter.

"You've got to be joking," I whined to Edward.

He looked at Carlisle who said, "Bella, I'm sure you are much stronger than you realize. I bet you'll hit a home run. Just think about when you pulled Emmett into the river, and you'll be fine." He patted me on the shoulder and smiled at me in encouragement.

Sure enough, Edward scored easily off his own hit. When I got up to bat, Alice was on third, and Carlisle was stuck at first by an in-field (within the clearing) ground ball. I stood at the plate nervously, and glanced at Emmett at the edge of the trees. He was egging me on and cracking jokes about my previous athletic inability. Rose wound up and threw the ball towards me, but with my new impressive vampire vision, it looked almost like it was going in slow motion. It was nothing at all to estimate when it would be next to me, and I flung the sweet spot of the bat to impact the ball at just the right moment. With a huge, immensely satisfying crack, the ball went soaring into the trees. I was amazed, and I just stood there for a moment, watching the ball zoom away.

Alice pulled me back to reality when she reached home plate, "Run, Bella! Don't worry, you'll make it!"

I heard Emmett cuss and take off for the ball, but I was already rounding second base. I heard him grunt when he threw it as hard as he could back to Esme, but I was already heading home, and I even slid just to rub it in a little. He heard Edward call me safe, cussed again, and came sulking back into the clearing.

I was starting to feel kind of bad about beating Emmett at things, but that was mostly because he was so damned whiny about it. Edward looked like I had just won the Nobel Prize, he was so proud of me. He picked me up and spun me around, and planted a huge kiss on me eagerly. His pride made me indescribably happy in that simple moment. _I wish Edward could always feel so relaxed, it makes me so happy, _I mused to myself.

Edward pulled away from me and looked at me questioningly.

"What?" I asked.

He pulled me back into a hug and whispered rapidly into my hair, "I think I heard your mind again, love. You were happy because I was being myself. We'll talk about it later, when we're alone..."

My eyes widened, but his excitement at hearing my thoughts had him kissing me again. I got a little carried away as usual, and pretty soon everyone was snickering or clearing their throat.

"C'mon guys, we haven't even batted yet. Do you two need some alone time, or can we finish our game?" Emmett taunted us. I knew that we were okay again, since he was joking about it. We ended up calling the game short because the storm had passed, but my team was winning 13-9 after just two innings. It was the most fun I think I ever had in my... existence.

Later that evening Edward and I went for a walk in the forest so that we could have some privacy to discuss the snippets of thoughts he was picking out of my head. He had heard my thoughts about a dozen times by that point, and we noticed that a pattern had emerged. It seemed like he could read my mind when I was extremely happy. We ran home and knocked on Carlisle's study to discuss our revelation.

Carlisle thought I might be channeling Edward's talent somehow. Alice could still see bits of my future, and Jasper (who had a purple fog of light surrounding him sometimes) could still sense my emotions, but not as much as he could before. He made me try to do it again, telling me to "think a happy thought". I couldn't help laughing as I felt like one of Neverland's Lost Boys while I tried to make myself happy - it wasn't that difficult. I thought of the past few weeks, my inclusion into the Cullen family, the love I felt from Edward, and how it seemed to grow everyday. Carlisle told me to think of something random once I thought I was in my "happy place", so I thought, _Odontophobia is the fear of teeth, _over and over.

Edward was sitting next to me when his concentration finally broke, and he smirked and said, "Love, I'm glad _you _never suffered from odontophobia. _My _teeth should have sent you running even without a phobia, yet here we are."

We thought that maybe with a little more practice I would be able to project my thoughts into Edward's mind at will, and one time Carlisle even saw mental pictures of the night Edward proposed (he saw the part before the proposal).

"Bella, I think you might want to know that you are also projecting to me now," he said carefully.

I was mortified. "Oops! Sorry, Carlisle! Do you think I'll be able to put my thoughts into anyone's head?"

He replied, "Most vampiric talents are like a skill that can be trained, so it is quite possible."

Even though I didn't get tired, I was mentally exhausted from trying to exercise my brain. I cheered internally, _I can't believe I have two freaking powers! _The best part was that I could learn to control it, so Edward wouldn't have to know all the dumb things I thought about. I worried that if he had always been able to read my mind, he might not have found me as interesting, and I was thankful I could probably learn to censor myself.

Life with the Cullens turned out to be quite effortless. Since Edward and I were... engaged (_ugh_) there was no question about where I would live and keep all of my things. The only hard part about living with Edward was his steadfast resolve not to touch me again before we were married, and the fact that I no longer had to sleep made it all the more difficult to get him anywhere near the bed, which he moved from the meadow into his room to taunt me. Actually, he touched me, to the point of driving me crazy, almost every day, but we never came close to sex again. If I was smart, I would have realized I was stronger than him and probably could have done whatever I wanted, but I'm not that smart, and I was so used to Edward's rules before that the thought never even crossed my mind.

I hunted nearly everyday, wanting to rid my eyes of the awful color marking me as what I considered an evil vampire. Surprisingly, just after a month, they had turned a burnt orange - it was pretty, just not the color I wanted to see staring back at me. All the hunting helped me expand my tastes and it turned out there was something more delicious to me than mountain lions.

Whenever I hunted, I tried to give myself over to my instincts so that I wouldn't have to think about what I was really doing. One day, I smelled something extraordinarily delicious, so much so, that I asked Edward (who was upwind of it) to check for the signature of a human mind. I definitely did not want to have murder on my conscience. What if it was a friend of mine? He said he didn't hear a thing, and prodded me to continue, knowing I was thirsty before taking off after his own kill. I took down the animal without even thinking, but when I was finished getting my fill of its warm goodness, I found myself with a lamb in my lap. Why there was a lamb wandering the woods, I had no idea. Perhaps it had escaped from a farm, not like it mattered. When Edward caught up to me, he tried to console me, but it didn't help one bit.

I felt horrible that I had killed something so pure and innocent. I started dry heaving violently - I guessed that it was the equivalent of crying - so I ran off into the forest to get away from my poor victim. I was so upset, that I ended up vomiting, which I didn't think was even possible for vampires. Edward followed, of course, and his eyes widened in shock when he approached and saw the blood splattering on the ground. He came up behind me, stroking my back and asking if I was alright. He wouldn't stop apologizing for telling me it was okay to continue my hunt, but it wasn't his fault he was upwind. I should've had enough of a brain to know what animal's blood I was drinking. That was the only lamb I ever hunted. Since I now knew their scent, I avoided them like the plague.

Scent was an interesting concept for me. Granted, _all _of my senses were heightened, but the fact that _everything_ had it's own signature aroma was surprising. I knew different animals had different flavors and scents, but even different species of trees were discernible to my new powerful olfactory system. Edward told me that I had a very refined palate for a newborn and he observed that, as a human, I was more sensitive to smells than most. I was the only human he knew that could smell blood.

I soon learned the odors of things that I liked: books, cotton (as opposed to silk or satin), moss, the ocean, and spruce trees. The way Edward smelled to me was even better than before, if that were possible. Honey, lilac and sunshine, now intermingled with hints of vanilla and hazelnut. Jasper reminded me of home because he smelled strongly of creosote and a fresh desert rain. I assumed that was because he was from Texas and it was closer to Arizona than where any other members of the family had originated. Alice smelled, rather appropriately, like bubblegum.

The only downside to living a lie was that I didn't really have anything to call my own besides all of the ridiculous clothes that Alice bought me, which we somehow managed to cram into Edward's closet. Since we were still letting everyone think I ran off with Jacob, I was unable to go into town or get anything from my house. I probably could have snuck into my room, but I was afraid that Charlie would notice if something was missing. He was a cop after all.

_Jacob..._ I thought sullenly. I missed him, and I wondered where he was. I always had to be careful not to let my face give me away around Edward. It wasn't fair to him for me to be thinking about Jacob so much, but I couldn't help it. My life just felt incomplete without him in it. I was so blissfully happy to be with Edward, and to be part of his family, but it still felt like something was missing. I figured it was probably the small scrap of my heart that was left for Jacob to claim after Edward vanished. I wanted him to come home so I could talk to him, and the thought was often in the forefront of even my multi-tasking mind.

Seth came by almost once a day to visit with us - he and Edward were becoming fast friends for some inexplicable reason. Edward told me he just genuinely liked Seth because he was such a happy and honest person. He meant that applied to Seth's thoughts as well, since I guess Edward wasn't used to hearing the thoughts of truly kind people. I wondered what the people I considered kind actually thought about - maybe they were faking all along.

Seth would not really elaborate on Jake's status, and he usually just said something like, "Sorry, Bella, he's not coming home yet." It made me so sad that Jacob had run away because of me. It was an accident, and I certainly did not hold him responsible. I wronged him in the worst way, and I doubted that he would ever forgive me. It made me wish that we had never been anything more than friends so that we could have some semblance of our friendship again. Maybe he just didn't want anything to do with me since I was a vampire now. I wondered if he would call _me_ a leech.

One day I got a phone call from a strange number. I opened my cell phone and answered, only to hear someone's labored breathing on the other end. I was getting annoyed, so I said_ "Hello?"_ again, trying to convey my irritation.

"Bella..." Jacob whispered, before hanging up. I could not believe he had called me. I had been aching for news from him, and then he actually called, but it crushed me that he hung up before speaking with me. I tried to call the number back, but it just kept ringing. I worried about my friend, who sounded so hurt and worn with his quiet greeting. I wanted to see him more than anything else, but I could not figure out a way to do that if he didn't want to be found. I was in a somber mood for quite a while, and even when I was able to push it from the front of my mind, it nagged at me. I missed Jacob so much, but at least I didn't think he totally hated me anymore.

After a couple weeks, Edward offered to take me shopping in Seattle. He felt so guilty that I had no books, or anything to call my own, not that our home was lacking in books. It would also be my first test around humans other than Seth. We hunted immediately outside of town, but I was still terribly nervous. He took me to a small, locally owned bookstore first, since it would probably have less people. I had no problem at all. Sure, the woman that was perusing self-help books smelled tasty, but not quite as delicious as the rather cute college guy that was looking for a copy of _Jane Eyre_ for his college literature class. I smiled as I remembered how much I enjoyed the writing of the Bronte sisters. I chose a book from the same shelf, and he smiled at me. I still wasn't used to the whole being pretty thing, and it just made me feel awkward. Thankfully, Edward was off looking at some medical books and didn't see that I had gotten any attention, but I sincerely hoped that the poor guy wasn't thinking anything about me, or he'd be in trouble.

Since the bookstore went off without a hitch (meaning I didn't try to kill anyone), Edward suggested we try more of a challenge... a mall of all things. I wasn't quite as sure I could manage that many people, all closed off in a sprawling shopping mall full of recycled air, but I trusted Edward would not let me hurt anyone. This test was certainly more difficult. The increased numbers of people, along with their proximity to me, sent scorching waves down my throat. I mostly held my breath to avoid the delicious taste of the air, and I was able to stay in the stupid mall for about an hour. Venom pooled in my mouth, and I had to swallow constantly. I was still quite surprised that it didn't taste bad. I always thought it would taste bitter, or poisonous, but it was actually somewhat pleasant. It tasted kind of like the amaretto ice cream I used to enjoy. Edward promised to take me "shopping" in Olympia in a few days so that I could continue to build up my resistance to my thirst.

Once it started to look like I would be able to tolerate humans long enough to go to graduation, we had to tell Charlie that I was "back". He knew the Cullens had returned, since Carlisle had resumed working at the hospital. It's not like they needed the money, but Carlisle just truly enjoyed helping people and making them well again. He was one of the very best people I knew. Edward, Jasper, and Alice had actually returned to school for the last month by "transferring" back from some school out East where they supposedly were before. I thought it was kind of pointless, but they said it would be better since Carlisle was working again, and so that it didn't look like I came back with them. I was going to have a hard time with this whole human charade thing - I was such a bad liar.

Carlisle cornered Charlie one day at the hospital and invited him over for "dinner". Charlie apparently tried his damndest to get out of it, but Carlisle can be very convincing. He told my dad that Edward wanted to apologize to him for the way he treated me, which was true, and that he wanted our families to be on good terms again (also true). Of course, Charlie blamed Edward for my running off with Jake too. I couldn't see how this would ever work. I did my part by making Grandma Swan's stroganoff to suck up to my dad, but I was terrified of what his reaction would be to seeing me again, with all my... improvements. I really didn't know how we would explain my living with the Cullens.

* * *

**A/N:** I hope you guys appreciate how appropriate the song was for this chapter. It was too perfect! "Dizzy from the shopping malls", "thirst I'd have to drown first to ever satiate", "and I don't know how to fix it"... So Bella. I'm sorry; I'll stop gushing about John Mayer now. On a side note: What do you guys think of my soundtrack with all the songs from the same artist? I wanted to include songs with my fic regardless, but I thought it would be a neat and different idea to do it this way. Yes? No?


	16. Chapter 16 Trials

Disclaimer: As always... SM and JM own. I dabble. Enjoy.

**Ch 16. Trials **

_"Covered in Rain" – _John Mayer

_Fire works to fire places_

_Summer stolen, fallen places_

_People watching, all the people watching, everybody watching me_

_Standing by the missing signs at the CVS by the checkout line_

_She puts her quiet hands in mine_

_Cause she's the brightest thing I got_

_When you're covered in rain_

_Cause I'm covered in rain_

_Cause I'm covered in rain_

_No I'm covered in rain_

**EPOV**

I never thought I would play baseball again, and playing with my family, and especially with Bella on my team made me indescribably happy. I felt more lighthearted than I had in my entire life, except perhaps when Bella had agreed to marry me. However, coming back home reminded me of all the things for which I still had to answer. Bella and I were living together, and though it brought joy to me everyday, I still felt that it was a little inappropriate. Her infernal attempts at swaying my resolve to wait for our wedding night did not help matters. She was crafty and seductive, even when she wasn't trying to be. I had to convince myself not to have my way with her in the middle of the batter's box when she crossed the plate after her homerun.

Bella impressed me with her ability to tolerate humans after such a short time, particularly with the fact that she was so eager to push her limits. I could tell that her throat ached, but it was amazing that she was able to ignore it and decide to quit breathing instead. I had high hopes for her attending graduation with the rest of us.

School was even more of a nuisance than ever, mainly because it forced Bella and me apart. I had grown accustomed over the years to keeping up appearances, but the fact that no one knew Bella had not actually run away irked me. The first day that we (Alice, Jasper, and myself) returned to school, everyone was thinking about what an asshole I was for the way I had treated Bella. Granted, they were right to think so, but I wanted to be able to prove that she was still mine, and that we were together. Going through the mundane classes without her was nothing short of painful. At least, every evening after I returned from school, we would go shopping or to some other public place outside of Forks so that Bella could continue to work on her tolerance. That gave us some precious time alone, away from the lies, and it was the only thing that got me through each day.

Venturing out with Bella was quite enjoyable - almost like we were normal teenagers going out on dates, which was not really something we ever did before. It was also a good excuse for me to buy things for her (something she did not usually allow). I pointed out that it kept up appearances to do so, but, honestly, I really enjoyed giving her gifts.

Unfortunately, we still had one very high hurdle to overcome. Charlie. I was a little miffed at Carlisle for inviting him over to dinner before we had a chance to fully think through our explanations. Carlisle had already taken the liberty of speaking with the school principal and arranging for Bella to finish out the last few weeks through a home-school program for students who experience severe injury or chronic illness (or pregnancy). The principal and teachers promised to keep Bella's return a secret, probably assuming that she was pregnant and did not want anyone to know.

The crimson was fading from her eyes faster than expected, whether it was due to her shorter change or her frequent hunting, we were not sure, but I hoped she could claim that she had gotten hazel contacts to explain away the golden color. Most people never looked at my family or me directly (they had better survival instincts than my Bella did as a human), so they probably would not notice that her eyes were the same as ours. I recalled very few thoughts from my peers regarding our unusual irises. Bella was the only one who ever noticed such things.

In anticipation of dinner with Charlie, I skipped school one day and took Bella grocery shopping in Port Angeles - a totally foreign experience for me. It also served as good practice for her to be in close proximity to humans. She selected all the ingredients she needed, though she observed that foods she formerly enjoyed no longer smelled appetizing. I couldn't recall what types of food I enjoyed when I was human, and it all smelled like dirt to me.

Bella worked furiously in our unused kitchen to make her grandmother's special recipe for some awful-looking dish called "stroganoff". She put Esme and Rosalie to work, and it was quite amusing to see her take charge in the kitchen. She was a force to be reckoned with if she felt confident about something, which was unfortunately rare for her. My brothers and I straightened up the yard and Alice put out vases of flowers and other human-esque decor. Carlisle was mostly on the telephone with our school to make sure that Bella would, in fact, be allowed to cross the stage at graduation. There was no point to this ridiculous farce if they would not excuse her prolonged absence.

At dusk, we heard the approach of Charlie's cruiser and his hesitated steps up to our door. Bella was visibly nervous about her first encounter with her father since her change. I could sympathize, but as both of my parents had preceded me in death, I was not able to do much more than put my arm around her shoulder in a lame attempt to soothe her. The rest of my siblings never made an attempt to contact their surviving parents, so they were not helpful either. I worried that Carlisle had made a terrible mistake - Charlie did not even know Bella was here.

Chief Swan knocked on the door and I could sense apprehension and curiosity filled his thoughts. Similarly to Bella, I could never quite hear his mind, but I could usually gauge the tone of them. Jasper mentally confirmed my suspicions when he detected Charlie's emotions.

Always a gracious host, Carlisle opened the door and welcomed Bella's father into our home. It was the first time he had been inside the reclusive Cullen mansion and he acted comparably to his daughter's first time here. Mostly, he stared around in wonder, surprised at how light and open our home was, though he did not expect to find the stereotypical vampire accoutrements that Bella did, since he was not aware of our true nature.

"Hello Chief Swan, welcome to our home," Esme greeted him, taking his coat.

"Mrs. Cullen. You can just call me Charlie, by the way. You too, Dr. Cullen."

"And you may call me Carlisle. This is my wonderful wife, Esme. Alice and Edward you know, of course, and here are Rosalie, Jasper, and Emmett," he stated, indicating each of us as he said our names.

Charlie glared at me murderously, but to all of us he simply said, "Nice to meet you all. So... uh, something smells good."

Esme indicated for him to have a seat on our sofa. She offered to get him something to drink, but he declined, obviously wanting to get our conversation out of the way so he could enjoy his meal. Carlisle provided the segue by saying, "Dinner will be a few moments, but I think my son would like to speak with you first, if that's alright with you." Charlie glared at me again and just shrugged, followed by my family's rapid departure from the living room.

_Here we go... _I thought anxiously. I had tried to come up with what I should say to him - I was fairly certain that he would still despise me no matter what words I spoke. I wanted him to know how much I loved his daughter, but I seriously doubted that he would believe me. "Chief Swan, thank you for accepting my father's invitation and giving me the opportunity to speak with you."

"Humph," was all I got as a response.

I continued, as convincingly as I could, "I just wanted to apologize to you for the way that I left things with Bella last fall. Carlisle had accepted a job out east, and we had to move rather suddenly," I repeated our original lie. "I wanted to stay with Bella more than anything, but I did not believe that a cross-country relationship would have been fair to her. I thought a clean break was best, though I have been informed that I was completely mistaken. I know that she was not well for some time, and I am glad that Jacob was a good friend to her, and that he helped her heal. I cannot express how sorry I am that I caused her such a great deal of pain, but I assure you, that was never my intention. I still care very deeply for her."

Charlie appeared as if he might have believed me, but it still did not change the fact that he thought his daughter had run away with Jacob. "You have a funny way of showing it," he countered. After a moment of thought he added, "Well Edward, I guess I can see your point, about the way you left. I don't know how well 'informed' you are, but I've never been so worried about Bella in all my life. I could kill you for what you did to her. Jacob was good for her, but if your leaving hadn't forced them together, she would not be missing now. I know it's probably not logical, but I can't help but hold you responsible for her running away."

I thought to myself, _At least he isn't going for his gun, not like it would do anything. _I felt better after being able to apologize to him, but I wasn't sure that he had forgiven me. "Chief Swan, does that mean you accept my apology? Am I forgiven?" I nearly begged.

"Yeah, I guess. You're a damned fool, but I suppose you didn't mean for things to happen the way they did," he allowed. His forgiveness meant the world to me, and it gave me a wild hope that he might actually accept me as his son-in-law. I was not quite ready for that conversation yet. First, we had to reintroduce him to Bella.

"Thank you, from the bottom of my... heart. I love Bella very much."

"Uh huh."

As if on cue, Alice twirled into the room with a handful of wildflowers that she gave to Charlie when she hugged him. She beamed a self-satisfied smile at me, knowing our conversation went well and in her mind said, _Good job, Edward! Phase one went well, I think! _She released Charlie and told him, "Charlie, I think dinner is ready now. Why don't you follow me into the kitchen?"

I knew that Bella was hiding in the backyard by this point, but I could not help feeling incredibly nervous for her. Her father got up and gave me a curt nod and half smile before following Alice into the kitchen. The dining room would have been too formal and empty for him alone, so Bella thought he would be more comfortable eating at our kitchen island. The high counter had a place setting for one, including a vase of freesia and lilacs, and a small glass votive holder with a single candle. Charlie looked at Alice questioningly, but she just offered him a perky smile and danced out of the room. He asked Esme why he was the only one eating, and she replied that we had already eaten, and this dinner was especially for him.

Rosalie brought out the large salad that she had prepared, under Bella's direction, and set a small dish of dressing next to it. She also brought him a beer and added a generous helping of "stroganoff" (Who came up with such an unappetizing name?) to Charlie's plate. He looked at the food a little suspiciously, and I think he may have momentarily wondered if it was poisoned, since none of us were eating.

"May I sit with you while you dine?" I asked him as he carefully sniffed the salad dressing.

"Sure, Edward. If you want to. You're really not going to eat anything?"

I smiled, thinking of the time in Port Angeles that I had first accosted Bella into having dinner with me - she and her father were so alike. "Oh, no thank you. I'm on a special diet," I said, smiling again at the memory.

Charlie started with his salad, praising Rose in the process, and she looked triumphantly happy that she had done a suitable job preparing human food. However, after the first bite of the stroganoff, Charlie dropped his fork, which went clattering onto the counter before falling noisily onto the floor. He rose from his chair, causing it to scrape across the floor loudly, and stood there looking at us with accusing eyes. "Where did you learn how to make that? It tastes just like the way my mom used to make it."

Rosalie spoke first and I made a mental note to buy her something nice for not clamming up the way I had, "I didn't make it, Chief Swan, but you're right, it's your mother's recipe. We thought you would enjoy it," Rose added with an attempt at pity.

"Well if you didn't make it, who did, and how did you get my family's recipe? Did Bella make it for you before?" he asked, reeling with confusion.

"No, I made it," a small whisper of a voice answered. Bella had taken this as her moment (as Alice had advised from one of her visions) to make her presence known to her father. Interestingly enough, Alice's visions seemed to be getting less frequent, but we did not know why.

I looked at Bella worriedly, wondering how badly her throat was aching from the scent of her father's blood. She whispered, "I'm fine, it's not so bad," quietly and rapidly to me, so that Charlie could not hear.

His eyes were wide with shock, and he looked between Bella and me several times before jabbing a finger in my face and shouting, "YOU!"

"Dad, stop it. This isn't Edward's fault - he's just trying to help. You need to listen to me first, please let me try to explain," Bella pleaded, crossing over to where her father was standing next to his chair. I noticed that she had removed her engagement ring, but that she still wore the Cullen crest on her right hand. She told me she was planning to do it, wanting to wait until at least graduation to spring our engagement on him, but it hurt to see her finger bare. "_One step at a time," _she had warned me.

Charlie sent waves of angry almost-thoughts at me before focusing his attention on his daughter. He hugged her fiercely, trying to communicate how much he had missed her, though he was still furious with her for leaving without an explanation.

Jasper was in the living room to observe Charlie's emotions from a distance. _He's mostly relieved, Edward. It will be okay, just let Bella handle him. _Jasper's assurances did little to sway me from thinking this turned out to be a huge mistake after all.

Once he finally looked at her in front of him, Charlie's face showed his recognition of several of the changes in Bella's physical appearance through wary squints of his eyes. "What happened to you, kid?" was all he could manage.

Bella smiled, trying to ease his mind, "Dad, I'm so sorry for running away. The truth is... I didn't run away with Jacob. We had a huge... fight, and I had an accident. Edward found me, and brought me here for Carlisle's help. I've been here for a while, so that I could get better. I'm sorry I didn't let you know I was alright, but it was pretty bad at first, and I didn't want you to see me like that." She told me that partial truths would be good enough for him, but I wasn't so sure that he would buy her story.

Charlie deliberated for a few seconds before saying, "An accident, huh? Did Jacob hurt you?" I was honestly surprised that he didn't accuse _me_ first. He treated Jacob like the son-in-law he always wanted.

"It was an accident, dad, but Jacob did run away… because of it."

Charlie finally accepted that, saying that he heard a similar story from Billy about Jacob leaving, though Billy never told him the reason. "Why do you look different, and what's with your eyes?"

This was the question we had all dreaded, but Carlisle stepped in to rescue Bella, "Charlie, I'm sorry that Bella is not quite the same as before, but she had to undergo quite a bit of surgery, including some skin grafting. She was also suffering from anterior uveitis, which is inflammation in part of her eye. It was also caused by the accident and one of the symptoms is some color change in the iris of the eye, including redness. I had a friend of mine, an ophthalmologist, diagnose her, and he gave me some guidance on how to best treat it. Really, it will just take a little time, though her eyes might not be quite the same as before."

_That was ingenious, Edward, _Carlisle thought. _I admit it's a stretch, but I believe I can sell it as a plausible diagnosis. _He was impressed that I had come up with using uveitis, a very real, medical condition, to explain Bella's eyes. At least my medical knowledge was useful on occasion. Lord knows I was never able to use it when I was pretending to be a high school student. Admittedly, I had thrown myself into researching eye diseases to try to find a semi-reasonable excuse to give Bella's father. All the trips we had taken to various bookstores seemed to have paid off - I now owned several texts on ophthalmology.

"You should have called me. Her mother and I should have been her for her," Charlie said dejectedly, overcome with worry about what Bella had been through without him.

She hugged him, though a flash of pain was evident in her expression due to his closeness. "I'm okay, dad. I'm really sorry we didn't tell you. Like I said, I just didn't want you to see me that way."

Charlie finally relaxed, and said to me, "I guess I should thank you, but it seems like every time she disappears, you show up with her in pretty bad shape."

I winced at his passive accusation, again remembering the ordeal in Phoenix. "I am sorry this happened, truly. I want nothing more than for Bella to be safe. I love her, and I would do anything to protect her," I replied fervently.

"You two back together, then?" he asked her while jerking his head in my direction.

"Yes," was all that she said.

Charlie looked at her, again cataloging her changes, but then he also began comparing them to my family and me. I got very worried for a moment, but he just said, "Well, I guess I can't stop you. You always did know how to make up your mind about things."

Bella smiled and hugged him, assuring him that she knew what she was doing and that everything before was all a misunderstanding between us. He asked if she would come home now that she was "better". After looking at me questioningly to make sure I did not mind, Bella agreed eagerly. She had missed her home more than she let on, but I knew it. Honestly, I was a little relieved that she would be going home and not living with me just so that she wouldn't keep trying to undermine my condition for us to remain chaste until we were wed.

Charlie was pleased that Bella was going to attend graduation. It was only a week away, which was awfully short notice for Bella's mother, but Esme offered to pay for a flight for Renee and Phil, so that they could be there too. Charlie was relieved that he did not have to tell Renee she might miss Bella's graduation.

I was quite elated at the prospect of a day of celebration with my family and Bella's. I hoped that it would be a preview of their incorporation into our life together, though Bella still had not set a date for our wedding. She kept saying she wanted to wait until the fall, around the time of her next birthday, but I was doing my best to entice her to hurry things along. Sure, it was underhanded, but we loved each other, so why wait?

Bella promised her father she would come home that evening, and she promised me that she would leave her window open like she used to. I took pleasure in the fact that she no longer had to sleep simply because I would still be able to spend a great deal of time with her, even with her living back at home. I would have missed her far too much if things had been otherwise, and this realization chipped away at some of the guilt I had felt about changing her.

Graduation day came quickly. We were all dressed in our hideous blue gowns and lined up in alphabetical order outside of the gym. Bella looked breathtaking in the dress that she wore. It nearly matched the color of our graduation regalia, but it wasn't the same crinkly, stiff material. Instead it was a soft, flowing cotton that hugged every inch of her gorgeous figure. Though she detested them, she actually wore some very flattering brown heels that matched part of her dress and made her legs look amazing. I started aching for our wedding night right in the middle of _Pomp and Circumstance_.

Bella's appearance at graduation certainly caused a stir. Everyone was glad that she had returned, but they were just as puzzled as her father by her change in appearance, and to some extent her demeanor. She was always so adorably clumsy before, and even Lauren noticed that Bella was now quite graceful and elegant, though her thoughts were tinged with jealousy more than anything. I never liked Lauren, so I tuned her out, sorry that I had even allowed my curiosity to convince me to listen to her mind.

_Damn, she's even hotter than before. How is that possible? _Of course Mike-fucking-Newton would have to ruin my day. Granted, most of the other boys were thinking the same thing, but I always despised Mike the most just because he was so damned obvious about it, and he was incapable of taking a hint.

After we all paraded across the stage and heard Eric Yorkie blather on about the future, we congregated in various groups with our families. Bella and I were holding hands and talking with my parents when her family found us. Renee was beaming with pride, and Phil was very supportive.

"Congratulations, baby girl!" Renee said, grabbing Bella in her cheerful embrace. "Oh, Esme, thank you so much for flying us out here! I want you to know we will pay every cent back to you."

Esme smiled angelically. "Please, there's no need. I've thought of Bella as a part of my family for a long time. We're all very happy that you were able to come."

Charlie approached timidly, wiping his nose on his sleeve. It was quite endearing how much he loved his daughter, even though he tried to maintain a gruff exterior most of the time. Bella saw him and gave him a big hug. "I'm proud of you, Bells."

"Thanks, dad. I love you."

"Love you too, kid."

It was a touching scene. That is, until Mike decided to interrupt our celebration. "Bella! You made it! Where were you, anyway? Everyone's saying you were in the hospital or something? We thought you and that guy Jake..."

"Hey, Mike," Bella said, cutting him off. "Yeah, I um... was recuperating. I don't really want to talk about it. But, anyway, congratulations, you're out of here!"

"Yeah, I know! So, I was wondering... what are you doing later?" he asked as he smiled shyly and raked his hand through his hair.

I should have killed the Newton kid a long time ago. Did he not see me standing right next to her, yet he's asking her out... _again_? _What a douche bag! _I kept my thoughts to myself, but I couldn't stop from glaring at him menacingly.

Bella flashed a glance at me and replied, "Well, my family and I are going to dinner, but after that I have no plans. Why do you ask?"

"Well, I'm having a graduation party, and I'd love for you to be there! You can come too, man," he quickly added with a wary glance in my direction. At least he had _some_ sense of self-preservation.

I shrugged at Bella, indicating it was her decision. She said we would come for a while, as long as Alice could come with us too. Mike smiled brightly at her suggestion until he saw Jasper glaring at him from behind me. He swallowed nervously and retreated as quickly as he could.

I joined Bella for dinner with her family, with the intention of asking for Charlie's blessing of our engagement. Bella avoided eating by claiming that all the excitement made her lose her appetite, and I used one of my usual excuses. Once the food arrived for the rest of our party, I cleared my throat and said, "Chief Swan, I love your daughter more than my own life. I know that I should have asked you first, but when she was in the care of my family, I asked her to marry me, and she agreed. It would make me very happy if you would honor us with your blessing."

Renee blanched in shock and stared at Charlie, waiting for his response. He glared at her as if he expected her to protest, but she just smiled and shrugged. He turned several shades of red before finally saying, "I guess I can't stop you from that either. Did you get her a ring and everything? When is this happening?"

I smirked at Bella, who quickly replied, "We haven't really decided, yet. I'll let you know, Dad. I promise."

I pulled her engagement ring from my pocket and put it on her finger, where it belonged. Her mother gushed over its design, and Charlie muttered, "Figures," under his breath.

After that ordeal, Bella came over to our house to prepare for Mike's party. Most of her clothes were still in my closet, so Alice selected something for Bella to wear. My love emerged from the bathroom in a rather tight dark denim skirt and a slinky brown tank top. She was still wearing the heels she wore earlier. Surprised by her uncharacteristically brazen (meaning, sinfully attractive) appearance, I asked what brought on the change in her aversion to fashion. She shrugged and told me that Alice said it was important that she wear it. My sister was blocking me from her mind by this point, so I had no idea what she was up to.

We rode in my Volvo over to the Newton's. When the three of us walked in together, the assembled crowd stopped their revelries and just stared. I moved to stand in front of Bella to protect her from the attention I knew she hated. Several people in the room were wondering how on Earth I had convinced Bella to take me back. Most of those same people were accusing Bella of being weak for doing so, which angered me. They had no idea what we had been through. Angela Weber, bless her, was genuinely happy for the both of us. I found myself wishing I had gotten to know her better over the past few years.

After several minutes of awkwardness, things picked up where they were before our appearance and Bella actually began to mingle with some of her friends. She graciously congratulated Eric on giving a fine valedictorian speech. It irked me a little that such an ordinary person would serve as our class valedictorian - I was far more intelligent than he was, and so was Bella, for that matter. I used to care about my class rank, but after so many years of repeating high school, I lost interest. I was content with getting good enough grades for the teachers to leave me alone.

I got sucked into a rather intense discussion of cars with Ben, Angela's boyfriend, and I momentarily lost track of Bella. Since she had become a vampire, I was slowly learning to accept that she could take care of herself. She didn't need my protection at _every_ moment. It was a very hard habit for me to break, but I wanted to avoid being too overbearing. I could tell she found it mildly insulting, particularly now.

After wrapping up my conversation with Ben, I went searching for my love. Suddenly, I heard her yell, "Cut it out!" The other humans did not hear her over the booming music, but her voice was clear as a bell to me. I moved swiftly in her direction to find Newton drunkenly pawing at my future wife. She saw me making my way towards her and muttered, "I can handle it, dammit."

Mike thought she was talking to him and said, "Yeah, I bet you can. You look so hot, Bella. Why don't you let Cullen find his own way home?"

She said to him, "Because I'm marrying him, you asshole." He didn't seem to hear her, and continued trying to grope her. I was just about to remove his hands for him, but she reared back - I tried to warn her with my eyes to be careful- and slapped him across the face so hard that he actually fell down. I can't say he didn't deserve it, and I certainly had to stifle a laugh, but it was too unnatural. A few people noticed Mike on the floor and someone turned the music off, but Bella was so angry that she hadn't noticed that everyone was watching them.

Mike looked around, stunned. "What did you say?"

"I said... I'm. Marrying. Him. You. Ass. Hole!" she shouted. Just at that moment, she realized that it was dead quiet in the room and I heard the collective gasp of our peers.

I heard several "_What the hell?" _thoughts, but dismissed them immediately. I didn't care about anything besides getting Bella out of the spotlight. I pulled her back to reality and led her to the door, with Alice trailing behind us. Bella was wearing the expression that I learned to associate with her defensive instinct, but I thought it was just a residual effect of Mike's advances. When we got to the foyer, we nearly collided with someone standing in the doorway.

Bella whispered, "Oh my God... Jacob?"

"I told you I'd always come back to you, Bella."

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**A/N: **(Remember, that's what Jake said to her when she recalled the fight with Victoria in Chapter 6.) A review would be lovely! Thank you for reading! I hope posting a double-up makes up for my lack of promised updates. There are about 5 chapters left!


	17. Chapter 17 Preparations

Disclaimer**:** SM and JM own, I play!

**Ch 17. Preparations**

"Say" -J. Mayer

_Have no fear for giving in  
Have no fear for giving over  
You'd better know that in the end  
Its better to say too much  
Then never say what you need to say again  
Even if your hands are shaking  
And your faith is broken  
Even as the eyes are closing  
Do it with a heart wide open_

**BPOV**

I could not understand why Mike Newton couldn't get it through his thick freaking skull that I wasn't interested in him. I saw Edward across the room, ready to swoop in and save me, but I could take care of myself, especially now. I was stronger than Edward anyway. He was glaring at my crazily, but regardless, I reached back and slapped the crap out of Mike. When he hit the floor, I understood why Edward was looking at me like that - he was warning me to be careful. Oops. Of course, I was so angry that I didn't notice that everyone in the room was paying attention to the exchange between Mike and me. The cat was out of the bag. In probably a few hours, the entire town would know that Edward and I were getting married. On one hand, it was a bit of a relief, but I seriously dreaded all the sideways glances I could expect for the foreseeable future.

Edward rushed over to save me from the spotlight. In that instance, I was thankful for his undying chivalry. Even though it was over, my stupid defensive intuition was still going haywire. I had alarm bells and sirens ringing in my ears the whole time Mike was grabbing at me, but now they were accompanied by something that sounded like a bomb-scare was occurring. We were walking (probably a little too fast for humans) towards the front door and the noises in my head just kept getting louder. I turned around to see if someone was coming up from behind me before I plowed right into someone in the doorway. No. Fucking. Way.

"Oh my God... Jacob?"

He smiled and said, "I told you I'd always come back to you, Bella."

But before his words registered, before I even thought about it, I reached back and punched Jake square in the jaw.

"Dammit, Bella! What the hell was that for? Ow, you really are pretty strong... for a girl," he added with a smirk. I was a little surprised he wasn't angrier, or more hurt - I mean I could smack Emmett and it at least stung a little. I probably would have broken my hand if it weren't made of stone.

"Oh crap! Jake, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to do that! I have a little issue with defensiveness now and you caught me off guard. I'll tell you about it... _outside_."

"I agree outside is better. I hate to say it, Bells, but you smell like super-powered strawberry air-freshener - it's burning my nose." He wrinkled his nose in disgust at me, but smiled so that I knew he was mostly kidding. Edward and Alice followed, and Edward was not as concerned as I thought he would be. Alice just growled and threw her hands up in frustration since the future had vanished again.

We retreated from the doorway and Edward pulled it shut behind us, much to the disappointment of our former classmates. I didn't really know where to begin. I was a little unsure that having Edward involved in my reunion with Jake was a good idea, but he pulled me aside and said, "Bella, I'm sure you would like some privacy with Jacob. Alice and I will be waiting for you at home. Will you join us or should I meet you at Charlie's later?"

"Umm... I think we've pushed Charlie to the limit with our little announcement today. I probably should go home at some point. I mean... I know I don't really have a curfew, but I don't want to give him the wrong idea. Is that okay? I'll leave my window open..."

Edward smiled and brushed my cheek. He said, "Of course, love, whatever you want. I just wanted to tell you – I'm so proud of you. You did so well with all the people around you today, and you look stunning of course."

If I still could, I would have blushed from head to toe. Edward always complimented me, but for some reason, this seemed a more direct statement than usual. I looked down in embarrassment, but Edward just lifted my chin and kissed my forehead. I hugged him and Alice before I turned to deal with Jacob.

"Wait," Jacob said, grabbing Edward's sleeve. "Look, I just wanted to say thank you for taking care of Bella. I'm really sorry for what happened, but I guess you have everything you ever wanted now right?" he asked with a slightly pained expression.

Edward smirked in response to something Jacob must have thought. Then he said, "It's alright Jacob. I've heard some snippets of your thoughts through Seth. We've actually become good friends, though of course, you know that. I suppose we're even now. You took care of her when I made a terrible mistake, and I did the same for you." Edward paused for a moment and added, "On second thought, I still feel indebted to you, since you also saved us all from your brothers. But yes, I am happy that Bella is with me, and I truly do have everything I could want."

With that, Edward kissed me on the cheek and left for his house with Alice. _What am I going to say?_ I wondered. Jake didn't seem angry with me, or disgusted, but it was horribly awkward nonetheless. We walked in silence a few yards and sat on the curb of Mike's street.

"Jake..." I began tentatively, watching my wringing hands, "I'm so glad you're back. I've missed you so much and I'm so sorry for what I did. I don't know how you could ever forgive me, but I'd like to try to earn it."

I still couldn't really face him, so after a moment, I heard him say, "Honey, a lot has happened since that day. I know you never _meant_ to hurt me, and I realize now that you never stopped loving him. I shouldn't have tried to push you to be with me when I could tell that you weren't ready. I absolutely _never_ should have lost control. I'm the one who wants to earn _your_ forgiveness."

I couldn't believe this was my Jacob I was talking to. He seemed so much more... mature. I was shocked that he had taken the blame for what happened to me - I never thought it was anyone's fault but my own. "Oh, Jake! Does this mean we'll be able to be friends again? I mean, I know it won't be the same as before, but, you really don't hate me?" I finally looked up at him and was surprised by a pair of dazzling, golden eyes staring back at me. They looked an awful lot like the way mine did now. _ Does this mean he's a... no, impossible._ "Jake... your eyes..."

"Uh, yeah, I guess we both look like we're wearing contacts now. I'll show you the rest sometime. Quit freaking out – I can tell what you're thinking. Trust me, I'm not like you at all," he said, looking seriously offended. "But, of course I don't hate you, Bells. I could never hate you - you're my best friend and you always will be. I'm sorry I ran away, and even though you smell bad now, you actually seem like yourself so that makes me happy. Your eyes aren't even red at all. I thought for sure you'd look all freaky, and that you'd be a psycho for a while," he said with a grin. "I do agree with Edward on one thing - you do look stunning... Oh yeah, what was all that about being defensive?"

I got a little embarrassed about discussing my talent since I still couldn't believe I even had it. "Umm, well _I_ call it my 'defensive intuition'. When danger is near me, all these alarms kind of go off in my head. Edward says it's like Peter Parker's 'Spidey Sense'."

Jacob's mouth popped open, and then he started laughing hysterically. "Oh man, Bells. Can I call you 'Spiderwoman'? Seriously, though? That's pretty cool. It's kind of funny since you always found yourself in trouble as a human. I guess I can see why I made your Spidey Sense go nuts - I mean, we _are_ supposed to be arch enemies." After he was finished laughing, he asked me soberly, "So... you're, you know... okay with being a lee-, sorry, a vampire?"

"Yes," I told him emphatically. "I mean, I wanted Edward to change me before, and even though I wasn't exactly ready for it, I guess I was kind of made for this life. I pretty much got to skip the whole crazy newborn phase, and I'm... happy. I got to see my family again, and go to graduation - I've been able to do a lot of things I never thought possible. We're getting married, you know," I added quietly.

Jake scooted closer and put his arm around my shoulder, but switched to breathing through his mouth. He smelled like Seth, but stronger, so I just stopped breathing altogether, except when I needed more air to talk. I didn't want him to move away. I had really missed him.

"Yeah, I know, Bells," he said softly. "Seth told me a while ago, and I heard you tell Mike just now anyway. I'm a little surprised though, I didn't know if you'd ever get married to anyone."

"Are you okay with that?" I asked.

He rubbed my shoulder and gave me a half-hug. He replied, "Yeah, I'm okay with it. I've let you go. I want you to be happy more than anything else. If you're sure that you want to marry him, then that's what you should do. Don't worry about me. I have to take charge of a whole tribe now anyway, so I'll probably be too preoccupied to think about it." He gave me a half-hearted smile to try to reassure me.

I asked him when he had gotten so mature. He just shrugged and said he figured it was a "wolf thing". He told me a little about his time spent wandering in the wilderness. He apologized for being a coward by calling me and hanging up before. We walked home at human speed and he gave me a genuine Jacob-style hug, except he couldn't crush me anymore. I felt whole again... happy.

_I love you, Jacob, _I thought to myself with a smile as we broke our embrace.

"Love you too, Bells," he answered.

"Whoa, you heard me?" I whispered, not wanting to wake Charlie.

Jacob looked puzzled and said, "Of course I heard you. I have super-hearing too, you know."

"No, Jake. I didn't say that out loud. I think I projected my thoughts to you. It's like... my _other_ talent. I can't get it to work very well yet, so it happens uncontrollably sometimes."

"Really? Two powers and no newborn craziness?" he asked incredulously. "Maybe you _were_ born to be a vamp. Do it again."

I tried to tell him it didn't work like that, but then I also figured it might be good to try it on someone other than a fellow vampire. I was pretty surprised it worked in the first place. I tried to find my happiness again and thought, _I'm just glad that everything is starting to work out. I've felt like part of me was missing since you were gone, and I feel whole again. You really are my best friend. There's happiness for you too, I'm sure of it._

Jacob smiled. "Ditto, Bella. That's pretty cool. Can you hear my thoughts too?"

"Nope. I'm like reverse-Edward. I'm still learning how to control it. Carlisle thinks I'll be able to put my thoughts into anyone's head I want, if I practice enough. Maybe I can even make them think what I want too," I joked, tenting my fingers together like a plotting villain.

"Well, let me know if you need a guinea pig. I'm glad that my coming back makes you happy - me too. I was afraid you hated me. We have a lot of catching up to do. You'd better get inside, though. I'm pretty sure Edward is waiting for you," he said without a hint of jealousy. I was amazed.

I went into the house and rousted Charlie from the couch, virtually dragging him upstairs to bed. I went into my room and found Edward there, lying on my bed and humming softly to himself. He smiled at me angelically, but I worried about what he might be thinking if he had overheard us. I suppose he guessed my concerns from my facial expression and he apologized for invading our privacy. He hadn't meant to come over too early, but he said he missed me after such a taxing day. I couldn't disagree.

We laid on my bed talking, but this time differed from my foggy memories since I wasn't wrapped up like a burrito, and I wasn't sleepy. I asked Edward why he wasn't more concerned that Jake had shown up at the party, but he just said that he suspected I would go looking for Jacob soon anyway and was glad that he'd shown up first. Also, he heard Jacob's thoughts and, while he was surprised at them, he was confident that Jacob wasn't angry or vengeful. Even though he probably overheard us, I told Edward that I projected my thoughts into Jake's mind, and he noted that I must have been making some improvements with my control.

Being with Edward in my room brought back some fond, although hazy memories, as well as the one of the first time we had made love (again, thankfully, clear as crystal). Even though I was getting better at evening out my moods, the hardest one for me to dampen was when I wanted Edward. It was rather embarrassing for me to feel so lustful all the time with an empath for a brother. I tried to hide my feelings from Jasper when I knew he was around, and honestly, it seemed to be working. He could never hide a smile when he felt waves of desire coming from me, and it seemed that he wasn't smiling about it as often as he should have.

I wanted Edward so badly, and I was hoping that with such an eventful day that maybe he would just give in for once. I thought about all the things that happened surrounding graduation and immediately felt insanely happy. _Edward, can we PLEASE get past your silly rule?_ I thought for his benefit.

"Love, are you projecting to me on purpose?" he asked. "And, no."

I pouted and sighed in frustration, but continued to converse with him through my mind. I knew it excited him when he could read my thoughts, and I was hoping that I could turn that excitement into something more. _Yes, it's on purpose. And, pretty please? Charlie even gave us his blessing... well, kind of. That makes it pretty official, right? Don't you want to?_

Edward shifted to a sitting position. "Of course I want to, Bella! Why must you always make it so difficult for me to resist you?"

I frowned at him and continued conversing with him in my mind. _Oh please, Edward. You are the one that is constantly trying to get me all worked up with no satisfying end in sight! It's our graduation day - and I haven't graduated high school a million times before, unlike you. Can we PLEASE just make an exception?_

"Bella, please don't do this. I hate myself for refusing you; especially when you are pleading with me this way, but I told you – marry me first. You already agreed to it, so what are you waiting for? Don't you want to be my wife?"

He had a point there. The whole town knew by now anyway. My parents were in on it. Alice had already lined up all the vendors she wanted, including some fashion-forward dress designer. I vetoed the orchestra, but did concede to a string quartet for the ceremony. And frankly, I couldn't take this "no sex clause" for much longer.

"Ugh, dammit, Edward. _Fine_. Instead of waiting until my birthday, how about... beginning of August?"

Edward smiled mischievously and pulled me onto his lap. He kissed my neck and nuzzled my ear. "Are you sure you want to wait that long?" he crooned.

"Umm... middle of July?" I asked, winding my fingers into his hair as he started kissing me.

"If that's what you want, Bella," he murmured into my mouth. He slightly hitched up the hem of my skirt and grabbed my knees as I was straddling his lap. I thought maybe I was starting to sway his resolve. Finally.

He was slowly (painfully slowly) moving his hands up my thighs under my skirt, as he continued to kiss me and I unthinkingly said, "Well, what about the summer solstice?"

Edward pulled his hands away and leaned back far enough to say, "Done."

_Crap, that hadn't gone the way I planned at all!_ "Edward Cullen, you are the devil."

He smiled triumphantly and said, "I've tried to convince you of that since the day we met, love."

Since I unwittingly agreed to having our wedding on the summer solstice, that really only left us a couple of weeks to get everything together. We told my mom the next day, and she decided to stay in Forks until the wedding to help get everything ready. The guest list was already nearing over 100 people, and honestly, I didn't think I'd even met that many people in my life. My side of the guest list only made up about 20 people, and that was if everyone brought someone with them. Renee was an only child, and Charlie had a brother that he never spoke to, so with them and Phil, my family was covered. Other than that, the other names to represent me were our classmates and the Quileutes that were still talking to me.

I know the Cullens had been around for decades (and in Carlisle's case, centuries), so of course they had accumulated far more friends and acquaintances than I could in my mere 18 years on the planet. I vetoed a lot of the vampires they knew just because I was worried that so many more of our kind in one location would cause every Quileute child to phase. Alice insisted on inviting at least the Denali clan, and I was pretty intimidated about meeting them. From what I knew, they were all incredibly beautiful, and I had heard enough about Tanya to guess that she would not be thrilled to be at our wedding. I had a feeling that she would still make a move for Edward, even while I was walking down the aisle. She was like his version of Mike Newton. Irina had fallen in love with Laurent when he went to visit them, so I doubted she would attend since I was the reason he was dead. I didn't know much about Kate besides the fact that she had a similar outlook on life as Tanya. They were rather generous with their affections, and for some strange reason, preferred human men. I then realized Edward wasn't the only vampire to ever have sex with a human and not drink from them. The Denalis didn't always leave their men alive though.

Alice also said we should invite the Volturi out of respect, and that just made me nervous. I didn't know much about them other than that they were treated like royalty by the vampires of the world. I did know that they had no regard for human life, and that put them in the evil category as far as I was concerned. I worried that the people in Forks would be in danger, but Alice told me that all vampire guests were asked not to hunt anywhere near the state of Washington. All the other vampires I met besides the Cullens were trying to kill me when I was human, so I lumped everyone with red eyes into the same bloodthirsty, "bad vampire" group.

The worst part of the wedding preparations was selecting a wedding cake, simply because it smelled disgusting and I didn't know how to choose a good one anymore. I figured as long as we went with chocolate, we would be pretty safe. I worried about having to eat the cake at the reception, but Edward assured me we could avoid it by smashing it in each other's faces. "Problem solved," he said with his disarming smile.

We decided to have a simple ceremony in our meadow, followed by a reception at the Cullen's home. Alice devised a plan to shuttle all of the human guests to the meadow using their Jeeps. Yes, they purchased two other off-road vehicles just for the occasion. I couldn't talk Carlisle out of it, even though I pleaded that they were already spending far too much money on this thing. He told me that celebratory occasions (well for the first time, since they had all been "married" several times) felt rare to those that had been around for hundreds of years, so he would hear none of my protestations.

My dress designer was not too happy about the rush, so Alice just fired him on the spot and decided to do it herself (she had more hours in which to work compared to the human anyway). Honestly, I was glad just because I would be wearing something that she had created for me - it was more personal. She decided to design it around my engagement ring. We agreed on a Victorian-era dress that was updated from the poufy-ball gown-and-corset style to a more modern mermaid style, but keeping the corset. It also included a ruby-red accent sash and an insert in the bustle to match the rubies in my ring. The design was impressive, and if I were being honest, I thought it would make me feel beautiful, so I figured that mattered most. The dress was new, my ring was old, I borrowed one of Rosalie's garters, and all I needed was something blue. Alice suggested we tuck some blue freesia flowers into my bouquet, so I was all set.

Jacob and I also got to spend some more time together. I always worried about how I made Edward feel by hanging out with Jake, but he promised me that he understood. I mean... I was marrying _Edward_ after all. I still could not have been more shocked when Edward asked if I wanted Jake in the wedding party, but that's how Jacob became one of our groomsmen. Jasper was the best man, and Emmett was in the party as well. Alice would be my maid-of-honor (as she had seen), and I also included Rosalie and Angela. Angela's father was a minister, so we asked him to officiate. Everything was falling into place quite nicely. My bridesmaids all had matching dresses, but in different colors. Alice's was silver, Rosalie's a dark smoky gray, and Angela's was black because I thought it would go nicely with her complexion. Jasper and Emmett matched their wives, and Jacob had a black vest and tie to match Angela's. Edward would wear a red vest and tie, to match me, and everyone would have red roses for their corsages and boutonnières. Alice was truly a force of nature.

I hunted pretty frequently to make it easier to deal with all the people that would soon be bombarding me. One day, Edward was busily tied up with Alice for his tux fitting, so he couldn't go hunting with me. It was just as well since every time we hunted together just reminded me of our first hunt and left me satiated and extremely frustrated at the same time. Jacob had just finished getting fitted for his tux, and as I was about to leave, he asked to come with me.

"Are you sure about that, Jake? I mean... you hate my being a vampire. Why would you want to hunt with me?" I asked.

"Honestly Bella, I don't really know. I guess I'm just morbidly curious. I can't picture it at all. Plus, I'm kind of hungry too - I hope you don't mind if I go wolf. Just remember, I said I'm a little different." His now yellow eyes twinkled wistfully, and I couldn't imagine what he meant about being different.

Of course I didn't mind. I figured that this was a definite step forward in his attempts to accept my new life, so I was all for it. After a few days, I managed to control my defensive instinct against Jake, so I thought it would be okay... unless he couldn't handle it. I grew a little concerned that he might end up wanting to end me, so I pulled back my defensive allowance for Jake. _Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to be on my guard_, I thought.

He shed his shorts right in front of me (which he had done countless times before, but I certainly felt a lot more awkward about now), and phased into his wolf. I did not recognize him at all. He was pure white and _huge - _far bigger than I remembered. He towered over me and I couldn't even see over his massive shoulders. "Geez, Jake. Is that really you?"

The white wolf nodded in assent and gave me a toothy grin. I was determined to stick to deer since I was hunting with Jake. I didn't want to drink from anything that even remotely resembled him, so I wandered the forest until I caught their signature smell. Jacob was following me, but not too closely, as I hunted. I didn't like being restricted to a one-sided conversation, so I just let myself hunt and did my best to ignore him. I took down a large buck and started drinking my fill. I saw Jacob watching me, and I got nervous, but my intuition did not raise any alarms so I continued to drink. Slowly, he came up to me, his eyes on mine the whole time, and he began to eat from the same deer. I couldn't believe it. We were actually _sharing_ a kill. This had to be the first time in history that a vampire and werewolf had eaten together. I wished I really could channel Edward's power so I could know what Jacob was thinking at that moment.

After we both had our fill of deer (Jacob killed another and bobbed his head at me to signal that I could drink from it), Jake finally phased back to his human self. "Was that as weird for you as it was for me?" he asked, running his fingers through his hair.

I replied, "Umm... yeah. I just thought that, you know, you wouldn't want anything to do with me when I was... like that. And what's with you and the whole giant arctic wolf body?"

"As far as my new appearance - I just figure it's an 'Alpha thing'. I felt all funny when I took power, so I guess that's when it happened. But yeah, it's not as bad as I thought it would be to see you like that. I mean, I eat animals now too. At least this way, you aren't wasting all that meat after you drink the thing dry."

"At least..."

Jacob smiled at me before saying, "Quit freaking out, Bells. It's okay. We're okay. I'm glad I came with you - I can accept your new lifestyle a little bit better now."

I had been meaning to ask him about my upcoming wedding, so I figured since we were alone, now was a good a time as any. "Jake, I was wondering... are you sure you're okay with coming to the wedding, and being in the wedding party and everything?"

He looked somber for a moment, but he said, "Yeah. I'm okay with it. I know what I'm doing - quit worrying so much. It's supposed to be the happiest day of your life. Don't let me ruin it for you."

"Being there as my friend is the best gift I could ask for. Thank you so much. I'm glad you are still in my life, even though I'm... like this," I said wholeheartedly.

Jacob smiled and just grabbed me into a huge hug. I felt like one of the most fortunate people in the world. I could not believe that we were able to have anything close to a friendship again. He had changed a lot more than I realized while he was away, more than just his appearance. To lighten the mood, I carried Jacob home on my back as I ran through the woods back home. I wondered if I'd be able to do it, since my strength was already starting to wane, but it was funny and we laughed the entire trip. I definitely had my friend back, and I couldn't have been more grateful.

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**A/N:** Please leave a review and refer to your pals. Thank you kindly.


	18. Chapter 18 An Occasion

**A/N: **I hope you enjoy Edward's perspective!

**Ch 18. An Occasion **

"Over and Over" -J. Mayer

_Baby, you could jump a hundred times  
There's just no way that you'll ever fall out of my graces  
Let's say for a second that you ever do  
And it gets hard to look at you  
Time will erase it, time will erase it  
You can use me up, kick me down  
As much as you like, we're good on time  
Cause, guess who desperately wants you, over and over  
Over and over_

**EPOV**

**

* * *

**The two weeks leading up to our wedding passed in a complete blur. I loved Alice more and more each day because she was doing her best to reign herself in and allow Bella to make decisions that would ultimately make her the happiest. Alice was the only one that had seen Bella in her wedding dress, and she was an expert at blocking me from her thoughts. I have to admit that I could not wait to see my beloved at her most magnificent, and I was intensely curious about what type of dress she would have chosen. I thought that Bella might accidentally project her thoughts to me, but alas, she never did. I even tried enticing her into her happiest moods to elicit a scrap of information from her silent mind, but she was wound far too tight to let me in. Either that, or she was becoming more practiced with controlling her talent than I thought.

I had the hardest time containing the pure joy I felt in the anticipation of our wedding day. Jasper would not leave me alone because I was so constantly euphoric that he got a contact high from being around me. He, therefore, spread the feelings of bliss to the rest of our family whenever they were nearby. Everyone I loved was nearing his or her peak of happiness, and I was humbled that I was the cause. They often expressed this sentiment, but I vehemently pointed out that it was Bella that was causing our family's collective elation. After all, the only reason I was so happy was because of her.

On multiple occasions, I had to politely ask Jasper for privacy with Bella. He merely shrugged and moved on, but I could tell his mood dampened slightly with each step he took. He pointed out that I was by far the happiest person in our family about the upcoming wedding, and I could not help but feel disheartened at the fact that Bella did not exude nearly the same amount of joy that I did. I cornered her one evening to discuss it with her.

***  
I pulled Bella into our room and lay with her on our bed. By now, this bed already filled my mind with the many intimate evenings we shared since I proposed. Of course, I admit I could not wait to use it again as we had the very first night we spent in it together. Thankfully, our wedding was fast approaching, and Bella was too busy with preparations to try to sway my resolve. So far, we had met my condition of waiting to make love until we were married, and I felt nearly home free with it being only a few more days to wait.

I brushed her hair out of her eyes as I cradled her to my chest and asked, "Love, I just want to make sure... do you really want to go through with this?"

"What? Are you having second thoughts?" she asked, worry clouding her expression

"Not at all, Bella. You... don't seem as happy to be getting married as I do, and I just want to make sure you aren't just doing this so you don't hurt my feelings." Even as I said this, I braced myself for the possibility that she had changed her mind.

Bella pushed me back so that she could look me fully in the face. She grabbed my chin in her hand, squeezing my face rather forcefully (she was still quite a bit stronger than me), and said, "Edward, you are so ridiculous! Of course I want to marry you! You think I'd let Alice go all nuts like this just to spare your feelings?"

I looked at her pointedly, conveying that I did indeed think she would do such a thing.

She sighed and released my face. "Okay, fine. Maybe I would... but that's _not_ why I am doing this. I _love _you, sweetheart. I know I was reluctant about setting a date, but that was more because I was worried about what everyone else would think. After the party and my little incident with Mike, I figured the whole town already knew anyway, so there was no point in waiting. You are the very best thing that has ever happened to me and I absolutely cannot wait to be _Mrs._ Bella Cullen. See - I'm not even going to hyphenate my name on you! Don't you realize how happy you've made me?" she asked with a quizzical expression.

I was shocked by such an emotional response from her on the subject. Her proclamations filled me with even more than my now typical overabundance of happiness, and I heard Jasper beat on the wall between our rooms, effectively telling me to reign myself in a bit. Hearing her say "Mrs. Bella Cullen" did other things to me that I had not anticipated. I had never desired her more than in that moment and I proceeded to overtake her and trail kisses all over her beautiful neck. I somehow ended up lying on top of her, pressing into her, and she responded in kind by wrapping her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck. It seemed that I would quickly undermine my own condition, with only a few measly days to spare!

"Oh, God, Bella, you will be the death of me."

My beloved smirked rather coyly. She knew exactly what she was doing. "Oh, come on, Edward. We only have three more days until we're married. We're practically there; let's just do this. You know you want to," she said seductively.

For the love of all that is holy, did I want to. But as she pointed out to me again, we only had three more days. I could wait, and so could she. It would be worth it. The next time we had sex, we would be bound to each other in every way humanly (and immortally) possible. I climbed off of her, and lay down at her side, staring at the ceiling. I said, "Love, you have no idea how much I want to. You don't realize what your words just did to me. But, as you said, we have three short days until we are married. It will pass in the blink of an eye, Bella, and I promise you that I will make it worth your while to wait."

She pondered my last statement for a moment before replying, "You'd better. I don't know what more you can do to me after that night in the meadow, but I guess I'm intrigued to find out. Fine, killjoy, we'll wait. I hate you for this, but I love you enough to uphold your infuriating little rule."

We laid in silence for several moments, and then Bella asked me, "Edward? Why did you think I wasn't happy about getting married? Where did that come from in the first place?"

I cringed as she brought up the beginnings of our conversation. I know she denied that she was unhappy or going through with the wedding just for my sake, but I did not like harping on the idea and keeping it in her mind. I was worried that the more she thought about it, the more she would realize that she could do so much better than me.

I replied carefully, "Well... it was from talking with Jasper. He said that I was the happiest one in the house, and I merely wondered why _you_ weren't the happiest one of us all. He said he sensed the least amount of happiness coming from you, and it worried me terribly."

"Really? He said that? I don't understand," she said, furrowing her brow. "I'm incredibly happy, Edward. How could I not be? I'm glad you are so overjoyed that Jasper noticed though. I don't really know why he can't tell that I'm happy, but please believe me when I say that I have never been more ecstatic about anything. I'm just sorry you didn't know that. I suppose I should have let you into my head so that you could understand, but I know you're trying to get a peek at my dress, so no dice, buddy," she added playfully.

I wondered why Jasper was not sensing Bella's emotions properly - he always did when she was human, but I lost my train of thought when I realized that she knew all along that I was trying to find out about her dress. "I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions, love. I just feel so lucky that you have chosen me."

Bella's face grew stern. "Don't you start with me, Edward Cullen. We were meant for each other, so cut it out with all this 'I'm so lucky' nonsense. Stop worrying. I love you, and I promise I will be there on our wedding day. I _am_ a little concerned about one thing though..."

"What?" I asked as a lump formed in my throat.

Bella replied sheepishly, "I'm worried about meeting our... guests. The Denalis and the Volturi, in particular. What if they don't like me?"

_If they don't like you, or make you feel insecure, I'll end them,_ I thought to myself. "Don't worry. The Denalis are practically family and I assure you they will be receptive towards you, as we have always been amicable towards each other. The Volturi on the other hand may be more difficult. However, the leaders: Marcus, Caius, and Aro, are good friends of Carlisle's and I'm sure they will be quite gracious guests. They do not understand our lifestyle, and they may be a little inquisitive, but I'm sure they will love you. I told you before, you are the most perfect vampire."

My words seemed to calm her nerves, and we lay together for a few moments longer while I daydreamed of the best day of my life - three days from now - grinning from ear to ear. Then Jasper beat on the wall again, and Alice interrupted us with the claims that she needed Bella's help with something.

***  
As it turned out, three days passed with excruciating slowness for me. Even though my brothers and I were busily preparing the wedding and reception sites, my mind was whirring in anticipation. Jacob and a few of his brothers even offered their assistance with the wedding preparations. The current dynamic between Jacob and I was the polar opposite of what it was before, but I was glad for it. I knew that he still loved Bella, but he was resolved to let her go. I respected him greatly for that because I had tried to do so before, and it nearly broke me. Jacob was a stronger person than I ever gave him credit. He was also turning into quite the controversial chieftain. I was sure the stories that were passed down among the Quileute generations would one day include Chief Jacob and his friendship with the yellow-eyed Cold Ones. I was completely in awe when Bella told me that they had hunted together.

During these few days, I also hardly saw Bella at all. She was fully occupied with her own set of instructions from Alice. The ladies of my family, with Bella's mother, were hurriedly arranging flowers, making party favors, constructing a menu, and gathering all the various accessories that my bride needed for the big day. We only had moments of time alone together, and I savored them for as long as I could until Alice would pester us do something else on her list. I loved my sister dearly, but she really could annoy the hell out of me sometimes.

I almost thought she was trying to keep us apart on purpose. The night before the wedding, the entire family hunted together, but Alice firmly separated us from that point until we would meet again in our meadow. She took my bride-to-be hostage for the remaining hours, going as far as booking a hotel room in Seattle. I was incensed, but before they sped away in my Aston Martin, she let me in on the fact that she had a vision that we would not have waited to be together until our wedding night if she hadn't intervened. I had to thank her for that, for I would surely have ruined everything.

Finally, dawn broke and the summer solstice was upon us. Jasper followed me around all morning, not to feed off of my joy, but to calm me down. I was so excited that I couldn't stop pacing. I even considered running to Seattle and kidnapping Bella to go to Vegas, just so we would be married a few hours sooner. Alice must have caught a glimpse of that future because in the midst of my thoughts, my phone buzzed and I had a text from her.

_Don't you dare. I will never speak to you again._

Plot foiled. I was forced to wait. Jasper's calming waves did help some, but there was so much last-minute activity with the caterers and guests arriving that the bustling around me only agitated me further. Charlie showed up at our house with only half his tux on, no tie, and without Mr. Weber in his company. I worried that he was trying to sabotage our wedding, and that he really had never approved of it, but he smiled sheepishly with apologetic-tinged thoughts when he realized his mistake and ran right back out the door. He even turned on the lights on his cruiser to speed through town to retrieve our minister.

I heard Rose's Mercedes pull into the garage and just as I was about to run there to greet Bella, my phone buzzed again. I opened it curiously, only to find another text from Alice.

_Go to your room. Get dressed. Don't ruin it._

I trudged up the stairs like a punished child. I ran into Renee, who had just finished helping Charlie with his tie, and she looked at me worriedly.

"Edward, what's wrong, honey? You're not having second thoughts are you?"

My eyes flashed to hers and I nearly yelled, "NO! Of course not!" Bella's mother raised her eyebrows at me, both in surprise at my shouting, and in anticipation of a further explanation. After a short pause, I added, "They won't let me see her..."

Renee smiled at me sympathetically and touched my shoulder. "Well, they want it to be a surprise! The first time the groom sees the bride should be perfect, and he shouldn't have any idea what to expect. It's only a little longer, dear. Look at it this way, everyone's going to be looking at Bella, but the only person she will be looking at is you. Don't you want to give her the most genuine reaction you can?"

She was right, of course, and I conceded her point. I was still pitifully downtrodden as I entered my room and began getting dressed. I agonized for a bit about what to wear underneath my tux since we would be alone in the house after the wedding. I had planned an elaborate honeymoon for my wife, but I didn't want to spend our wedding night traveling. We had waited long enough. My family would clean up everything tomorrow after we left, and they happily agreed to let us have the house to ourselves for the night. I finally settled on just wearing my normal boxer briefs (I couldn't wrap my head around what Bella would consider sexy), and Emmett burst into my room just as I was buttoning my shirt.

"Hey, man. What's with you, why do you look all depressed?"

"I miss her. And... what if she get's spooked?"

"Oh, geez, Edward - you're crazy. You haven't seen her in a whole 12 hours. Get a grip. You're going to be spending the rest of eternity together. And she won't get spooked. You two belong together, and she loves you... for some inexplicable reason," he added with a nudge and a grin.

"I know! I don't deserve her!" I wailed, throwing my tie back on the bed and fisting my hands in my hair.

Emmett looked at me in disbelief, and then he punched me right in the jaw. He didn't use all his strength, and it didn't really hurt. I felt more like I had just been bitchslapped.

"Hey! Alice is going to kill you if you pull one stitch out of my tux."

"Dammit, Edward. Quit with all this 'I'm not worthy' bullshit!"

I thought Emmett was going to hit me again, but then his expression softened and he looked reminiscent more than anything. Finally he said, "Look, bro, I get it. I felt the same way the first time Rose and I got married. I was terrified that she wouldn't show. Even though she was the reason I even joined your family, it's a scary thing. As a man, it's probably one of the most emotionally vulnerable times in your life, just because you are leaving yourself so open to flat-out, heartbreaking rejection. You just have to trust Bella. If you trust her, and love her, then you have nothing at all to worry about."

I stared stupidly at my brother for a minute as I processed the fact that he had just discussed his emotions with me. I remembered the day of their first wedding, and I never would have guessed that he was feeling so insecure. He was strutting around like he owned the world. Emmett's admission made me feel decidedly better and as I pinned my boutonnière onto my lapel, and tried to smooth out my ridiculously unruly hair, my heart soared, knowing that I would be with my dearest love forever.

Once I was dressed, I was instructed to go to the meadow and help seat the guests that would be arriving. Emmett, Jasper, and Carlisle were chauffeuring the human guests to the meadow in our Jeeps. I would've been totally alone (and probably going insane) if Jacob and Seth hadn't been there. I was concerned about their behavior, since we were expecting several vampires, but they assured me they could handle it. I told them that we had instructed our non-vegetarian guests not to hunt anywhere within a 100-mile radius of Forks, and I really hoped that no one would break that arrangement.

The first guests to arrive were the Denali clan, all looking splendid and beautiful for the occasion, even after having run through the forest.

"Holy shit, man. Who are they?" Jacob asked, apparently just as stunned by their beauty as all other human men. Over the years, I often wondered if the sisters had some sort of talent that made men go senseless.

"Those are our... well, we call them cousins. They are from Alaska, and they are like us - they don't feed on humans. That's Tanya, Kate, and Irina. Over there are Carmen and Eleazar. Irina was mated with Laurent - that one you killed when he attacked Bella here - so you might want to keep your distance from her. I'm surprised she even showed." I allowed myself to peek into Irina's thoughts, and although they were angry and uncomfortable, Tanya and Kate had somehow convinced her to be civil. There was some sort of punishment involved if she did not act as such.

"Man, they're hot." _ Fucking bloodsuckers, but hot. _ "Why do I recognize the name, Tanya?"

I had no idea why he would have heard of her, so I just shrugged.

Jacob thought about it some more and added, "Oh yeah! Isn't she the one that has the hots for you? I can't believe you never hooked up with her." I looked at him, wondering how he would know that, so he added, "Oh, Bells told me when we were... sorry," he finished awkwardly.

"No, of course. It's all right. I have always thought of Tanya as family, and no woman ever entered my thoughts until I met Bella." I tried to say that as tactfully as possible, without making Jacob uncomfortable. I cringed at the thought of my last encounter with Tanya, and I hoped that she wasn't still angry with me.

I greeted them cordially, and showed them to some seats. I couldn't keep Tanya's thoughts from intruding. _I wonder what his little human is like, now that she's one of us. I can't imagine it - she was so plain in the photos I've seen of her. Poor Edward, he's throwing his life away for her. She can't be half as good at pleasuring him, as I would be. Maybe she'll back out._

Tanya threw a calculating glance in my direction. When I narrowed my eyes at her, she realized I had heard what she was thinking and she started an animated conversation with Kate about which human men they could take home with them tonight.

The rest of the guests arrived, and the shuttle service Alice had devised worked quite well. I really loved my sister. Our meadow was perfect. Even though it was daytime, and not raining, it was still overcast, so Alice had lit the meadow the same way I had done when I arranged it for my proposal to Bella. The candles and lanterns added a warm glow to the scene, even though their light was not necessary. In place of where I had set up our bed before, a large platform was set-up with an archway that was cascading with flowers like freesia, orange blossoms and red and white roses. Alice also stole my rose path idea, by creating an aisle for Bella, but out of white rose petals, instead of red ones. Being a fashionista, Alice also added paving stones to create walkways for the ladies whose heels would have sunken into the soft ground. The string quartet that Bella had approved began playing various pieces that Alice allowed me to select. I begged Alice to also hire a pianist, just because it was my favorite instrument. She was a bit of a tyrannical wedding planner, but I appreciated that she gave me small things like that to keep me included in the process. She thought of everything.

Although I enjoy Pachelbel's _Canon in D_, I felt that it was too cliché for a wedding, so I chose more obscure pieces that I particularly liked. I selected some Bach, Mozart, Faure and Handel, and I also asked the musicians to learn to play some of the pieces I had written. Transposing my compositions into four parts plus piano accompaniment was one way that I had maintained my sanity during my impatient wait for this day. Mr. Weber was already standing at the altar, and it was finally time for the procession. I pulled nervously at my collar, feeling suddenly stifled, and I regretted talking Jasper into escorting Alice, rather than standing up front with me. I felt completely alone. I tuned out everyone's mind, not wanting the smallest distraction from what was about to happen.

Carlisle stepped from the trees with Esme, who looked positively radiant in a summery pale yellow gown. Behind them came Renee, escorted by Phil. Poor Renee was already crying by the time she got to her seat, but she smiled happily at me through her tears. Angela's twin sisters were our flower girls, and they were adorably dolled up for the occasion. They sprinkled red rose petals on top of the white ones forming the path, and it made for a striking contrast. Seth, though he was probably too old for the job, was our ring bearer. We had become such close friends, I wanted him to be in the wedding party, but Bella did not want to select another girl to be his partner. I didn't press the issue. Thankfully, Seth was pleased to be included, and did not gripe at all about it. He thought he had the most important job anyway.

As the first notes of Bach's _Air from Suite #3_ began, my breath caught in my throat. That was the cue for the wedding party. One more song, and I would finally be reunited with my heart. Alice and Jasper began walking towards me, and I had to stifle a laugh because they were so lost in the music that they were elegantly twirling as much as they were walking. It reminded me of an extremely swanky Soul-Train line. I was glad that I told him to walk with her - they were such a pair. Emmett and Rosalie followed shortly behind them, and they were a different sight altogether. Emmett's conversation with me before must have affected more him than I had realized. The two of them were walking slowly towards us, but they had their hands clasped between them and their eyes were locked on each other in one of the purest gazes of love and adoration I had ever seen. _One more minute!_

Jacob escorted Angela last, and I was pleased to see her looking so confident. She was so shy, like Bella, and my sisters must have done a number on her to make her feel like she belonged in the company with three of the most beautiful women I knew.

Jacob was smiling reassuringly at me. He also was thinking, _It's cool, Edward. She's yours. I just want her to be happy. _I gave him a slight nod, and when he was standing with the rest of us, I gave him my most heartfelt thanks.

At last, it was time. The moment I had waited over a century for was upon me. I never felt such butterflies since the first time I kissed Bella. Jasper nudged me and sent one last calming wave at me. I asked the musicians to substitute the _Wedding March_ with _Claire de Lune_, since it had such significance for Bella and me. That composition reminded me of her more than any, and just hearing the first notes filled my heart. I saw Charlie's shoe hedge from behind a large Spruce tree, and with him, my beautiful Bella. She was positively radiant, and I did my best to note every detail, but I could not stop looking at her face - she hadn't looked up yet. I could tell she was nervous, probably because Alice had put her in some questionable footwear, but then I heard some chuckles from the guests at the back and noticed that she was barefoot. Finally, her lashes lifted and her sparkling eyes met mine through her veil. She was positively beaming at me. Her face lit up the way I was sure mine had. I felt more connected to her than I had in any other moment we shared together. We stared at each other the entire time she took to stand next to me, and I wished she would have just picked up Charlie and run to me.

Chief Swan was already tearing up as he put her hand in mine. His almost-thoughts were conflicted with emotion: regret, reluctance, and fear, but also happiness. After that interminable walk up the aisle, no one could deny that Bella and I belonged together, and I even accidentally heard Tanya screeching with jealousy in her head.

"Take good care of her, son. I'll kill you if you don't." Charlie smiled, trying to indicate it was a joke, but I knew he was serious about his threat. He turned to his only daughter and said, "You look so beautiful, honey. I love you."

"I love you too, Daddy." With that, Charlie could barely contain his emotions, and he hurriedly left us to find his seat. Renee patted his hand and offered him a Kleenex.

Once Bella's hands were in mine, I felt that we were standing there alone at the altar. All the guests and decorations disappeared. "Bella, you are a vision, but where are your shoes, love?"

"I vetoed them when we were behind the tree. I saw the roses petals, and I wanted to walk on them again... like before," she added with a whisper and a smirk. Jacob and Emmett chuckled softly behind me, and Alice stuck her tongue out at Bella.

I actually had to concentrate to make sure we did the parts that were required of us in the ceremony, but the words I had waited so long to speak came effortlessly. "Isabella Marie Swan, I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life."

Seth gave us the rings, and Mr. Weber had to nudge Bella for her part. "Take this ring as I sign of my eternal love and fidelity."

Finally, Mr. Weber said, "You may kiss the bride."

I lifted her veil, exposing more of her breathtaking beauty and kissed her with all the love I could possibly convey. That is, until I went into sensory overload. Bella was projecting not only her thoughts, but also her memories to me as we kissed. She was thinking of every precious moment that we had together. The first time I asked her to sit with me at lunch, the time I saved her in Port Angeles, our first day in our meadow, waking up next to me after her change, the night I proposed... I was completely overcome with my love for her, and hers for me. I felt like we were being engulfed in a sea of bliss, except for Emmett tugging at my sleeve. I ignored him.

She was also telling me through her thoughts, "I love you, Edward Cullen. The very reason I was even born was to find you. I love you more than anyone could possibly love another. I wish that all people could feel such a level of love and commitment and pure happiness."

I finally broke our kiss, intent on sweeping her away to be alone, but then I started hearing all the gasps and whispers. I looked around in confusion, and I saw Emmett trying to warn me of something. Jacob had a strange expression on his face, a paradoxical mixture of heartbreak and love. I finally opened my mind and was overcome by an onslaught of thoughts. The cacophony hurt my head, but I was able to hear snippets here and there. Bella looked at me questioningly. _Everyone_ heard her. _Holy. Shit._

Bella projected her thoughts to absolutely every human, vampire and werewolf in the vicinity. "Bella, focus!" I whispered. "You just projected to everyone here."

"WHAT!" she whispered/shouted. Her hands flew up to her mouth as if she had spoken these things aloud. She whirled around and saw everyone's perplexed expressions before she did her best to hide behind me.

"Dammit, Alice, how did you not see this!" Bella whispered furiously.

"I don't know! Maybe it's because all these wolf boys are here? I'm so sorry! It'll be okay though, I've seen the reception, and everything is fine."

Carlisle approached us and asked Mr. Weber if he could interrupt our departure for a moment. Carlisle stood in front of us to address the crowd. I had no idea how he was going to explain this.

"For those of you that I haven't personally met, I am Carlisle Cullen, Edward's father. I know that you have just had a rather strange experience, but I hope that most of you recognize that it is the product of such overwhelming love between these two. I cannot explain what just happened, for I do not know myself, but I'm sure we all can accept the fact that we have to celebrate a love such as this. If we could allow their ceremony to conclude, we can enjoy the rest of the evening at the reception. We should all be so lucky to have found our soul mate at such a young age." Carlisle turned to me with a conspiratorial grin after that last line. _I'm so happy for you, son. You are truly a lucky man. Don't worry about our guests. I'm sure the humans will chock it up to emotional overload, or they won't even believe that it happened. Have faith._

After the crowd quieted down, the recessional music began and we made our hasty departure from the meadow. Bella and I took a roundabout route back to my home to have a few moments alone.

"God, Bella, I love you so much. That was utterly amazing, and even though everyone else saw it, I don't care. You didn't give anything away about what we are, so our secret is safe. Honestly, I'm glad that everyone knows how perfect we are for each other. Maybe now, Newton will finally leave you alone," I said with a laugh.

"Oh, Edward! I don't know what happened! It was just... when you kissed me, I couldn't help myself. I don't care that everyone knows either. Maybe now they can understand why I took you back. Jess always harped on that whenever I saw her."

I hugged her fiercely, and stroked her hair. "Everything will be fine, love. We have each other, forever. We can get through anything together. Let's go to our party."

"Are you sure we don't have a little more time?" Bella asked me. "It'll take a while for all the humans to get driven back home..." she added, while playing with my lapels.

I kissed her again, and this time she purposely projected more moments of us into my mind - our most intimate moments. "Mrs. Cullen..." _She's like my own personal brand of heroin..._

"Mmm, that sounds nice," she murmured into my ear before she started nibbling on my ear lobe.

"Pardon my words, love, but fuck it I can't wait a few more hours."

"Oh, thank God!"

Wedding dresses are not made for fast lovemaking, and I knew Alice would make me pay if Bella had so much as one hair out of place. As carefully, yet as quickly as I could, I hung my jacket on a branch and I rumpled up Bella's gown as she grappled with my belt and vest and shirt buttons. We weren't able to be very romantic since we were still in the woods, but I didn't care at that point, and she didn't seem to either.

As we were getting ourselves resituated, I muttered, "Damn."

"What, now Edward?"

"I really needed that."

Bella and I laughed together while I ran with her in my arms through the forest to attend our reception.

* * *

**A/N: **I made Angela's twin siblings her sisters. As I recall, in the books, all it ever says is "the twins". Let me know if I'm wrong on that. Please leave a review. If you don't mind, I'd also appreciate it if you gave "Black and White" a read and a vote in the Bathed in Black contest. Voting continues until 2/15. Details are on my author page. *mwah*


	19. Chapter 19 Gravity

Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight stuff, JM owns the songs. I dabble.

**Chapter 19. Gravity**

_"Gravity" _– John Mayer_  
Gravity is working against me  
And gravity wants to bring me down  
Oh I'll never know what makes this man  
With all the love that his heart can stand  
Dream of ways to throw it all away  
Oh Gravity is working against me  
And gravity wants to bring me down  
Oh twice as much ain't twice as good  
And can't sustain like a one half could  
It's wanting more  
That's gonna send me to my knees_

**JPOV**

It was Bella's wedding day. I was a messy mixture of emotions, and I thought I had made another huge mistake by agreeing to be a part of this thing. Seth and I were helping Edward take care of the guests that were arriving. I asked Seth how Leah was doing, but he just shook his head. She still hadn't come home. She knew the wedding was today, and she was invited. I thought she would at least show up to keep an eye on Seth with all these extra bloodsuckers around, but apparently not. Then, I noticed it was time for us to join the rest of the wedding party in the woods, so I seated this smug little blonde vamp girl and made my way to the edge of the meadow. She was wearing sunglasses, so I figured she was one of the red-eyed ones and my hands started shaking a little from being so close to my mortal enemy.

As I peeked around the huge tree, I had never seen anyone more beautiful than Bella. I gave her a hug and shook Charlie's hand before I escorted Angela up the aisle. It was finally Bella's turn, and the way she looked at Edward... well, I was doing the right thing. I couldn't help smiling. I would always be around to be her friend, and if he ever hurt her again, I would take care of her (and probably kill him). However, after all the time I had spent hanging around a bunch of leeches, I finally started to understand why Seth always stood up for the Cullens to the rest of the pack. They were good and they loved each other, more so than a lot of "normal" families. I guess you had to get along very well to live together as long as they had. I especially couldn't make any bad claims against the Doc - he was as good as they come. I was still learning not to despise Edward.

I was doing just fine until Bella started with all her mind-control shit. If it weren't for the visions I was seeing, I would have tried to snap her out of it when I started hearing people in the crowd gasping in shock. I know it was an accident, and if so, that meant she was insanely happy, but the memories she was projecting made me feel like total crap. We didn't exactly spend much time together before he left her, and although I knew that she must have loved him very much to be so brokenhearted, for so long, I never realized just how much she belonged with him. When I was trying to help her get over him, she would never talk to me about their time together, and I just assumed that it was the same as most people I knew. I figured their relationship largely consisted of talking on the phone, and going to movies or shopping, but not this. They shared so many intimate, private moments while never even going further than kissing. It was fairy-tale-style to the point of gagging, and if it didn't mean my friend's happiness, I probably would have done just that.

They connected on some higher level, something borderline... spiritual. I felt like such a dumbass since I had completely fooled myself into thinking she could have allowed me to replace him in her life. On the other hand, I was glad she found someone that complemented her the way Edward did. I was also jealous, because I didn't think I would ever be fortunate enough to find my own soul mate. I had been a wolf for some time now, and all my brothers that were my age or older had imprinted by now. I still had not, so I guessed I was doomed.

As all the commotion was going on about covering up Bella's lapse in control, I saw Edward glance at me curiously. I wondered what kind of expression I had on my face. I realized I must have looked pathetically rejected all over again, so I tried to focus on Bella's happiness because the day was supposed to be all about her. I could deal with my loneliness later.

I was waiting in the Cullen's yard, being ordered around by the little pixie vamp. Seat them, carry this, do that. I was starting to get annoyed with her, but finally Bella and Edward appeared, exchanging a sheepish grin. Then I smelled the reason for their expressions - somehow in between the meadow and the house, they had consummated their marriage. _In the woods? Seriously? _It made me sick. Whatever, I had to stop thinking about Bella that way.

The wedding party was all lined up in front of the gift table and we were forced to shake hands and hug everyone as they congratulated the happy couple. There were still several whispers about Bella's little episode, but most of the humans were doing what they do best - pretending that nothing weird had just happened to them. The only part I really couldn't stand was having to make nice with all the vamps as they went through the line. One guy, Eleazer (and I thought my friends had weird names...) mumbled something to his vamp chick about Bella and kept saying she was a "deflector". I didn't know what the hell he was talking about, but Edward's head snapped up as if it were of great importance.

The hot vamps shook my hand and kissed me on the cheek, saying something about me being a cousin of theirs. I looked confused, and they said something about my eyes and how I must have adopted their lifestyle. They asked if I lived with the Cullens, and when I adamantly denied such a thing, they invited me to live with them. I mean, they were smoking hot, but there's no way in hell I could shack up with a leech.

_MAYBE if Bella were available, I'd consider it. Whoa, no way. Stop thinking like that Jake. Shit, sorry Edward, I'm really trying her_e, I said mentally when he gave me a possessive glare.

The "royal vampires" really creeped me out. There was a pair of fraternal twins (including the little blond girl from earlier), and a couple of guys that also looked quite young, even though one was rather huge. They looked like the only reason they were even here was to report back to someone. These vamps had those freaky-as-hell red eyes, so I knew they fed recently. They had taken off their sunglasses since it was nearing twilight.

It took a ton of effort on my part not to phase and rip them to shreds in the middle of the party. However, I was able to focus on the fact that I was standing next to Angela and would _never_ make a mistake like that again. It calmed me enough to fake a smile and get them and their curious glances out of my face. They wrinkled their noses at me, as I did to them, but they continued looking at me like I was one of their kind. I must have looked more like a bloodsucker than I thought. Quil and Embry were right behind them in the line, and I did my best to warn them to be cool.

Seth came bouncing up in his tux, all excited (big surprise, there). I guess he had gone off to find his parents because they were behind him. Sue and Harry were very gracious to the Cullens, even though they knew the truth. Harry loved Bella, just because she was Charlie's daughter. Once he saw that she was no threat, he accepted her much the way I had. I could tell that Bella was starting to get worn down by all the attention, but we were almost through the line of guests.

The last two, well three, guests surprised even me. Sam and Emily had come after the ceremony with their baby girl Kira. Em said that they didn't come to the ceremony because they were afraid Kira would start crying and disrupt things. Apparently, Seth, Quil, Embry and Jared had all gone to their home to convince them to come as a show of support for me. I hadn't seen much of Sam since I had returned, but it seemed that he and Emily were quite happy with their family. Kira Tala Uley was about as cute as you can get. Sam told me proudly that Kira meant "black-haired" and Tala meant "wolf", so she couldn't have had a better name. Things between us were still awkward, but I felt like there was a chance that we could be on good terms again one day. The Uleys exchanged awkward words of congratulations with the Cullens, and quickly found a seat towards the back.

We finally were able to sit down at the table and it was time for the toasts. Alice and Jasper both gave fairly typical speeches about love and commitment, but I wasn't really paying attention. I was watching Bella because she looked so adorably uncomfortable at being the subject of a toast. Finally, it was my turn. Why Bella wanted me to make a toast, I will never understand, but I wanted to prove to her and Edward (and myself) that I was over her and happy for them.

"Well, I don't know what else I can say after such nice speeches by Alice and Jasper. I guess I would like to say that I've known Bella nearly all my life, and I have never seen her so happy. If anyone in this world deserves to be truly happy, it's my best friend; and as long as Edward makes her feel this way from today forward, then I am glad that I was able to be a part of their special day. Edward, take care of her, and Bells..."

That was when I completely lost my train of thought. My heart was aching even though I was trying to put on a good show and get through my speech, but suddenly, that ache burst like a balloon. All the sadness was gone and even though I still cared for Bella and thought of her as my best friend, everything bad that happened between us stopped mattering. I finally felt purely happy for her, the way I was trying to force myself to feel. I thought maybe Jasper was doing his mood-control shit, but then I realized it was because of _her._ I was doing my best to look out among the guests, the way they taught us in speech class, but when movement at the back of the crowd distracted my eyes, they couldn't focus elsewhere.

She was incredibly beautiful with her hair the color of the night sky, and her warm, sun-kissed skin. Her hair was longer than I remembered, and it was curled and shiny - a way I had never seen it before. Her eyes - dark, soulful and deep - locked with mine, and in that moment, nothing else in the world counted for anything. Everything that bound me to this Earth was now bound to her, to Leah.

Emmett kicked my heel from under the table, and I remembered where I was. "Ha, sorry, I was saying... Bells, thank you for your friendship. It means the world to me that you are in my life. I love you and I wish you all the best in your future as Mrs. Edward Cullen. Cheers!"

I glanced at the newlyweds and saw both Bella and Edward give me a huge grin. She jerked her head for me to go, and at the first chance of escape, I nearly ran to the back of the reception to speak to Leah.

"Leah? What are you doing here? I thought you were staying up on the Makah rez." Leah glanced down at the floor, and her thick, dark lashes brushed her lovely cheeks. How had I never noticed that she was so beautiful?

"Hey, Jake. Seth talked me into coming."

I remembered that I was the reason she left so I wanted to make things right. I felt the need to be the type of person she deserved - strong, mature, and chivalrous. "Um, I'm really sorry about the way we left things before. I can understand your point of view, I just had too much going through my head for me to deal with."

"It's okay, Jake. No biggie. It's not like I'm not used to it," she said with a brief glance at Sam and Emily.

"So..." I began to say that I thought I had just imprinted on her, but how do you say that to someone and not sound crazy? "... You look really pretty."

"Thanks. You're not so bad yourself, chief," she said with a disarming smile as the flicked a speck of dirt off my shoulder.

I got lost in her dark eyes and began to ramble, "Leah, I..."

"I know, Jake. Me too."

"Really? When?" I asked, wondering if she had just imprinted on me at the same time.

"It happened the first time I saw you after I started phasing..." she said, somewhat ashamed.

"But, Leah, that's been months, almost a year! Why didn't you ever say anything?"

Leah grabbed my hands in hers, sending a warm buzz of electricity up my arms and straight to my heart. She said, "You never saw anyone but Bella. I didn't stand a chance, and you obviously hadn't imprinted on me, so..."

I felt like such a dumbass. She had been in love with me this whole time? I thought about it though, and it explained so much - why she joined "my pack", why she was always so mad at me when I thought of or talked about Bella, why she had run away. The only thing it didn't explain was how none of us knew that this was in her head when we were all connected as wolves. I asked her about it, unable to come up with an explanation on my own.

Leah smiled sadly and said, "Well, I didn't want any of you to know about it, duh. I just focused all my anger on Sam so that you guys wouldn't know what was really in my head. Sam and Emily stopped bothering me as soon as I imprinted on you, but I figured it gave me the best excuse to be in a bitchy mood all the time."

"I just don't see how you hid it for so long. I feel terrible about it."

"Oh, lighten up, Jake. For one thing, girls are way better at keeping secrets than guys. I am sorry about all the shit I gave you about Bella though. I don't really have any reason not to like her, I was just jealous."

"Well, that doesn't change the fact that I feel bad that you had to put up with _me_ when you felt that way. I'm so sorry," I said as I pulled her closer to me. Just then, we were interrupted by the sounds of tinkling glasses as the wedding guests were signaling for the bride and groom to kiss. We looked at each other and laughed as we made our way back to the party.

Edward and Bella went through all the motions of your typical wedding reception - the garter, the cake, the dancing, the bouquet, etc. Bella actually looked like she was having a good time.

Somehow, Leah even convinced me to dance with her. I was never much of a dancer, but I didn't really care at this point anymore. It was my Leah. I would have pulled a Fred Astaire in a heartbeat, if it were possible. We swayed gently from side to side, ironically dancing to a John Mayer song, _Gravity._ I laughed.

"What's so funny, chief?" Leah asked.

"Nothing, sweetheart. I'm sorry. I was just thinking about how this song could not be more appropriate for our first dance together."

Leah smiled sweetly and winked at me before she confessed that she had requested it from the deejay. I was never much of a John Mayer fan - I always figured he was kind of a chick's musician - but this song was good. As I said, it was incredibly appropriate.

_Gravity is working against me_  
_And gravity wants to bring me down  
Oh I'll never know what makes this man  
With all the love that his heart can stand  
Dream of ways to throw it all away_

I felt like that the whole time I was in love with Bella, but now my center of gravity was Leah, and I felt nothing but... joy.

"Leah... I know this is... uh, crazy, but I..."

"I know Jacob, you don't have to say it."

"I love you, Leah. You are the one I've been waiting for, and I have been so... blind. Thank you for sticking with me, and waiting for me to realize what an idiot I am."

"Jake... it's not like I had a choice is it? I mean, I imprinted - I had to be whatever you needed. So really, I kind of failed since I ran away. But, yeah... I'm glad you know what a dope you are now," she teased.

I had a few girlfriends before (including Bella), and the first kiss was always such a crucial moment. I always felt like a total amateur, staring at the girl's lips like they were going to open and an alien head would pop out. But moving in to kiss Leah felt so natural that it happened before I even thought about it. My hands were already wrapped around her waist as we danced, and hers were resting lightly on my shoulders. I reached up and stroked her arm before fisting my fingers in her hair and kissing her like I had never kissed anyone. I poured my soul down her throat and into her heart, or at least that's how I felt - that is until I heard Quil and Embry start making catcalls. Jackasses.

"What did you mean 'deflector'? What the hell do you know? Are you here to spy on us for Aro?" I heard Edward ask forcefully, but quietly enough so that the humans couldn't hear. He was talking to that Eleazar guy.

Leah and I were talking with Quil and Embry, telling them the news (which they of course figured out on their own), but I stopped mid-sentence to go help Bella if she needed it. The three of them followed me.

"Calm down, Edward. I meant no harm, I was simply making an observation," Eleazar replied.

Bella was standing between the two of them, bobbing her head back and forth as if she was watching a tennis match. She had no more idea what they were talking about than I did.

"Sorry, love," Edward said to her. "Our friend Eleazar has the gift of sensing the powers of other vampires. He used to be a part of the Volturi guard because he is usually very accurate. I was merely wondering if we had a, um... diagnosis for your... other talent."

"You mean she has another gift as well?" a pretty, vampy, woman said. She was standing next to Eleazar with her arm linked in his, so I assumed she was his mate. Thankfully, she had gold eyes too, so I tried to stay calm. All the vamps, Leah, and everything else was starting to make me twitchy. I couldn't remember the woman's name for the life of me, even though I had just met her no more than an hour ago.

"Carmen..." Edward muttered at me.

"What?" she asked, thinking he was addressing her.

"Oh, I was just saying that Bella has another talent that we know of - she has a gift for sensing danger," Edward continued smoothly. I had to admit, the guy was good. I knew he was really just telling me her name, but he was able to play things off so well. It annoyed me. Of course, Edward smirked when I thought about that very thing, which annoyed me even more.

"Yes, I noticed that as well, but her more powerful gift was hard for me to pin down," Eleazar interrupted. "At first, I thought that she was simply a thought-projector, based on her little outburst at the wedding, but I sensed there was more to it than that."

Bella quirked her eyebrow at Edward, who looked deep in thought. I guessed he was following along Eleazar's train of thought before the guy had a chance to spit it out. Edward smirked again. _Dammit, get outta my head already! _I thought at him.

"Sorry, I can't help it, I got used to listening, and I can't turn it off so easily," Edward answered my thought.

"Being nosy again, are we, dear husband?" Bella teased.

"You know me, love. Always listening. Sorry, Eleazar, please continue."

"Right. Well, anyway, I have been observing Bella this evening, and I noticed that she has also been spreading her happiness to the crowd. The humans especially have grown significantly more cheerful than when they arrived earlier today. Not to say that they aren't happy for you both, but I noticed a difference. As I was saying earlier, I think she is a deflector. I believe Bella has the ability to not only protect herself from the talents of other vampires, but use them as well. I believe she has been stealing Jasper's gift, though probably inadvertently. I think she was also using your gift, Edward, when she projected her thoughts to everyone. It's almost like she was doing the opposite of what you can do," Eleazar concluded, apparently satisfied. Personally, I had more questions than ever, and I could tell Bells did too.

"Do what, now?" she squeaked.

"Interesting..." Edward mused.

"Hey, Bells," I said, "didn't you tell me before that you were like 'reverse-Edward'? You know, when you were practicing your mind stuff on me?"

"Yeah, but... anyone's power? I didn't think I had used anyone else's power before..." she said, getting lost in thought and puckering her brow.

"What is it, love?" Edward prodded. "What are you remembering?"

Bella looked like she was trying to count events on her fingers. Finally, she started talking rapidly in vampire-speed stream-of-consciousness, "Well... this probably sounds really dumb, but sometimes I see these weird... um, lights? Like, Alice's is blue, and Jasper's is purple, and yours is yellow, which I figure is because you smell like sunshine. And sometimes I can make them go away, but I always figured it was just some kind of crazy new vampire vision and that everyone saw it... Is that not true?"

_How does someone smell like sunshine?_ I wondered. That was the only thing I even caught.

Edward quickly processed whatever nonsense she had just said and answered, "No we don't all see lights. Eleazar, do you think she senses powers too? I don't understand how this works."

"Nor do I, Edward," Eleazar replied. "Additionally, every person's gift is still somewhat unique. I categorized her as a deflector, but I only know of a few others, and they typically have to have some sort of physical contact in order to steal another's power. You said she's been using yours for a while now?"

"Yes, I suppose so. I thought perhaps, projection was her other gift. She started doing it accidentally, during times when she was very happy, which I believe is what happened today. But, we've been practicing and she can project her thoughts to me at will. She has also practiced projecting to Jacob, and I am not always around when they were doing that. You mentioned needing to be in contact, didn't you, Eleazar?"

Eleazar thought a moment and said, "Well, I suppose this would be a rather extraordinary case, but perhaps it's because you two are mates? I am not sure. I could consult with Aro - he may have some insight."

"NO!" Edward and Bella both yelled in unison.

Leah finally spoke, whispering quietly to me, "Who's Aro?"

"He's like the vamp king, or some shit," I told her.

"King?" she repeated. I just shrugged. I wasn't all that into tribe politics, and I was the chief, so I certainly wasn't up to date on the political structure of leeches.

Eleazar looked taken aback by Edward and Bella's response, so Edward quickly added, "That is not necessary Eleazar. I understand you still have an amicable relationship with Aro, but I think you can also see why I would prefer remain unaware of Bella's gifts."

"Yes, of course, Edward. I know all too well. Aro does have a bad habit of 'collecting' people. I am one of the lucky few that is able to still work for the Volturi and maintain my own lifestyle and family. They never cease to inquire if I've 'slipped' in between visits. Of course, I haven't tasted human blood since the last time I waited for Heidi to shepherd a tour group into Volterra..." Eleazar trailed off, looking at Leah and Quil with a confused expression. I was so wrapped up in figuring out Bella's mystery power too, that I hadn't noticed that they had started growling and shaking when he was talking about feeding. Some pack leader, I was.

"Cool it. He's like the Cullens now. Remember that," I said to them quietly.

"Uh, sorry, Eleazar, please continue," Edward prodded.

"Oh, well, I was just saying that I could see why Aro would be interested in your Bella. She certainly is intriguing. I suppose it's a good thing he sent his minions instead of coming in person."

"Minions, Eleazar? Surely you wouldn't want my sister to hear you call us that," the twin brother said. I wondered where in the hell he came from. Then I worried that someone might have overheard our little group's discussion. Stupid bloodsuckers and their super-hearing.

"Oh, my dear Alec, it's purely in jest, I assure you," Eleazar replied quickly. "Jane, how lovely to see you again."

"Oh, save it Eleazar," the little blond girl snapped. "So, you are not only the mate of the eternal bachelor, Edward Cullen, but you are talented as well. How interesting..."

Was this bitch jealous or something? I tensed up, thinking that Bella was in danger, but Edward had already put his arm protectively around Bella. That only made me more worried. After all, what could this little _girl_ possibly do about anything? Edward warned me with his eyes and shook his head imperceptibly. I tried to convey the same thing to my pack members that were now surrounded by vampires.

Jane continued (I was really starting to hate her), "A deflector... that _is_ interesting. And with a strong sense of self-preservation? Aro will be most disappointed that he missed this union. I'm sure he will be extending an invitation for the happy couple to come to Italy for a visit. I wonder though..." she trailed off, adopting a strange, evil sort of smile.

"NO!" Edward yelled, pushing Bella behind him, before dropping to his knees and writhing on the ground. Thankfully, he didn't make a sound and we were at the edge of the yard, so the humans in attendance were oblivious to the sudden confrontation. I didn't know what was happening. As I said, Edward wasn't making a sound, but his face was twisted with pain, and looked like he was being torn to shreds.

"Please, stop it! What's happening to him? Stop it!" Bella nearly screamed. I was about to take care of Jane for everyone's sake, but she stopped smiling, and Edward immediately went back to normal, but with a hint of lingering fear in his eyes. _What did she do to him?_

Edward whispered, "Well, Jane, I have always wondered if what I heard about you was true. If anything, I would say the things I heard were an understatement."

"Oh, Edward. Flattery will get you nowhere. You shouldn't have gotten in my way..."

Jane's evil smile began to spread across her face as she glared at Bella. I was about to jump in front her, the way Edward did, but two things happened almost at once. First, Leah pulled me back, and secondly, I saw the strangest reaction on Bella's face. I thought she would be terrified, but instead she was... furious. I had never seen her look that much like a vampire. Ever. Even when we hunted together, she never looked that scary. Bella was seething with anger and she quietly muttered to Jane, "You won't hurt him again."

Jane stopped mid-attack and clipped, "What are you going to do about it? I was just wondering if I would be able to affect _you_, anyway, but I think it's more fun to watch you squirm over your precious Edward. Besides, you didn't even know what your power was, let alone have any control over it. You are nothing. Shall we?"

Bella repeated, "You won't hurt him."

"Watch me," Jane said, her malicious grin reappearing.

I didn't really want to see that kind of torture again, but just as I was about to avert my eyes, the blond vamp dropped like a sack of potatoes. She had the most demonic expression on her face. She was obviously in pain, the way Edward had been, but she also looked completely shocked and infuriated at the same time. Almost instantly she was back to normal. _Holy shit! Did Bella do that?_ I could tell Leah, Quil and Embry were all wondering the same thing.

Jane got up off the ground, apparently about to rip Bella to granite pieces, but then, of all people, Leah grabs Jane by the throat and says, "I would strongly suggest that you leave, witch. I think you have crashed this party long enough."

Alec and the other two Volturi members rushed forward, inciting Quil, Embry and me to come to Leah's aid. How we went from a wedding to the start of a full-on pack-vampire war, I will never know. How we managed to diffuse such a thing and return to a wedding reception, I will also never figure out.

Bella jumped in and got Leah to release Jane. She also gave Jane a glare that suggested that she was more than willing to give the witch a taste of her own medicine again. With that, Alec grabbed his sister's shoulders, spinning her around and ushering her rather forcefully into the woods. Before the Volturi left though, Jane turned to face Leah and said, "Mark my words. This isn't over, bitch." With a final glare at Bella and Edward, the Volturi departed, and we all nearly collapsed into the nearest chairs as our collective adrenaline high began to wear off.

Eleazar was the first to speak. "Like I said... a deflector."

Edward and Bella were soon lost in each other's eyes. I could understand how they felt. From what I had heard about the Volturi, we had all probably escaped death by some miracle. Quil and Embry were so worked up that they ran into the woods and phased to create a perimeter around the Cullen's property, just in case Jane got any more sadistic ideas. I sensed Seth phase shortly after them, and I tried to assure Bella that we were all protected. Leah and I made our way over to her parents to fill them in on what happened. We needed to have a council meeting soon to make everyone aware that we might have an added threat.

Just as we walked away, I gave one last glance at my friend. She was staring into the eyes of her husband, and it didn't tear my heart to pieces to witness it. They were holding hands gently between them, their knees only touching as they sat in chairs opposite one another. Edward reached up to graze her cheek with his fingertips, and simply said, "Remarkable. You are truly the most remarkable woman I have ever met."

At that moment, even with Leah on my arm, I couldn't disagree.

* * *

**A/N:** A review would be lovely! Please also rec this story to your friends if you happen to like it. There is one chapter left, followed by an epilogue. Thank you so very much for reading!


	20. Chapter 20 Travels

**A/N:** This is the last chapter before the epilogue! Enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: As always, SM owns, I dabble.

**Chapter 20. Travels**

"Bliss" - J. Mayer/A. Peacock

_Your touch is electric__  
__I felt it the first time you held me__  
__The way we connected__  
__So easily__  
__I've tried to define it__  
__Searched for the perfect phrase__  
__I've tried to describe it__  
__In a million different ways__  
__It's joy, it's ecstasy, it's truth, it's destiny__  
__And even love is not enough to tell you how you make me feel__  
__There's only one word for this_

_It's bliss_

**BPOV**

After the Volturi members abruptly left our wedding reception, Edward and I were lost in a conversation contained only in our minds. I was concentrating very hard not to project to anyone but him, and it was worth it. The hardest part was trying to listen to him – I hadn't really gotten the hang of that yet. We had to hold hands for me to even come close.

_Edward, I'm so sorry she hurt you. I didn't know I was capable of protecting you. Are you sure you're alright?_

_I've never been better, love. You were amazing. I'm just glad we have some idea about your true potential now - I only speculated at the way it would fully manifest. I love you... so much._

_As I love you._

It was brief, but there was nothing more to say. It was over - at least for now. Jane's threat would be a constant nagging thought for years, but I wasn't about to let her ruin my wedding day. The thing that worried me most was that she would tell Aro about me. Edward assured me that we would deal with it later. Even though I thought they were evil, he tried to point out that the Volturi had been friends of Carlisle's for centuries and were not completely unreasonable. I wasn't so sure I believed that.

We stared adoringly at each other for what seemed like an eternity, when I heard someone clear their throat behind me. It was my dad. His eyes were a bit puffy and red. I had never felt more loved by him than that day. He was always so stoic and reserved, so for him to express his feelings that much meant the world to me.

"Hey, dad. What's up?"

"Well, aside from obtaining your minister today - again, Edward, I'm so sorry I'm almost screwed that up - my other duty is to kick all of your guests out so you two can get ready for your trip in the morning."

I looked quizzically at Edward before remembering that we had tonight together, alone in the Cullen's house, before we embarked on a magnificent honeymoon.

"Oh, wow! I can't believe it's so late already!" I squeaked. "Thanks, dad, for everything. I love you," I told him as sincerely as I could.

"Love you too, kid. Congratulations again. Edward," he added, "you take good care of my baby while you are traveling."

Edward smirked, "Of course I will, Chief Swan. Thank you for everything you've done for us, most especially for allowing me to marry the most amazing woman I have ever met."

Charlie's emotional limit was about reached so he just shrugged, cleared his throat, and started ushering the guests to their cars. I caught a glimpse of Jake and Leah as they were leaving, and I projected to Jake.

_I'm so happy you were here today Jake, and so glad that you have Leah. I told you someone would be there for you too. I love you. _

He turned to me, only slightly startled, and beamed at me, mouthing "Elephant you" to me, like he did when we were kids. Unthinkingly, I started pushing in chairs, and stacking plates when Esme and Carlisle approached. Esme hugged us both fiercely and assured me that everything would be taken care of in the morning. As soon as everyone had gone home, she practically ordered us to go to the house.

The house. Alone. With Edward. With... my husband. Our anticipation grew exponentially as we walked at a human pace, hand-in-hand, up to the quiet, graceful mansion.

We were already packed for our trip (Alice had packed for me), so there was literally nothing to do but celebrate our wedding day. We had already discussed spending most of our time in Edward's room - I was too uncomfortable to leave any signs of our escapades in another room, where everyone would notice. However, as with all best laid plans, things don't always work out the way we desire. Actually, desire was the cause of our plan falling through.

We entered the French doors that opened into the living room. It was dark, except for a small fire in the fireplace. The lights from the backyard were all but extinguished, so the room was bathed in a warm, dancing glow that dissipated into a comforting blackness. However, despite the darkness, my keen eyes were able to discern some slight changes in the decor. The piano had been moved, closer to the fireplace, as more of a focal point, and as with the meadow, rose petals were strewn on the floor, their fragrance perfuming the air.

"Edward... when did you...?"

"Does it matter, Bella? I have my ways. Come. Sit with me. I want to play something for you. It's your wedding gift."

"Oh no!" I cried. "I didn't get you anything! I feel terrible…"

"You've given me the best gift today – marrying you is the only thing I have truly wanted in a century."

I sat next to him on the bench as he flexed his fingers to play. And play he did. My lullaby bridged into the piece from the meadow, morphed into a medley of music from our ceremony, and built with a dramatic crescendo into a new piece - one that was hopeful and signified... the future, I guess. I never knew for sure what Edward felt or meant when he wrote his music, unless he told me, but his fingers danced over the keys so delicately and brightly, the song just made me... optimistic.

Edward played for at least half an hour, and I was completely enthralled. I forgot all about the fact that it was our wedding night, and became lost in the music. I closed my eyes and let the notes wash over me, trying to feel every emotion he had transposed onto a staff. When he got to the meadow piece, my heart ached, feeling his pain and torment when he thought he had lost me. I would have cried if I were capable. The pain was brief, but it prompted me to rest my head on his shoulder, eliciting a shy smile from him as he continued playing. He concluded his private concert with a particularly moving arrangement of "Clair de Lune", and as the final tinkling notes echoed into silence, I turned up from his shoulder to look at the man that I could now call mine.

"That was absolutely beautiful, Edward. Thank you so much for playing for me."

He smiled shyly, taken aback by my high praise. "You liked it? I mean, most of it you have heard before."

"Of course I liked it! Your music has always been such a cherished gift to me because it doesn't cost a thing, and it lets me into your head. I'm sure you can understand how frustrating it is not to know how someone else feels about you," I teased.

"It's positively infuriating," he countered with his sexy smirk. "But I don't care anymore. I don't need to read your thoughts, at least not about me - I think I finally know, or understand. I have no doubts in my mind about our eternity together... Mrs. Cullen."

"Mmm, I like the sound of that more than I thought, especially when you say it that way."

"Mrs. Cullen..." he repeated against my ear, sending me into orbit. I snaked my body around from my position at his side so that I was straddling his lap as I kissed him roughly, claiming him as mine. We weren't rushed, and there was no threat of Alice having someone's head for a lost stitch, so we were greedy and perhaps not as careful as we should have been.

Edward pushed me up so that I was sitting on the keys - notes and cacophonous chords sounding out a soundtrack to our lust. I think I heard the piano bench break as he kicked it out of the way.

He knelt in front of me, reverently, but also hungrily – eyeing the hem of my gown, his fingers grazing lightly across the boning of my corset.

He disappeared from view and I writhed in pleasure until I was literally begging him to stop. _Don't stop. Oh my God, stop. _

Again our lips crashed against one another's, as I distractedly recalled a time when they didn't hold their own against his, now mine, for eternity. _Mine_, I thought again as I tasted the hazelnut flavor of his mouth, now intermingled with freesia. Edward pulled back from me suddenly, looking at me intently. I was confused at his abrupt departure from me, the distance was too great, and we weren't touching enough.

He scooped me up into his arms and laid me on the floor next to the fire. He hovered over me, our legs entangling. "Yours," he said simply. "Always, yours."

I flipped him over, reversing our positions. "Mine? What's mine?" I asked him.

"I am. Everything that I have – it's always been yours, Bella."

"And this?" I said, smirking and tugging at his zipper.

"That, has most certainly been in your control since the day we met," Edward said with a grin. Confusion shot across his face as I pulled away from him. "Bella, what are you… Oh, fucking hell…"

_My turn_, I said to him mentally as his fingers fisted into my hair.

By that point, both a piano bench and ottoman had become casualties to our foreplay, so we finally made our way upstairs and continued what we had started. The meadow (the night of his proposal) was nothing compared to this night. There was no tension, no tentativeness, no apprehension on either of our parts. Full disclosure. Profanity. Fantasy. Love.

Eventually the sky began to lighten, quietly signaling the end of our wedding night. We lay together, satisfied and happy and delirious - drunk on each other. The alarm on Edward's phone sounded, signaling that it was time for us to head to the airport. I didn't want to leave the quiet solace of his room, but his family would be returning soon, and we had some sort of extravagant trip to begin. For once, I didn't care how much it cost.

"New York City?" I noted inquiringly.

Edward bent down to kiss my hair and replied, "For a start."

When we arrived at JFK Airport, I found that our next leg involved a transatlantic flight to London. I had always wanted to visit London. I had a strange obsession with British literature, and I had often dreamed about being in a medieval castle. London, and Europe for that matter, held a historical fascination for me that no place in America ever could. I mean, there were buildings there that were centuries old, dwarfing the age of any building created since the birth of our country. I found that to be very intriguing.

"So, how long do we get to spend in London?" I asked Edward during the in-flight movie. Most of the passengers were asleep by this point.

"However long you'd like. I hope you don't mind my planning it without you, but we can spend as long as a year traveling, or until you decide you want to settle down somewhere."

I blanched in shock. "A year? But… " My characteristic hesitation to anything unfamiliar caused Edward to look like he had failed somehow.

"Well, I said as long as that, it can be as short as you want too," he quickly replied.

"No, Edward, it sounds positively amazing, I was just wondering what to do about Charlie, and college. You know… life."

"Bella, you surprise me, as usual. You did not seem to be in a rush at all about college, and your father knows about my plan. He is on board."

I thought back to what I could remember of my human life. I had planned to wait a year for Jake to graduate anyway. I hadn't even applied anywhere. Then I realized – I'd be eighteen forever, and it didn't matter when I went, or where, as long as I was with Edward.

Edward continued, breaking my train of thought, "Actually, I thought… well I thought we might study abroad. I want to take you all over the world, but I thought we would take one continent at a time," he smiled. "I know how you love your literature, so I thought Europe would be the best place to start. But I also thought that we could go to school somewhere here, if you found someplace you liked."

I didn't know what to say. I had never been away from whatever place I called home for more than a couple weeks. We were talking a few years, at least. "I just don't know, Edward. It's a long time."

"Time is all we have, Bella," Edward said, tracing my jaw with his fingertips. "Just keep it in mind as we travel. I would be happy to go to South Puget Sound Community College, if that's what you wanted."

"Oh, right. I can't see that for a second. You'd be bored to tears."

"Not if I was there with you."

I scoffed at him, but tucked away the idea. It certainly had its appeal. I was worried about what I'd miss back home, but when would there be a "good time" to do it? _Unless I wait until after everyone I love is dead_… I stared out the window soberly, warring with my obligations and wants.

London was everything I had hoped, and being a vampire tourist was more than I could have imagined. The UK was great for us, being a fairly foggy and overcast locale, so we were able to do common tourist things during the day, and each night we searched for the most magnificent views we could find. If it was a sunny day, we stayed in our hotel suite and made love until nightfall.

We visited Big Ben, the Tower of London, Buckingham Palace, Trafalgar Square, and got lost for hours in the British Museum. I had wanted to visit the British Museum since I had dreams of being an archaeologist as a child, but having Edward there to comment on nearly every fascinating piece was a treat in itself. His knowledge of the world and history was so superior to mine, it would have normally made me feel inferior, but instead, I was simply fascinated by each story or anecdote that he told me.

The first night, we climbed the beams of London Bridge and simply sat, holding hands and watching the city twinkle until it was just about daybreak. We snuck back down just before the sun peeked above the horizon so that we wouldn't be seen.

The second night, we found One Canada Square, the largest skyscraper in the UK, overlooking Canary Wharf. We made our way to the top, into the pyramid roof and poked our heads out of the light beacon opening. Sure, we were breaking and entering quite a bit on this trip, but we weren't hurting anyone, or anything, and I found that yet another thing Edward was good at was lock-picking. I should have known.

The next night we waited until the small hours and clambered to the top of the London Eye, the characteristic Ferris wheel on the Thames. Since this location had seating, we got carried away soon after we started cuddling.

In addition to London, we took train trips to small beach towns, Scotland, Ireland, and Wales. We stayed in castles with moats, small bed and breakfasts and sometimes in nothing more than a rented tent. I had never been on such an adventure, and it turned out that exploring new places with Edward was quickly becoming my favorite thing in my new life. Even though he had been to many places before, several of the smaller towns were just as novel to him, and I particularly enjoyed those locations, just because of his reactions.

We spent about a month with London as our base camp before moving on to the little Island of Guernsey as a stop on our way to Paris. We made love on the beams of the Eiffel Tower one night and nearly got lost in the Louvre. Edward and I rented an apartment in Amsterdam for two months, enjoying the people and the nightlife. We visited countless castles in Germany, including Neuschwanstein where we managed to hide in the nearby forest and hunt to our liking. We wandered the Black Forest at our leisure and even participated in the festivities of Oktoberfest.

While our travels were full of interesting sights and adventures, the most important events I catalogued in my memory were all the strange and exhilarating places that we acted on our love for each other. Edward managed to procure a private gondola in Venice, and once we found a suitable bridge to hide under, we nearly sank it. There was a castle on the Danube, the shores of Lake Como, an olive grove somewhere in Tuscany, during a sunset in a family-owned house on the Aegean, a rooftop near the babbling of the Trevi fountain, beneath Prague's Charles Bridge… the list seemed endless. I couldn't imagine how many times we would have sex over an eternity, but I was fairly certain it was a number larger than I was able to comprehend, like a billion.

We had been gone for nearly eight months, traveling as far as St. Petersburg, exploring the world and each other, and yet it seemed to have passed in an instant. I kept in touch with my parents and Jacob, who was already engaged to Leah, and Alice usually called or texted us daily, requesting a picture message of my outfit for the day so that she could approve it before I went out in public. Apparently, my sister-in-law was capable of pestering me across oceans.

I had thought hard about Edward's offer to attend school somewhere in Europe, and I was pretty decided that I wanted to go back to England, mainly because I didn't have a language barrier there. Of course, that mattered little to Edward since he spoke all of the romance languages, Russian, and some random Eastern European dialects I couldn't even place. I wanted to learn a new language, or several, but I realized that I actually wanted my college degree. I felt that it would put Edward and me on more even footing. I wanted to be educated and sophisticated like the rest of his family.

Since I realized that I wanted to be a writer, I could think of no better place than to return to England. To use the English countryside as my muse was an appealing notion. We thought about London, but finally settled on attending Cambridge together.

Being a Cullen certainly had its benefits, as I was able to not only get _into_ Cambridge, but got an undergraduate internship at the Cambridge University Press. Though my heart lied in creative writing, I learned about many fascinating subjects as I helped produce countless journals and textbooks. Edward decided to attend the medical school and this time focused on ophthalmology, since it had piqued his interest recently.

Before we could settle into our new flat, we had one particular place to visit, a place I dreaded. Volterra. Carlisle had advised us to pay the Volturi a visit to thank them for our generous wedding gifts (likely some of the lost Crown Jewels) and so that we didn't insult them by being in their proximity and not visiting. The vampire royalty demanded a certain amount of respect and it would only be asking for trouble not to pay it to them.

"Ah, so this is Mrs. Edward Cullen. How lovely to meet you." Aro greeted us kindly, arms open in a non-threatening reception. "Edward, she is quite exquisite," he added as he shook Edward's hand, pausing strangely while he clasped it. Edward's face flashed with concern, but I wasn't sure why.

"Please, call me Bella," I said in an attempt to make Aro stop whatever he was doing to Edward.

Aro released Edward's hand, and Edward moved closer to me to hold mine. I suspected that he was trying to prevent Aro from doing the same thing to me. I just wished I knew what the hell was going on.

Edward smiled at Aro and his brothers, Marcus and Caius, and said, "Thank you for such a kind reception, gentlemen. I agree that my Bella is exquisite, but thank you for the compliment. We were merely stopping by to pay our respects, to thank you for the generous wedding gifts, and to send you Carlisle's regards."

Aro smiled regally and stated, "Oh, but you _must_ stay. We insist that you visit with us for a while."

Seeing no way out, Edward accepted his offer. "Thank you for your hospitality. We will not be able to stay long, as we are both due to attend Cambridge in the fall, and we have much to do before the semester begins. However, we cannot turn down such a generous offer. Your city is quite charming."

"Lovely!" Aro clapped. Marcus and Caius remained seated in their thrones (I guess that's what you would call them) for this entire exchange, and both looked rather disinterested in us. Aro made me nervous because he seemed a bit too eager for us to stay.

Truth be told, the Volturi were quite accommodating to us, even going as far as giving us an escort party to show us the best places to hunt. Of course, they had their own "hunters" who ushered in countless tourists like lambs to the slaughter. It made me sick to know that was going on, so we tended to stay in our room, which was thankfully, in a whole other wing of the castle.

Volterra turned out to be an enchanting town in the region of Tuscany, and the Volturi had every amenity available, to the point of extravagance. However, being surrounded by so many powerful vampires was a terribly intimidating experience. It also became quite apparent that Jane had indeed told Aro about me, and that he would like to "collect" us, just as Eleazar had said.

When Aro first shook Edward's hand, Edward's mind was flooded with his own memories. Carlisle had already told us that Aro had the ability to read every thought one had, but it was an overwhelming experience for Edward. He also was able to hear Aro's thoughts, even though Aro tried to censor them. Aro knew about me. He wanted us to stay for good.

We tried to keep our visit to no more than a week, but each day, Aro would come up with some reason for us to extend our stay. He bought us tickets to the opera, arranged for us to tour the countryside, and scheduled various meetings with us to "get to know us better". We couldn't exactly refuse. After all, we didn't want to get on their bad side. Edward and I danced on a tense, fine line that bordered between being complete sycophants and trying to get the hell out of there.

Aro continued to try to hold my hand so that he could access my mind, but I had enough experience in my human life dodging Mike Newton, that I was able to avoid him. I also added several pairs of gloves to my wardrobe. Aro had arranged for us to go shopping in Milan since we were expected to emanate the same level of elegance as the rest of the Volturi while we stayed with them. I wore gloves almost every day.

I dodged Aro's silent advances for several days straight, but it was not meant to last. One evening, Edward and I were walking the grounds, trying to find someplace to be alone and not feel trapped. We had already changed into more comfortable clothes, just in case we decided to go for a hunt. We turned the path in the garden and Aro was standing there, as if he had been waiting for us.

"Ah, Edward, Bella, how are the newlyweds on this lovely evening?" he asked innocently.

"We are quite well, thank you, Aro," Edward replied, trying to shield me.

Aro peeked around Edward's shoulder at me and beckoned. "Bella, dear, there is something I would love to show you. Come," he said, holding out his hand as an invitation.

I hated myself for forgetting my gloves. I had no way to refuse, no choice but to grab his hand. "Of course, what is it?" I asked him, taking a tentative step in his direction.

"Oh, there is a wonderful view of the fountain near here, and it is magnificent when lit up at night. Come, Bella, let me show you."

"Okay."

As I reached for his hand, it began to glow with a pale orange light. As I closed the distance, the light grew in intensity, and air-raid sirens were going off in my head. Everything in me was telling me to run, but I just couldn't. Instead, I did my best to prepare myself for the onslaught of his power.

Aro was centuries old, so he was certainly an extremely powerful vampire, and his talent was well honed. I knew that he was going to try to read my mind, but I desperately hoped that, even with my fledgling power, I might be able to stop him. I concentrated on the light and tried to push it back into him with my mind.

Amazingly, when I finally grabbed his hand, the light had disappeared. I could see it glowing faintly under his skin, so I continued to push it. It traced a path back to his head, and I was immediately overpowered by a rapid succession of images. I was reading _Aro's_ mind. Centuries of information compacted into a mental slideshow that lasted only seconds and was characterized by murder, blood, punishment and cruelty, but veiled in obligation, honor, and domination.

As soon as Aro realized what happened, he jerked his hand away from me. Edward swooped in between us, probably trying to protect me.

"I'm so sorry, Aro," I begged. "I can't really control it yet," I lied. In this case, I was definitely trying to protect myself from him, but I didn't know I'd be able to turn his power back on him.

"How dare you," he hissed back at me, pupils dilating and darkening in rage.

"Aro, please. She didn't mean it. She is still young," Edward pleaded.

Aro composed himself and said, "Of course, young one. I'm sure it was nothing more than an accident. Fascinating though. You really are quite powerful. Jane was right about you after all."

I winced at the mention of Jane. I had done my best to avoid her, and thankfully she was out of the country for most of our visit doing Aro's bidding. She honestly scared the crap out of me. "Thank you, Aro," I said again. "I do apologize for invading your privacy."

"No matter, dear one," he replied sweetly. "Come, let us go back inside, or perhaps you lovers would like some privacy out here?"

Edward spoke for the both of us, "I think we'll retire for the evening. Good night, Aro."

"Good night, dear friends."

Once Aro was out of sight, I broke down. Edward didn't leave my side as we walked back to our part of the castle, and he kept looking at me intently. I tried conversing with him through my thoughts, but I was so flustered that I couldn't do it. Edward and I had certainly dodged a bullet, yet again, but how many more could we avoid? We had to leave as soon as possible.

"Oh, Edward, I'm so sorry. I was too worried about him reading _my _thoughts. All I was doing was trying to keep him out of my head. I really didn't mean to read his mind, and I'm very sorry that I did," I said, as the images replayed.

"Bella, what's done is done. We'll be okay," my husband replied. "You are so powerful, it's quite… sexy," he added.

We had a quick round of thank-goodness-we-didn't-get-ripped-to-shreds-and-set-on-fire sex before we tried to come up with a plan to get back to Cambridge. Edward called Carlisle for his advice, but all he could offer was for us to move the closing on our flat so that we needed to leave immediately. It was the only plan we had.

Surprisingly, Aro did not resist our departure. Perhaps he wanted to be as far away from me as I did from him after our encounter in the garden, but I didn't really believe it was that easy. At any rate, Edward and I left the next day to head back to Cambridge to finalize the purchase of our first home – a flat a short distance from the university. It was perfect, and lovely, and everything I could have wanted.

I tried to push our experience in Volterra far from my mind as I dove into my first semester of college, but it was always there, nagging me. I had a distinct feeling that we would be looking over our shoulders for the rest of our otherwise perfect eternity together. Edward did his best to distract me, but I think we both knew that we were on the Volturi radar, and that was a bad place to be.

* * *

**A/N: **Well this is the last chapter. I hope you enjoyed it and I look forward to sharing the epilogue with you soon! A review would be much appreciated, and thanks so much for reading.


	21. Chapter 21 Epilogue

**A/N: Well, this is the end. Many thanks to those of you who stuck with me while this was a work-in-progress. Your comments have been helpful, and much appreciated. I hope you aren't disappointed. **

**Epilogue**

_83 – _John Mayer

_I've these dreams of_

_Walking home_

_Home where it used to be_

_Everything is as it was_

_Frozen in front of me_

_Here I stand, six feet small_

_Romanticizing years ago_

**BPOV**

It was my birthday. Much had happened since we left Forks behind, and it was odd to be home. Edward and I had returned for most major holidays, but in those instances, we usually visited our family in Portland and made a short trip to visit my dad and our friends in Forks. We rarely stayed in Forks for more than half a day. This time we were staying at my dad's house, in my old room. It brought back a flood of foggy memories of lying in bed, talking with Edward into the night. It also reminded me of the less hazy memories of the events that had brought us back together, and to this happy future in which we found ourselves. I smiled quietly and reminiscently, much to Edward's confusion (as always).

"What is it, Bella? You have a strange expression that I cannot read. Would you please let me in?" he asked politely.

"Of course, my love," I answered as I opened my mind to him.

"Ah, that's what I suspected. I, too, was remembering the past, but my memories are much clearer than yours. Would you like to see?"

I had gotten much better at using Edward's power, rather than only projecting my thoughts. I opened my mind to his and saw the same memories, but through his eyes.

He continued out loud, "We have such a happy life – I cannot help but feel fortunate. I still don't know what I've done to deserve this, or you for that matter."

I rolled my eyes at my nonsensical husband. "I love you, Edward, but when are you going to quit with all the 'I'm so lucky, I'm not worthy' nonsense? Don't you realize I feel the same about you?"

Edward flashed his crooked grin and tackled me onto the bed. We were just playing around, but my dad walked in, turned beet red, and cleared his throat as if he had interrupted us mid-coitus.

"Hey, hey," Charlie chided. "None of that when I can just walk in, you two! I know you're married and all, but, Bella, your still my baby girl, and I don't want to know what you and Edward do on your own time. Keep it PG-13, at least until I'm asleep please."

I gave Edward a wink and he laughed at our inside joke, since we had just been discussing spending the nights together when Charlie slept. I sat up on the bed, straightened my shirt, and replied, "Sorry, dad. We were just playing around. I promise – PG-13."

"Yeah, yeah," Charlie said dismissively. "Well, I guess I'll let you two get settled and ready for your party."

"Thank you for your hospitality, Chief Swan," Edward called to my dad before we both erupted into fits of laughter. He pulled me back down onto the bed to cradle my in the crook of his shoulder. He ran his fingers through my hair, relaxing me and asked, "So, dear wife, are you looking forward to celebrating your birthday?"

I smiled into his chest and said, "Yes, actually I am. The only reason I hated it before was because I was getting older than you. Plus I'm looking forward to seeing everyone again. It's been forever since I've seen Jake and Leah, and I'm looking forward to meeting their son. I'm sure you wouldn't mind hanging out with Seth again, right?"

"Yes, of course. It has been too long since I've seen Seth. I'm also curious to meet my semi-namesake. I can't believe Jacob and Leah named their son Masen. I know it was Seth's suggestion, but I was truly humbled that they chose it. I must say, Masen Ephraim Black sounds like a good name for a future Quileute chief."

Edward continued playing with my hair, and if I were still human, it probably would have put me to sleep. Even so, the relaxation of it put me into sort of a dream-like state. "I love you, Edward," I sighed.

"As I love you, my darling Bella."

We laid together in silence for a while and I thought about the past few years. I never considered myself much of an over-achiever, but I had accomplished a lot since we left for Europe. I guess having so much time on your hands lends itself to innate productivity. I managed to finish my undergraduate studies in just three years, and honestly, I felt like I was working at a leisurely pace even then. I loved my internship at the Cambridge University Press and devoured more knowledge than I thought was possible.

After I earned my degree, I continued my internship, but got promoted to working as an editor and technical writer. In my spare time I began working on a novel, and Edward and I traveled even more, when time permitted. While I worked, he was completing a residency and doing some graduate research in ophthalmology. He enjoyed it immensely, but he spent many hours at the hospital. I often chatted with Esme about this, since I knew she had decades of practice being the wife of a devoted doctor.

Sometimes, if Edward was too busy, I would take short trips into the English countryside alone and try to find some inspiration for my writing. I had never felt so free and independent before, and it was a liberating experience. The fact that Edward didn't feel the need to come with me all the time, because he finally acknowledged that I could take care of myself, boosted my self-esteem even more. While we traveled, we also met several other vampires, many of which were acquaintances of Edward's. I found Siobhan and the Irish coven quite pleasant, even though they indulged in human blood, and I occasionally spent the weekend with them if I wanted to go a little further from home.

Edward and I went back to London for our first wedding anniversary, since that was where our honeymoon started. We revisited many of the places we saw the previous year, but we also ventured into more obscure, local places. Of course, I expected some sort of grand gesture from Edward to celebrate our day, but I was still taken aback when I received it.

He took me to a special performance at Cadogan Hall by the Royal Philharmonic – special, meaning we were the only guests in attendance. As always, I was entranced by the music. The orchestra played several pieces from our wedding, plus some others Edward requested that I had never heard before. Just as I thought the concert was about to end, the conductor gave Edward a slight nod. Edward stood up, told me to stay seated, and said that he was about to give me my anniversary gift. I thought the concert was my gift. He then made his way up the steps to the stage and ousted the pianist from his bench. Edward played a concerto medley of his favorite compositions with the orchestra's accompaniment. I was speechless.

We spent the night at the nearby Egerton House Hotel. Of course, Edward went all out and booked the insanely expensive Victoria and Albert Suite. I quirked my eyebrow at him when I noted "Victoria" in the name of the room, but he just told me to trust him.

The master bedroom alone screamed money. It had a king size brass four-poster bed with high thread-count sheets and antique Italian furniture. The red satin sofa and chair in the room's sitting area certainly reminded me of the colors of our wedding day. To add to its luxury, we had our own private terrace that overlooked Egerton Gardens. It was perfection.

Lying in bed with Edward, thinking about our anniversary, prompted me to clamber on top of him and plant kisses all over his face. I ran my hands down his sides, and up the inside of his thighs, causing him to shudder slightly.

"Bella, PG-13, remember? You're well on your way to a mature rating with your hand where it is," he teased.

"Fine," I said, placing a chaste, close-mouthed kiss on my husband's pouty lips.

Edward pulled back to look at me and said, "I think you can do better than that, love. I'd say that was rated G."

"Well, Edward, since you're obviously the rating expert, then why don't you show me what PG-13 kissing looks like."

"I don't think you can handle my version of PG-13," he taunted.

"Try me," I retorted.

"Well, first," Edward said, "we probably should not be on the bed." He stood and offered me his hand, pulling me up gently into a soft embrace.

"Really, Edward? This is ridiculous."

"Is it, my love?" he crooned in my ear, sending waves of electricity down my spine. He kissed each fingertip on the hand he was still holding, released me and moved to stand behind me, softly stroking my arm with his left hand while he brushed my hair over my shoulder with his right hand. He kissed my shoulder softly, sweetly. He moved the strap of my tank top slightly, not removing it, and kissed a line from my shoulder to that special spot on my neck. Nothing got me worked up more than when he sucked on that spot, but he maintained his chaste kissing. However, all the anticipation was probably making me even more turned on than if he would just be dirty about it.

He wrapped one arm around my waist and pressed me into him. I felt his excitement in response so I said, "That feels at least rated R to me, sweetheart."

Edward argued that to a passerby it would look like an innocent hug, so it was not violating the rating system. Either way, I was having a hard time concentrating on anything else. He pulled my hair to the other side, repeating the process again, but this time he moved around to face me when he got to my ear. He kissed my cheek tenderly, kissed my eyelids and the tip of my nose. I wanted him to kiss me on the lips badly, but he was playing his little game with me, and dammit, he was winning. Finally, a last kiss under my chin brought our lips together and I melted into him.

He whispered, "I love you, Bella," into my ear and sent me over the edge. I would have jumped him right there, if I hadn't heard a car pull into the driveway.

"I've said it before, and I'll say it again – Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, you are the devil."

He smiled innocently and said, "You went full name on me? Really? What, do you disagree that was PG-13? How is that devilish?"

"You know exactly what you were doing, and you fight dirty, _dear husband_."

"You asked for it, _wife_. Come on, let's see who's here," he said with one last peck on the cheek.

Our family had arrived and the Blacks pulled up as we were greeting the rest of the Cullens. Alice wanted to come over early to help Charlie decorate the backyard for the party. Jacob and Leah showed up, both to help and to be able to visit with us a while longer. I was surprised to see that they had Seth and another boy, not much younger than Seth in tow.

"Jake! It's so good to see you! And Leah, how are you?" I said excitedly.

Jake ran over to me and grabbed into his signature hug, spinning me around and laughing. "Bells, you look exactly the same as when you left!" he teased. "Wait here a sec, there's someone I'd like you to meet."

"Mase?" Jake called. "Stay calm. You know the drill. This is your Aunt Bella and this is Edward, whom you are sort of named after."

I looked around for a small boy. From what I could calculate, Masen was four or five years old. I was stunned when the boy that was walking with Seth spoke up and said, "Hi Bella, I'm Masen." He offered me a shaky hand, and I took it, though I was thoroughly baffled and my alarms were mildly cautioning me.

I looked at Jake and asked, "Does this mean… did he start phasing already?"

Jake just shrugged, but I could tell he was a proud dad, regardless of his concerns. "You got it, Bells. He phased on his third birthday. And get this, he imprinted on Sam's daughter! Sorry I didn't tell you sooner, it's been kinda crazy around here trying to figure out if we needed to worry about Masen and Kira phasing at such a young age."

"Kira phased too? Wow. Well that's sort of perfect, then, huh? Otherwise, Masen would have out-aged her and had to wait until she caught up to him. Two Alpha kids as mates? What are you doing around here, Chief, breeding super-wolves?" I joked.

Jake just laughed. Talking with him was always so effortless, and we fell back into our friendship as if we hadn't been apart at all. Leah stood quietly by his side, showing no signs of jealousy or hatred towards me. She beamed with pride for her husband and son. Edward and Seth were already looking under the hood of Seth's new toy and talking cars. Seth had been working as a mechanic in Jake's shop (which was a huge success) and had just finished restoring a 1962 Triumph TR 3B. Apparently Seth knew more about cars than Edward did now, so they pulled Rosalie into the conversation too.

The rest of the Cullens were basically at Alice's mercy as she ordered everyone around to make preparations and spruce up Charlie's backyard. Since none of us had aged a day, we thought that five years would probably be the limit of being able to visit with any friends that didn't really know about us. My dad took everything in stride when it came to all of the non-aging people that surrounded him. He would just mumble, "I don't wanna know," and move on. I guess I got my ability to be "good with weird" from my dad.

Therefore, we decided to celebrate my "twenty-third" birthday in Forks, and we invited almost everyone that had come to our wedding. Guests started arriving, and I was surprised at how happy I was to see some of my old friends again. I was especially delighted to talk with Angela and Ben, who got married the previous year and were expecting their first child. I hadn't realized how much I missed her. Jessica showed up and gushed over how I hadn't changed a bit (which resulted in a laugh from Jake and Edward). She brought Mike with her, but they seemed to be having some trouble. They dated on and off through college, and were currently "on" again, but it didn't seem like long before they would be "off".

Eric even showed up with his fiancée and regaled us with funny stories about working for the Seattle Times. We chatted for a while about writing and the different authors that we knew. His job was probably the closest to mine, so we talked shop for a while, much to everyone else's boredom.

Most of the Quileutes were also in attendance and many of them had started families and grown up in my absence. It was amusing to see Quil with a wife and kids, since he was always so girl-crazy when I knew him. I felt somewhat disappointed that I had missed so much, but I supposed that was part of growing up, or, at least, having everyone else around you do so.

We were having a truly pleasant evening enjoying all the memories and catching up on everyone's current lives. We gossiped about our other friends and acquaintances that we had heard from over the years. It was almost like a five-year high school reunion.

Well into the evening (and the drunkenness of many of the humans), we were confronted with an unfortunate surprise. Apparently, Aro had gotten wind of our return to Forks (how, I don't know) and sent Jane and Demitri to "send his regards". We hadn't heard from any of the Volturi since we left them four years ago. I guess I had gotten complacent that they were content to leave us alone. I should have known that four years was nothing to vampires and that we would probably have to go a century with no contact from them before we could feel safe.

Those of us who knew the gravity of the situation attempted to maintain some sense of discretion. Carlisle ushered Jane and Demitri to the edge of the woods so that we could converse privately.

"Aro wanted to wish you a 'Happy Birthday', Bella," Jane said insincerely. "He sends you this gift as well." She thrust a small box, wrapped in red velvet, at me. It matched her eyes.

Demitri was not as unpleasant as Jane, but because of his associations with the Volturi, I was never able to lower my guard around him. Jane always caused one of my greatest defensive reactions, and even after I had grown accustomed to my talents, she still had me on edge.

"Thank you, Jane," I tried to say dismissively. I untied the black ribbon and opened the box to reveal an ornate necklace of diamonds and rubies. It looked like something one of the queens of England might have worn, and it very well might have been. I foolishly wondered if it might be cursed.

I gaped in awe at the priceless gift. All I could think to say was, "Please tell Aro that I am humbled and grateful for his generous gift." It never hurt to continue to suck up to them.

Carlisle interrupted, "Yes, Jane, please send Aro my regards as well. Thank you for coming all this way to celebrate with us. Will you be staying long?"

I could tell that Carlisle, though he was feigning the utmost politeness, was nervous and concerned about having the Volturi in Forks. We helped keep the Quileutes a secret from them up to this point, but it was always dangerous when random vampires came so close to La Push. Plus, who knew if more kids would start shifting just because of their presence.

Jane faked a yawn, partially in answer to Carlisle's question. Demitri's gaze had wandered over to the Denali sisters. The rest of him followed shortly.

"I suppose we will stay and visit for a short while. Our last visit was rather… enlightening after all," Jane said with a snide glance at me. I worriedly looked at Edward, thinking about how cruelly she used her gift on him at our wedding reception.

Jacob had been watching our exchange intently, trying to determine if there was any danger to his tribe. There were quite a few werewolves in attendance, and having Jane and Demitri here noticeably put them on edge. It seemed that they could instinctively tell the difference between the Volturi and us. He made his rounds quickly and spoke with his brothers to apprise them of the situation. He also suggested that Kira and Masen leave, just in case they couldn't control their phasing. I wondered if there was some instinct to protect the ones who would continue their bloodline.

Leah was kissing her son and someday-daughter-in-law goodbye, when Jane noticed her. Jane breezed up to them with an innocent smile plastered to her face.

"I remember you," Jane began. "So, this is your son? I didn't think you had any children when I saw you at the Cullen's wedding a few years ago. Come to think of it, you must have had him at a very young age for him to be this grown. How curious."

I didn't like where this was going. Jane was no idiot. She was implicating that she knew something was up with Masen and his family. My alarms started clanging noisily in my mind and the din was damn near deafening. Too bad no one else could hear it.

Leah squared her shoulders and stood in front of her son protectively. "Just what are you implying, witch? You don't know anything about me. Don't make me ask you to leave again, like last time."

"You wouldn't dare," Jane said ominously.

Masen's hands started twitching spastically and I could tell that he was about to explode out of his own skin. I ran to find Edward and Jacob, who were trying to persuade Demitri to leave, or at least accompany the Denali clan back to Alaska – anything to get them away from here.

That's when several horrible things happened in an instant. Unfortunately for me, being a vampire allowed me to process everything as if it happened in slow motion, thus adding to my feelings of failure, fear, and hopelessness.

Just as I reached Edward and Jake, Leah once again grabbed Jane by the throat and picked her up off the ground. Even though she stopped phasing, Leah was still quite strong. "I asked you to leave, bitch." I heard her say to Jane.

"Leah, NO!" Jake yelled across from my father's yard.

I whirled around to race back to her, not caring if any humans noticed. Most of them were well past tipsy anyway. But before I even took a step in Leah's direction, Jane began to smile. I saw her power making it's way towards Leah, and I managed to send it back towards Jane, who was now scowling at me, knowing what I had done. I was trying to decide if I should turn it on her, but really, I just wanted to protect Leah and diffuse the situation, not make Jane even angrier. I failed at that too.

Jane glared at me for a moment longer, when it seemed like something clicked in her mind. She was still being held aloft, but her hands shot out, grabbed Leah's head and twisted, killing her instantly. That was when all hell broke loose.

Masen was still standing behind his mother when everything happened and he screamed in agony while he phased into his wolf. Kira and Seth followed in an instant. Jane was dropped to the ground when Leah's grip slackened, and she stared up at the three enormous wolves, completely petrified.

However, the wolves didn't make a move for her. We were in Cullen territory, and Jacob had instilled an Alpha order long ago that they were not allowed to attack any vampire in Cullen territory. He had good intentions, thinking he it would prevent any accidents (mainly to protect me), but right now it was doing more harm than good.

While this scene was playing itself out with Jane, Jacob had gone catatonic as soon as Leah was gone. He fell to the ground, contorted as if Jane was using her power on him, and then went slack. Edward was behind me trying to snap Jake out of it, but nothing was working.

"JACOB!" Edward yelled. "You have to snap out of it! Tell them they can attack her! She knows your secret, so we can't let her return to Volterra. Please, Jacob! They can't do anything unless you relinquish your previous order."

Nothing.

Poor Masen was whimpering and pacing back and forth, waiting for the instant when his father would give him the signal to attack.

Nothing.

All I could think about was what Jake had told me before about when a wolf's imprint dies. He said there was no pain like it, and that the mate that was left behind usually had to die too, just so that the rest of the pack didn't go insane. I wanted to cry, but instead I decided to go after Jane. That bitch wasn't going to live if I could help it.

I started to run, but was stopped by a hand on my wrist. I whirled around with a hiss of anger. I figured it was probably Carlisle and his endless compassion, but I wanted none of it. She had to die. I was shocked to find that it was Charlie instead.

"Bella, stop! Don't do this. Do not act in anger, and do not act in revenge. Let others handle it – Jacob needs _you_. You're probably the only one that can help him."

I slumped and looked at my own feet. I heard a rush of wind as Jane made her escape, accompanied by the frustrated growls and snarls of the wolves. My father was right. I had to help Jake. I couldn't imagine how I would be able to help, but I had to try.

"Okay, dad. You're right," I replied. I turned to Edward and said, "Why don't you go try to help Seth and Masen? I'll take care of Jake."

In the meantime, Esme and Carlisle took charge of getting our drunken human friends home. Rose and Emmett had disappeared, and I found out later that they had chased Jane and Demitri halfway to the Mississippi River before they could no longer track them. Alice was lost in a fog as she was trying to see the future, and Jasper was concentrating on calming down the werewolves. My dad ran inside once most of the guests were gone, grabbed his keys, and went to get Billy. I had no one else that could help me.

"Jake. You have to snap out of it!" I shouted at him, shaking his shoulders violently. Shouting obviously hadn't worked, so I tried to be gentle. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry! But, you have to come back, Jake. Masen needs you. You can't leave us. Please, don't leave me," I whispered.

Still nothing.

Finally, I just got angry with him. "Jacob Black! You are the Chief of the Quileutes. You are the Alpha of your pack. Snap out of it! You have to take charge. There are too many people counting on you, and we will all be here to help you through this. WAKE UP!" I yelled with a hard slap across his face.

Finally, some recognition lit his eyes. He focused on me long enough to lose it. At least he wasn't catatonic anymore.

"Oh my, God, Bells," he cried. "What am I going to do? She was my _life_! I can't take it – please just kill me. Seth's my second. He will make a good Alpha. Please, Bella, if you love me, you have to do this for me. I can't live without her…"

I held him to me, rocking him gently. I told him, "Jake, you know I can't do that. Would you have Masen be an orphan? Losing you would hurt too many people. Your tribe needs you. Seth needs you. Masen needs you. I need you. We'll help you. Just, please don't talk that way."

"I can't help it! You don't know what it's like! You aren't even fucking alive! You didn't just have your heart ripped from your chest! If you won't do it, I'll find some other way."

I let go of him. His words bit into my granite skin. I know he didn't mean them, but they hurt just the same. "Jake… I can't believe you said that. I know I don't know what it's like to imprint on someone, but I know what it's like to love someone. Please, don't do anything stupid. Please, don't break my heart."

Jacob's sobs finally started to wane and he slowly composed himself. "I'm sorry, Bells. I didn't mean any of it. I just… what the hell is left for me now? I can't possibly stay here after this, yet I'm supposed to be the chief? It's bullshit. I can't do it. I'm not strong enough. I've always been a coward. I ran away after I hurt you, didn't I? Tell me how this is any different."

I didn't know what to say. I certainly didn't think he was a coward, but I didn't think anything I said would help. I just said, "You are no coward, Jake. We'll figure it out. You still have a lot of people who love you."

"Love…" he sighed. He got up and walked over to where Leah was still lying on the ground. Jacob scooped her into his lap and held her gently, shutting her eyes and crying into her hair. I didn't want to leave him alone, but I felt like an intruder while he was kneeling there grieving for his wife.

A week passed and we had a funeral. Sadly, it was two funerals. Harry, Leah's father, died shortly after he heard the news. Heart attack. I wasn't sure how much more tragedy the Clearwaters could endure. It was all so senseless and wrong. They were good people – I just couldn't understand it.

Jacob managed to keep it together enough to make all the necessary arrangements, but I could tell the mask he was wearing would crack any minute. Edward and I did everything we could to help him, but he wouldn't allow us to do much. He said he needed to take care of her himself. I understood.

After the funeral, we convened at Sue's house. People brought food and offered their trite condolences. Charlie tried to comfort Sue. Edward tried to comfort Seth. I tried to comfort Jake, but he was busy worrying about his son. At least Masen still had Kira, Jake told me, somewhat bitterly.

Once most of the people had dispersed, the pack stayed behind for a council meeting. Surprisingly, all of the Cullens were invited – the first outsiders to ever be included, and vampires at that. This was when Jake dropped his other bomb on us.

"I'm leaving again," he said simply. "Seth, since you are my second, you will be the acting chief – for how long, I don't know. I'm not sure if I'm coming back. I'm not sure if I'll be _able_ to come back." He looked at the rest of the pack and added, "I know I said I wouldn't leave again, after the last time, but I hope you can understand. I have to do this."

There was some hint of protest in the faces of Seth, Quil and Embry, but there was also understanding, and the sad realization that Jake would be leaving them.

Jake continued, "Masen, listen to your uncle and grandfather. I love you so much, son, but I cannot let your mother's death go unpunished. If there is any chance for my sanity, it lies in avenging her."

"I want to go with you, dad," Masen said quietly.

"I know you do, Mase, but your job is to stay here," Jake answered. "Look after Kira. You will be the chief one day, and I won't allow you to risk your life too. I have to do this alone."

"Now," Jake continued, addressing us Cullens, "I need your help."

Jake asked us, Carlisle especially, for every detail about the Volturi – their defenses in Volterra, their hierarchy, their numbers. He asked Edward and I to describe the layout of their castle, even asking Edward to try to draw what he could of it. Luckily, Rosalie and Emmett had a few strands of Jane's hair and a scrap of Demitri's cloak from when they had chased them before. They gave these items to Jacob, hoping they might help him find the Jane sooner.

Jake planned to use his new appearance to his advantage. His golden eyes gave him enough of a disguise that he could, at least upon a visual inspection, pass for a "vegetarian" vampire like us. His scent was a different matter, but Alice worked with him to come up with the right combination of essential oils and a good deal of Bay Rum to mask his werewolf scent and make him smell more pleasant, like a vampire would. The only other problem depended on how observant Jane and Demitri were. It did not seem apparent that they knew that Leah was his wife – they didn't pay much attention to the trivial affairs of humans. We all hoped that was the case for Jake as well.

Jake left the next day to begin his journey to Volterra. It was an emotional goodbye. From what I could tell, Jake intended to, at the very least, kill Jane, but at most to level Volterra entirely. I was worried about what this might mean for the vampire world, but at least we were a part of one of the largest clans, and Carlisle had made many friends over the years. Hopefully, that would be enough to protect us if word got out that we helped end the Volturi. Mostly, I just hoped that Jake didn't get himself killed.

"Come back to me, Jake. I still love you, you know."

"Sure, sure, Bells. I know. I told you before – I'll always come back to you. I will do my best to keep that promise." He hugged his father, brother-in-law, and son fiercely, and then he was gone.

Life after that seemed much harder with Jake's absence. The entire Cullen family moved together to Vancouver. Alice and Edward were cast as brother and sister, last name Masen. Rosalie and Jasper were twins again (this time Whitlock instead of Hale) and now I was Emmett's sister, but made him take _my_ last name since I was still winning our never-ending competition. Since McCarty was available, that's what Carlisle and Esme used.

Carlisle worked as more of a researcher, although he was still based at one of the major hospitals. Esme worked as an architect, rather than staying home, but of course she still managed to give much of her time to various charities she supported. I tried to convince my father to come with us, but he insisted that he was too close to retirement to leave Forks. He also said this with a wistful glance at Sue as we all said goodbye to Jake.

The only distraction I had from worrying about Jake was that this was the first time I had to go through the human charade. All of the McCarty "kids" were enrolled into one of the local high schools. I wrote in my spare time, and Edward worked in a free clinic in a nearby town under the alias "Anthony Cullen".

I thought my first day in Forks was rough, but that was also without my candy-coating shell. It seemed Edward was right – everything about me was made to draw people in, and it made me uncomfortable. I didn't want attention. I just wanted to be left alone.

It was an odd experience going through high school again, but soon I fell into the familiar routine that school offered. Most of my classes were with at least one of my siblings, so I never had to feel alone. The rumors about us started flying almost instantly, but Alice helped me learn how to keep them from bothering me. It was impossible for us not to appear coupled with our spouses, so it was much the same as in Forks, where everyone thought we were weird because we lived together and dated each other. I got over it eventually.

I did get some amusement out of high school. I found that many of my former friends from Forks were simply re-cast in my school in Vancouver. I even had another relentless version of Mike Newton asking me out every other day. His name was Ethan, but it made no difference – I called him Mike in my head. There was also a girl named Olivia, who I swear was a doppelganger of Lauren Mallory, in both looks and personality.

Despite everything, Edward and I had more happiness than either of us felt we deserved. Our time spent alone traveling and going to college served to strengthen our bond even further. We didn't even need to converse out loud much anymore, and could easily hold discussions within our minds. We typically only talked at school if it was either beneficial for others to hear, or so that we didn't seem weird. It was fun when we had class together because, even across a classroom, we could talk, play little games of hangman or try to make each other laugh in the middle of class. It helped pass the time.

I tried to imagine what it would be like to continue this way for decades, but I simply couldn't fathom the idea. However, I knew that with Edward by my side, I would always be able to find joy in the simple things in life while I patiently waited to hear the news that my friend was returning home.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you again for reading, and I eagerly look forward to a review about how this all ended. Please leave me some love (a review) and check out "Bathed in Black", a one-shot describing the aftermath from Jake's POV. 3**


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